Latest news with #JennyShields
Time Magazine
6 days ago
- General
- Time Magazine
How to Reconnect With People You Care About
Sometimes the most important relationships are the hardest to maintain. If you fall off track—and many people who were once close do —it's possible to find your way back to each other with time and effort. 'I have so many clients who have strained emotional relationships,' says Jenny Shields, a psychologist and bioethicist in Houston. One of the most common refrains she hears: 'I used to be so close with mom or dad, and now I don't even know how to talk to them in a happy, healthy way.' If you want to rebuild and reconnect, Shields suggests starting by asking the other person these five questions. 1. 'What kind of relationship do you want us to build from here?' Shields recalls clients who thought their parents were perfectly content with the widening chasm between them—only to discover that mom or dad didn't know how to express they actually longed for a closer bond. Until you talk about what you both want out of your relationship, hold off on any assumptions. Once you've communicated your intentions, work on devising what Shields describes as a 'future game plan,' or a way to ensure that you both remain dedicated to reviving the relationship. 'If you don't plan,' she says, 'good intentions fall apart.' 2. 'What's one habit you hope we both keep practicing?' Maybe you can vow to get less defensive, while your mom pledges not to offer unsolicited advice and your dad commits to actually asking you questions. Talking candidly about specific behaviors to prioritize "acknowledges the humanity in us,' Shields says. 'It's the humility of, 'I don't always get this right, and neither do you, and sometimes we're going to fumble.'' Yet you're also going to keep striving to be better. As Shields puts it, 'We both have room to grow, and we both want to grow, because having a close relationship matters to us.' 3. 'What's a small, real way we can stay connected that works for both of us?' Staying in touch is hard even for those most dedicated to it. It can be helpful to talk through ways of nurturing connection that feel doable—which doesn't necessarily mean a scheduled phone call or video chat. Maybe you could go on a walk together every Sunday morning, collaborate on a shared Spotify playlist, or read the same book at the same time once a month. Make sure whatever you opt for feels fulfilling and feasible on both sides, because that will help ensure enduring gains in closeness. 4. 'What's one thing I did this week that helped you feel seen or understood?' There are things each of us do that (we think) let our loved ones know we care. But are they the right use of our time and energy? There's one way to find out: Ask your family member what they value the most, Shields suggests, and then prioritize doing much more of it. That might mean remembering to ask your sister how her presentation at work went, complimenting your mom's cooking, or offering to babysit your grandkids so their parents can have a night to themselves. 5. 'What helps us find our way back when we drift? How can we recognize it sooner, and reach for each other with care?' Inevitably, time and space and other obstacles will start to gnaw away at your relationships. 'Life happens, things get in the way, and there will be conflict and tension, because we're humans,' Shields says. Acknowledge that—and make it clear that you care about each other and are committed to being in each other's lives. Remind your friend or family member that hard times are a normal part of healthy relationships, and then talk through how you'll navigate them in the future.
Newsweek
20-05-2025
- General
- Newsweek
Americans Born in These Years Could Be Generation 'Cuspers'
Based on facts, either observed and verified firsthand by the reporter, or reported and verified from knowledgeable sources. Newsweek AI is in beta. Translations may contain inaccuracies—please refer to the original content. Categorizing people into generations is a useful way of referring to those born during a span of around 15 to 20 years. It allows researchers to observe changes over time, historical markers, and social attitudes for each new cohort. However, defining the generations isn't an exact science, and there is some debate about when the cutoff occurs for each one. That is often where we find the so-called "cuspers"—people who can identify with two different generations. Perhaps you were born in 1996, which was the last year of millennials, but have more in common with Generation Z (people born between 1997 and 2012). Or maybe you are a Generation Xer (people born between 1965 and 1980) but feel like more of a baby boomer as you are at the older end of the scale. It is the idea of feeling like you fit into both and neither generations at the same time. Licensed psychologist and healthcare-ethics consultant Dr. Jenny Shields told Newsweek that many cuspers face life with an experience of "being in between." Stock image: A group of people huddles together, looking down at the camera. Stock image: A group of people huddles together, looking down at the camera. Kar-Tr/Getty Images This can be complicated as it often detracts from any real sense of identity. "You're formed in the overlap between two cultural moments. You recognize both, speak the language of both, but may not feel fully at home in either," Shields said. Just like with generations, the cusper years are up for debate. Insights from BridgeWorks suggests that someone born in 1965 would technically be a Gen Xer, but they could associate more with boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964). Though they wouldn't remember the early years of the Vietnam War, they would likely remember historical moments such as Watergate in 1972. Indeed, an elder millennial born in 1981 or 1982 will remember the days of dial-up internet and a time before cellphones were glued to our hands. Skip to the mid-1990s and younger millennials might not recall any of that, meaning their elder counterparts probably feel more at home with Gen X. This was also highlighted in a Reddit post on the r/generationology thread. The poster (who has since deleted their account) suggested that the cusp years for the Silent Generation (people born between 1928 and 1945) to boomers are likely between 1940 and 1945. For boomers and Gen X, the cusp would possibly be around 1962 to 1966, according to the Reddit user. As for Gen X and millennials, it is suggested that the cusp years are 1979 to 1983. While 1984 could be a cusp year in some arguments, the poster adds that 1985 onward is "strictly millennial." The lines get a bit more blurred between millennials and Gen Z, but arguably the cuspers are born between 1995 and 2002. Stock image: A group of women of differing ages laugh with one another. Stock image: A group of women of differing ages laugh with one is partly this reason that Shields believes cuspers frequently carry a sense of generational impostor syndrome. "They understand the tone and references of their generation, but they don't feel it," Shields said. "That can leave people feeling a little disoriented, especially in moments when others are rallying around generational identity as a shorthand for belonging." She continued: "Cuspers often learn to code-switch between values, norms, and worldviews that don't always align. That makes them unusually observant and socially flexible—but it can also leave them more prone to feeling like outsiders." So, while we might want the generations to fit into neat definitions, that isn't necessarily how it goes. Generations have to be fluid and recognize individual experiences. There is so much more that helps shape a person, rather than just the year on their birth certificate. Shields told Newsweek: "Generational identity isn't just a demographic label—it's a story. It's shaped by what was happening when you were coming of age. Cuspers are raised during times of cultural transition, and that gets baked into how they move through the world."
