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New Straits Times

'My mental health has always been my biggest demon' [WATCH]

KUALA LUMPUR: Do top Malaysian athletes suffer mental health issues. Yes, they do. Away from the spotlight, their inner demons lurk, taking a psychological toll on them. Swimmer Phee Jinq En, who competed in two Olympics, shed light on the issue in an exclusive interview with Timesport. She was on course for her third Olympics (Paris, last year) after competing in 2016 in Rio de Janeiro and 2020 in Tokyo — until a rule change ended her dream. As Malaysia's No. 1 female swimmer, Jinq En was widely expected to qualify via a universality slot. However, the International Olympic Committee revised its criteria, ruling that athletes who had competed at two previous Olympics were no longer eligible for a wild card. "I felt like the rule was directly targeted at me. I'm sure a lot of athletes were affected," said Jinq En. "It felt unfair when you've worked for three years to stay on top, only to have it taken away." The 28-year-old admitted that the blow left her reeling. "To maintain your No. 1 spot for three years, and then watch someone else go. I think people can understand my anger and disappointment. But to be honest, it's no one's fault." Unable to face the Olympic disappointment, she shut herself out during the Paris Games. "I went to Thailand. I just needed to get away. I didn't watch TV for two weeks. I didn't want to see what was going on," she said. But the Paris heartbreak was only one chapter in Jinq En's long battle with depression — one that has played out quietly behind the medals and podium finishes. A four-time SEA Games gold medallist and holder of three national records, the former student of Purdue University, United States, has been open about her struggles with mental health. It was during her time in the US that Jinq En first came to terms with her condition — after friends and coaches urged her to seek professional help. In an earlier Timesport report, former National Sports Institute sports psychologist Muhammad Deen said mental health challenges were becoming more serious among athletes in Malaysia and beyond due to the constant demands on their bodies and minds. "My mental health has always been my biggest demon," said Jinq En. "One of my friends said, 'You need to see a therapist. We can only help so much'. At that time, I was in denial. But my coach forced me to see a therapist." Therapy helped her gain clarity and focus to compete at the highest level. National Sports Institute chief executive officer Dr. P. Vellapandian told Timesport earlier that national athletes should not hesitate to seek help for mental health issues and there is no stigma in seeking professional support. Dr. Vellapandian said mental health issues — including performance-related pressure, anxiety, depression or burnout — are becoming common in elite athletes. Dr. Vellapandian also said he was ready to personally help Lee Zii Jia if the shuttler needs psychological support. There were concerns about the Olympic bronze medallist's mental health after Zii Jia shared a cryptic social media post recently, and which led to the National Sports Council contacting his management team. However, Zii Jia's team responded by saying he was fine. Jinq En said: "As athletes, our emotions run extremely high or really low. Therapy gave me ways to understand myself better." She now turns to drawing and journaling to manage her mental health. "Drawing became an outlet to cope with challenges, and journaling helped me express frustrations instead of keeping them inside," she added. Jinq En, who hails from Subang Jaya, is also using her experience to raise mental health awareness, especially among young athletes. "Conversations about mental health in Malaysia are still just surface-level, but I think my generation and the younger ones are more open to talking about it," she said. "The older generation still sees mental health as taboo — like you just need to tough it out." Jinq En credits social media for helping to shift the conversation. "These days, we can choose the content we consume. I use my platform to promote mental health, and I see a lot of others doing the same. It shows athletes it's okay to talk about this. "But it's a double-edged sword. I've received hate comments. Every athlete in Malaysia has. But I've learnt to ignore them. I'm trying to live my best life, and if that bothers someone, it's their problem." Despite the Olympic setback, Jinq En is focused on what matters most — healing, growing, and using her voice to make a difference.