Latest news with #JonFogel
Daily Mail
03-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
Parenting expert reveals important reason why you SHOULD teach your child to answer back
A parenting coach and father of four has shared the three strategies he believes are essential for protecting children from sexual abuse - and they may not be what you expect. Jon Fogel, a parenting educator who shares advice under the name Whole Parent, has sparked conversation with a powerful video revealing that the best defence against abuse isn't necessarily about limiting contact with other adults or avoiding sleepovers. 'The greatest shield against abuse is the way that you parent them every day,' Jon says in the video, which has resonated with thousands of parents online. 'And I just wish more parents knew that.' Jon, who has taught these principles to his own eight-year-old, outlines three key strategies - each of which is grounded in mutual respect, emotional safety and trust. 'Number one, and I cannot stress how important this one is,' he says, 'I have raised him to not be blindly obedient to me.' Instead, Jon encourages healthy communication. If he does something his son doesn't like, he's taught to speak up - even if that means going to the other parent. If boundaries are put in place, they are explained. 'I do not say "because I said so, because I'm the adult" – none of that. Kids who are trained to not question authority are easy targets.' The second point is equally thought-provoking. 'We do not punish and we do not shame for misbehaviour or mistakes,' Jon continues. Drawing on psychological research, he explains that punishment not only fails to teach long-term discipline, but it also fosters fear - something predators often exploit. 'The threat of your parents being mad at you and getting you in trouble is one of the tools that abusers use to keep kids quiet.' His own son isn't fazed when a teacher threatens to call home - 'please do,' he says, 'they'll help us navigate this situation.' Because he isn't afraid of his parents' reaction, he knows they are a safe place. The third strategy may seem simple but is often overlooked: talking openly about bodies. 'Bodies are not taboo,' Jon says. 'You want to tell us something about your body? We are not going to make you feel weird about that.' It's a direct approach to destigmatising conversations that many children are raised to feel embarrassed about. Though some viewers may have expected more traditional safety tips - such as never leaving children alone with adults - Jon insists that the most effective protection lies in nurturing confidence and self-worth. 'Yes, this is just general parenting advice,' he acknowledges. 'But that's the point.' The video has struck a chord with many parents. One mother wrote: 'My kids know if someone says "don't tell your mom" you tell mom even faster.' Another added: 'A child having active, involved parents alone is a huge barrier to sexual abuse. Love these tips! 'Protecting your kids is more of a long term big picture thing than people realise.' And one parent said: 'Great post. 100 per cent on this train. I tell my daughter I can only keep her safe if she feels safe enough to talk to me.' Jon's advice reflects a broader shift toward gentle parenting - an approach that prioritises empathy, emotional intelligence and open dialogue over authority and punishment. It signals a cultural change in how parents view protection: less about shielding children from the world and more about empowering them to navigate it. And where children's voices are too often ignored, perhaps it's this quiet, everyday parenting that truly keeps them safest. Parenting influencers are abundant and their views are far ranging, often sparking debate with controversial or unusual views. Mother Emily Oster has previously come under fire revealing she often doesn't allow her children to go to birthday parties. The 45-year-old, who write books on parenting, appeared on the We Met At Acme podcast last month to discuss motherhood, and said she didn't allow her children, aged 10 and 14, to attend parties. The economist and author, from the US, is known for voicing her sometimes controversial opinions on motherhood said she'd rather prioritise 'family time'. Emily, who is also CEO for the ParentData blog, told the podcast, hosted by Lindsey Metselaar, that she wasn't 'categorically opposed' to parties, but that she would turn down invitations if they clashed with family plans. A video recording of the conversation shared to the podcast's social media channels racked up more than 234,000 views, with thousands of parents left seething by Emily's divisive remarks. Viewers accused her of being 'controlling' and making a 'bad parenting choice'. Explaining her view, she said: 'For our family, this idea of prioritising some time that the four of us can spend together that is family time, that's very central, and that's not everybody's thing, but that's our thing. And once we have that, it sort of rules out many other things.' 'It's not that I'm categorically opposed to the concept of a birthday party,' she clarified, adding that she would rather take the opportunity to spend time together as a family unit.
Daily Mail
02-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Parenting expert reveals how you can end your toddler's tantrum in just TWO minutes - all thanks to a simple game
A father-of-four has revealed the quick trick that quells toddler tantrums in as little as two minutes. In a video posted to his social media, US-based author and parenting expert Jon Fogel explained that calming down your little one is as simple as playing an easy game. It all has to do with understanding the way in which children's brains operate, especially those aged between one and three, who are navigating overwhelming emotions for the first time. In a TikTok clip on his channel @wholeparent, the influencer said that in order to stop an outburst, you play 'the color game' with your child where 'all you do is look for colors'. The instructions are as basic as asking your toddler something along the lines of 'Where's something red?' or 'What color is that?' It may seem too good to be true, but Jon broke down the science behind his method in his clip. 'This is how you short circuit a tantrum - just end it,' said Jon. 'This is what you need to know. 'Brains - they can't do everything at once. They can't be in thinking mode and tantrum mode at the same time. 'This is why it's pointless to try and reason - you are arguing with a lizard, they cannot reason with you. 'But there are things you can do, brain hacks, to put the thinking brain back in the driver's seat, which will therefore end the tantrum.' Jon added that there are a lot of handy tricks you can use to intercept your child's sobs and screams, but the color game is the most effective. The father, with his baby perched on his lap, gave examples of questions you might put to your young one: 'Where's something red? We've got to find something red. 'Where's yellow? Yellow's next. You just go through all of the colors.' The part of the brain that identifies colors and assigns names to them is not the part of their brain that throws fits, he continued. 'This means that when they start playing the color game, the part of their brain that's throwing a tantrum will shut the hell up and allow you to talk to the part of their brain that can tell you why they're disappointed and fix the problem.' And for those parents who believe that their child would resist and shout 'no', Jon advised to take the game one step further. 'Just start naming the wrong color for things,' he says. 'Let's see how long they can hold up.' He continued: '[If you say] "that apple over there is blue", they won't resist that opportunity to tell you how wrong you are.' The resounding advice from Jon is: 'Just parent smarter not harder.' Tapping into the child's rational brain and, if that doesn't work, the part of them that desperately wants to prove you wrong, should shorten the length of time you have to stand and endure the piercing wails. Jon is just one expert reconsidering what effective discipline looks like, and he concludes that it is far from intimidation and punishment. Allison Ciongoli, a marriage and family therapist, also believes discipline is more than just sending your child to their room. 'Healthy discipline teaches children how to make better choices by connecting actions to consequences,' she said. Where punishment is reactive and focused only on stopping unwanted behaviour, healthy discipline is proactive. What's important, she stressed, is helping children build self-regulation and reinforcing positive behavior, often through praising good choices and modeling emotional control. For toddlers between the ages of one and three, Allison recommended redirection and distraction - like offering a toy or starting a new activity - to prevent misbehaviour before it escalates. 'Short time-outs, about one minute per year of age, can help them calm down,' she added. Ignoring certain attention-seeking behaviors, as long as it's safe to do so, can also help teach boundaries and discourage the behaviour over time. As children grow into the school-age years, from six to twelve, discipline should start shifting toward promoting accountability. She also encouraged parents to have calm, open conversations that help kids reflect on their actions.
