Latest news with #KristinNeff
Time of India
12-07-2025
- Health
- Time of India
These 10 books will remind you to be kind to yourself
We often talk about self-care like it's a face mask or a weekend getaway, but at its core, self-care is something quieter, deeper. It's how you speak to yourself when you're feeling tired or defeated. It's how you remind yourself you're enough, even on the days that feel like too much. And while no book can solve everything, some of them feel like a friend gently taking your hand and saying, 'Let's slow down.' Here are ten such books, honest, comforting, and gently transformative, that remind you how to be kind to yourself and the world around you. The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim Written by a Korean Buddhist monk, this book is like a warm cup of tea on a rainy day. It teaches that sometimes doing nothing is also a form of care. The short reflections paired with soft illustrations invite you to pause and look inward without judgment. Untamed by Glennon Doyle This is not just a memoir; it's a roar of honesty. Glennon writes about breaking free from expectations and loving yourself as you are. You don't need to fix yourself maybe you were never broken in the first place. Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff Dr. Kristin Neff explains self-care not as indulgence but as survival. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Vet Warns Cincinnati: "If Your Dog Licks Its Paws, Watch This Immediately" Ultimate Pet Nutrition Undo She shows how self-compassion is more powerful than self-esteem, especially during failure or heartbreak. Think of it as therapy in book form. Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King This book isn't preachy, it's practical. Vex King, once homeless, now a wellness guide to many, writes about gratitude, mindset, boundaries, and how to raise your emotional vibration without burning yourself out. The Comfort Book by Matt Haig These pages don't try to fix you. They just sit with you, reminding you that you're not alone. Written in small, digestible pieces, it's perfect for moments when you're overwhelmed but still want something gentle to hold on to. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed Pulled from her advice column 'Dear Sugar,' these letters are raw, real, and fiercely loving. Cheryl's voice is unfiltered yet kind, like a wise friend who gives you a hug and also the truth. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach Tara Brach blends psychology with mindfulness and Buddhist wisdom, gently reminding us that accepting ourselves exactly as we are is the starting point to any healing. A slower read, but deeply powerful. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay An old-school classic in the self-care realm. Louise Hay speaks about how our thoughts affect our health and energy. Whether or not you believe in affirmations, her writing is rooted in hope and gentle reminders to love yourself fiercely. Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May This one is a quiet gem. It talks about how sometimes we need to hibernate emotionally, to rest, to step back, and let life move at its own pace. Especially comforting during hard seasons of life. Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown Brené is beloved for a reason. In this book, she talks about belonging, not to a group or community, but belonging to yourself. When the world feels noisy and you feel lost, her words help you find your way back to your own voice. Reading these books won't magically fix life's messiness. But they will offer kindness where the world forgets to. They'll remind you that self-care is not selfish and that gentleness toward yourself and others is a quiet kind of strength. Maybe, just maybe, one of them is the small turning point you didn't know you needed.
CNA
07-06-2025
- Health
- CNA
How to stop being so hard on yourself when life gets overwhelming
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient. 'We can say, 'I made a mistake,' as opposed to saying, 'I am a mistake,'' said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. 'It's a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it's not about judging yourself positively, it's just about being helpful and kind to yourself.' WHAT IS SELF-COMPASSION? Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding toward yourself during difficult times – and recognising that you aren't alone in your imperfections. It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr Neff said. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique – flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation. WHAT ARE THE MYTHS ABOUT SELF-COMPASSION? One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Dr Neff added. Another myth is that self-compassion is self-indulgent. But in reality, Dr Neff said, it has been shown to reduce burnout and therefore allow us to better care for others. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, involves behaving in a way that is ultimately harmful – either to yourself or to others. Finally, self-compassion is sometimes confused with self-care, but it's not just about soothing, said Steven C Hayes, a clinical psychologist and the creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which emphasises the types of skills that are useful for building self-compassion, like living in the moment and focusing on values rather than imposed expectations. Self-compassion 'is the empowerment to be yourself, to feel what you're feeling, fully and without needless defense,' he said. HOW DO YOU DEVELOP SELF-COMPASSION? There are a number of ways to practise self-compassion: 1. SAY KIND THINGS TO YOURSELF EVERY DAY Think about how you show up for yourself throughout your day, Dr Neff said. Are you supportive and encouraging? Or are you your own worst enemy? 'The vast majority of people are significantly more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,' Dr Neff said. If you're prone to beating yourself up, she added, then try speaking to yourself kindly, just like you would to a good friend in the same situation. 2. TAKE A COMPASSION BREAK Tara Brach, a psychologist and the author of Radical Acceptance, suggests the RAIN method: Recognise, allow, investigate and nurture. The idea here is to recognise the emotions you're having and then allow those feelings to exist without reflexively pushing them away. Next, investigate how your body is affected by your emotions – is there a hollowness in your stomach or a clenching in your chest? Take time to also explore the beliefs associated with those emotions – are you assuming that something is wrong with you? 'That is probably the biggest suffering that people have: 'I'm unlovable, I'm falling short, I should be doing more,'' Dr Brach said. Then, nurture. What does the suffering part of you most need right now? Understanding? To be forgiven? A kind message? Put a hand over your heart or use another soothing touch that feels caring. Send a kind message inward: 'It's okay to feel this' or 'You're doing the best that you can.' These tiny gestures can make a big difference. One small study of 135 undergraduates found that those who regularly spent 20 seconds a day placing their hands over their heart and belly while thinking kind thoughts like 'How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?' reported feeling less stressed and were found to have more compassion for themselves after a month. 3. PAY IT FORWARD By giving yourself compassion, you become better able to receive and offer compassionate care to others, Dr Hayes said. 'Show them that they're not alone,' he added. 'We need people who are more self-compassionate and compassionate toward others.' Self-compassion might involve establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship or even turning your compassion outward – for example, volunteering for an important cause or attending a protest to try to bring about positive political or social change. In this sense, self-compassion can be fierce and strong: Think 'mama bear' energy. 'Part of caring for ourselves means trying to end harm on the societal level as well,' Dr Neff said. 'It's bigger than just our individual selves.'
Observer
03-06-2025
- General
- Observer
How to stop being so hard on yourself
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient. 'We can say, 'I made a mistake,' as opposed to saying, 'I am a mistake,'' said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. 'It's a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it's not about judging yourself positively, it's just about being helpful and kind to yourself.' What is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding towards yourself during difficult times — and recognising that you aren't alone in your imperfections. It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Neff said. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique — flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation. One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Neff added. Another myth is that self-compassion is self-indulgent. But in reality, Neff said, it has been shown to reduce burnout and therefore allow us to better care for others. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, involves behaving in a way that is ultimately harmful — either to yourself or to others. Finally, self-compassion is sometimes confused with self-care, but it's not just about soothing, said Steven C Hayes, a clinical psychologist and the creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which emphasises the types of skills that are useful for building self-compassion, like living in the moment and focusing on values rather than imposed expectations. Self-compassion 'is the empowerment to be yourself, to feel what you're feeling, fully and without needless defence,' he said. There are a number of ways to practice self-compassion: Say kind things to yourself every day: Think about how you show up for yourself throughout your day. Are you supportive and encouraging? 'The vast majority of people are significantly more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,' Neff said. If you're prone to beating yourself up, she added, then try speaking to yourself kindly, just like you would to a good friend in the same situation. Take a compassion break: Tara Brach, a psychologist and the author of 'Radical Acceptance,' suggests the RAIN method: Recognise, allow, investigate and nurture. The idea here is to recognise the emotions you're having and then allow those feelings to exist without reflexively pushing them away. Next, investigate how your body is affected by your emotions — is there a hollowness in your stomach or a clenching in your chest? Take time to also explore the beliefs associated with those emotions — are you assuming that something is wrong with you? 'That is probably the biggest suffering that people have: 'I'm unlovable. I'm falling short. I should be doing more,'' Brach said. - The New York Times BLURB One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback
New York Times
29-05-2025
- General
- New York Times
How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves. We can be our own harshest critics. Practicing a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient. 'We can say, 'I made a mistake,' as opposed to saying, 'I am a mistake,'' said Kristin Neff, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin who has studied self-compassion for more than two decades. 'It's a healthier alternative to self-esteem, because it's not about judging yourself positively, it's just about being helpful and kind to yourself.' What is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding toward yourself during difficult times — and recognizing that you aren't alone in your imperfections. It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr. Neff said. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique — flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation. What are the myths about self-compassion? One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Dr. Neff added. Another myth is that self-compassion is self-indulgent. But in reality, Dr. Neff said, it has been shown to reduce burnout and therefore allow us to better care for others. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, involves behaving in a way that is ultimately harmful — either to yourself or to others. Finally, self-compassion is sometimes confused with self-care, but it's not just about soothing, said Steven C. Hayes, a clinical psychologist and the creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which emphasizes the types of skills that are useful for building self-compassion, like living in the moment and focusing on values rather than imposed expectations. Self-compassion 'is the empowerment to be yourself, to feel what you're feeling, fully and without needless defense,' he said. How do you develop self-compassion? There are a number of ways to practice self-compassion: Say kind things to yourself every day. Think about how you show up for yourself throughout your day, Dr. Ness said. Are you supportive and encouraging? Or are you your own worst enemy? 'The vast majority of people are significantly more compassionate to others than they are to themselves,' Dr. Neff said. If you're prone to beating yourself up, she added, then try speaking to yourself kindly, just like you would to a good friend in the same situation. Take a compassion break. Tara Brach, a psychologist and the author of 'Radical Acceptance,' suggests the RAIN method: Recognize, allow, investigate and nurture. The idea here is to recognize the emotions you're having and then allow those feelings to exist without reflexively pushing them away. Next, investigate how your body is affected by your emotions — is there a hollowness in your stomach or a clenching in your chest? Take time to also explore the beliefs associated with those emotions — are you assuming that something is wrong with you? 'That is probably the biggest suffering that people have: 'I'm unlovable, I'm falling short, I should be doing more,'' Dr. Brach said. Then, nurture. What does the suffering part of you most need right now? Understanding? To be forgiven? A kind message? Put a hand over your heart or use another soothing touch that feels caring. Send a kind message inward: 'It's OK to feel this.' or 'You're doing the best that you can.' These tiny gestures can make a big difference. One small study of 135 undergraduates found that those who regularly spent 20 seconds a day placing their hands over their heart and belly while thinking kind thoughts like 'How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?' reported feeling less stressed and were found to have more compassion for themselves after a month. Pay it forward. By giving yourself compassion, you become better able to receive and offer compassionate care to others, Dr. Hayes said. 'Show them that they're not alone,' he added. 'We need people who are more self-compassionate and compassionate toward others.' Self-compassion might involve establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship or even turning your compassion outward — for example, volunteering for an important cause or attending a protest to try to bring about positive political or social change. In this sense, self-compassion can be fierce and strong: Think 'mama bear' energy. 'Part of caring for ourselves means trying to end harm on the societal level as well,' Dr. Neff said. 'It's bigger than just our individual selves.'
