Latest news with #LetThemTheory
Forbes
19-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
Mel Robbins And The Power Of Letting Go
Power is often confused with control. The instinct to manage outcomes, influence how others behave, and keep everything in place can easily be mistaken for strength. But real power, Mel Robbins suggests, may begin with the choice to stop carrying what was never ours to hold in the first place. That idea sits at the center of The Let Them Theory, the latest book from the bestselling author and podcast host known for turning personal challenge into practical frameworks with wide appeal. Co-written with her daughter Schuyler, the book offers a kind of radical simplicity. Let people feel what they feel. Let them judge, misunderstand, or disagree. The point isn't detachment but learning how not to lose yourself in the process of managing someone else. At 56, Robbins describes herself as being in a 'peak moment,' a result, she says, of stepping back from what no longer serves her. She first gained wide recognition with her 2017 book The 5 Second Rule, based on a behavioral technique she developed during what she has called her 'rock bottom' in her 40s, a period marked by both personal and financial crisis. That book went on to sell millions of copies and established her as a voice of action, helping people disrupt hesitation and move forward. With The Let Them Theory, Robbins turns her attention to a different kind of challenge, examining the weight we carry out of habit and asking what it means to release what was never ours to manage, not by force but by choice. 'This isn't about letting go,' said Robbins in a recent Forbes interview. 'I've never been able to let anything go. But when you say, 'let them,' you're not giving in. You're opting out of the noise. You're stepping back into your own life.' That clarity has shaped much of Robbins' appeal. A former attorney and CNN legal analyst, she didn't come up through academic theory or clinical training. Her reach came through candor, naming the emotions people navigate every day but rarely voice from fear to inertia, shame and resentment. Her tools caught on not because they were novel, but because they were usable. The 'let them' message reflects a turn in her approach, shifting from tactical advice to a broader rethinking of where we invest our energy and why. The book took shape during the pandemic, as Robbins began to examine long-entrenched habits of overexplaining, overfunctioning, and absorbing what didn't belong to her. Writing with her daughter made the process more personal and, at times, more charged. 'We'd argue, storm off, come back, and keep writing,' Robbins said. 'But that tension made the book better. It made it honest.' That honesty is part of what's resonating. 'I've been the overbearing mom. The jealous friend. The fixer,' she said. 'This book is about what happens when you finally stop trying to be all of those things.' Since its release, 'let them' has become cultural shorthand, passed through group chats, executive teams, wellness circles, and everyday conversations. It hasn't spread as a trend, but as a kind of quiet permission to stop absorbing other people's reactions and to direct your energy with greater intention. Part of its power lies in how deeply Robbins' message already resonates. What sets her apart isn't just the scale of her audience, but the depth of connection she creates. Her videos have been watched billions of times, her books have topped bestseller lists, and her self-produced podcast consistently ranks as the most downloaded education show across major platforms. When Oprah Winfrey received an early copy, she read it cover to cover, marked it with dozens of tabs, and called it 'generation-defining.' For Robbins, it was a surreal moment, but also a form of recognition. 'I realized this wasn't just a book,' she says. 'It was a language people didn't know they needed.' 'You're not letting people off the hook,' explains Robbins. 'You're letting yourself off the hook. You stop trying to fix, manage, prove. And you start protecting your peace.' For Robbins, clarity over control is at the heart of power. 'When your thoughts, emotions, and actions are aligned with your values,' she says, 'that's when you feel strongest. It's not about doing more. It's about being more honest. More grounded. More yourself.' The Let Them Theory doesn't offer a system or a solution. It offers something steadier—a return to what's yours, and a release of what isn't. In a culture that equates busyness with value and burnout with success, Robbins is making a different case built not on striving, but on knowing when to stop. Watch the full Mel Robbins interview and more from the Power Women Profiles series here.
Emirates Woman
09-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- Emirates Woman
Friday book club: The complete wellness edition for mind, body & soul
As we close this final edition of our Friday Book Club, we've curated a selection of books that go beyond surface-level advice to offer genuine transformation in your wellness jouney. These are not quick-fix guides or trendy manifestos, but substantial works that address the fundamental aspects of living with purpose, health and clarity. Each one provides a unique lens through which to examine and improve your life, whether through redefining success, healing from within, or optimizing your physical potential. Friday book club: The ultimate guide to morning routines of high achieving women At the heart of this collection is the understanding that true wellness and wellbeing encompasses both mind and body. The books we've chosen reflect this holistic approach, offering wisdom that ranges from psychological freedom to biological optimization. They share a common thread of empowering the reader with knowledge that lasts far beyond the final page. The Wealth Money Can't Buy by Robin Sharma Robin Sharma's latest work challenges conventional notions of prosperity by expanding the definition of wealth to include eight vital dimensions beyond financial success. With insights drawn from his decades of coaching top performers, Sharma presents a philosophy of holistic achievement that values time freedom, physical vitality and contribution as much as material gain. The book systematically explores how to cultivate each form of wealth through daily practices and mindset shifts, offering a refreshing alternative to the burnout-inducing pursuit of success at any cost. What makes this particularly valuable is its balanced approach – acknowledging the importance of financial stability while preventing it from becoming the sole measure of a life well-lived. Order it on The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins Mel Robbins distills years of psychological research and personal experience into a deceptively simple principle that has the power to transform relationships and self-perception. The book explores how our attempts to control external circumstances and other people's actions often create the very stress we hope to avoid. Through relatable anecdotes and practical exercises, Robbins guides readers toward developing what she calls 'the ultimate emotional boundary tool.' The strength of this work lies in its applicability – whether dealing with workplace dynamics, family relationships or personal goals, the 'Let Them' philosophy provides a framework for emotional resilience that adapts to various life situations. Order it on The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk This seminal work on trauma has become essential reading for understanding how our bodies store and respond to psychological distress. Van der Kolk presents decades of clinical research in accessible language, explaining the physiological mechanisms through which trauma affects everything from memory processing to immune function. The book's real value comes from its comprehensive exploration of innovative treatments that go beyond traditional talk therapy, including somatic experiencing and neurofeedback. Particularly insightful are the sections on how trauma disrupts interpersonal relationships and the often-overlooked connection between physical health and emotional history, which largely contribute to overall wellness. Order it on The Inflammation Spectrum by Dr. Will Cole Dr. Cole approaches the complex subject of chronic inflammation with both scientific rigor and practical wisdom. The book begins by clearly explaining how inflammatory responses operate in the body and why modern lifestyles often trigger these mechanisms unnecessarily. What sets this apart from other health books is its personalized approach – rather than prescribing a one-size-fits-all anti-inflammatory diet, Cole provides tools for readers to identify their unique triggers and responses. The inclusion of meal plans, recipes and lifestyle adjustments makes the science actionable, while the underlying message about listening to one's body promotes long-term health and wellness literacy beyond temporary fixes. Order it on Outlive by Dr. Peter Attia Dr. Attia's thorough examination of longevity science reframes aging as a process we can actively influence rather than passively accept. The book distinguishes between lifespan and healthspan, making a compelling case for focusing on quality of life years rather than just total years lived. Attia covers four major areas of focus – exercise, nutrition, sleep and emotional health – with a depth that acknowledges the complexity of human biology while still providing clear recommendations. Particularly valuable are the sections on metabolic health and strength training, which present often-overlooked aspects of preventive medicine. The book's greatest strength is its balanced perspective, combining cutting-edge research with practical, sustainable application. Order it on This collection represents more than just reading material – it offers a comprehensive education in living intentionally to long-term wellness. From Sharma's expansive view of success to Attia's science-backed longevity strategies, these books provide the knowledge to make informed decisions about how we live, work and care for ourselves. They remind us that true wellbeing comes from addressing all aspects of our existence – mental, emotional and physical – with equal attention and respect. Friday book club: 5 life-changing manifestation books for ambitious women As you explore these titles, we encourage you to read with curiosity and patience, allowing the ideas to resonate and integrate gradually. The most profound changes often come not from dramatic overhauls, but from the accumulation of small, consistent shifts in understanding and behavior. May these books serve as valuable companions on your journey toward a life of greater clarity, health and purpose. – For more on how to look smart and live smarter, follow Emirates Man on Facebook and Instagram Images: Supplied & Featured Image: @ ritakahawaty
Daily Mail
26-04-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Can Mel Robbin's viral ‘Let Them' theory really change your life?
Boomer: I'm fed up with washing my teens' mouldy plates. Gen Z: You've got to let them. Let them wash up? They'll be there for weeks and I could do without their dirty crockery sprouting the next global pandemic. The house value will plummet. No, use the 'let them' theory. If they want to live in filth, let them. A parenting strategy that says leave them to rot? They threatened me with ChildLine when I took away their Xbox. It's not leaving them to rot, it's mindfully surrendering to things you can't control. In the words of the theory's creator, 56-year-old Mel Robbins, it 'creates emotional peace for you and a better relationship with others'. I'm not sure our relationship would be better if I had let you give yourself a fringe with the kitchen scissors. You should read Robbins' book, The Let Them Theory. It sold 100,000 copies in its first week and topped both The New York Times' and the Sunday Times' bestseller lists for a month. You know what they say – if someone's daft enough to spend £22.99 on a book full of shoddy life advice, let them. Don't be so closed minded. On TikTok #LetThemTheory has had 15 million views and it helps you rationalise any issue. Take dating. If your partner isn't ready to commit, Robbins says, just let them go. She's spun 20 chapters of psychobabble out of a theory that amounts to 'don't worry about what you can't fix and don't hold unwilling boyfriends hostage'. Hardly. One Refinery29 writer applied it for a month and said it changed her life. 'It's freeing not to care,' she wrote, 'but instead focus on your own decisions and thoughts… it leads to a greater sense of inner peace.' Their editor clearly has a very 'let them' attitude if they let them publish this drivel. But even Oprah Winfrey told her 22.5 million Instagram followers that Robbins' book is a 'life-changing tool for those seeking to regain power and peace'. Marie Antoinette had a very let them attitude – and look how that ended. You're deflecting with humour, but working on your emotional intelligence makes you a better wife, mum and businesswoman. You try being a better wife, mum and businesswoman when juggling your boss's demands with calls from school saying Jimmy's been sick over his PE kit again. That's why you need to set boundaries. You can follow 'boundary coach' Kami Orange on TikTok, as she gives her 280,000 followers prepared scripts to protect their peace. OK, so what do I say when my child is sick? 'I need today off to hold space for my child who's currently navigating a systemic virus. I'm consciously choosing to put parenting first rather than perpetuate cycles of emotional abandonment.' They'd think I was 'currently navigating' a mental breakdown. Let's try this scenario: what do I say if I'm sick? 'I need to recentre, reset and regulate my physical and mental health. Thank you for supporting a trauma-informed workflow.' No wonder the economy's going down the drain if we're all recentring, resetting and regulating on company time. Haven't you listened to psychobabble queen Meghan Markle's Confessions Of A Female Founder podcast with CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd, who created two billion-pound dating apps by 'fundamentally rearchitecting' boundaries between personal and work life? I'm with that reader who said in the FT about Meghan: 'She's one American export I'd gladly support tariffs on.' We've talked about women supporting women. Meghan's podcast is about how 'the success of every woman should be an inspiration to another. We should raise each other up.' You're right. Let them radiate joy and 'fundamentally rearchitect' boundaries to their hearts' content. In the meantime I'll be exposing their nonsense with my own podcast.
Telegraph
25-02-2025
- Entertainment
- Telegraph
How I stopped caring about what other people think (and you can too)
'So sorry, I can't make it tonight. Hope to see you all another time soon,' I write and send to the school mum WhatsApp group before I can start overthinking it. Before, I'd have felt the need to send a detailed explanation as to why I couldn't make it. I would have spent ages worrying about everyone thinking I was flaky and unreliable and feeling guilty for bailing at the last minute. But that's all changed since I read The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. The self-help author, podcast host and former lawyer's latest book is based on two little words which help manage how you interact with people and day to day life. It's such a simple mantra but it seems to have a transformative effect. Robbins, a New York Times bestselling author who has been endorsed by everyone from Oprah to author Jay Shetty, is a self-help guru in the US and also starting to make waves here in the UK. The 56-year-old motivational speaker, who was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 and has more than 22 million followers across her social media platforms, wrote her latest book with her daughter, Sawyer, and is bringing the accompanying tour to London in June. The Let Them Theory, which was published in December 2024 and reportedly sold over 1.2 million copies in the first month, looks at how we can free ourselves from judgement, drama and the opinions of others. It addresses simple fears – failure, change, disappointment – and turns them on their head. As someone who was raised in the 80s and 90s, at a time when girls were conditioned to be people pleasers who put others first (who could forget the cringeworthy Girl Guide pledge: 'I promise that I will do my best… to serve the Queen and my community, to help other people and to keep the (Brownie) Guide Law.') it helped me realise I have no control over what people say, do or think. And I don't have to try and please them. The concept is painstakingly simple but taps into something deeply psychological and liberating. 'Let them' sums up the tension between control and acceptance. As psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley explains: 'So many of us expend an exhausting amount of energy trying to influence other people's behaviour, worrying about how they perceive us, or hoping they'll act in a way that suits us. But the truth is, people will do what they do. The sooner we accept that, the more peaceful and in control of ourselves we feel.' That is the real power of Let Them. 'It's not about disengagement or passivity – it's about freeing up emotional bandwidth for the things that actually matter, and things that you actually have some control over.' Such as how we respond and react to things and spend our time. Before reading the book, I would often make the journalist faux pas of reading the 'below the line' comments on articles I had written, which would leave me feeling deflated at best and upset at worst. I would lie awake wondering what my friends and family might think. I have, over the years, had comments on everything from my appearance to my parenting to my grammar. Sometimes, I could spend hours stewing on it but now I don't even bother to read them because 'let them'. Before, as someone who works from home and spends too much time on social media, I would have checked Instagram repeatedly to see who had and had not liked my posts. In the absence of real life colleagues, I would have sought external validation online. I would have wasted energy overthinking why people who look at every story I post, especially friends and other journalists, never 'like' any of my posts. As someone who is a prolific 'liker' and engager, I have always found this to be bewildering and confusing. I have realised, however, that it's actually really liberating to realise that you have zero control of other people's opinions of you. It frees you up to, in the words of Robbins, to 'be your authentic self'. Source: Psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley There is also a very helpful chapter in the book about the ebb and flow of adult friendships, something which I very much relate to. Robbins says that adult friendships are based primarily on three things – promixity (being in the same place, workplace, neighbourhood or social circle as someone), timing (being at a similar stage of life) and energy (the level of connection and affinity you feel with someone). I have in the past been someone who has invested a great deal of time into my friendships but applying the Let Them theory and realising that friendships can largely depend on such things as proximity and timing, things which are essentially beyond my control, has helped me reassess my expectations. Accepting and realising that some friendships have naturally faded and that it's fine to just let that happen has been a game changer. It's also laid open the gauntlet that some people, like the ones I let go of during a particularly difficult time in my life when my autistic son was put on a reduced timetable at school and I became something of a hermit, may come back into my life. Let Them has helped taken the onus and pressure off myself to make that happen. I've also tried to remind myself about the Let Me part of the book where you let yourself get irritated by something or someone (like one of my children refusing to tidy their room) but then let it go and move on. The Let Me rule has given me permission to take ownership of my feelings. The other day someone honked at me for overtaking the car in front and I felt a fleeting surge of road rage. I didn't wave at them to apologise. I allowed myself to feel irritated and allowed them to let out their frustration and then I moved quickly on. As Robbins says, 'by letting other people live their lives, you finally get to live yours'.
The Guardian
29-01-2025
- General
- The Guardian
‘Let them': can this viral self-help mantra change your life?
Is there anything more frustrating than other people? Despite our best efforts to persuade them to do, say and be what we want, they persist in upending our plans by making their own decisions, being their own people and thinking their own thoughts. One can waste hours spiraling about others' behavior. Why weren't we included in that meeting at work? Why did that stranger cut us off in traffic? Why is that friend still with her boyfriend even though he sucks? Enter: the Let Them theory. Someone cut you off? Let them. Your friend is still with their lame boyfriend? Let them. Every time you are about to start obsessing over someone else's actions, remember: let them! The concept was recently popularized by motivational speaker and self-help guru Mel Robbins. 'I just heard about this thing called the Let Them theory,' she told her millions of followers in an Instagram post in May 2023. 'I freaking love it.' The video quickly went viral. People got 'Let Them' tattoos. In December 2024, Robbins released a book, The Let Them Theory. It became a New York Times bestseller. CNN and the New York Times interviewed Robbins. Oprah talked about it on her podcast, saying: 'This book is a game-changer. It's a life-changer.' There are some important caveats to the theory, according to Robbins. First, she argues, 'let them' only works if it is followed by 'let me'. In other words, it is not an excuse for inaction. Accepting that we can't control other people's actions is a reminder that we are entirely responsible for our own. You are not responsible for someone cutting you off in traffic, but you are responsible for not flipping them off and shouting obscenities out the window. Also, there are certain situations in which you should not, under any circumstances, 'let them'. Robbins explained in a podcast episode that the theory does not apply if someone wants to do something dangerous or if you see someone being discriminated against. In those cases, she says, you must speak up. Second, you must always advocate for yourself and what you need – negotiate a higher salary, for example, or insist on getting the medical care you need. Finally, if someone continually violates your boundaries, you should not 'let them' do that, Robbins says. The 'let them' concept is not without its critics. People have argued that the theory is stoicism repackaged. Others have criticized Robbins for not crediting poet Cassie B Phillips, whose poem Let Them went viral in 2022. (When I emailed Robbins for comment about Phillips' poem, she responded: 'The Let Them Theory has its roots in Buddhism, Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King Jr (his son gives a quote in the book about it) and therapeutic modalities like Detachment Theory and Radical Acceptance! I believe that's why saying Let Them and Let Me is so powerful – it feels familiar to everyone because it is.') And some think it's simply too obvious and flimsy an idea to sustain an entire book. Robbins herself acknowledges this. As she told the New York Times: 'Yeah, it's a cheap trick – and it works.' Robbins, an author, podcaster and former lawyer, is not a mental health professional. But experts agree that giving up on trying to control the behaviors and actions of others can be hugely beneficial – not only for yourself, but for the people around you as well. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion 'Other people's behavior is simply a reflection of their journey,' says Dr Tchiki Davis, founder of the Berkeley Well-Being Institute. 'When we no longer feel the need to 'correct' or 'save' others, we can more easily accept them for who they are.' Some mental health professionals have also found the Let Them theory helps people grasp more difficult concepts. Selene Burley, a licensed therapist in California, says she has shared the theory with many of her clients. 'It's been eye-opening for them,' she says. Burley says it's been especially helpful for those who struggle with healthy boundaries. 'The Let Them mindset simplifies it in a way that feels approachable and empowering,' she says. 'It shifts the focus from controlling or fixing others to accepting what's within your control – your reactions, your focus, your peace.' Burley adds that she's used the mantra in her own life, as a reminder to let her children make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. 'Letting them figure things out on their own is hard sometimes, but it's so good for them and for me,' she says. Like many, I came across the Let Them theory on social media. The idea seemed useful, although I fancied myself pretty good at boundaries already. Live and let live; not my monkeys, not my circus, etc. Then I realized how often I found myself thinking: 'Let them.' When two friends butted heads, it took everything in me not to intervene and smooth things over. 'Let them,' I thought, every muscle in my body tense with anxiety. After an argument with a loved one, I stomped on the treadmill for an hour, jaw clenched, and mentally fumed: 'Let them.' The phrase was not a panacea. It still took time for whatever emotion I was feeling to pass. But saying 'let them' prevented me from being reactive. It gave me space to pause and remind myself that my own actions are all I can control. Annoying! But also liberating. When you are not wasting time trying to think about how you can control other people, you have more time to think about other things, such as books or pants. Burley says 'let them' is a piece of advice she wishes she had heard sooner. 'It's a reminder that it's OK to step back, let people be who they are, and stop carrying things that aren't ours to carry.'
