Latest news with #LisaDamour
Yahoo
19-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Four steps we can take to improve mental health, especially among youth
As a parent of tweens (10 and almost 12), I'm forever reminded of how little I know and how "cringe" I can be. And to be honest, I'm fine with my lack of knowledge of skibidi and cybertrucks and the latest skincare trends. But when it comes to understanding what's going on in youth mental health, I'm not so nonchalant. I want to know better to do better. I'm constantly reminded that the world they are growing up in is very different than the world in which I grew up. In the 1980s and 90s, we didn't have 24/7 visuals on what our peers were doing and algorithms designed to keep us scrolling. I have followed the many headlines about the growing youth mental health crisis. And it strikes me: the problem is not our teens. The problem is the conditions in which they are growing up. As Dr. Lisa Damour reminds us, teens are not fragile or damaged; it's normal to have intense emotions that go up and down, and the single most powerful force in teen mental health is strong relationships with caring adults. More: Lindner Center of Hope $38 million building to expand mental health treatment | Going Up As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month, I am thinking of the steps each one of us can take to improve mental health and well-being in our community − and especially among youth. Here are some things we all can do: Practice ASK (Acknowledge, Support, and Keep in touch) with people in your life who may be struggling with their mental health. Encourage social connection − join a group that gathers regularly around a hobby, fitness, community service, or professional interest. Strengthen safe and supportive spaces for youth by being a safe, trusted adult. Lean into curiosity and empathy. Improve your conversational skills by talking to youth about emotions with resources at Sound It Out Together More: Ohio Senate votes to ban students from using phones during school hours Recently, the Cincinnati Regional Chamber and Hopeful Empowered Youth (HEY!) held a virtual conversation with Jonathan Haidt, author of the best-selling book "Anxious Generation." With powerful data and stories, he reminded us that "we are overprotecting our children in the real world while underprotecting them online." And he encouraged the Cincinnati community to join other cities nationally in building four new norms that create a healthier foundation for childhood in the digital age: No phones in school all day. Many local schools are grappling with cell phone policies. At Cincinnati Country Day, an "away all day" policy has made a positive impact, and even students like it. This type of policy is backed by evidence: 60% of students report spending at least 10% of class time on their phones. No smartphones until high school. While admittedly hard, this gets easier as more families align in setting a new norm. Safe-tech phones that offer calling, texting, and apps without internet access are a good option for middle school years. No social media until age 16. Research supports aligning children's access to technology with their developmental growth. Experts recommend waiting until 16, when impulse control and emotional regulation have progressed. Give kids more freedom to play without supervision. Allowing more independence and responsibility, like walking home from school or making the family dinner, brings kids joy and builds confidence. This month, I'm reflecting on the ways I can better show up for my kids and for kids in our community − and especially how I can help build better connections and experiences in real life (or IRL, as they would say). We all have a role to play in establishing new norms that provide a better childhood and a brighter future for our youth. I invite you to be part of this movement. Our kids deserve it. Kate Schroder is president and CEO of Interact for Health. If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, you are not alone. Call or text the 988-suicide crisis hotline. This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: Establishing new norms for kids is key to good mental health | Opinion
Buzz Feed
26-04-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
Experts Are Sharing The Subtle Signs You're Putting Too Much Pressure On Your Kid
For the past couple of weeks, my tween daughter has been happier than usual. She was extra kind to her brother and she completed her homework with a good attitude. What shifted her mood? I think it was the change from attending almost daily extracurriculars to having no activities at all. In hindsight, she wasn't getting enough free time. In our competitive society, parents pack childhood resumes with sports, clubs, jobs and academic achievements. I'm guilty of this, as are many families, because it's easy to get caught in the race to bragging rights and top-tier colleges. After all, our kids need excellent jobs to pay for those top-tier college loans. Kids and teens usually won't start a conversation about stress. They're hesitant to open up because they don't want to disappoint their parents. They might end up staying silent until they reach a breaking point, and no one wants a child to break down. We asked experts how parents can stay proactive in gauging the requirements they put on their kids. They told us the subtle signs that might signal a need to reevaluate your expectations. When kids are overwhelmed, but they don't want to disappoint their parents, excuses pop up. They might have a stomachache, lose their athletic equipment or move at sloth speed. If they lack the coping tools to manage their obligations, they will start to avoid the tasks entirely. 'Consider what's the 'why' for the kid: Why is the kid taking dance, why is the kid taking the extra math class?' said Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and author of the New York Times bestseller Under Pressure. 'If the 'why' is because the parent wants it, but the kid themselves doesn't have an investment, that's the time to think hard about whether it's the right way to go.' Some things can be easily dropped if kids don't want to participate. Other obligations, like school, can't be avoided. In either case, the way that a parent handles a child's avoidance can either increase or decrease stress. Consider an example that Damour shares in her book: A student felt unprepared for her chemistry test. She wanted her dad to pick her up before the test. If her dad helped her avoid it, he would end up reinforcing the problem, making her less resilient in the long run. Instead, the teen needed a caring champion like her dad, or in this case, a counselor, to guide her through solutions like getting clarification from the teacher, reviewing with peers and looking up tutorials online. She ended up squeezing in extra studying, taking the test and learning to be more adaptable thanks to the guidance of a calm adult. '[Parents] can have an open conversation with their kid where they make it clear that they don't have a strong agenda.' Damour said. 'They are trying to get a sense of how [their kid] is feeling about the things that they are doing and what they are working on.' Kids who seem unusually unfocused, unmotivated or irritable might not be getting enough rest time. Children and teens are supposed to get between nine and 11 hours of sleep per night. On top of that, they need downtime during the day to recharge. 'When your stress goes up, there are all of these depletions that happen,' said Michele Borba, educational psychologist and author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reason Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. 'Your sleep goes, your energy level goes, your focus ability goes.' Jumping from school to sports to homework to bed doesn't work for every kid. Judging your own child's ability based on someone else's schedule creates unrealistic expectations. 'Don't use what other kids are doing as a measure of what your kids should do,' Damour said. 'It's important for kids to do hard things and to grow, but they need to be able to recover adequately, and recovery looks really, really different from kid to kid.' One child may attend school and then recover at sports practice before going home to study. Another may need to have downtime after a long day of classes. Damour recommends becoming attuned to how much recovery your kid needs and what recovery looks like specifically for them. Kids who are intrinsically motivated by their own interests and desires tend to outperform those who are pushed by their parents. Your child's performance and attitude can show you their level of investment. 'Watch the more subtle ways that your kid responds to their activity or their work.' Borba said. 'When they really are enjoying it, they are more tenacious with it. They continue to learn faster in it, and there is a need for it.' While tenacity can reveal that a kid is thriving in a certain situation, complacency can reveal stress or discomfort. 'If it feels like your kid is … not building capacity or building skill, it might be time to let them take a break from it,' Damour said. 'Perhaps you're getting the sense or feedback from the adults involved in the activity that your kid is just 'phoning it in.'' This means your child is meeting obligations, but they are not interested in improving or reaching new goals. This is different from being at a plateau in development where they want to improve but some lack of ability is holding them back. At those plateaus, kids really rely on parents for extra support. It's when they are showing up but are not invested in succeeding that it's time to evaluate whether they really want to be involved in the activity. Every kid has unique talents. For some, academics can be a tough place to shine. If your child is struggling in school and doesn't care, it's natural to want to push them harder. That approach can end up backfiring, though. '[Most] of the time we focus on our kids' weaknesses and their deficits, not their strengths, their talents, or what they did right,' Borba said. When kids score low on tests, they lose confidence. They might carry on with a level of doubt about their talents and abilities. A parent's reaction can make a big difference in their ability to cope and rebuild self-esteem. Think of it this way: If your kid takes a test, and you see it in the online grade book, how will you handle it? Will you be texting them in a panic? Will you register them for extra help? Or, will you wait and ask them what's going on? 'The place where this goes off the rails is when the student and the parent aren't in alignment about the goals; when the parent cares a lot more about the student's work than the student does,' Damour said. 'The answer there is not necessarily to press the student harder. Often that will backfire, especially if you have a teenager.' Instead of pushing harder, Damour recommends an open conversation to explore the best options for your child. There's no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to development. A disconnect between you and your child might mean it's time to evaluate whether your wishes are realistic, or whether there are other reasons behind your child's behavior. Sign #5: Lack Of Enjoyment Watching kids participate in sports and clubs is exciting and parents can quickly get swept up in visions of their kid scoring the game-winning shot or singing a concert solo. With all the choices and opportunities, we sometimes forget that extracurriculars are optional. They exist to give kids an additional way to develop skills, but it's also OK to skip them altogether. 'Watch the tone and the eagerness when it's time for an activity,' Borba said. 'Behavior is always the telltale sign.' If your kid does not seem to be happy when participating in an activity, but you are still encouraging attendance, it might be time to pause and ask if they still enjoy it. 'It's not that they should love every minute of school or extracurricular activities, but on a balance, we would want our kids to have a sense of growing mastery and pride in the work they are doing,' Damour said. HuffPost.
Boston Globe
18-04-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
What do successful people have in common? Meaningful sibling relationships.
Advertisement Which is why I was excited to pick up 'The Family Dynamic: A Journey into the Mystery of Sibling Success,' out on Tuesday, May 6, from Pulitzer Prize-winner Susan Dominus, the mom of college-age twins. In the book, she chronicles the trajectories of modern, high-achieving families to tease out lessons from their upbringing. Some were well-connected; others weren't. Some were prosperous; some weren't. But they did have a few things in common. Get Starting Point A guide through the most important stories of the morning, delivered Monday through Friday. Enter Email Sign Up We chatted about nature versus nurture, how much parenting really matters, and why sibling relationships are sometimes the best predictor of future outcomes. Sign up for Parenting Unfiltered. Globe staff #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ Subscribe * indicates required E-mail * What really struck me about this book is the age-old question: nature versus nurture. How much of our kids' capacity for achievement is hardwired or parented? I do hope that parents who read this book feel less pressure to 'make' their children a certain way. Advertisement I'll just talk about my own kids: I think parents of fraternal twins are really sensitive to the limits of the parenting effect. I have fraternal twin boys. We read to them exhaustively every day for years, and we read them the same stories. We had the same rules in the household for both. We had the same expectations for both. I fed them the same food. One is the social chair of his fraternity at [a large university], and the other one is at a tiny liberal arts college in Santa Fe that has a great books program, reading Aristotle and studying ancient Greek. They're extremely different, and we raised them the same way. To some extent, you have to think that they just kind of came out that way. I do think that parents overestimate the effect that they have on their children's desire to achieve. Kids who are seeking autonomy might respond with what my friend [psychologist] Lisa Damour calls the 'kiss of death' effect. Whatever a parent suggests, the child wants to do the opposite. I think they overestimate their ability to manage a child's ambition or drive, and I think they underestimate the sibling effect. The Family Dynamic explores how sibling relationships affect future success. Handout What's the sibling effect? In a lot of the families I spoke to, the kids weren't necessarily trying to prove themselves to their parents, but they were trying to live up to their siblings — not to please their parents but because they wanted to be their siblings' equal. Or there was competition among the siblings that spurred them on in positive ways, or there were siblings who were really looking out for their younger siblings. Advertisement There was one Chinese immigrant family, the Chens. The older siblings really wanted the younger siblings to outdo them. They each said that they wanted the younger ones to do even better. I think that was just part of the family culture, because it was a little bit of them against the world. Parents have less control over this than they think, and they should see that as liberating. … I say in the book that this is both the great illusion and the great responsibility of parenthood: to think that you're responsible for your child's success. What else did families of driven siblings have in common? The most consistent theme is that parents did convey a message of 'all things possible.' In fact, if I could rename the book, I might even call it 'All Things Possible,' because it wasn't so much parents putting pressure on their kids. There was very little of that. But there was a lot of optimism. A lot of the parents in the book themselves were tremendous overcomers. Either in word or deed, they had already shown their children that incredible things could happen if you really stuck to it or believed in yourself. What I saw in a lot of these families was that the siblings all remembered an attitude of great positivity and optimism from their parents. They were people who said things like, 'With God's help, all things are possible' or, 'The sun shines down on all of us.' Many of the parents were comfortable letting their kids be independent, take risks, or make difficult choices (such as the Holifields, whose daughter chose, as a teenager, to be one of three children to desegregate a high school in Tallahassee); and many parents fostered a creative open spirit, showing a love of and dedication to travel, exposing their children to culture. Advertisement A lot of the parents were themselves sort of extraordinary figures … people who had immigrated or made things happen against all odds. A lot of the families were led by legendary professional educators (like Ellis Marsalis, father to Wynton and Branford) and Esther Wojcicki (mother to tech pioneers Susan and Anne Wojcicki), a beloved journalism teacher. Something you see in these families is curiosity, openness to experience. The kids were encouraged to dream big — not to say, 'You have to go out there and win an Olympic medal,' but they did encourage them to really believe in themselves, to believe that the world was theirs for the taking, that they could make change, and that they were strong enough to make change. What if a parent has one kid who is super successful — things come easy — and a kid who struggles? They're raised in the same house. They're encouraged to dream big. What do you make of that dynamic? I do think that sometimes the comparisons can be insidious, and kids are really sensitive to that. I think it's important to expose that child to as many opportunities for spark as possible: classes, museums. But it's also important to emphasize for that child that life is long and that, whatever their strengths are, and that child definitely has strengths, those are going to serve them really well in life. You have to adjust your expectations to your child, because if you set them too high, then we know that it really does become counterproductive. Advertisement The idea that everyone's going to reach the same standard is definitely unhealthy. Recognize that there's a roll of the dice. Everyone can learn math, but some kids are going to be innately more gifted; that's just a fact of life. To think that, if only you parented the less academically successful child better than [their] sibling, that's misguided, for sure. Your book is called 'The Family Dynamic.' How much are family resources and connections important? I think with siblings, there can sometimes be a network effect. Siblings can really amplify each other's careers. One family came from a pretty financially disadvantaged background, but as their careers progressed, each one benefited from the fact that their siblings' careers were also progressing. I don't think that any one of them would have been as successful had they not had the network of equally driven, high-achieving, and very supportive siblings. There's power in numbers. If you're trying to make your way in the world, and you have three siblings who are fairly powerful and who are making introductions and rooting for you and whispering your name in the ears of possible people to hire you, that matters for sure. Any other common threads? So many educators were in these families. Not every parent can become an educator, but they can think like an educator. They get involved in their schools … making clear the value of education and the love of learning — the idea that school is a happy place and a place where you should feel comfortable. I do think being involved in your kids schooling, being involved in the school itself, having that kind of family connection to a school, bridges that gap between family, that's safe and nurturing, and the school environment. Advertisement The other thing I saw a lot of was parents who made the house a pretty warm and safe environment. Being a parent who's trying to make your kid 'work harder'? It's hard to imagine that really being a great environment for the child. We've seen that backfire. We live in an era of specialization and club sports. I see for my son in basketball: Playing on the town team just doesn't cut it anymore. Is there a sweet spot between specialization and encouragement? I think there is. I think that to the extent that parents can, follow your kids' dreams. A lot of 13-year-olds want to be professional baseball players or soccer players. Maybe you have a sense that's probably not in the cards. But, sure, to the extent that you can afford it, let them take it as far as they want to go. Follow their lead. Diane Paulus was dancing in the American Ballet Theatre at a very young age, and her mother would show up. Show up for every event that you can that your work schedule will allow; let them know you support them; drive them where they want to go to the extent that your schedule will allow. But once you get there — and this is a term she used — watch without desire. 'Watch without desire': I love that term. You don't want to care more about the outcome of this game than the kid does. You want them to know that you're there for them. You're there with the drink at the end. You're there to get some ice cream afterward. I don't think there's value in being the parent who coaches the coach. I've seen this in my own life. When parents yell from the sidelines, it's just more often demotivating than encouraging. I'd much rather be the parent who cheers for the other team that's losing and shows the kid the value of rooting for the underdog. Any other lessons for families in the thick of it, wondering how their kids will turn out? I think things like picking where your child goes to summer camp, if you have those resources, encouraging them to work with a coach whom you really respect and admire, or a music instructor you think can both inspire them musically but also enforce some real discipline? That can come from outside the home. Don't settle for the first music instructor you meet. Try to find someone whom you think will genuinely inspire your child. Or, when you think about encouraging your child to play a sport in high school, maybe it's not the sport that you think about — maybe it's the coach who's really incredible, who kids love. Encourage your kid to do that sport because you want the role model as much as you want the sport. As a good reporter, you try to be objective and open-minded. Was there anything surprising or counterintuitive in your research? I went into the book thinking: I'm going to write a book about how to raise high-achieving families. I'm going to interview all of their families about what they did to make their children so successful. And the first thing that you do when you start to do this is run into all of this research that says that parenting effects are smaller than we think they are. I think that we conflate nurture with the environment. Nurture, your home life, is a very small part of the environment. Your kids are exposed to teachers, best friends, your neighborhood. [For] most of the people I spoke to, the major turning points in their lives, or major motivations, came from their siblings. Why did Sarah True become an Olympic athlete? She would say it's because she didn't want to compete with her siblings academically. She wanted to beat them in something, so she went into sports. That was the biggest surprise to me. I think we all underestimate the effect of siblings on young people's life choices and motivations. I say in the book that parents set up the expectations and the values, but it's really the siblings who help young people execute on that a lot of the time, in part because we take advice more readily from our siblings than from our parents at certain stages of our lives. Has this book changed your own family dynamic? I think that I became less hard on myself, in a way. I would like to say that I became a better parent. But there's this really interesting quote that I love in the book from Dan Belsky, an epidemiologist who does some work in behavioral genetics. He basically said: If you think it's hard to change your child, try changing yourself. I think I leaned in more to embrace each of my kids' idiosyncrasies. I became more resistant to the idea that it's a parent's job to 'make' a child a certain way. Instead, it's a parent's job to find the thing that your child is most excited about and encourage that and make them feel good. Have your home environment be a safe environment, so that they have the strength and energy to pursue whatever they care most about in their lives. Interview was edited and condensed for clarity. Kara Baskin can be reached at
CNN
14-03-2025
- Health
- CNN
These are the biggest concerns facing teen boys and girls
Summary Teen boys and girls share concerns about school pressure and mental health but may need different kinds of support, a Pew Research Center survey found. Both prioritize finding careers they hope to enjoy, making money and cultivating friendships in the future. Girls reported more pressure to fit in socially and look good, while boys felt they should be strong and good at sports. Most teens reported having a close friend, but the percentage for boys was lower compared with that of girls who have friends for emotional support. Teens perceive girls as experiencing more anxiety and depression, while boys are seen as struggling more with substance abuse and fighting. If you feel like your teen is a mystery, new data may help give you a better look inside their world. While teen boys and girls are facing many of the same issues, including school pressure and mental health concerns, they may need different kinds of support, according to a Pew Research Center Survey published Thursday. 'One of our main objectives with the research was trying to understand the challenges that teens are facing these days, and specifically how they're experiencing school, and whether these things differ by gender,' said Kim Parker, Pew's director of social trends research. 'We've been doing a lot of work this year on men and masculinity, and part of that conversation involves what's happening with boys and girls.' The survey was conducted September 18 through October 10 among 1,391 teens ages 13 to 17. While the data did show differences among them –– such as girls reporting more of a pressure to fit in socially and look good while boys said they felt they should be strong and good at sports more often –– many of their perspectives were similar. Both girls and boys said it was highly important to find a career they enjoy, making money and cultivating friendships in the future, according to the data. 'We are prone to negatively stereotyping teenagers as superficial in their interests, and these results are an excellent reminder that teenagers are serious about the schoolwork they're doing now, and they are looking ahead to their careers,' said psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, author of 'The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.' She was not involved in the report. The pressure to perform Teen boys and girls alike reported they felt pressure to get good grades, according to the data. And for those who didn't see it as an even split, both teen girls and boys perceived girls as getting better grades and being favored by teachers, the report showed. What they perceive matches existing data that shows girls on average do tend to get better grades than boys, Damour said. But grades aren't a zero-sum game –– the success of girls in school doesn't have to mean boys do worse, said Dr. Annie Maheux, assistant professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Winston Family Distinguished Fellow at the Winston National Center on Technology Use, Brain and Psychological Development. The disparity might be a sign that something in schooling isn't working for boys as well as it should, noted Maheux, who wasn't involved in the survey. 'Schools are set up in such a way that kids who sit still and are less impulsive are going to do well, and we know that there's a big difference in brain development in early adolescence, and that the part of the brain that's used for health control and critical thinking develops later in boys than girls,' said Michelle Icard, a parenting educator and speaker. 'We are teaching to half of the audience and need to broaden the way we approach education,' said Icard, who wasn't involved in the report. More activity and teaching styles that incorporate hands-on learning, for example, might help teen boys do better academically, said Icard, author of 'Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have With Your Kids Before They Start High School.' Support in friendships There is good and bad news when it comes to what teens said about their friendships. Only 2% of teens said that they didn't have any friends, according to the Pew report. And while that number of those without friends would ideally be zero, it is lower than expected and feels positive, Icard said. Friendships are especially important in adolescent years, she added. 'Teens are at an age where they're less likely to turn to an adult for support. They're naturally going to reach out to their peers before looking to an adult, and peers can be great ushers to adults as needed,' Icard said. 'But if you don't have someone who says, 'Hey, this is a problem you should talk to a grown-up about,' then that can be dangerous.' Although most boys reported they had a close friend they could turn to for support, the number was lower (85%) compared with that of girls (95%) who said they could turn to a friend for support, the data showed. 'We need to try to lose the mythology that boys don't make close relationships,' Damour said. But at the same time, 'we need to take very seriously that we continue to socialize boys to feel that vulnerable emotions are unacceptable. And so long as we're doing that, we're going to have boys and adult men who don't enjoy the strong social support they deserve.' Different expressions of mental health There was a difference in how teen boys and girls perceived their struggles: Both said that girls were more likely to experience anxiety and depression and boys were more likely to struggle with substance abuse, fighting and class disruptions, according to the data. But those findings don't mean that one group is experiencing mental health concerns and the other is just facing a behavioral issue, Damour said. 'Under mental health, we should fold in the finding that boys are more likely to engage in physical fights,' she said. 'One of our well-established understandings as clinicians is that when girls are in distress, they have been socialized to collapse in on themselves –– they're more likely to experience anxiety and depression. When boys are in distress, they are more likely to act out and get themselves in trouble.' While disciplinary action might be appropriate when a teen is abusing substances or acting out, it is important that such punishment is paired with an understanding that the behavior comes from suffering, which needs to be addressed, too, Damour said. 'When we see anger in a teenage boy, we think, 'Well, that's not depression,' but it might be. Or if you see a boy who's acting recklessly, you might think, 'Oh, he's a daredevil,'' Icard added. 'That behavior is a reflection of feeling untethered to other people. So, I wouldn't presume that boys feel less anxious and less depressed.'
CNN
14-03-2025
- Health
- CNN
These are the biggest concerns facing teen boys and girls
Summary Teen boys and girls share concerns about school pressure and mental health but may need different kinds of support, a Pew Research Center survey found. Both prioritize finding careers they hope to enjoy, making money and cultivating friendships in the future. Girls reported more pressure to fit in socially and look good, while boys felt they should be strong and good at sports. Most teens reported having a close friend, but the percentage for boys was lower compared with that of girls who have friends for emotional support. Teens perceive girls as experiencing more anxiety and depression, while boys are seen as struggling more with substance abuse and fighting. If you feel like your teen is a mystery, new data may help give you a better look inside their world. While teen boys and girls are facing many of the same issues, including school pressure and mental health concerns, they may need different kinds of support, according to a Pew Research Center Survey published Thursday. 'One of our main objectives with the research was trying to understand the challenges that teens are facing these days, and specifically how they're experiencing school, and whether these things differ by gender,' said Kim Parker, Pew's director of social trends research. 'We've been doing a lot of work this year on men and masculinity, and part of that conversation involves what's happening with boys and girls.' The survey was conducted September 18 through October 10 among 1,391 teens ages 13 to 17. While the data did show differences among them –– such as girls reporting more of a pressure to fit in socially and look good while boys said they felt they should be strong and good at sports more often –– many of their perspectives were similar. Both girls and boys said it was highly important to find a career they enjoy, making money and cultivating friendships in the future, according to the data. 'We are prone to negatively stereotyping teenagers as superficial in their interests, and these results are an excellent reminder that teenagers are serious about the schoolwork they're doing now, and they are looking ahead to their careers,' said psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, author of 'The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.' She was not involved in the report. The pressure to perform Teen boys and girls alike reported they felt pressure to get good grades, according to the data. And for those who didn't see it as an even split, both teen girls and boys perceived girls as getting better grades and being favored by teachers, the report showed. What they perceive matches existing data that shows girls on average do tend to get better grades than boys, Damour said. But grades aren't a zero-sum game –– the success of girls in school doesn't have to mean boys do worse, said Dr. Annie Maheux, assistant professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Winston Family Distinguished Fellow at the Winston National Center on Technology Use, Brain and Psychological Development. The disparity might be a sign that something in schooling isn't working for boys as well as it should, noted Maheux, who wasn't involved in the survey. 'Schools are set up in such a way that kids who sit still and are less impulsive are going to do well, and we know that there's a big difference in brain development in early adolescence, and that the part of the brain that's used for health control and critical thinking develops later in boys than girls,' said Michelle Icard, a parenting educator and speaker. 'We are teaching to half of the audience and need to broaden the way we approach education,' said Icard, who wasn't involved in the report. More activity and teaching styles that incorporate hands-on learning, for example, might help teen boys do better academically, said Icard, author of 'Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have With Your Kids Before They Start High School.' Support in friendships There is good and bad news when it comes to what teens said about their friendships. Only 2% of teens said that they didn't have any friends, according to the Pew report. And while that number of those without friends would ideally be zero, it is lower than expected and feels positive, Icard said. Friendships are especially important in adolescent years, she added. 'Teens are at an age where they're less likely to turn to an adult for support. They're naturally going to reach out to their peers before looking to an adult, and peers can be great ushers to adults as needed,' Icard said. 'But if you don't have someone who says, 'Hey, this is a problem you should talk to a grown-up about,' then that can be dangerous.' Although most boys reported they had a close friend they could turn to for support, the number was lower (85%) compared with that of girls (95%) who said they could turn to a friend for support, the data showed. 'We need to try to lose the mythology that boys don't make close relationships,' Damour said. But at the same time, 'we need to take very seriously that we continue to socialize boys to feel that vulnerable emotions are unacceptable. And so long as we're doing that, we're going to have boys and adult men who don't enjoy the strong social support they deserve.' Different expressions of mental health There was a difference in how teen boys and girls perceived their struggles: Both said that girls were more likely to experience anxiety and depression and boys were more likely to struggle with substance abuse, fighting and class disruptions, according to the data. But those findings don't mean that one group is experiencing mental health concerns and the other is just facing a behavioral issue, Damour said. 'Under mental health, we should fold in the finding that boys are more likely to engage in physical fights,' she said. 'One of our well-established understandings as clinicians is that when girls are in distress, they have been socialized to collapse in on themselves –– they're more likely to experience anxiety and depression. When boys are in distress, they are more likely to act out and get themselves in trouble.' While disciplinary action might be appropriate when a teen is abusing substances or acting out, it is important that such punishment is paired with an understanding that the behavior comes from suffering, which needs to be addressed, too, Damour said. 'When we see anger in a teenage boy, we think, 'Well, that's not depression,' but it might be. Or if you see a boy who's acting recklessly, you might think, 'Oh, he's a daredevil,'' Icard added. 'That behavior is a reflection of feeling untethered to other people. So, I wouldn't presume that boys feel less anxious and less depressed.'
