Latest news with #LoveLanguages
Boston Globe
04-05-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
I show more love than the people I date
I've gone on a number of dates with someone recently, but I feel like we may be showing up differently in our expressions of love. I think of myself as an action-based lover (I will prioritize you in my schedule, remember your favorite candies, and remember your important upcoming moments). Often, I find myself in relationships with people who are verbally validating but lack the action-based follow-through. How do I better align myself with people who share this value of actionable and tangible interest? How do I communicate that this is what I need, especially early on? I feel like I rarely make it past that third date tipping point where we have to start weighing whether we're going to start including each other in our weekly plans. A LONGING LESBIAN Advertisement A. People have talked about Love Languages here. I'm not all in on that book at all (and have plenty of criticisms of it), but I do think it's helped people notice loving actions they might have missed before. Maybe you're a better gift giver, but the person you're dating remembers stories you tell about your childhood. It's possible another person's verbal validations are actually quite lovely, but to you, they're just words. Advertisement You might consider how these people are showing affection and decide whether you could see more value in how they do it. Related : The other big thing: Some people don't dive in and show love until Date 15. Or 20. If you're wildly into someone at Date 2, giving them candies and rearranging your schedule, where can things go? That's a lot of pressure by Date 3. I get it. I am someone who has brought croissants to an early date because the person mentioned croissants. But it was a meaningless croissant — until later. At Date 3 or 5, I don't think we can call it a lack of follow-through. Maybe it's a slow burn. It's also possible this latest person isn't right for you. One way to find out: Ask how they show affection. One time I took the You have a ton of love to give, but you want to give it to the right people. If you can save it for when it's earned, you might see more in return. MEREDITH READERS RESPOND: Relationships are not transactions. Yet what you're saying is that you believe relationships are transactions, and those transactions have to be reconciled regularly so that no one person in the relationship has given more than the other. Love and relationships never require the constant balancing you so clearly desire. BIGSIGH Related : Advertisement Finding a romantic partner isn't at all similar to placing an order for a happy meal. Your letter gives a very strong impression that you feel your dates owe you something more than being pleasant company over a cup of coffee. The cart doesn't come before the horse, it comes after the horse. Saying yes to going on a date with you doesn't equate to a marriage contract. AULDYIN I think what you're saying is that you give too much and get too little. Some people feel overwhelmed by too much love too early in a relationship, and they don't trust it. You may need to learn how your loving nature affects people, and how to dial it back. You can't control how other people react to you. You can only control your own behavior. OUTOFORDER You're 22 for God's sake, have some fun! LUPELOVE Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from .
Sunday Post
30-04-2025
- Entertainment
- Sunday Post
The Sunday Post
Get a weekly round-up of stories from The Sunday Post: Thank you for signing up to our Sunday Post newsletter. Something went wrong - please try again later. Sign Up In the Edinburgh flat he shares with his wife Cat and a cat called Picon (named after a French beer), James Albon is ticking off all the languages he speaks. 'English, French, OK Spanish,' he begins. 'Cantonese. I'm still taking Cantonese lessons because that is such a difficult language. And then Japanese has been the newest addition. At the end of last year I did an artist residency in Kobe in Japan. In the run-up I started taking Japanese lessons.' He should maybe also add cartooning to that list. James, 35, is an illustrator and graphic novelist who spends his days working for publishers all round the world from his Edinburgh home. He is as international in his art as he is in his speech. James's back story is itself impressively cosmopolitan. Born in Cambridge, he was six when his family moved to Aboyne in Aberdeenshire, (where he was introduced to Oor Wullie). He studied at the Edinburgh College of Art between 2008 and 2012, before moving to Hong Kong for a year to live with his wife's family. (His wife Cat O'Neil, who is also an illustrator, is half-Scottish, half-Hong Kong Chinese.) After Hong Kong, the couple lived in London and then Lyon in France before returning to Scotland. It's appropriate then that his new book, Love Languages, is itself international. It is set in Paris and features two women – one English, one from Hong Kong – who find themselves struggling to speak French and also struggling to fit in. A friendship – and maybe more – develops between them. It's a book about language, food, companionship, love, emojis and how we communicate – or sometimes don't – with each other. Reading it you imagine that James spends half his time sitting around in Parisian cafes, sketching. There's a bit of that, he admits, though as he started work on the book when he was back in Scotland the cafes tended to be on Leith Walk or in Glasgow's Southside. In person James is neat and precise. His art, by contrast, is bold and dynamic. 'It's so funny. Cat, my wife … her art is so precise, beautiful and refined, but she's quite a messy person in real life. Tidying the studio is very much my job.' One of the ideas explored in Love Languages is the notion that we might become a different person when we speak another language. James – who has had plenty of practice – thinks there might be something to it. 'I think I'm a more slapstick person in French. I think when I speak English I have the vocabulary to be very articulate and use words in a very nuanced, sensitive way. When I was initially learning French – because I didn't have that – I felt like I had to use body expression.' His spoken French is quite good now, but he still uses his arms and face to emphasise what he is saying, he admits. 'Japanese people tend to be really polite and quiet and restrained and Hong Kong people yell a lot. It's a bit like Italian. A lot of gestures, a lot of shouting. 'It means that when I speak Japanese I feel like a different person. I feel like this big clumsy troll in Japan because everybody else is so quiet and refined and I'm trying to fit in, but realising I'm not doing a good job of it. 'And then I go to Hong Kong and everyone's yelling.' He's clearly good enough at communicating – in person and on the page – to be able to make a living creating illustrations for international magazines. He just wishes there were more opportunities closer to home. 'Unfortunately, the UK doesn't have a great market for illustrations and it's a shame because historically we're such a heavyweight country,' he says, mentioning such notable British historical illustrators as Ronald Searle and John Tenniel. Often, James says, he is asked to illustrate articles about hard-hitting subjects such as war crimes and sexual abuse where photographs perhaps aren't suitable. But it can be fun to be asked for something lighter, ' like an illustration on the top five Italian white wines to enjoy this summer,' he admits. 'The funniest jobs are not necessarily when the subject is itself is very odd. It's when the subject is very ordinary and the art director lets you do something really silly. 'I just did an illustration for an American magazine about mayonnaise. Do chefs prefer an American brand of mayonnaise called Duke's or do they prefer Kewpie mayonnaise, which is a Japanese mayo?' James's illustration featured an American WWE wrestler fighting a Sumo wrestler. He usually has around three days to turn in an illustration. By contrast, graphic novels such as Love Languages take a couple of years. He's already working on his next one which will be about martial arts and cults. 'I have a double life as a sports bro. I'm really into martial arts. It's so different from being an illustrator and I think it's a really good release.' The new book may take a little longer, though. He and Cat are going to become parents in the summer and James admits that may slow him down. 'It means I'm going to be cuddling a beautiful baby reading Eric Carle books and then putting the baby down and being like, 'violence, cults, brainwashing,' he admits, laughing. Love Languages by James Albon is published by Top Shelf. James will launch the book at La Belle Adventure in Edinburgh on May 24. An exhibition of his work from Japan will run from June 27-29 at Coburg House, Edinburgh Ends
