Latest news with #LunchActually
The Star
01-08-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Star
Looking for love? 10 dating tips from matchmaking experts
With the rise of digitalisation, it is easier than ever to meet new people. Everything is just a click or a swipe away. But with choices come complexities. StarLifestyle talks to two matchmaking and dating experts to find out how individuals can find love. 1. Be ready Love isn't just about meeting the right person – you also need to be the right one. Make sure you are mentally and emotionally prepared. 2. Focus on chemistry Don't look for perfection. A good conversation is a great start. 3. Go easy on the first date Avoid oversharing and talking too much about your ex or personal issues early on. 4. Don't ghost If it's not working out, just say so nicely. Everyone deserves honesty and closure. 5. Know what really matters Looks and height may catch your eye, but values build a real connection. Know the difference between 'nice to have' and 'must-have'. 6. Meet in person when you can Texting can only go so far. Face-to-face time together and communication help you feel real chemistry. 7. Drop the job interview vibe A date isn't a checklist – just see if you enjoy being with the person, and whether there's a chance for a second date. 8. Take action Love won't knock on your door or fall from the sky into your lap. Join events, try new things and show up! While it's fine to pray for love, you also need to take action. Go out and meet people. Photo: Freepik 9. Be kind and respectful Even if there's no spark, treat others the way you'd like to be treated. 10. Love has no age limit Whether you're 25 or 55, it's never too late to find someone special. So don't give up. Source: Lunch Actually and KL Speed Dating
The Star
01-08-2025
- Entertainment
- The Star
Forget dating apps: More young Malaysians go back to face-to-face interactions
In an age where connection is just a swipe away, love has never been more accessible – and complicated. With the existence of dating apps and matchmaking websites, the search for love is fast evolving. But for many, while the process is digital, they yearn for something real. So, what does it mean to date – and connect – in modern times? 'People used to meet their special someone through mutual friends, at gatherings, during university or at work. Then came matchmaking agencies like and eHarmony. 'But dating apps – Tinder, Bumble and others – have fundamentally changed the landscape,' says Violet Lim, co-founder and CEO of Lunch Actually, one of Asia's matchmaking companies. Lim says the stigma about being 'too old for love' is fading, as she has clients in their 50s, 60s and even 70s. Photo: Lunch Actually 'Suddenly, people had access to thousands of potential matches. But having so many options has led to complexities in the dating scene,' shares Lim. This is what she calls the 'paradox of choice': The more options you have, the harder it is to decide. 'It's like riding the 'relationship elevator',' she explains. 'You stop at the first floor and the people are nice. But you wonder what if there's someone better on the next floor. So you go to the second floor, where the people are nice AND good-looking. 'Then you think, what if there are even better ones on the other floors? So you go to the third floor, and the people are nice, good-looking AND well-educated. 'This goes on and on, and people keep thinking the next person might be taller, smarter, richer – until everyone is already snapped up.' The swiping culture can lead to dating burnout. Photo: Freepik Benjamin Lee, 24, decided to try dating apps upon returning to Malaysia after completing his studies overseas. 'It's not as easy as it looks,' he shares. 'Many girls I talked to wanted someone who already has it all – a car, a house, financial security. So if it's a choice between two guys of equivalent characteristics – above average-looking, similar educational background and social status – the girl will naturally choose the one who's rich. 'I get that financial stability is important. I do aim to provide for my wife, but I'm also just starting to build my career. And realistically, it's difficult for most young couples to survive on just one income now.' Lee isn't alone in feeling disillusioned. Kyle Ng, 25, echoes the same sentiment. 'I'm on the apps, but it's mostly 'situationships'. Online, the hook-up culture is real. If you're looking for something serious, you've got to sift through a lot. 'Many of the girls I talked to or met through these apps have emotional baggage – trust issues and hurt from previous relationships. And we're only in our 20s – we're too young to be jaded.' Aiman A., 35, a chef with a demanding schedule, admits that his long working hours make dating difficult. 'I've tried dating apps, and gone on blind dates set up by my friends and family. I've also attended singles events. 'But nothing serious yet. I believe you don't need to meet thousands of people, just one special person,' he says, adding that he's currently taking a break from dating and focusing on his career. A return to something real Tengku Nor Azah says people should be authentic and honest when dating. Photo: The Star/Ming Teoh According to Tengku Nor Azah M, host of KL Speed Dating, the swiping culture can lead to dating burnout. 'At first, it's fun because you get to talk to and meet many people. Then it becomes draining. 'People ghost each other, not because they're cruel, but because they're overwhelmed. They're managing too many conversations and some get filtered out.' In the wake of app fatigue, many are seeking deeper, more meaningful interactions. 'People want something real again,' says Tengku Nor Azah, who organises events for working professionals in their 30s and 40s. 'Post-pandemic, there's a shift toward intentional dating. You're not just swiping in your pyjamas. You're showing up to meet people in person.' As a corporate strategist, she began organising speed-dating events because she realised there was a need for it. 'I noticed many of my friends found it harder to meet people after the age of 30. Most people would have met their partners during university days while in their 20s. So if you're single in your 30s, your social circle shrinks. Your friends are busy with their kids, and you don't go out like before,' she says. 'Dating apps have their place, but you can't always tell who's serious and who's just browsing.' Tengku Nor Azah's events are designed to be safe and respectful. 'We curate the guest list, verify backgrounds and make sure it's an equal mix. You're essentially getting 10 face-to-face mini-dates in one night. It's efficient – and human.' Dating success isn't about finding a perfect 10, but showing up with self-awareness and emotional maturity. Photo: Freepik Rina R, a 42-year-old divorcee with a young child, says whether online or face-to-face, it's not easy to find love. Most men her age are already married, and those who are single usually want younger women and not a divorcee, especially one with children. Those who don't mind might feel intimidated because she is a lawyer with her own firm. Rina reveals that she started attending singles events, including speed dating, a year after her divorce. 'Even though I haven't found anyone special, I don't think it's a waste to attend such events,' she says. 'I don't get many matches but at least I tried – I went out, had a good dinner, met and talked to interesting people, and had fun.' She adds that she has made some good friends along the way and they're still friends to this day. Tengku Nor Azah reveals that many women who come to her events are professionals – doctors, lawyers, businesswomen – who want a partner they can respect and grow with. Still, stereotypical social expectations persist, she says. 'Some men are intimidated if a woman earns more or holds a higher title. But it shouldn't be about one's job title or income level. It's about being on the same intellectual wavelength.' Suresh S, an engineer, and Lina Chong, a bank officer, both 32, met at a singles event several years ago. 'My colleague persuaded me to join,' Chong says. 'I didn't really expect anything. To be honest, I thought he was loud, at first!' They both laugh before Suresh adds with a smile, 'But she was so calm and grounded. I was instantly drawn to that.' Their first date was simple – just coffee. 'But we couldn't stop talking,' says Suresh. 'Then, we discovered we both love food. So we started checking out new cafes and trying new cuisines together.' Today, they're happily married. 'Chemistry matters,' says Tengku Nor Azah. 'This is the strong emotional, mental and physical connection between two people. It's the 'spark' and feeling of being on the same wavelength. 'But it doesn't always happen like lightning. Sometimes, it's just two people enjoying each other's company and building something over time.' What makes a great match? It's not always what you think. 'We ask our clients questions like, 'What can't you live without?'' says Lim. 'One man said, 'Sunrises'. That helped us understand that he's someone who values peace, nature and simplicity. It's not just about ticking boxes – it's about shared values.' Both Lim and Tengku Nor Azah believe dating success isn't about finding a perfect 10, but showing up with self-awareness and emotional maturity. 'Some people rate themselves an eight but want a nine or 10,' says Lim. 'But the nines are also looking for other nines or 10s. Sometimes, the person is already in your circle – you just haven't looked closely.' 'Others have unrealistic expectations of a relationship or partner like what they see in Korean dramas. For example, to women, height is important. But some aren't satisfied with just someone taller than them. He must be above 1.8m because all Korean oppas are 1.86m tall,' she adds. This is where dating coaching comes in, she says. 'When dating for long term, we need to identify and differentiate superficial and significant criteria. 'Height is a superficial criterion. The average Malaysian man is about 1.65m tall so it's difficult for women to find a match if they're expecting someone above 1.8m. And it's not just about what you're looking for, it's also about what the other person is looking for. There needs to be a match,' she explains. Dating now also means rethinking norms about age, divorce and remarriage. 'Back when we first started, it was hard to help divorcees or singles over 45,' says Lim. 'Now, we have clients in their 50s, 60s and even 70s. The stigma is fading. People are realising that everyone deserves love – at any age.' Tengku Nor Azah's observations confirm this. 'Many in their 40s and 50s are re-entering the dating scene – some divorced, some widowed. Others just never met the right one earlier,' she says. Tengku Nor Azah adds that people who have been married before often bring more emotional intelligence to the table. 'The men who got the most matches at our events were divorcees. They're more relaxed and didn't oversell themselves. They know how to listen and how to treat a woman with respect.' She adds that women who were previously married also often bring valuable life experience and emotional maturity into their relationships and families. But cultural nuances remain. 'We're sensitive to religious and racial preferences, and have events for both Muslims and non-Muslims,' says Tengku Nor Azah. 'If you're open to meeting someone outside your faith or background, that's fine. But you may not get as many ticks. It's about managing expectations.' Modern dating may be fast-paced, but some values remain timeless: Be authentic and don't ghost. Photo: Freepik Modern dating may be fast-paced, but some values remain. 'Be authentic and don't ghost. Don't pretend to be someone you're not,' says Tengku Nor Azah. 'If it's not working out, say it kindly because closure matters.' Lim agrees. 'The goal of a first date is not to decide on marriage – it's to see if you'd like a second date. Focus on the conversation and be present. The best relationships often start at a seven, not a 10.' And as both dating experts emphasise, chemistry is real but it takes more than just sparks. It takes courage, effort and mutual respect. Lim shares an amusing anecdote. 'This lady who was seeking someone special told us she usually stays home and does laundry on Saturday nights. 'We advised her to put herself in social situations. Even going to the laundromat where you might meet single guys doing their laundry is better than hiding at home. 'Love is still worth it. But you need to make an effort. It won't fall into your lap. You need to put yourself out there,' she concludes.
