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How to be a better man: learn about tree felling

When it was suggested by my editors that I learn a craft or skill that might make me a better man for Luxx, I was concerned that the column would be rather short-lived. Aside from a few menial tasks, what more could I learn? Over the years I've learnt how to whittle a woodpecker from a lump of wood, been taught how to fold shirts by a professional wardrobe organiser, watched an Old Firm football final in Glasgow, decorated a house during lockdown, sired two sons, married a woman and also a man (not at the same time). Surely I was already better at most things? What did you have in mind, I asked. The list of suggestions that pinged into my inbox for the rest of the day was so plentiful that I had to upgrade my iCloud storage. A bit rude. Top of the list, to my consternation, was to learn how to fell a tree. The traditional image of a rugged lumberjack in a plaid shirt shouting 'timber' is still clearly an alluring one to some (google 'lumberjack films' and at least 36 titles will pop up — and that's not counting those on Pornhub). Since I moved to the Lake District five years ago, I've discovered that a lot of tree felling is taken care of naturally by the weather. We've often been stuck at home, or unable to get to our home, after violent storms have blown down trees. What I've also discovered is that pottering about pruning in the garden with an axe or small chainsaw can be immensely satisfying. No one wants to chop down a tree — unless it's dead, dangerous or diseased (although you're allowed to on your own property, unless it's subject to a tree preservation order or in a conservation area). It is worth remembering, though, that any injury or damage caused to a neighbour or their property while you're felling is your liability. Advertisement The biggest liability, of course, is the damage you could cause yourself. While watching a few YouTube videos will teach you how to wedge, hinge and back cut a small tree, anything heftier will require a little more expertise. Which is why I spent a morning with the tree specialist Will Hicks in Windermere. • Wear pink but don't cry: what young men really think of masculinity Brandishing a chainsaw is not as easy as Elon Musk made it look. Those things are lethal — and heavy. And that combination when you're swinging from a tree 20ft in the air is something you need to be better at before trying it on your own. Hicks, whom I witnessed felling some tall ashes suffering from ash dieback — a widespread fungal disease ravaging forests and parks throughout the UK — recommends that any amateur completes a course in basic chainsaw maintenance before undertaking anything more onerous than chopping down a Christmas tree. It is not the most exhilarating way to spend a day or two, according to Adam Brown, co-founder of the swimwear brand Orlebar Brown. He and his husband recently bought a beautiful estate in North Yorkshire and, while he has a groundsman to help him to maintain the land, Brown decided it would be beneficial to learn some of the skills himself ( To his surprise, and that of his friends, this style-setter is now in possession of a Lantra Level 2 Award in chainsaw maintenance and cross-cutting. It's the Academy Award of arboriculture. And, equally impressive (or alarming), alongside his colourful collection of trim-fitting swim shorts, he now has a pair of chainmail trousers and gloves, safety boots, hi-vis helmet, visor and ear protectors. • Only 3 types of men? No! I know of at least 5 Advertisement A good half-day of the course, Brown warns, involves learning how to take apart and clean a chainsaw — which is not going to make your Instagram reel go viral. But, Hicks says, you won't regret it. Things snap and nuts come loose on these machines, and the biggest cause of accidents is chainsaw kickback, where the guide bar (which holds the cutting chain) gets thrown upwards and backwards towards the user at high speed. He has witnessed a number of severed fingers fly through the air, fellers fall to the ground before a tree does, and others crushed by a tree with a rotten cavity that has fallen in an unexpected direction. But be warned: as I discovered, these courses are often booked up months in advance. If you fancy something in the meanwhile, do watch Hicks in action on his Instagram (@will_hicks_arboriculture). Or if you want to throw yourself into it, like Brown has, enroll on a more advanced course: three days learning to fell and process trees. I suppose, in a way, trunks are already his speciality. For advice on tree felling law and legislation, see • Next time: baking