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Forbes
28-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
Why Loving-Friendliness Is The New Competitive Advantage
Dr. Gamini Hewawasam, founder of ManoLead, is a scholar-practitioner specializing in the intersection of mindfulness and leadership theory. We are living and working in an age of rising tension—across industries, cultures and communities. However, conflicts aren't just geopolitical. They unfold every day in the workplace: unresolved team friction, reactive decision making, emotional fatigue and erosion of trust. As volatility becomes the new normal, many leaders feel compelled to act faster, control more or push harder. Nonetheless, sustainable leadership in complex times requires a different skill: the ability to pause, reflect and lead with a clear mind, responding rather than reacting with stress, fear or nervousness. The Hidden Cost Of Reactivity In Leadership Modern neuroscience, leadership science and emotional intelligence research agree: a reactive mind is a compromised mind. Emotional reactivity reduces cognitive flexibility, distorts perception and undermines judgment. Hans Selye, in Stress without Distress, demonstrated how chronic emotional stress impairs decision making and weakens resilience. Studies in affective neuroscience show that emotional overload reduces activity in the brain's executive control center—the prefrontal cortex—and increases activity in the amygdala. And Harvard research on emotional intelligence by Daniel Goleman confirms that self-awareness and self-regulation are foundational to effective leadership, yet are rarely trained directly. The cost of untrained mental habits is clear: poor decisions, weakened relationships and cultures of anxiety. Loving-Friendliness: The Most Overlooked Leadership Capability I believe that one of the most effective—yet least understood—leadership traits today is loving-friendliness. This doesn't mean sentimentality or softness. Rather, it means cultivating a disciplined mindset of goodwill, even in high-stakes, high-conflict settings. Loving-friendliness (derived from the Pali term "Metta") refers to the capacity to care about others' well-being—not emotionally, but strategically and meaningfully—as a core function of leadership effectiveness. Scientific evidence supports its benefits: • Increased emotional regulation and resilience • Reduced stress and anxiety through improved amygdala-prefrontal connectivity • Improved interpersonal trust and empathy, core attributes of successful leadership These outcomes are not theoretical. In a study (registration required) I led with executive teams across multiple sectors, 90% of participants reported greater clarity, reduced interpersonal tension and improved ethical decision making after just two months of short, daily loving-friendliness practice. The Dhamma Framework: A Modern Operating System For Mental Clarity To understand the full impact of loving-friendliness in action, we must zoom out to a broader leadership framework: dhamma. Dhamma, while originally a Buddhist spiritual concept (see Walpola Rahula's 1994 book What The Buddha Taught), can be applied as a practical, experiential leadership framework emphasizing ethical clarity, mindful awareness and harmonious decision making. It invites you to follow a method and offers a trainable, repeatable technique for developing mental clarity, emotional resilience and ethical insight. Its power lies in real-world application: You experience it through deliberate mental training and apply it in daily leadership decisions. In this way, dhamma functions as a modern leadership operating system: It helps leaders stay composed in crisis, think clearly under pressure and respond to conflict without compromising values. The Five Core Mental Competencies Of The Dhamma Framework 1. Goodwill (Metta): The ability to lead with respect and care, regardless of others' behavior. Business Impact: Builds trust, psychological safety and influence. 2. Compassion (Karuna): The willingness to recognize others' struggles and act wisely without condescension. Business Impact: Strengthens emotional intelligence and loyalty. 3. Empathic Joy (Mudita): Celebrating others' successes without comparison or insecurity. Business Impact: Reduces internal rivalry, increases morale. 4. Equanimity (Upekkha): Staying emotionally balanced under pressure. Business Impact: Enables strategic thinking and prevents overreaction. 5. Insight (Pañña): Seeing clearly—through bias, noise and emotion. Business Impact: Drives better decisions with less regret. These are mental competencies that can be trained, much like negotiation, financial modeling or public speaking. How To Train For Clarity: A Daily Mental Practice For Leaders You don't need to attend a retreat or overhaul your calendar. You need a habit loop that strengthens your mindset, just like a daily workout builds physical strength. Try this simple, five-minute loving-friendliness practice before meetings, decision-making sessions or difficult conversations: 1. Start with yourself. "May I be calm and confident. May I lead with clarity." Use this mantra before a critical negotiation or performance review. 2. Think of a valued colleague. "May you feel appreciated. May our collaboration be meaningful." Apply when sending recognition or setting a tone for teamwork. 3. Think of someone you rarely interact with. "May your work bring purpose. May you feel respected." Try this in passing moments—elevators, Slack messages, hallway greetings. 4. Think of someone you struggle with. "May you be free from stress. May I relate to you wisely." Use this before responding to conflict or difficult feedback. 5. Extend to your whole team or organization. "May we work with integrity. May we grow with purpose." Center yourself before a strategic planning session or company-wide announcement. This small daily shift changes how you lead—and how people experience your leadership. Why This Matters Now In a landscape of global tension, emotional volatility and accelerated change, the edge no longer belongs to the most aggressive or most reactive. Rather, it belongs to the most composed, clear-minded and conscious. Dhamma gives leaders a scalable, science-aligned, non-religious method to meet today's leadership demands with confidence and clarity. Train The Mind That Leads You can't control the market. You can't control competitors. But you can train the mind that responds to them. By cultivating loving-friendliness and integrating the dhamma framework into your leadership approach, you unlock the rarest kind of intelligence: calm under pressure, clarity in the face of complexity and compassion in the face of challenge. This is what modern leadership calls for, and this is what the best leaders are training for. Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
Forbes
01-07-2025
- Health
- Forbes
Selective Thinking Is The Skill Every Leader Needs
Dr. Gamini Hewawasam, founder of ManoLead, is a scholar-practitioner specializing in the intersection of mindfulness and leadership theory. As a leader with decades of experience across industries and continents, I've learned one truth that cuts across every success and every setback: Leadership begins and ends in the mind. Over the years, no strategic playbook or management handbook has served me better than one foundational skill—selective thinking. Many of us in leadership are trained to scan the external environment, analyze competitors and forecast markets. But few are taught how to train our minds—where the real leadership happens. In my journey, merging Eastern wisdom and Western psychology, I've come to realize that mastering what you allow into your mind, and how you engage with it, is the cornerstone of effective leadership. The Turning Point: Lessons From The Original Mindfulness Years ago, my deeper understanding of leadership began with an ancient tradition—Sathipattana, in Pali, or mindfulness/introspection in English. During original mindfulness techniques, practitioners direct their attention inward, not outward. They observe the body and mind, turning away from the barrage of sensory input. The key practice is simple but profound: Don't react to what you see, hear, smell, taste or touch. Instead, notice what's happening inside you. Are you feeling anger? Desire? Worry? Fear? You become a watcher of your own mind. The early teachings describe this first level of meditation as selective thinking—choosing what thoughts you allow to grow and which ones you let go. As a leader, this practice taught me to monitor the thousands of thoughts racing through my mind, without reacting impulsively. More importantly, I learned not to think about the thought. I simply observe it, and it passes. This may sound subtle, but in the high-stakes, high-pressure world of leadership, it is revolutionary. When you observe your mind without being swept away, you take back control from unconscious, emotional thinking—the kind that fuels rash decisions and poor leadership. The Science Catches Up Interestingly, modern psychology has validated what ancient wisdom has taught for centuries. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), now widely used around the world, shows that unexamined, automatic thoughts drive emotions and behaviors. Leaders caught in cognitive traps like catastrophizing or overgeneralization find themselves making decisions clouded by fear or ego. Training yourself to observe and challenge these automatic thoughts—what psychologists call metacognition—is strikingly similar to the Buddhist concept of yoniso manasikāra, or wise attention. In my experience, this mental discipline is not just theoretical. I've seen leaders who cultivate this kind of awareness become far more emotionally resilient, less reactive under pressure and better able to make clear, balanced decisions. Research supports this: Studies show that mindfulness practices, which emphasize selective attention and thought awareness, are linked to better leadership performance, higher emotional intelligence and improved organizational outcomes. Practical Lessons: How Selective Thinking Transformed My Leadership Before I learned selective thinking, I often found myself reacting—sometimes with frustration, sometimes with fear—to challenges that arose. I would get entangled in thoughts about the competition, the economy or even internal politics. Training in selective thinking taught me to pause and observe rather than react. When faced with a difficult decision or a crisis, I now recognize the initial flood of emotions and then let them pass. I focus only on the essentials, cutting through noise and distraction. This discipline has saved me from countless impulsive decisions and helped me foster calm, clarity and compassion in the organizations I lead. More than that, it helped me cultivate what I call inner leadership—the ability to lead myself before attempting to lead others. As the Buddha said, 'Though one may conquer a thousand times a thousand men in battle, yet he indeed is the noblest victor who conquers himself.' Why Leaders Today Need Selective Thinking More Than Ever We live in an era of constant distraction. Leaders are bombarded with information 24/7, pressured to react instantaneously. But effective leadership demands the opposite: presence, calm and clarity. Selective thinking helps leaders: In my leadership workshops and coaching sessions today, I emphasize this simple truth: Master your mind, and you master your leadership. Three Must-Do Practices To Train Selective Thinking And Elevate Leadership In today's fast-paced, emotionally charged environments, selective thinking isn't just a mindfulness technique—it's a leadership necessity. These three practices are essential mental habits for leaders who aspire to lead with clarity, composure and conscious intention. 1. Daily Thought Audit (Mindful Awareness): Strong leadership begins with self-awareness. Take five to 10 minutes daily to observe your thoughts without judgment or reaction. Notice what surfaces—especially in moments of pressure. This builds awareness of your mental patterns, the foundation for intentional decision-making. 2. Intentional Thought Selection (Mental Filtering): Once aware, leaders must filter their thinking. Ask yourself: 'Is this thought helpful or reactive? Productive or emotional?' Release unhelpful thoughts and focus on those aligned with your values, vision and goals. This habit shifts your thinking from automatic to strategic. 3. Interrupt Emotional Reactivity (Disrupting Unconscious Patterns): When strong emotions arise, pause and name them—'This is anxiety,' 'This is anger.' Naming the emotion interrupts its unconscious power. This practice fosters emotional regulation, a critical leadership skill in high-stakes situations. Final Reflection Leadership is not merely about strategies and skills. It is about mastering the space between stimulus and response. Selective thinking creates that space—a moment of awareness where true leadership happens. From the quiet halls of ancient monasteries to the fast-paced boardrooms of today, this lesson remains unchanged: The greatest leaders are not those who control others, but those who have first learned to control themselves. Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
