5 days ago
Friendship in the age of loneliness: What makes a true friend?
If someone looks unhappy, lost, or sad, don't just walk past them. Stop, spend a moment, and have a word with them. That little interaction could save a life. In this world filled with invisible loneliness, a small gesture of care can make a big difference.
Did you know that in England, there's a Ministry for Loneliness? One in five people there feel lonely, so the government created an entire department to address it. But do we really need ministries for belonging? Can't we simply look around and ask, 'Are you okay?' Can't we offer that comfort to each other?
This sense of being cared for is the beginning of real friendship—one not based on transactions, but rooted in presence and authenticity. To come out of loneliness, you make friends. But more than that, we need friends in knowledge—those who uplift us and walk with us in wisdom.
Let me ask you something: how many people did you go to school with? Maybe 2,000? And how many of them did you make friends with? Just 50? Maybe 60? In 14 years, you couldn't be friendly with 2,000 people. How do we expect to connect with 7 billion people on the planet?
We often stay stuck with the same few people—fighting, feeling jealous, and competing. We live in a small well of our own thoughts and emotions. But there is a vast ocean of humanity out there. Why not jump in?
Make one new friend every day. Friendliness is your very nature. And for that, you need to be steady, centered, and integrated. If you find it difficult, meditate for a few minutes every day. Meditation brings friendly vibrations from you, and people will naturally enjoy your company.
Also, observe how many times you say something but don't really mean it. Yet, when others do the same, you hold on to their words and feel hurt. Hasn't this spoiled many of your friendships? We expect others to see beyond our words, but we don't do the same for them.
Real friendship is not about demanding love. When you demand love, you destroy it. Just be there for your friend without expectations. Say, 'I am here for you. I don't want anything from you other than your friendship.' From that space, help will come to you when you need it.
But don't make others feel small by always being the giver. Sometimes, ask them for small help—like taking you to the station or bringing you something simple. That keeps their self-respect intact. The balance lies in two things: firmness with humility, and cordiality with dignity. Be soft but not mushy. Be strong but not cold—like well-cooked noodles, soft yet not sticky!
A true friend uplifts you. When you leave their company, your burden feels lighter. If your problems feel heavier after meeting someone, that's not a good friendship.
So, don't wait for the world to become friendly. You become friendly. That's how we create a world where no one feels lonely.
(Writer is a is a globally renowned spiritual leader, humanitarian, and peacebuilder. He is also the founder of The Art of Living foundation, according to the Art of Living)
