Latest news with #MoyaSarner
The Guardian
18-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
The joy and satisfaction of accepting our ageing
I couldn't agree more with Moya Sarner (No, age isn't just a number – and the sooner we realise that, the happier we will be, 14 July). One of the article's key messages is that time and tide wait for no man – a phrase dating back to Chaucer in 1395, yet still resonant today. Sarner suggests that those who resist the natural passage of time often find less contentment than those who embrace life's stages with maturity and flexibility. It's a timely reminder that each chapter of life holds intrinsic value and that real growth isn't about clinging to youth but about evolving into deeper, more authentic versions of ourselves. The phrase 'age is just a number' might sound harmless enough, but as Sarner cautions, overreliance on such slogans can mean we miss out on the richness that comes with ageing and change. Resistance to emotional maturation and personal growth isn't just a gen Z or millennial problem – it spans all generations. As a trainee psychotherapist (and undergoing personal therapy myself), I've seen how powerful it is to root oneself in the present. The goal of psychotherapy isn't to discard the playfulness or idealism of youth but to integrate those qualities into a grounded adult self. No book, podcast or clever quote can shortcut the real work of growing up – emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. The actor Carrie Fisher once said: 'Youth and beauty are not accomplishments.' Yet in a culture fixated on self-curation, the celebration of youth and aesthetic perfection, that message often gets drowned out. Sarner's article is a welcome nudge back to reality and to responsibility. Perhaps, paradoxically, that is where true freedom MorrisDunmurry, Belfast Quantum physics apparently tells us that all time is here at once. But time for us flesh-and-bone creatures is intimately experienced as a journey of growth and ageing. I turned 70 recently, and a friend brightly assured me that 70 is the new 40. But at 40 I was raising two children; at 70 my children are raising their own. The maiden, the mother and the crone: at 70 I enclose them all, like rings in the tree. As Tom Waits sang in Take It With Me: 'Children are playing at the end of the day / Strangers are singing on our lawn / It's got to be more than flesh and bone / All that you've loved is all you own.' The work of growing up takes a lifetime, though, as TS Eliot observed: 'The moment of the rose and the moment of the yew tree / are of equal duration.' Cecilia Lenagh Port Macquarie, New South Wales, Australia I will be 82 this year – I spent the first 39 years of my life in England. The second 39 years in California. I came back to England four years ago. I feel no different. Of course there are certain things I can no longer do – like run up a hill or drink three pints of beer in one go – but that's just physical stuff. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually and politically I feel the same as I did 50 years ago. In your article you write about 'the devastating reality of the passing of time and the losses it brings'. I would suggest that this is simply a circle of the tree you currently find yourself in. Savour your memories, enjoy the present – and look forward to the future, however long or short it AshwellMawgan-in-Meneage, Cornwall Thank you for this insightful understanding of the thousand little losses one experiences as a mother when simultaneously celebrating the advent of independent adulthood for your child and equally mourning for, and aching with, the pain of missing those beautiful baby moments that defined life. The term 'empty nest' never quite encapsulates the full extent of the emotional depths, whereas her daughter's 'gooster' becoming her scooter resonates. I still miss the 'huggy bugs' who mysteriously and invisibly propelled my daughter (now 25) into the room for early morning cuddles, never to reappear after the age of CrownWivenhoe, Essex Have an opinion on anything you've read in the Guardian today? Please email us your letter and it will be considered for publication in our letters section.
Time of India
22-06-2025
- Health
- Time of India
Why it's perfectly fine to say 'no'—and ways to say it without hurting someone
Saying 'yes' to everything may seem virtuous, but it often signals that we're neglecting our own well‑being. And as it keeps getting piled up, overcommitting leads to stress, burnout, and even bitter resentment. So, here's the unpopular path to pave. To learn to say no. Now, here's the thing. Learning to say 'no' is not just about refusing requests—it's about protecting your time, energy, and emotional health. When you say yes to everything, you're often saying no to what truly matters—your passions, your rest, your values. As documented in Very Well Health , one person-pleaser's week‑long 'just say no' experiment resulted in reduced stress, stronger self‑respect, and clarity on personal priorities, showing that refusing requests becomes easier and healthier over time. When you learn to look through that lens, 'No' is a full sentence; it declares your priorities without apology. Psychologists and life coaches emphasize that 'no' helps protect our mental health and preserves energy for the things we truly care about. In fact, saying 'no' isn't selfish—it's an act of self‑care, a fundamental boundary that enables us to thrive. Psychotherapist Moya Sarner shared with The Guardian that using a simple phrase like 'I'd rather not' helped her mother cultivate a life aligned with her own needs and desires, not social obligation. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like 2025 Top Trending Local Enterprise Accounting Software [Click Here] Accounting ERP Click Here Undo Ironically, the fear that saying 'no' will damage relationships is often unfounded—studies show that declining with clarity doesn't harm connections, and may even earn more respect and authenticity. Why saying 'no' is a necessity It shields you from stress and burnout: Constantly consenting to requests we can't accommodate leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. Every time we decline an invitation or task, we free up space to nurture our values, aspirations, and relationships involving presence and quality. Studies affirm that the simple act of saying 'no' can dramatically reduce stress and fortify our well-being. It helps set clear boundaries: Boundaries are essential for nurturing healthy relationships—at work, at home, with friends. They communicate what we can and cannot do without resentment. Each 'no' reinforces your worth, reminding others—and yourself—that your boundaries matter. It strengthens self-worth: Consistently honoring our own needs builds self-esteem and demonstrates to others that we value ourselves—something essential in cultivating healthy relationships. Each refusal reinforces your value. By saying 'no,' you're signalling that your needs deserve attention and that your time matters. It sharpens focus and clarity: 'No' helps you concentrate on your priorities—guiding you toward goals that align with your values rather than diffusing your energy across too many fronts. Saying 'no' fosters clarity about what aligns with our goals and what doesn't—boosting focus, effectiveness, and decision-making abilities. How to say 'no': Politely but effectively It might be our innate conditioning or the fear of not being able to please someone that stops us from saying 'no' to people. But here's the thing: there are certain ways of saying it without sounding rude, or arrogant, or even disrespectful. Take a look. Opt for simplicity You don't owe an explanation. A succinct 'No, thank you' carries confidence and firmness. A simple, 'Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't' is powerful—clear, kind, and unambiguous. Use the sandwich technique Begin with appreciation, insert your refusal, and end warmly: 'Thanks so much for thinking of me. I'm swamped right now and can't commit. Let's catch up soon!' This cushions the 'no' with care. Set gentle boundaries Statements like: 'I'm honoured you asked, but I need to focus on my priorities right now' or 'I can't give this the attention it deserves,' communicate limits respectfully and clearly. Softening words like 'sadly' or 'I'm afraid' show empathy without weakening your decision. Pause before answering 'Let me check my schedule and get back to you.' This prevents knee-jerk yeses and gives you space to reflect. Show empathy Acknowledge the importance of the request: 'I know this matters a lot to you, and I wish I could help. Unfortunately, I'm at full capacity.' This validates feelings while stating your position. Offer an alternative (if you can) For example: 'I can't help this weekend, but I can recommend someone who might.' This shows caring and helpfulness, even when declining. Use 'I' statements Shift the focus to your feelings or capacities: 'I don't have the bandwidth right now' keeps it personal and respectful. Delay your answer If caught off guard, buy time: 'Let me check my schedule and get back to you.' This prevents immediate guilt and gives space to choose wisely. Don't retract your stance Reaffirm politely if pressed: 'I know it's disappointing, but my answer is firm.' This protects your boundary without defensiveness. To sum it up… Saying 'no' isn't about rejection—it's about redirection. It gives your energy a purpose. A thoughtful 'no' lets you protect your boundaries while preserving your relationships. It's a common notion to think that saying 'no' is rude or selfish, or that people will be upset over the rejection. In reality, respecting yourself, your time, energy, and boundaries isn't selfish. It's necessary to prevent resentment and maintain emotional balance. Hope this helps! 8 ways you can 'I love you' over text without actually saying it One step to a healthier you—join Times Health+ Yoga and feel the change
