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The Independent
16 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Independent
From apps to matchmaking: the diverse ways American Muslims navigate finding marriage partners
Nura Maznavi got a kick out of learning that New York City Muslim mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdanimet his wife on Hinge. 'It made me feel like less of a loser,' Maznavi said laughingly about meeting her own husband online more than 14 years ago, before apps like Hinge became a dating fixture for many people. 'He's so cool," she said of Mamdani. "Him and his wife are just so New York chic.' Mamdani's success on Hinge, as well as the show 'Muslim Matchmaker' on Hulu, provide a glimpse into some of the ways American Muslims meet their spouses, from the traditional to the contemporary. Many navigate the quest for love and marriage while balancing their beliefs, levels of devoutness, diverse lifestyles and a range of cultural influences. 'We just wanted a realistic assessment of what's going on in the love space for Muslim Americans and that we do have unique challenges, but we also have very universal challenges,' said Yasmin Elhady, one of two matchmakers on the reality series on Hulu. 'We show up in ways that are complicated and joyful and dynamic.' Maznavi, a self-described 'sucker for romance,' co-edited two collections by American Muslims on love and relationships. She found that people met "through family, through friends, through sort of serendipitous meetings, through college, through work.' Back when she was the one looking, Maznavi, a lawyer, writer and daughter of Sri Lankan immigrants, met people through her parents, friends and extended family. Then living in San Francisco, she found the pool of Muslims small. Her mom heard a radio ad and suggested she try it. 'I still resisted,' Maznavi said. Eventually, she relented — and met her husband there. Not as many fish in the sea For Muslims seeking Muslims, 'most of us are pretty few and far between and quite spread out,' said Hoda Abrahim, the show's other matchmaker. 'You're not gonna go to the gym and just be surrounded by people that you could potentially marry.' That may mean having to try a long-distance relationship, she said. Many of her clients already used Muslim-specific and other dating apps, she said. There're also some in-person events for Muslim singles seeking marriage. In the show, the matchmakers outline their 'Rules of Three' — three meetings within three months and 300 compatibility questions to go through together. Their matched clients experience those first-meeting jitters, the warmth of a connection or the pain of rejection, and the uncertainty in between. In assessing a couple's compatibility, the matchmakers consider what they call the 'halal-haram ratio,' referring to the level of religious observance and how a couple's lifestyles would align. One participant says she tries to perform the required daily prayers, but doesn't 'particularly dress very modestly.' She wants someone who's open to the possibility of her faith growing and 'who goes out" and "enjoys themselves, but … still follows the tenets of Islam — and trying to find a healthy balance of what that means.' (She's also into good banter and concerts. Hairy men? Not so much). Another participant says he wants a partner with 'Islamic qualities' and has no strong preference on whether or not she wears the hijab. 'Many Muslims, even if they're not a practicing, adherent Muslim, will have certain things that they're very intense about: It could be the Ramadan practice. … It could be that they stay away from pork. It could be the clothing,' Elhady said. 'There's a really serious lifestyle choice that is associated with Islam and I think that in marriage, you are looking for someone to complement your style.' According to a Pew Research Center 2023-2024 study, 60% of U.S. Muslim adults said religion was 'very important' in their lives. That's close to the 55% of U.S. Christians who said the same in the survey. Abrahim said some online disliked the 'halal-haram ratio' term, seeing it as normalizing 'haram' behavior, meaning behavior that's not religiously permitted. She pushes back. 'We're not normalizing it. We're just saying obviously people practice to a certain level." Dating vs. courting Then there's the debate over what to call getting to know the other person: Is it dating? Courting? 'This is something we discussed a lot,' Abrahim said. 'If I say 'dating,' I mean courting and we actually specified that on the show, like, we're intentional and we're serious.' Elhady said there were so many positive responses to the show, but noted that some Muslims didn't like the word 'dating.' To that, she says: Make your own definition, or call it what you'd like. (Some use the term 'halal dating.') 'In their mind, dating is a word that was made for non-Muslims by non-Muslims and it means that there's a physical relationship prior to commitment,' she said. 'The show is not depicting people in premarital sex. … It's depicting people searching for love.' Among the questions that Kaiser Aslam gets asked by some of the students he serves as Muslim chaplain at the Center for Islamic Life at Rutgers University are: How to know if someone is compatible? And how to know them without getting intimate? 'In the Islamic tradition getting intimate, and sexually intimate is not allowed before marriage,' he said. He suggests having serious conversations with accountability measures in place, like chaperones, meeting in relatively public places and clearly setting intentions 'that you're not trying to actually initiate intimacy or intimate contact, but you're actually just trying to understand each other.' And, also, talking to the person's friends and family, he said. Marriage, faith and culture Muslim Americans are vastly diverse — racially and ethnically. 'Young Muslims are finding people of different cultures over and over again, which is beautiful and great to see,' Aslam said. For some, cultural differences can fuel 'arguments of like, 'No, we do marriage this way. No, in our tradition, the guy side pays for this. The girl side pays for this,'' said Aslam, who's performed many marriages and provides premarital counseling. Some parents object to their children marrying outside their culture, he said. At times, there can be 'racist underpinnings,' he said, adding: 'We have to call it out for what it is. It's not religious in any way, shape or form.' Theologically, he said, "we're encouraged to make sure that the most diverse, good traditions have the ability of interacting with each other.' Other times, he said, parents fear their children may be running away from their culture and need reassurance. Tahirah Nailah Dean, who's Black and Latina, said she'd encountered such barriers in her search, knowing that some potential matches were seeking to marry within their own culture and ethnicity. Some of her concerns also echo broader questions and debates beyond Muslim communities over racial preference and racial bias in dating. Dean, an attorney who also writes about Muslim love and marriage, got married at 30 and later divorced. In her 20s, she navigated the apps, but found dealing with such things as ' ghosting ' and 'love bombing' emotionally draining. She tried matchmaking through the mosque and the 'matchmaking aunties' as well as getting to know people through activities like volunteering at the mosque. She'd also asked friends to set her up. Recently, she's returned to the search. Muslim or not, Elhady of the 'Muslim Matchmaker' show argued, 'people want to really fall in love — and it is hard to do in the modern age.' ___ Associated Press religion coverage receives support through the AP's collaboration with The Conversation US, with funding from Lilly Endowment Inc. The AP is solely responsible for this content.
Associated Press
16 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Associated Press
From apps to matchmaking: the diverse ways American Muslims navigate finding marriage partners
Nura Maznavi got a kick out of learning that New York City Muslim mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdanimet his wife on Hinge. 'It made me feel like less of a loser,' Maznavi said laughingly about meeting her own husband online more than 14 years ago, before apps like Hinge became a dating fixture for many people. 'He's so cool,' she said of Mamdani. 'Him and his wife are just so New York chic.' Mamdani's success on Hinge, as well as the show 'Muslim Matchmaker' on Hulu, provide a glimpse into some of the ways American Muslims meet their spouses, from the traditional to the contemporary. Many navigate the quest for love and marriage while balancing their beliefs, levels of devoutness, diverse lifestyles and a range of cultural influences. 'We just wanted a realistic assessment of what's going on in the love space for Muslim Americans and that we do have unique challenges, but we also have very universal challenges,' said Yasmin Elhady, one of two matchmakers on the reality series on Hulu. 'We show up in ways that are complicated and joyful and dynamic.' Maznavi, a self-described 'sucker for romance,' co-edited two collections by American Muslims on love and relationships. She found that people met 'through family, through friends, through sort of serendipitous meetings, through college, through work.' Back when she was the one looking, Maznavi, a lawyer, writer and daughter of Sri Lankan immigrants, met people through her parents, friends and extended family. Then living in San Francisco, she found the pool of Muslims small. Her mom heard a radio ad and suggested she try it. 'I still resisted,' Maznavi said. Eventually, she relented — and met her husband there. Not as many fish in the sea For Muslims seeking Muslims, 'most of us are pretty few and far between and quite spread out,' said Hoda Abrahim, the show's other matchmaker. 'You're not gonna go to the gym and just be surrounded by people that you could potentially marry.' That may mean having to try a long-distance relationship, she said. Many of her clients already used Muslim-specific and other dating apps, she said. There're also some in-person events for Muslim singles seeking marriage. In the show, the matchmakers outline their 'Rules of Three' — three meetings within three months and 300 compatibility questions to go through together. Their matched clients experience those first-meeting jitters, the warmth of a connection or the pain of rejection, and the uncertainty in between. In assessing a couple's compatibility, the matchmakers consider what they call the 'halal-haram ratio,' referring to the level of religious observance and how a couple's lifestyles would align. One participant says she tries to perform the required daily prayers, but doesn't 'particularly dress very modestly.' She wants someone who's open to the possibility of her faith growing and 'who goes out' and 'enjoys themselves, but … still follows the tenets of Islam — and trying to find a healthy balance of what that means.' (She's also into good banter and concerts. Hairy men? Not so much). Another participant says he wants a partner with 'Islamic qualities' and has no strong preference on whether or not she wears the hijab. 'Many Muslims, even if they're not a practicing, adherent Muslim, will have certain things that they're very intense about: It could be the Ramadan practice. … It could be that they stay away from pork. It could be the clothing,' Elhady said. 'There's a really serious lifestyle choice that is associated with Islam and I think that in marriage, you are looking for someone to complement your style.' According to a Pew Research Center 2023-2024 study, 60% of U.S. Muslim adults said religion was 'very important' in their lives. That's close to the 55% of U.S. Christians who said the same in the survey. Abrahim said some online disliked the 'halal-haram ratio' term, seeing it as normalizing 'haram' behavior, meaning behavior that's not religiously permitted. She pushes back. 'We're not normalizing it. We're just saying obviously people practice to a certain level.' Dating vs. courting Then there's the debate over what to call getting to know the other person: Is it dating? Courting? 'This is something we discussed a lot,' Abrahim said. 'If I say 'dating,' I mean courting and we actually specified that on the show, like, we're intentional and we're serious.' Elhady said there were so many positive responses to the show, but noted that some Muslims didn't like the word 'dating.' To that, she says: Make your own definition, or call it what you'd like. (Some use the term 'halal dating.') 'In their mind, dating is a word that was made for non-Muslims by non-Muslims and it means that there's a physical relationship prior to commitment,' she said. 'The show is not depicting people in premarital sex. … It's depicting people searching for love.' Among the questions that Kaiser Aslam gets asked by some of the students he serves as Muslim chaplain at the Center for Islamic Life at Rutgers University are: How to know if someone is compatible? And how to know them without getting intimate? 'In the Islamic tradition getting intimate, and sexually intimate is not allowed before marriage,' he said. He suggests having serious conversations with accountability measures in place, like chaperones, meeting in relatively public places and clearly setting intentions 'that you're not trying to actually initiate intimacy or intimate contact, but you're actually just trying to understand each other.' And, also, talking to the person's friends and family, he said. Marriage, faith and culture Muslim Americans are vastly diverse — racially and ethnically. 'Young Muslims are finding people of different cultures over and over again, which is beautiful and great to see,' Aslam said. For some, cultural differences can fuel 'arguments of like, 'No, we do marriage this way. No, in our tradition, the guy side pays for this. The girl side pays for this,'' said Aslam, who's performed many marriages and provides premarital counseling. Some parents object to their children marrying outside their culture, he said. At times, there can be 'racist underpinnings,' he said, adding: 'We have to call it out for what it is. It's not religious in any way, shape or form.' Theologically, he said, 'we're encouraged to make sure that the most diverse, good traditions have the ability of interacting with each other.' Other times, he said, parents fear their children may be running away from their culture and need reassurance. Tahirah Nailah Dean, who's Black and Latina, said she'd encountered such barriers in her search, knowing that some potential matches were seeking to marry within their own culture and ethnicity. Some of her concerns also echo broader questions and debates beyond Muslim communities over racial preference and racial bias in dating. Dean, an attorney who also writes about Muslim love and marriage, got married at 30 and later divorced. In her 20s, she navigated the apps, but found dealing with such things as ' ghosting ' and 'love bombing' emotionally draining. She tried matchmaking through the mosque and the 'matchmaking aunties' as well as getting to know people through activities like volunteering at the mosque. She'd also asked friends to set her up. Recently, she's returned to the search. Muslim or not, Elhady of the 'Muslim Matchmaker' show argued, 'people want to really fall in love — and it is hard to do in the modern age.' ___ Associated Press religion coverage receives support through the AP's collaboration with The Conversation US, with funding from Lilly Endowment Inc. The AP is solely responsible for this content.
The National
13-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The National
New movies, shows and music to stream, from Muslim Matchmaker to Sydney Sweeney thriller Echo Valley
There's a new dating show on TV and this one's for Muslims looking to find their partner without the help of dating apps or casual encounters. Meanwhile, following her recent turn as a mysterious millionaire in Netflix hit series Sirens, Julianne Moore returns in a thriller about a mother who will go to great lengths to protect her daughter. Here are some of the latest films, shows and music to stream this week. New movies to stream Titan: The OceanGate Disaster (Netflix) The implosion of OceanGate's Titan while on an expedition to the Titanic wreck in June 2023, in which all five men on board died, made headlines around the world for weeks. Two years later, the US Coast Guard's Marine Board of Investigation has yet to release its final report on who should ultimately be held responsible. To date, no criminal charges have been filed in connection with the Titan's implosion and the fatalities it led to. This new Netflix documentary traces the events and key decisions that culminated in the disaster, featuring interviews with experts as well as people close to Stockton Rush, the American entrepreneur and OceanGate founder who also perished in the disaster. Echo Valley (Apple TV+) Sydney Sweeney pairs up with Oscar-winner Julianne Moore in this thriller. Moore plays Kate, a mother whose troubled daughter Claire (Sweeney) suddenly shows up at her door covered in someone's blood. As Kate pieces together what happened, she learns just how far a mother is willing to go to protect her daughter. Deep Cover (Prime Video) In this action comedy, Bryce Dallas Howard plays Kat, an improv comedy teacher who is offered the role of a lifetime by an undercover cop. She recruits two of her students, Marlon (Orlando Bloom) and Hugh (Nick Mohammed), to infiltrate dangerous gangs in London by impersonating criminals. Mohammed will be familiar to fans of the Apple TV+ hit Ted Lasso in which he plays Nathan Shelley, a kit manager who becomes head coach. New shows to stream Call Her Alex (Disney+) Call Her Daddy host Alex Cooper is one of the world's most popular podcasters. This new two-part documentary by Hulu follows Cooper prepping for her first tour to support the podcast, also documenting her childhood in Pennsylvania and her rise to fame. 'I've shared my life with the Daddy Gang since I started Call Her Daddy, but this documentary series takes it even deeper,' Cooper said. 'It's a behind-the-scenes look at the moments that shaped me – the raw, the messy, the personal stuff I've never felt comfortable sharing until now. My hope is that by bringing people along for this part of my journey, they'll feel both more connected to my life and more empowered in their own.' Muslim Matchmaker (Disney+) Professional matchmaker Hoda Abrahim joins comedian and lawyer Yasmin Elhady to host this Hulu show where the pair help Muslim Americans navigate modern courtship in their search for the right partner. Produced by Indian Matchmaking creator Smriti Mundhra's Meralta Films, the eight-episode series follows Abrahim and Elhady as they set off on a mission to help people match with each other without relying on dating apps, and using their rule of three: three dates, three months, three hundred questions. New music to stream Tha Carter VI by Lil Wayne Rapper Lil Wayne's 14th studio album is his sixth in Tha Carter album series. Coming five years after his last release, the 10-track album features a mixed bag of guest appearances, from Jelly Roll, 2 Chainz and Big Sean to Bono and Andrea Bocelli. Wayne's sons, Kameron Carter and Lil Novi, also feature. 'If there's one thing about this album that's different, it's me approaching it like: 'Man, what would I sound like on something with such and such?'" Lil Wayne told Rolling Stone ahead of the release. Load (Remastered Deluxe Box Set) by Metallica The follow-up to Metallica's blockbuster 1991 self-titled album, Load was released in 1996 to huge fanfare, including hits such as Hero of the Day, Until It Sleeps and the band's only country-inspired track to date, Mama Said. A remastered deluxe box set of Load is being released, which includes 245 previously unreleased tracks split across 15 CDs, three of which feature full live recordings. Also included are four DVDs of live concert footage, a 128-page hardcover book packed with never-seen-before photos from the recording sessions, a poster and a set of guitar and bass picks.
