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Independent Singapore
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Independent Singapore
From classmate to mother-in-law: 40-year-old man to marry 19-year-old GF whose mum he once rejected back in school
SINGAPORE: Back in January, netizens were shocked when a 40-year-old man shared on NUSWhispers that he had unknowingly started dating the daughter of the girl he once rejected in secondary school. He explained in the original post that he hadn't known the girl was only 19 and still in college, and likewise, she hadn't realised he was significantly older. When things got more serious, he met her parents over dinner, and that was when he discovered that his girlfriend's mum was someone he had rejected in school. Now, in an update, the man has announced in another NUSWhispers post that he and his much younger girlfriend are getting married. 'We're getting married. No, seriously. Despite the drama, ups and downs, intense family discussions or rather arguments, we made it through,' he wrote on Wednesday (June 25). 'For those wondering. No, there was zero relationship with her mum back then. I rejected her directly. So let's clear that up once and for all: 100% NOT MY DAUGHTER. She's my wife-to-be. It wasn't easy, especially with the age gap and, well, the whole your ex-crush is now your son-in-law situation. But love wins.' He was also relieved that her dad stayed calm throughout, and that eventually, even her mum came around and gave them her blessing. 'It still feels surreal,' he said. 'Wedding dinner is gonna be a bit of a sitcom. Imagine my old school friends showing up and realising our former classmate is now my mother-in-law. Life writes the wildest scripts, huh.' He continued, 'Also, I had no idea my little rant here would end up on so many media platforms. It started right here, and I figured it's only right to close the loop here, too. 'So here we are. We'd appreciate your warmest BLESSINGS.' 'What exactly is a 19-year-old supposed to do as a married woman?' Responses to his latest update have been mixed, of course. Some people are still iffy about the age difference, while others feel it's none of their business and believe that love, no matter how unusual it seems to others, is still love. One wrote, 'Which parent will actually allow their daughter to marry off at 19, to a middle-aged dude, without being sus.. unless it's shotgun lah.' Another commented, 'So you've put the mother aside, and now you're dating a 19-year-old — and even planning to marry her. Tell me, what exactly is a 19-year-old supposed to do as a married woman? Start popping out kids? Become a housewife before she's even lived her own life?' A third added, 'You got lots of money, so it's still ok. She also is not underage, I think. Blessings to you. You don't have to post every news item of yours online, though. Just low low-key event and get on with your life. But I hope both of your mentality and thinking can fit. All the best.' Some netizens, however, weren't convinced the story was even real. A few suggested it sounded too much like a TV drama plot. One netizen joked, 'Very good script, please send to Mediacorp so they can improve on their storyline.' In other news, after going on 37 first dates — and getting ghosted more times than he can remember after saying he was looking for 'something serious'— a Singaporean man took to Reddit to share how 'burnt out' he feels from dating these days. Posting on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit on Thursday (June 19), he said that when he first started dating, he was genuinely hoping to find a relationship. But after going through what felt like an endless string of dates, he's no longer sure what he really wants. Read more: 37 first dates, countless ghostings — Singaporean shares how dating wore him down Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)
Independent Singapore
19-05-2025
- Independent Singapore
'Is disliking travel a deal-breaker for dating?' Man asks after string of rejections
SINGAPORE: A man took to the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Sunday (May 18) to ask local women whether a lack of interest in travel could be a deal-breaker when it comes to dating. In his post, he shared that he had recently graduated and had been actively searching for a partner. However, his experience with dating so far has been disappointing. He said he felt discouraged not just by the number of rejections he faced, but also by how quickly they seemed to happen. He spoke to some friends about his situation, and during their conversation, one detail he mentioned stood out. He had told the women he met that he did not enjoy travelling and 'preferred staying in Singapore' to relax. His friends suggested that this might have put potential partners off. 'I told all the girls I met that I don't like to travel,' he wrote. 'My friends told me that might have been a problem.' Wanting to get a broader perspective, he posed a question to the women reading his post: 'Is this a deal breaker to y'all? Do y'all think travelling is an important part of a relationship? And if yes, is it mainly to spend time with your partner or more to experience the world?' 'In this age, who doesn't like to travel?' His post drew mixed reactions in the comments section. Some netizens pointed out that for many women, having no interest in travelling can be a major deal-breaker. They explained that going on trips with a partner is not just about visiting new places. It's also about experiencing new things together, having adventures, and making memories as a couple. So when someone says they're not interested in travelling at all, it might feel like they're not open to sharing those kinds of meaningful experiences in the relationship. One netizen bluntly told him, 'I will tell you. Your life is sooo booooring sia. SG is so small, not much to do unless you want to do a staring contest with your girl. 'A normal person would like to have adventures. Add geographical knowledge and experiences outside SG, learn life skills, experience other cultures, etc. You want to live in your room also ok, but you should not complain, leh.' Another added, 'It's not just a deal breaker for women; it's a deal breaker for future employers or anything pertaining to your future. In this age, who doesn't like to travel? If you prefer to hole up on an island measuring 40km from west to east and 25 km from north to south, it tells a lot about what kind of person you really are. Unmotivated, uninspiring, lack of courage, lack of imagination, have no guts and adventurous spirit. Are you serious? You wanna live a boring life?' However, not everyone saw things the same way. A few netizens chimed in to say that while travelling can be nice, it's not necessarily a must-have in a relationship. They pointed out that different people have different priorities and comfort zones, and not everyone finds joy in packing a suitcase or planning overseas itineraries. One said, 'There are likely also women who don't like to travel, so if you are willing to work with a smaller pool, that's fine also.' See also Woman says she'll only go out with men earning $5K/month Another commented, 'No, not wanting to travel is not a deal-breaker for me. Can save 50% if my partner doesn't wanna travel but if he doesn't want me to travel or doesnt allow me to travel with friends just because he doesn't want to travel, then no go.' In other news, a Singaporean woman took to Reddit to share that she's close to giving up on her marriage because her husband hasn't been pulling his weight in their relationship for a while. Posting in the r/askSingapore subreddit, the 31-year-old woman explained that she lives with her husband, their two young kids, and her in-laws in their home. While she's thankful that her in-laws help out with the children, she said it still feels like she's doing everything on her own, especially when it comes to emotional and financial responsibilities. Read more: 'He secretly borrows from moneylenders to continue trading' — Wife feels 'trapped — emotionally, financially, and mentally' from husband's risky behaviour Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)
Independent Singapore
13-05-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
‘Love wasn't part of my childhood' — 34 y/o woman asks how to break free from emotionally abusive parents after a lifetime of trauma
SINGAPORE: A 34-year-old woman took to social media to share her painful upbringing and seek advice on how to break free from her controlling and emotionally abusive parents. In her post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, she explained that her parents, whom she described as 'selfish and narcissistic,' never showed her any affection or warmth. Growing up, she was not allowed to go out, invite friends over, or take part in community activities. Even small expressions of joy, like dancing, were discouraged. She added that she never felt truly seen or acknowledged by them. There were 'no hugs', no praises, no words of encouragement, no emotional connection, and no expressions of love throughout her childhood. She also mentioned that she went through a lot of trauma because of her parents. Her father once physically hurt her just for 'accidentally dropping the TV remote', and her mother would often lash out at her with hurtful words, calling her a 'liability' who only knew how to spend her father's money. The woman said that despite all the pain she endured, she stayed strong and kept her focus on her studies. She worked hard, got into medical school, and eventually became a doctor. After that, she moved out, built a life of her own, and married a kind and supportive husband. However, even with all that she has accomplished, her parents still refuse to respect her autonomy and continue trying to interfere in her life, unwilling to truly let her go or respect the boundaries she's set. 'Even today at 34+ years old, my mother still tells me I must be 'polite' and cannot text 'okay,' 'ok,' or other short forms to her or colleagues (with online article links to prove her point). On the phone call, I also cannot say the phrase 'of course.' If I block her for a few days and then unblock her, she will corner me and scold me for 20 minutes in front of my husband (when the two of us visit my parents),' she said. 'To our aunties and uncles, I'm the bad daughter, as she smiles, laughs, and treats them well when around them. Privately, she tells my husband and me that they are all bad people and tells me not to fall for their 'tricks' just because they are nice. So right now, my relatives (with the exception of a few perceptive young cousins) all think I'm a bad person/daughter and not loving, and my mother's the one who is happy and coping well and likes everyone. They think I'm the negative one, as I don't smile often.' The woman said the first time she truly felt loved was when her mother-in-law looked into her eyes and said, 'I love you.' 'I'm grateful for my loving in-laws, and I really need to protect my sanity and my family's health and peace, and of course, my children. My mother has not changed, and she has possibly even worsened even after knowing I'm pregnant,' she wrote. 'She still says I don't know a lot of things, and I need to run through my decisions with other people. I refuse to bow down to fear and control, and foolishness and ignorance anymore. I want to bravely live a normal, happy, healthy, loving life.' The woman concluded her post with a plea for advice: 'How do I best break the cycle, detach from the enmeshment/control with little repercussions, protect the sanity and peace of my immediate family, not let my parents influence my children wrongly, or be traumatised like me?' 'Set boundaries with your parents.' The comments section was flooded with support, with many people urging her to cut ties with her parents to protect her mental well-being. Some shared their own stories of walking away from toxic family dynamics, saying it brought them peace and freedom. Others offered kind words and reminded her that she's not alone—that she deserves to put herself and her growing family first without guilt or fear. 'It's okay to cut off contact with toxic people. Even if they are your own parents,' one individual said. 'I'm sorry, but there are progenitors of human beings who don't deserve the title of being a parent. Do what you need to do to have a normal life from here on.' Another suggested, 'Block their number permanently, move house, and maybe change jobs too, so they can't find you at all. Because if they can't reach you on the phone, they will very sure hound you at your home or workplace.' A third added, 'Set boundaries with your parents. Protect your family from them. Limit your time and interaction with them. Make it clear that only if they improve their behaviour will you improve yours. Don't let the words or actions affect you. Accept that it is what it is. Do not expect them to be the same as others unless they have changed.' In other news, a concerned husband took to an online forum to express his outrage over a shocking workplace incident involving his wife's female manager, who had allegedly spiked her drink on multiple occasions. Posting on the r/askSingapore forum on Thursday (May 8), he stated that the manager had spiked his wife's drink in the office pantry while she was away. 'My wife took a sip and noticed an unusual flavour and poured the drink away unsuspectively because there is CCTV around. When my wife felt nauseous and wanted to vomit, the manager sent a message, claiming that it was a 'collagen supplement,' and she put a pill into her drink to help with the energy boost,' he explained. Read also: My wife's office manager keeps spiking her drink, yet the company still keeps the manager around Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
Independent Singapore
13-05-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
‘I never expected you to abandon me' — Mum tells her 69 y/o daughter who wants to move out from their 'toxic' relationship
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman shared on social media that she's having a hard time getting her 69-year-old mum to accept her decision to move out and live on her own. Posting anonymously on the NUSWhispers Facebook page on Sunday (May 11), the woman, who is in her late 20s and identifies as gay, explained that she had been considering moving out for a long time. However, the problem was that each time she broached the subject, it ended in emotional outbursts or guilt-tripping. 'I've been telling her [my mum] for the past two years that I'd really like to move out. We recently had this conversation again, and she's keen for me to BTO with her,' the woman wrote. 'I've explained that I intend to move out in the next couple of years, not only because I genuinely feel we need some time apart, but also because I think the housing market is something I'd like to enter soon, and she's ended up throwing a HUGE tantrum, threatening me with suicide, saying that if she dies I'll be relieved of a burden, that she recognises she's a burden, and that she never expected that I'd abandon her.' The woman added that her mum's reaction brought back painful memories from her childhood. 'She ended off with tears, with anger, and with reiterating suicide, and I chose to walk off because this was how my childhood was like, with her threatening death every time I did something wrong.' Moreover, the woman shared that throughout their lives, it had always just been the two of them — she as an only child and her mum as a single parent. She always did her best to show love to her mum. When her mum retired during her college years, she fully supported her, providing a generous allowance while also paying for her own school fees. But over time, she said she began to feel more like a 'caregiver' than a daughter and that their relationship had become toxic. She admitted, 'I've grown resentful over the years (yes, filial piety and all can start now, but I can honestly say I've done more than my fair share of supporting her), and I'm starting to feel the onset of depression at the thought of being chained with her for the rest of my life.' Despite her frustration and exhaustion, the woman made it clear that she has no intention of abandoning her mum. 'I do not intend to toss her aside; I do not intend to leave her without care; she is the most important person in my life. But I recognise that I really need to have some boundaries with her, and I'd like to start living my life on my own terms. I still want to spend time with her; I want to go out with her. I just need to move on to the next stage in my life, and I'd like to have my own space in the future.' She ended her post by asking for advice on how to communicate her needs clearly and compassionately to a parent who refuses to let go. 'It's time to think of your own future.' In the comments, many netizens chimed in to offer their advice. Some suggested that she consider enrolling her mum in a 'daycare centre' where she could interact with others and form new friendships. This, they felt, might help her mum become less emotionally reliant on her. Others advised reassuring her mum that she has no intention of cutting ties, and even proposed buying a flat near their current home. That way, she could still visit often and maintain their close relationship while having her own space. A number of netizens also commended the woman for shouldering such a heavy responsibility over the years. One wrote, 'Give yourself a huge pat on the back for doing all that you've done. It's time to think of your own future and do some planning for your life ahead. ' Still, there were a few who tried to convince the woman to see things from her mum's perspective. One said, 'No matter how you word it, to your mom, she is old and useless, and you just want to get rid of her so you can lead your own life.' 'The way I see it, you just don't want to take care of her lah….I can assure you, moving out is one step closer to abandoning her. You might visit her once a week or twice a week, but over time, when you get the taste of freedom, you will just visit once a month, or once every few months, especially so if you do not have a partner who is filial. I suggest you make other arrangements instead of saying you want to move out.' How to tell your parents you're ready to move out If you find yourself stuck in a toxic relationship with your parents, still being treated like a child with curfews, lacking privacy in your own home, and yet you're financially independent and yearning for your own space, that's often a strong indication that it may be time to move out and start living on your own terms. However, taking that step can be tricky, especially if your parents are emotionally dependent on you or strongly disapprove of the idea. In such situations, relationship and family experts advise taking a gradual and gentle approach. Instead of announcing your plans all at once, try introducing the idea slowly over time. Begin by having honest conversations about your need for independence and reassure them that your love and support will remain unchanged even if you no longer live under the same roof. You could also offer to visit regularly, such as once a week, or invite them over for meals to maintain a sense of connection. Involving them in small parts of your new life, like asking for help with furnishing your new place, may also ease their worries. These consistent efforts can help your parents feel more secure and valued, which might make the transition easier for everyone. Read also: Singaporean man asks if not having a car is a 'dealbreaker' for women — local women respond: 'No, it's not' Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
