3 days ago
"Not Everyone Is Going To Find Someone. Prepare Accordingly': Women Are Sharing The Hard Truths About Dating No One Really Talks About
When it comes to relationships, there's no "one size fits all" rule. Reddit user ItAffectionate4481 recently asked women, "What's one truth about dating no one talks about?" Here's what the ladies had to say:
1."You could be doing everything right and still fail at dating. There is no magic formula that makes a person a 'catch.'"
—u/Neravariine
2."Dating doesn't always lead to a relationship, but it doesn't mean it was a failure or waste of time. Sometimes dating is just that, and that's fine."
—u/VioletFox01
3."It's easy to fall for the idea of a person, of who you think they could become if they just did XYZ. You need to be careful and be sure that what you fall for is the person as they are and not an idea or ideal."
—u/Dazzling-Cattle1926
4."Someone can treat you horribly and go on to have a super healthy, amazing relationship with someone else. I see a lot of people being like, 'Your ex has a new girl? Don't worry, their life is hell, and it'll end soon.' When the reality is that compatibility can make people act wildly differently. You'll hear about women who think they're asexual in a relationship, then when they move on and meet someone they're compatible with, they'll realize it wasn't their sex drive, it was their partner. We act differently with different people. While of course some people are just straight up unhealthy, crappy people, the painful reality is someone can neglect all your needs, make you question your worth, not communicate, etc. and then go on to meet someone who they're more compatible with and their partnership flows amazingly. People want to villainize their exes, but they're just people, and compatibility goes both ways."
—u/awallpapergirl
5."If you want a healthy relationship with someone, you need to have a healthy relationship with yourself first. Otherwise, you're putting that responsibility on the other person, and it can quickly sabotage your relationship."
—u/MomBeans-
6."You need to have some social skills to find a partner. You can't be surprised you're having trouble dating if you haven't successfully made a new friend in two decades."
—u/Freshwaterbitchfish4
7."If you're questioning whether or not they actually like you, chances are that they don't, and you should proceed accordingly by moving on. And if they're too insecure to let you know, then they won't make a good partner in my experience. Many women would save themselves a lot of time and energy if they would simply take this advice."
—u/DenverKim
8."Every relationship you get into will end with pain — either you break up or somebody dies. On a positive note, a relationship can matter even if it ends badly. Breaking up doesn't mean that your relationship was worthless, unimportant, or a failure. How something ends does not determine its overall value. People panic about the divorce rate and talk about failed marriages. I don't necessarily see those relationships as failures simply because they didn't last forever. Nothing in life lasts forever."
—u/eefr
9."You will argue, lose the dopamine hits, and reconsider if they're who you actually want to be with. The real relationship starts after you both stick through it and put in the work to stay together."
—u/Shark_Cellar
10."Regardless of the outcome, dating can be an enjoyable experience with moments of serendipity and wonder — if you like meeting people and find human beings to be fascinating creatures."
—u/aeon314159
11."For many relationships, a breakup is genuinely the best case scenario, and we should not point to relationships ending as evidence that people are failing at love altogether. Breakups are hard, but are often brought on by completely valid, irreconcilable differences, and we should want those people to find better. Plus, you really do learn something from it every single time, even if you don't know it at the time."
—u/AnonPinkLady
12."People do what's expedient, not what's necessary to give relationships an honest shot."
—u/QueenScarebear
13."You should really, genuinely take time to get to know someone and progress the relationship slowly rather than rushing into moving in together, marriage, or 'I love you's.' We do have a 50% divorce rate for many reasons, including this."
—u/jonni_velvet
14."People being open about not being compatible is a good thing. Rejections are not bad or shameful."
—u/sunsetgal24
15."There's no formula to landing a partner or a woman's affection. Self-improvement is about marketing and enhancing your best traits, not changing yourself. You need to focus more on what you like about her (aside from looks) and how she complements you, rather than how to win her. If you like her that easily, that is concerning. A lot of this applies to women, too, but the formula thing is men-specific. I don't know why more people don't tell men this."
—u/Sodium_Junkie624
16."It's about chance, in the end. You are not guaranteed a good match just because you do all the right things."
—u/sunsetgal24
17."Dating is a skill. Like any skill, you need to practice to get good at it. If you don't have at least a few short-term relationships under your belt by the time you're hitting your late 20s, finding a good relationship is going to be extraordinarily challenging."
—u/procreatewisely
18."Instant gratification dating is not sustainable. Long-term relationships have periods of turmoil, compromise, conversations, adjustments, and sometimes just silence. Strong couples stick it out. When the times are tough, that's when partners need each other to provide support. Also, you are not going to fit like a perfect puzzle piece with your partner. There will be things you don't like, disagreements, and conflict. The answer is not to walk away because you think you have options."
"If you love that person, the answer is to talk, communicate, listen, and then make changes in your behavior. Be able to state the changes you need from your partner, and then trust each other to work on them. Dating is fun, exciting, and engaging. But once the honeymoon phase is done, the real work starts, and you need to train your dopamine-stimulated mind to sit in the discomfort when it happens. Good relationships are work. But the best part is, it won't feel like work, because you'd want to do it."
—u/dean15892
19."Not everyone is going to find someone. Prepare accordingly."
—u/TayPhoenix
What's a dating truth no one talks about? Share your thoughts in the comments or using the anonymous form below.
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