Latest news with #NumberTwo
Irish Examiner
29-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Irish Examiner
Julie Jay: Four bathrooms, two small boys, and an inflatable bath — what could possibly go wrong?
The house we are renting in Dingle has four bathrooms, which I'm sure instantly conjures up in your mind a palatial-sized Georgian mansion — the kind of house that plasters over its somewhat problematic history by hosting festivals in the summer where people can pay €10 for a crepe and pretend they're having a great time. In fact, the house is very modest in size, a perfectly ordinary cottage, so at least two of these bathrooms are superfluous to requirements. Most days we have more loos than people, which is definitely one loo too many. My husband loves nothing more than using all the bathrooms on a rota basis, just for the craic of it. I find this hobby infuriating, so much so that for a while now I have considered cordoning off two of the bathrooms to prevent him from using them when he takes a fancy. Despite having four bathrooms, we don't actually have a bath, so I have made do with an inflatable one, which we placed in the kids' ensuite. Even as I write this, I am conscious that the words 'kids' and' ensuite' might possibly be the most middle-class pairing I've ever penned. Children need an ensuite like they need a bow and arrow, that is, not at all. For the last couple of years, despite my yodelling about the merits of a stand-up wash, Number One has resisted the lure of the shower. This meant that we have had to endure the absolute carnage of baths up to this point — and carnage it is. Despite my pleading, most of the water ends up on the bathroom floor and very little stays in the inflatable tub, so much so that at certain times the tub and the floor have merged completely, and we're all just holding onto a door handle for dear life. You would be forgiven for thinking we have been subjected to a flash flood, such is the level of saturation. The place is always like the scene of a natural disaster, particularly if Daddy is left in charge. This is not to cast any shade on my husband, whose playdate entertainment skills and ability to commit to the character far outshine my own. The truth is, I'm here more often to do bathtime, and as a result, can spot the signs that the ship is about to go down. It's hard to be annoyed at my husband for not reining them in when you open the door to find him ashen-faced, telling Number Two to stop drinking the bathwater and imploring Number One to put down the water gun. Getting them out of the bath is even more chaotic because nobody wants to be the first to leave a party, so we quite literally have to pull the plug to hurry things along. Both children will then scamper off in opposite directions, clearly having planned this, in a bid to avoid the horror of getting dried. However, their wet footprints immediately give the game away, so it is easy to track the fugitives in their attempt to escape the inevitable towel stage. Usually, I will corner one of them and wrestle them into what is a mostly dry state before turning my attentions to whichever one of them has eluded me and is now, no doubt, soaking and wrapped up in our bed. Yes, our kids love nothing more than diving beneath our sheets, still soaking. Recently, I asked Number One why he always legs it to mammy and daddy's bed and not his own after bathtime, and he informed me that he 'didn't want to get his bed wet'. Fair enough. But last Thursday, a miracle happened. I suggested a shower, and Number One announced he'd give it a whirl. So impressed was Number Two with how much his older brother was enjoying his stint in there that he also insisted on a shower, much to my delight. I had thrown my togs on, just in case I needed to jump in there and coax them into hanging out long enough to scrub the permanent marker off, but I needn't have bothered, as they were quite happy in the concentrated drizzle. It was one of those moments as a parent where I didn't want to appear too jubilant, for fear of jinxing the whole thing, but I think I have finally converted Number One to the ease of showering, and this could potentially change our lives. We are now in and out in no time, and the opportunity to arm yourself with a water gun has been greatly reduced. The fact that we can jump in without needing to heat water in advance has added a degree of spontaneity to our very mundane lives, with Number One requesting a shower at lunchtime today just purely for the heck of it. Of course, I refuse him, because the temptation for me to put on their pyjamas afterwards would probably be too great, and as much as we are loving leaning into a more relaxed summer schedule, nightwear at 2pm might be a step too far. Upon his return home after a few days working away, my husband was thrilled to hear I had finally converted the boys to the shower, which is just as well, given that he will soon find out he has lost access to half the bathrooms in this house.
Irish Examiner
15-07-2025
- General
- Irish Examiner
Julie Jay: Want to finish your dinner when eating out with kids? Screens are often the answer
As an elder millennial, my only true religion is brunch. I love nothing more than paying €15 for eggs on toast and pretending to be impressed with a fancy flat-white when I am secretly as happy at home with my instant stuff. This coffee will be consumed from a mug with so many chips that it is effectively a petri dish at this point. Such is my grá for eating out that I have spent the guts of a mortgage deposit on hipster cafés down through the years. I will most certainly be the old woman who lived in a choux pastry. Sadly, though, my eating out has been seriously curtailed by the arrival of children, because it always ends in mayhem. From the outset, let me just say that I don't blame my kids for their inability to sit through a dinner in a restaurant. Because we don't do it often, I have yet to perfect a formula that will see us all eating a meal in peace, and because I lack the confidence in a happy outcome, we don't do it. However, when we attempt to dine out, the problem is only made worse by their lack of experience, and so the cycle continues until the children are old enough to vote. I have no shame in admitting that before having kids, I would silently judge parents who tucked into their meal while their child was immersed in an iPad. Now, I totally get it. The truth is, the screens are often a necessary tool in facilitating everyone being able to swallow their dinner without risking an unchewed vol-au-vent getting lodged in a parent's oesophagus. Of course, meals in restaurants and pubs have been attempted previously to this summer, but due to us being away from home the last couple of weeks, never have we been forced to use cutlery that wasn't our own with such frequency. With Number One full of beans and Number Two in the full throes of toddlerdom, meals out have been even more chaotic than usual. Most attempts at dining in restaurants end in me feeling utterly defeated and over-tipping to the point of near personal bankruptcy to compensate for having had to run around after a two-year-old or chase my four-year-old around the hotel foyer. It doesn't help that the kids' menu offers only plain pasta with a side of plain pasta. At home, Number One loves cheese, vegetables, and sauce, but when out and about, you'd be forgiven for thinking that he believes a 'pea' is just something you do in a bathroom after a big drink. It was ever so slightly disappointing watching other kids tuck into adventurous things from the adults' menu like tofu curry and deep-fried Camembert. At the same time, Number One voiced his disgust at his pasta arriving in the wrong shape (apparently, penne is your only man). Number Two, thankfully, gobbles up anything placed in front of him, specifically what Number One refuses. Unfortunately, he is also at that stage where he considers himself too big for the high chair but too small to attend a Junior Cert disco — an awkward phase that will last only another 12 years and has resulted in him sitting on my lap for most meals. This was fine, save for the fact he also proceeded to scoff most of my dinner, which is just as well, as it is never too late for Mammy to get a summer body. At every meal out, the two boys flanked me, and my head was going from left to right as if I were a celebrity spectator at a Wimbledon semi-final, with similar bewilderment as to what exactly was going on. On multiple occasions, Number One disappeared under the table as if he were anticipating an earthquake, with me eventually deciding to leave him down there for the duration of the meal, because nothing says 100% Irish like offering a slew of payoffs for good behaviour under the table (literally). Like most things, the more you do it, the better you get at it. I've tried everything to get the kids to sit quietly for a meal, from colouring to cars and games, but I've no choice but to accept that screens are a must for meals out. The iPads have been ordered so yesterday's disastrous breakfast in Mayo will hopefully be avoided in future. (To the waiter who served us, I'm sure we have made you question why you didn't say no to the summer job and head off to San Diego with the rest of your mates, and for that I can only apologise, and over-tip.) It feels like a failure, somehow, to accept that we need iPads to make it through dinner, but quite frankly, I am too defeated to care. This week, I voiced my concern to my mother, telling her how inept I felt in restaurants when the kids started to kick off and how my main course was stone cold by the time I got round to eating it. She insisted that anytime we were brought anywhere, as kids, we were impeccably behaved. It's even more evidence, as if needed, that as parents, we have a unique ability to repress memories and replace them with unicorns and marshmallows as the years go by. Which is why, when my own children are grown and ask how they behaved in restaurants, I will be giving them a five-star review all the way, and over-tipping waiters in the interim to buy their silence.
Yahoo
03-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
How Long $1 Million in Retirement Will Last in Every US Region
In the movie 'Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery' it comes across as comedic when the main villain, Dr. Evil, says his ransom price for the world is $1 million. His assistant, Number Two, chimes in to say that $1 million isn't enough. What makes Dr. Evil's initial ask so funny is not only the way he dramatically accentuates each syllable, but the absurdity of such a low ask. Even in 1997, we understood that in this save-the-world scenario, $1 million was a preposterously little amount of money. Find Out: Read Next: What does any of this have to do with retirement? Well, if you're retiring in the U.S. at age 65, and aiming to live another 35 years, or so, you'll see, once you do the math, that $1 million in the bank likely isn't going to be enough. Of course, how long the money will last you depends not only on how, but on where you live. In a new study, GOBankingRates analyzed the four regions of the U.S. to determine how many years it will take to draw down $1 million in retirement savings. The regions are ranked from where this money will last the shortest to the longest amount of time. States that make up this region: Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Utah, Washington and Wyoming Average value of a single-family home: $538,990 Annual cost of living: $62,910 Average amount of years $1 million in retirement savings will last: 15.90 Check Out: States that make up this region: Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Vermont Average value of a single-family home: $478,486 Annual cost of living: $58,686 Average amount of years $1 million in retirement savings will last: 17.04 States that make up this region: Alabama, Arkansas, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and West Virginia Average value of a single-family home: $326,042 Annual cost of living: $45,263 Average amount of years $1 million in retirement savings will last: 22.09 States that make up this region: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota and Wisconsin Average value of a single-family home: $276,787 Annual cost of living: $41,797 Average amount of years $1 million in retirement savings will last: 23.93 Methodology: For this study, GOBankingRates analyzed the four regions of the U.S. as defined by the U.S. Census and Bureau of Labor Statistics as Northeast; CT, ME, MA, NH, NJ, NY, PA, RI, and VT. South as; AL, AR, DE, DC, FL, GA, KY, LA, MD, MS, NC, OK, SC, TN, TX, VA, and WV. Midwest as; IL, IN, IA, KS, MI, MN, MO, NE, ND, OH, SD, and WI. West as; AK, AZ, CA, CO, HI, ID, MT, NV, NM, OR, UT, WA, and WY. Using these regions the total population, population ages 65 and over, total households, and household median income were sourced from the U.S. Census American Community Survey. The cost of living indexes were sourced for each state using the Missouri Economic and Research Information Center and using the region definitions of the states, the cost of living index for each region and category can be calculated. Using the average expenditure costs for retired households, as sourced from the Bureau of Labor Statistics Consumer Expenditure Survey for Retired Consumer Units, the average expenditure cost for each region can be calculated. Using the average single-family home value for each state, the average for the entire region can be calculated. Assuming a 10% down payment and using the national average 30-year fixed mortgage rate, as sourced from the Federal Reserve Economic Data, the average mortgage cost can be calculated. The average mortgage and expenditure costs can be used to calculate the average total cost of living. The time to draw down $1,000,000 in retirement savings can be calculated using the total cost of living with the states sorted by the longest to shortest time to draw down. All data was collected on and is up to date as of May 27, 2025. More From GOBankingRates Surprising Items People Are Stocking Up On Before Tariff Pains Hit: Is It Smart? 25 Places To Buy a Home If You Want It To Gain Value This article originally appeared on How Long $1 Million in Retirement Will Last in Every US Region Sign in to access your portfolio
