Latest news with #OliviaHowell
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
This post-divorce parenting trend puts the kids first, but it comes with challenges
'Nesting' couples share a home where the kids stay, while parents rotate in and out. Family and relationship experts say that trust and communication are key to making the setup work. Oftentimes, it's difficult to pull off in practice, they warn. When Cordelia Newlin got divorced about three and a half years ago, she and her ex-husband made an agreement. They would keep their daughters, now 14 and 17, in the family home. Newlin and her ex would rotate in and out when it was their time with the girls. "We did this for the kids," Newlin said, who previously wrote about her experience for Business Insider. "We owed them as much effort as possible to make this as painless as possible for them." At the time, Newlin didn't know any other families who had tried a similar living arrangement, which has become known as "nesting." While the idea of nesting after a breakup or divorce can work well for some, family and relationship experts who spoke with Business Insider caution that it can be difficult to pull off in practice because it requires a high level of trust and communication. "It really only works for a very slim margin of people," Olivia Howell, cofounder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry, which helps people navigate divorce, said. Aurisha Smolarski, a licensed family therapist, decided to get divorced quickly. She was concerned about the abruptness of the transition for her daughter, who was 6 years old at the time. She and her ex-husband tried nesting. Like Newlin, they also didn't know what it was called when they started the arrangement. "I don't regret doing it slowly for her, and I believe it set her up for success when we moved into the new home," Smolarski, who is also the author of "Cooperative Coparenting for Secure Kids," said. However, nesting "just didn't work for us in the long term," she added. She and her ex-husband were still arguing, and they eventually realized that their daughter could overhear. That made them very concerned and led to the realization that their new arrangement, designed to benefit her daughter, wasn't actually helping. It underscores a problem that Smolarski sees professionally with nesting. "Often, people will roll right into it with the old habits that may not work, or may never have worked," she said. Not only should exes consider where they stand with each other, but counselor Bonnie Scott also said that parents need to coparent together really well in order to consider nesting. "If you can keep a really good coparenting relationship and try out nesting, it's worth a shot," Scott said. "But if the coparenting relationship would be better with the traditional setup, that's really the more important factor." Parents should also consider their custody split. Nesting might work well for a 50/50 split, where each adult feels equally invested in the family home, but less well if one parent only has the kids every other weekend, she said. Newlin credits careful planning for making her arrangement work long-term. She said she and her ex spent nine months and many therapy sessions (apart and together) before their divorce, hashing out the details before they moved forward with nesting. "We really thought it out and planned it carefully," she said. At the beginning, that included formal weekly check-ins over Zoom, where they discussed everything from upcoming school events to whose turn it was to take out the trash. These days, it's more fluid, she said. "We only check in when we see big issues that we don't already have an agreed way of handling," she said, like how their daughter would celebrate her quinceañera — a milestone birthday in Mexico, where they live. People who are considering nesting with an ex need to consider many logistics, right down to who will handle chores, buy food for the home, and pay for necessary maintenance. Newlin said she and her ex worked these details out up front. They both stay in the same bed at the family home, so changing the sheets between occupants is essential. At first, the person departing was responsible for changing the sheets, but they later found it worked better to have the arriving parent change and wash the sheets. She also said they always make sure to leave each other with grocery essentials like milk and eggs, and they maintain a shared grocery list via an app called To Do. The goal is to prevent resentment between the partners, she said. That's critical for nesting, Scott said. She also recommends talking about worst-case scenarios, such as what will happen if the nesting situation is no longer working for one or both people. "The stability of the situation lies in the adults being able to work together," she said. Many people choose nesting to benefit their kids. However, Howell said it's important that parents consider their own mental health and comfort level, since that often impacts children too. "So much of the divorce process is the healing process after," Howell said. "You can't do that if you don't feel safe and regulated." She emphasized that people who are nesting need a deep level of trust. You need to know that your partner won't go through your private items when you're not in the home, for example. Oftentimes, factors that contribute to divorce — like lies, infidelity, or addiction issues — mean that trust just isn't feasible, Howell said. All three experts — Howell, Scott, and Smolarski — agree that whatever makes your coparenting relationship the most healthy is also the best option for the kids. "If you're going to move forward with the idea of nesting, you need to do that because it feels right for you and for your kids," Scott said. "Ultimately, if it's not right for you, it's not right for your kids either, and it's not sustainable." Read the original article on Business Insider
CTV News
31-05-2025
- Business
- CTV News
Divorce registries can help destigmatize divorce, provide support, experts say
Engagements, weddings and baby showers have gift registries. Why don't divorces? It's a question two sisters asked themselves – one that, for them, signified moving forward and getting back on their feet – a milestone that could be celebrated and destigmatized. Thus, Olivia Howell and Genevieve Dreizen launched the world's first-ever divorce registry, a service that allows friends and loved ones to support new divorcees with gifts. 'We really just want divorce to be seen as just another life transition that you can support somebody in,' Howell said in an interview with 'We're all about helping people get back on their feet, moving forward. We're not bitter, we're not angry, it's not about your ex, it's about you going forward.' The company is based in New York, but it has clients in Canada and elsewhere around the world. The sisters aim to normalize this type of support for individuals going through divorce, a life event that many endure. Marriage and divorce in Canada Marriage and divorce trends have changed in Canada. Divorce rates have been on the decline for decades, at 5.6 per 1,000 in 2020, down from 7.5 in 2019 and 12.7 in 1991, according to Statistics Canada data. But marriage is also on the decline, with more Canadians opting instead to live in common-law partnerships. Demographers and sociologists attribute this decrease, also seen in other countries, to individuals becoming increasingly more selective in marriage, Statistics Canada told in an email. While divorce is on the decline in Canada, it is still common – according to the 2019 Statistics Canada total divorce rate, 33.8 per cent of marriages would end up in divorce after 30 years and 36.9 per cent after 50 years. With change in marriage and divorce trends, alternative methods to how we support individuals going through breakups – like a divorce registry – could be useful, and in time, become more popular, some Canadian experts say. Ari Rubin, an associate family lawyer in Toronto, says a divorce registry could be particularly useful for recuperating assets. 'For people going through divorce, naturally, you're splitting all your assets, which includes the household's content,' Rubin said in an interview with 'Sometimes (the) household's contents can be some of the most contentious parts of a divorce. 'If they've been married for 20 years, they haven't started building a household again for over 20 years. (A registry) could be a way of getting organized, as well as having people show that they care.' People get creative According to Howell, the main items that are commonly added to registries are kitchenware, bedding and bathroom towels. However, people do get creative, adding disco balls, pirate flags, rainbow utensils and floral, lace and pink items. 'Starting over is a monumental life change, and people deserve support – not just emotionally, but tangibly,' Howell said. 'We've seen how powerful it is for people to have a way to rebuild their homes and lives with community support. 'Just like baby and wedding registries became a normalized part of major life transitions, we believe divorce registries will follow that same path.' Though a service like Fresh Starts Registry is one way to support individuals going through divorce, support goes beyond gifts, such as help with filing for divorce. In addition to gift registries, the website offers access to a wide range of experts – mediators, divorce lawyers, therapists and financial advisors – as well as guides, podcasts, eBooks and events. Support during divorce process The Divorce Act applies throughout Canada, but each province has its own legislation tackling various related issues like property division, parenting, child protection, pet arrangements and common-law trust claims. In 2021, the act was changed to reflect that couples must try to seek resolution outside the court system before commencing the application for divorce. That resolution can take many forms, including lawyer negotiation, mediation, arbitration or collaborative. According to Toronto-based family lawyer Russell Alexander, while a divorce registry could be advantageous, support needs differ from person to person. 'We do a lot of what we call collaborative practice, where we agree not to go to court and we try to resolve everything amicably, focusing on our client's goals and interests,' Alexander said in an interview with 'A registered social worker can assist with communication guidelines and parenting plans and things of that nature. A lot of family professionals also have collaborative practice training, so they work closely with lawyers and financial advisors in terms of creating an outcome. 'Any way we can make access to information and professionals that can help people going through divorce, I think is a good thing.' More couples opting for meditation In both Rubin's and Alexander's experiences, most individuals file for divorce based on one-year separation, and very few cases go to court for cruelty or adultery, even when there was abuse or adultery present during the marriage. According to Rubin, this is largely because proving either involves a higher evidentiary burden, often requiring affidavits, testimony, or cross-examination, which can cause further mental strain on the individual. Mary-Anne Popescu, executive director of the Ontario Association for Family Meditation, says she sees more individuals opt for a process that is less mentally taxing. 'Couples navigating separation and divorce today are generally more informed about the mental health impacts of conflict—not just on themselves, but on their children too,' Popescu told 'There's a growing awareness of how trauma, unresolved tension or high-conflict processes can leave lasting emotional imprints. That awareness is leading many families to seek out alternatives to court, like mediation, not only to resolve legal matters, but to preserve relationships, reduce stress, and create healthier transitions.' Additionally, Popescu has observed greater emphasis on mental health and trauma-informed practice with professionals working with individuals going through divorce. 'Professionals—including mediators, lawyers, therapists, and parenting coordinators—are increasingly working from trauma-informed and child-centered lenses,' Popescu said. 'Across the board, we're seeing more intentionality, whether it's entering into relationships, managing finances, or choosing how to end relationships.' Registry could be start of new support Despite couples opting for more collaborative processes to get divorced to avoid further mental strain, continued support for these individuals is always advantageous, Popescu says. 'Something like (a divorce registry) provides this ability for people to let each other know, 'I could use some help' … this could be a very tangible way for people to support each other,' she said. 'I think this could break down a barrier for people who are hesitant or don't know what to say. 'We've all been touched by divorce and separation, in our own families, our friends. It is not a clinical situation; it is an emotional situation. It's sometimes not logical, so to have these supports, I think is really good.'
Forbes
13-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Forbes
Post-Divorce Design: Why Women Are Turning To Pink To Reclaim Their Power
Pink is the new beige Pink is a color most people associate with femininity, makeup, and Barbie, especially the Barbiecore decorating trend. But for many newly divorced women, it's becoming the color of liberation—at least according to a viral Threads post by the co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, Olivia Howell. Just one sentence long, it has been viewed more than 395000 times: 'No one tells you that starting over means crying at HomeGoods because you can finally buy the pink towels he hated.' While it's clear that this seemingly minor act of buying colorful towels is relatable, its meaning goes far beyond decorating trends. As the co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry (along with her sister, Genevieve Dreizen), Howell is an expert in starting over again. The world's first and only divorce registry provides a way to register for anything and everything a newly-divorced person needs for a fresh start—whether it's floral sheets or that expensive blender her ex-husband vetoed. There's also a free directory of professionals, from home organizers to therapists, who can provide support during this often challenging time. Howell tells me the reaction to her post was surprising. 'It's not that I was explicitly forbidden from buying pink towels or decorating with color, but looking back, I realize I compromised my design aesthetic to fit into the vision of what a good bride and a harmonious partner should be.' She also realized she had been making compromises in her relationship and life that she really didn't want to make for years, starting with her wedding registry. 'I wanted to honor his preference for neutral tones, even though I've always been drawn to bold and bright colors,' she reveals. 'So, we ended up with beige towels with our monogram on them—safe, classic, and admittedly...a bit drab. It wasn't about strict rules; it was more of an unspoken understanding—pink just wasn't part of our home's palette.' While beige towels are a minor compromise, they're reflective of a larger issue. It's not the towels, it's the relationship. Howell's post has received 950 replies so far, many from women sharing their own stories of decorating. From painting their dining rooms pink to blush sofas and bright bedding, many commenters see the color as a symbol of liberation from bad relationships. Threads user, Ashley Blom evevn humorously stated, 'My bedroom after divorce looks like a preteen with an unlimited Five Below budget.' While she didn't provide a photo, it's fair to assume this statement is accurate. One of Hunter's pink bedrooms in Palm Beach. While most of the Threads photos were DIYS, those with larger budgets are also embracing this color. According to interior designer Jennifer Beek Hunter, who is best known for her colorful and feminine, yet gorgeously sophisticated style, both divorcees and bachelorettes are increasingly requesting pink elements in their homes. From wallpaper to paint and bedding, it's a color she works with quite often. 'I think divorced women definitely like to decorate with pink as it is a way to express a newfound freedom and independence.' Hunter explains much like Howell; her clients weren't explicitly forbidden from using the color in the past, but rather, they were hesitant to even suggest it. 'I do not think it was that they were not able to decorate with pink when married, but that they never thought to do it in fear that their husbands would say no. It is as if they didn't even go there. Now, there is no one to answer to, no one to please, but themselves.' Traditionally, pink has been a symbol of femininity, which can be a turn-off. 'The resistance some men have toward pink furniture and decor is deeply rooted in cultural narratives that stretch back generations,' notes Howell. 'This association begins before birth—nurseries are often color-coded pink for girls and blue for boys, setting the expectation that these colors signify gender. From an early age, many boys are taught—implicitly or explicitly—that pink is 'girly,' soft, and therefore less acceptable for them.' Ultimately, the color represents what men shouldn't be. So, having a pink home—even if it's something their partner wants can potentially feel emasculating. 'It's almost like pink serves as a symbol of relinquishing some degree of control or masculinity in their own living space,' says Howell. Oddly, while blue is considered a color for boys, it doesn't hold equal weight as a symbol of masculinity. Most women don't think twice about decorating with blue. It's actually quite a popular choice. Yet some men view pink as a visible marker that they don't have equal influence in the household's aesthetic choices. Love is a pink dresser. Designed by Jennifer Hunter. If a man is happy in his life and relationship, letting his wife buy a pink sofa or choose butterfly bedding shouldn't require a second thought if it's something that will bring her joy. 'When we are unhappy in relationships, we use a lot of ways to show it, and sometimes it shows up as rebellion; if it's a color a wife wants, the husband doesn't, just because she does,' says Bonnie Scott, therapist and founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling. 'And if we follow that line of reasoning, then it becomes symbolic of the ways he's controlling the space, and by extension, his wife.' So, when that relationship ends, out goes the man and the ugly black leather sofa she never really wanted in the first place. 'Many women redecorate as a way to make a space feel reclaimed and fresh. It's nice to be able to use items we like to create the vibe we want and express our style,' explains the therapist. 'So when a woman has left a partner and is setting out into a new phase of life, it's fun to go through the process of experimenting with style while not having to compromise with another person.'
