Latest news with #PamelaStephensonConnolly
The Guardian
29-07-2025
- Health
- The Guardian
I'm delighted with my 45-minute erections – but why are my orgasms such a letdown?
I am a man in my 60s. When my wife and I have sex, I can keep it up (as it were) for 45 minutes, including about 20 minutes of coitus. All of which I enjoy very much. The problem in recent years is my orgasm. When it arrives, it is a bit of a letdown. It happens extremely quickly and feels like a premature ejaculation, even though it has taken a long time to get there. It makes no difference whether I am on top and in charge of the pace or whether my wife is. How can I make my orgasms more enjoyable? Certain medications – whether prescription or over-the-counter – can change the nature of one's orgasm, so consider whether the culprit could be in your medicine cabinet. If this is a possibility, you should consult with the prescribing physician to find out if there might be an alternative. Another element to investigate is whether your hormones might have something to do with it. For example, you might ask a doctor to look at your testosterone levels. Strong orgasms are fuelled partly by sex hormones such as testosterone, and an insufficiency could lead to the symptoms you are experiencing. Finally, I can tell that you are proud of your sexual prowess, but it might be a good idea to relax a bit on the expectations you set for yourself. A person usually has a better orgasm when they are able to let go of performance pressure. Try to focus simply on pleasure. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
Yahoo
17-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Most people think of their ex when pleasuring themselves, study reveals — here's what it means
They're getting it on while thinking of the past. Despite how your last relationship ended, if you think of your ex when pleasuring yourself, there's no shame in doing so — and you're not alone. 76% of men and 59% of women think of an ex when masturbating, according to a new survey from Ohdoki, the pleasure tech company that makes The Handy male sex toy. And before you fret, doctor and certified sex therapist Kristie Overstreet told the Everygirl that fantasizing about a past lover could mean a variety of things. If you're single and reminiscing about your past lover while showing yourself some lovin' — it 'could be a healthy way to look back on what was good in the relationship.' If you're in a relationship and still thinking about that specific person while masturbating — Overstreet told the outlet that people should look at it as a positive thing, as it could be 'a way to use the past relationship to help enhance the current relationship.' And oftentimes thinking of the sexual experiences you once had with a person that are now forbidden is a major turn-on for some when masturbating, according to Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. And not everyone pleasuring themselves is thinking of a past fling — some are just preferring it over sex. When Charlotte thought she was 'addicted' to her rabbit vibrator in that famous 'Sex and the City' episode — she was onto something. The Ohdoki survey also revealed that 29% of people prefer solo pleasure to the real thing, including almost one in three men (31%) and just over a quarter of women (26%). A Swedish study even revealed that on average, women pleasure themselves nine times across a 30-day period — which equals about twice per week. Do the math, and that leaves little time for hanky panky with a partner. 'Some people may find masturbation more enjoyable than sex because they can find their own sweet spot — they know what they like and what they don't like,' said Gemma Nice, a sex and relationship coach. 'When you are masturbating, you can control the rhythm, the pace and the pressure. That level of precision allows people to tune into exactly what they want and reach orgasms that are incredibly intense.' While self-pleasure is healthy and normal — Nice explained, 'If you rely too heavily on masturbation for satisfaction, it can affect the quality of partnered sex.' 'You may become so used to your own technique that a partner's touch feels less fulfilling. Masturbation shouldn't be a replacement for connection. If that's happening, it's a sign that more open communication is needed, outside the bedroom, too,' she added.
Yahoo
03-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My ex-girlfriend used me for sex. How do I move on from the betrayal?
My last relationship felt like the best sexual relationship I'd ever had. After my marriage ended, exploring intimacy with a new partner with a well-matched libido felt liberating and life-affirming. After a brief split last summer, she reappeared and said she wanted to have sex again but not to resume as a couple. I declined, explaining that intimacy worked for me only in the context of a relationship. She then said she wanted to get back together, so our relationship briefly resumed. Two weeks later she said she wanted out again, leaving me feeling I had been duped and manipulated. The destruction of trust has eroded much of the confidence I had gained. I have found it impossible to consider starting a new relationship. How do I move on from this feeling and untangle the damage? No relationship is perfectly easy and uncomplicated. Most involve periods of uncertainly and confusion. You seem to have a pretty good idea about what you do and don't want, so act on that and take charge of your life. Avoid the pitfalls of viewing yourself as a victim. Remove the things that don't work for you, and never re-enter old problems. Refuse to allow the way you may have been treated in the past to stop you finding better relationships, better sexual experiences. You deserve to be happy; allow yourself to be so. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
The Guardian
03-06-2025
- General
- The Guardian
My ex-girlfriend used me for sex. How do I move on from the betrayal?
My last relationship felt like the best sexual relationship I'd ever had. After my marriage ended, exploring intimacy with a new partner with a well-matched libido felt liberating and life-affirming. After a brief split last summer, she reappeared and said she wanted to have sex again but not to resume as a couple. I declined, explaining that intimacy worked for me only in the context of a relationship. She then said she wanted to get back together, so our relationship briefly resumed. Two weeks later she said she wanted out again, leaving me feeling I had been duped and manipulated. The destruction of trust has eroded much of the confidence I had gained. I have found it impossible to consider starting a new relationship. How do I move on from this feeling and untangle the damage? No relationship is perfectly easy and uncomplicated. Most involve periods of uncertainly and confusion. You seem to have a pretty good idea about what you do and don't want, so act on that and take charge of your life. Avoid the pitfalls of viewing yourself as a victim. Remove the things that don't work for you, and never re-enter old problems. Refuse to allow the way you may have been treated in the past to stop you finding better relationships, better sexual experiences. You deserve to be happy; allow yourself to be so. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Yahoo
20-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
I click with my new man on every level – except he doesn't want to have sex
I started dating someone I really like about two months ago. We click on all levels and he adores me, but he has some complicated circumstances, which means we have no sex life. He has anxiety and takes SSRIs, which reduce his libido. He also takes blood thinners for a coronary issue, which I know precludes the use of erectile dysfunction products. He has also said that he never really felt a lot of lovingness from his previous partners. He says he's attracted to me and likes my body. He kisses me to show his interest and attraction but not in a heavy making-out way. I am a very sensual person. My former partner and I had the best sex I've ever had in my life – however, he could be very distant at times and had poor emotional intelligence and communication with me (unlike my current partner). I have never had this issue with anyone else, so although I understand his vulnerability, I'm unsure what else to do other than wait. For now, I am willing to be patient. I have never had this issue with anyone else so although I understand his vulnerability, I'm unsure other than my plan to wait. You are smart and empathic, and you are correct about the need to be patient and allow the circumstances and reasons to unfold. Not everyone would be so patient and understanding. At present, you seem to be balancing what your needs are against his, but it will be important to make sure his very specific requirements do not become all-consuming. Think about your caregiving qualities and consider whether they are healthy or not; if there is a compulsive aspect to them you may want to pull back. People who overgive – especially when they do it compulsively – often become burnt out, and end up being undervalued. And the recipients of overgiving can fall into a state of learned helplessness, which is not a healthy situation for either partner. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
