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HKFP
19 hours ago
- General
- HKFP
Partners in Pride: A new generation of LGBTQ couples juggling parenthood, life and law in Hong Kong
This feature is the second in HKFP's Partners in Pride series, which looks at how same-sex couples navigate life, death and everything in between ahead of the government's October deadline to enact a framework to recognise same-sex partnerships. Read the first story, about same-sex couples' journey to parenthood through IVF, surrogacy and adoption, here. Whether it's a quick trip to a supermarket or a doctor's visit, lesbian couple Sakura and Ed – and their two-year-old daughter, Anya – are constantly turning heads. 'Once, we were at a department store and the cashier heard [my daughter] call my wife 'mom,'' Sakura told HKFP in Cantonese. 'The cashier then asked who I was, and I said I was her mom too.' 'Her mouth hung open, and she was shocked. She didn't know what to say,' Sakura said. Such interactions are common for Sakura and Ed, both in their late 30s. They are part of a new generation of same-sex couples living their parenthood dreams in Hong Kong. Sakura and Ed, as well as other same-sex couples interviewed for this story, asked to use pseudonyms for themselves and their children due to privacy concerns. Activists say that only in recent years have more same-sex couples in the city been having children. For the older members of the LGBTQ community, settling down and having children with a same-sex partner seemed a remote possibility because many struggled to accept their sexual orientations and come out to their families, they said. Barry Lee, chairperson of Grey and Pride, an NGO supporting middle-aged and elderly gay men, said that in the group's 10-year history, it has not met anybody married to a same-sex partner or who has had children with one. Many are closeted, he said. Some are still in heterosexual marriages, and among the divorced, few enter long-term same-sex relationships. 'They are scared to come out because they fear it would affect their family,' Lee told HKFP in Cantonese. In comparison, people now are more open to expressing themselves because they feel society is more accepting, he said. 'We see same-sex couples holding hands in public, and at LGBTQ events, people show their faces and are not hiding behind a mask,' Lee added. Before having children, members of the LGBTQ community usually have to meet certain milestones, which are hard to achieve when one senses stigma in society, said Francis Tang, founder of the NGO Gay Harmony. 'First, you have to be at peace with yourself and others around you,' Tang said in Cantonese. 'Only then can you really be in a relationship and think about starting a family.' Minority within minority LGBTQ parents are a minority within a minority in Hong Kong, where same-sex marriage is not recognised and strict reproductive laws make it hard for same-sex couples to have children. Assisted reproduction treatments, like in vitro fertilisation (IVF), are restricted to people who are heterosexual and married. Commercial surrogacy – often the only option for male gay couples – and reproductive treatments involving buying a gamete or embryo are illegal, even if done abroad. The laws are a rare case of Hong Kong legislation governing acts abroad. The laws have not stopped some same-sex couples from seeking reproductive treatment overseas. Sakura and Ed underwent IVF in North America in 2021, with Sakura carrying the baby. At the time, they did not know any other same-sex parents in the city, so they joined a Facebook group called 'Rainbow Families in Hong Kong.' They are also in a WhatsApp group for same-sex parents, with most of their children in their toddler years. 'There are over 100 parents in the group,' Sakura said. 'It's quite a mixed culture. There are locals and expatriates from different countries.' Guardianship Family lawyers told HKFP that while enquiries from same-sex parents – and prospective parents – were virtually non-existent four or five years ago, they now receive between three and eight a year. The clients ask how they can safeguard their parental rights, as under Hong Kong law, only one parent might be regarded as the legal parent. Family lawyer Jocelyn Tsao helps same-sex parents arrange guardianship deeds and wills so the non-legal parent can become the child's legal guardian if the legal parent passes away. Another document, a deed of temporary guardianship, allows the non-legal parent to act for the child when the legal parent is absent. This could be useful if the non-legal parent encounters problems at schools or hospitals due to questions raised about their relationship with their child. 'Theoretically speaking, the [non-legal parent] has no custody or parental rights over the child,' Tsao said. Most same-sex parents HKFP spoke to said they have never encountered anyone who doubts their relationship with their child. But Peter, a gay father, said he was stopped in March from making an appointment for his son, Lucas, at a public hospital. Peter and his husband, Mark, adopted four-year-old Lucas in Hong Kong in February, giving a younger brother to Emma, their five-year-old daughter, who was born through an altruistic surrogacy arrangement in the UK. Since Hong Kong does not recognise same-sex marriage, only one member of a same-sex couple can apply as a solo applicant for adoption, and that person will be the adoptive parent. Because Mark was the only one who applied for adoption, he is considered to be Lucas' sole legal parent. (In contrast, Emma has a UK birth certificate with both her fathers' names.) Peter said that he explained their family situation to the hospital. 'They asked me to bring a letter signed by Mark allowing me to act for Lucas,' he recalled. Mark has since written a letter and made multiple copies. Peter now carries the letter with his son's medical and school documents, just in case. 'Mark works a lot, so sometimes I am worried that if something happens and he is not around, and a decision needs to be made, I'm not 100 per cent sure what would happen,' he said. 'Kind of offensive' Beyond legal issues, a more day-to-day challenge is raising a child in a city where LGBTQ families remain largely invisible. All the couples interviewed by HKFP said they believed they were the only same-sex parents at their school. The schools did not treat them any differently, they said. But their children's classmates could be a different story. Trevor and Frank, who are from Canada, adopted their daughter, Alexandra, at birth in Ontario before coming to Hong Kong over a decade ago. Alexandra, now 12, goes to an international school. Some of her classmates have said it was 'cool' that she has two fathers. But there have been times when she came home feeling bothered. 'When she was younger, kids just asked if it was true she had two dads,' Trevor said. 'But as she got older, they said more uneducated things.' Her schoolmates have asked Alexandra if her fathers 'act gay' or do 'sus' stuff. She said some questions were asked out of curiosity, but some were 'kind of offensive.' 'I don't think it's intentionally homophobic,' Trevor said. 'They're just kids. It's more like a lack of exposure.' The other parents, whose children are still of kindergarten age or younger, told HKFP they were not aware of any insensitive comments at school, but wanted to get ahead of that. Janet, who has a three-year-old daughter with her wife Katie through IVF in the US, said they often talk to her about different family structures. 'We talked to her about Frozen,' she said, referring to the Disney film, 'and showed her that this is Elsa's father, this is her mother, and this is her sister.' Then, 'we talked about her friend who is raised by a single mother and has a domestic helper,' Janet said in Cantonese. 'And we told her our family consists of two mothers and her,' she added. 'I think it's very normal for her. She doesn't think anything is missing, just that our family is a little different.' Other LGBTQ parents also have similar conversations with their children, often using books to explain their unique family situations. Peter and Mark read a picture book about Ellie the Elephant and her two dads to their children. Alexandra still keeps the children's book, A Tale of Two Daddies, part of a rotation of bedtime stories that her fathers used to read to her. Slow progress Hong Kong's small but growing community of LGBTQ families emerges at a time when the city is awaiting a framework recognising same-sex partnerships, as ordered by a landmark top court judgment in 2023. There have also been other court rulings in recent years in favour of the LGBTQ community, including same-sex parents. In 2023, the High Court recognised the non-birth mother of a child born via reciprocal IVF as a parent 'at common law.' In 2021, a separated lesbian couple received a guardianship order from the High Court. Guardianship orders differ from guardianship deeds as they afford rights to the non-legal parent at all times, not only when the legal parent is absent. Lawyers say they hope to see same-sex parents granted the rights that heterosexual parents have under the impending framework. While guardianship arrangements are sufficient for day-to-day needs, they expire once a child comes of age. 'The whole idea of guardianship is what an adult can do over the child,' family lawyer Wong Hiu-chong said. 'After the child's 18th birthday, legally, there is no relationship at all.' There is no definitive way for both parents in a same-sex relationship to establish a lifelong parental relationship with their child that is recognised by law. The city's Parent and Child Ordinance is gender-specific, setting out the terms 'father' and 'mother' in its text, Wong added. And even if the non-legal parent is appointed a guardian, the child may not be entitled to inheritance, as that right only applies if the person is recognised in law as the child of the deceased. Trevor and Frank said they were not too optimistic about the future legal framework, saying it was 'worrying' that the government had not conducted any public consultation. The Legislative Council no longer has opposition lawmakers since an electoral reform in 2021 required those in office to be 'patriots.' Most pro-establishment lawmakers oppose LGBTQ rights, arguing that a husband and wife provide 'more adequate support' to families and can reduce 'behavioural deviations.' Still, Trevor and Frank acknowledged that progress had been made – albeit slowly. When the couple arrived in Hong Kong in 2015 after Frank's move here for work, Trevor could not get a dependent visa. That changed in 2018, when the top court ruled that granting dependent visas. 'Culture takes time to change and evolve,' Frank said. Original reporting on HKFP is backed by our monthly contributors. Almost 1,000 monthly donors make HKFP possible. Each contributes an average of HK$200/month to support our award-winning original reporting, keeping the city's only independent English-language outlet free-to-access for all. Three reasons to join us: 🔎 Transparent & efficient: As a non-profit, we are externally audited each year, publishing our income/outgoings annually, as the city's most transparent news outlet. 🔒 Accurate & accountable: Our reporting is governed by a comprehensive Ethics Code. We are 100% independent, and not answerable to any tycoon, mainland owners or shareholders. Check out our latest Annual Report, and help support press freedom.
HKFP
27-04-2025
- Politics
- HKFP
Partners in Pride: The Hong Kong same-sex couples pursuing their dreams of parenthood
This feature is the first in HKFP's Partners in Pride series, which looks at how same-sex couples navigate life, death and everything in between ahead of the government's October deadline to enact a framework to recognise same-sex partnerships. Jennifer has always wanted kids. As a primary school teacher in Hong Kong, she is surrounded by children five days a week. They excite her most days and wear her out on others – but still, she dreams of having her own to come home to. 'I love their energy. I love being around them, and I love their honesty and the challenge,' she said. But being a lesbian, Jennifer didn't think too much about when – and how – to have children. In Hong Kong, where marriage equality is not recognised, Jennifer and her wife, Anna, have limited options for parenthood. The pair, along with other same-sex couples interviewed by HKFP, asked to use pseudonyms due to privacy concerns. Whether pursuing assisted reproduction treatments like In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF), surrogacy or adoption, all of the couples said they had to jump through hoops due to Hong Kong's strict reproductive laws. Assisted reproduction treatments in Hong Kong are restricted to people who are heterosexual and married. Commercial surrogacy – often the only option for gay couples – and reproductive treatments involving buying a gamete or embryo are illegal, even if done abroad. The regulations are a rare case of Hong Kong laws governing acts committed overseas. Authorities say the laws safeguard children and the status of families. The ban on commercial dealings is 'in line with the universal principle' of prohibiting human organ and tissue trading, as well as protecting vulnerable women from exploitation, they say. But some voices say the lack of accessible, legal options discourages same-sex couples from pursuing parenthood. 'Hong Kong's reproductive laws create a challenging environment for same-sex couples seeking to build families, particularly male couples,' Mark Daly, a human rights lawyer, told HKFP. Elsewhere in Asia, reproductive laws are similarly restrictive. While Taiwan legalised same-sex marriage in 2019, same-sex couples still cannot do IVF. It is also illegal in other countries such as Singapore and Malaysia. Since Thailand legalised same-sex marriage last year, with the new law coming into effect in January, same-sex couples now have access to IVF there. Jennifer and Anna – who are in their mid- to late-30s – did IVF in the UK, where it is legal for same-sex couples. After three failed embryo transfers, Anna finally became pregnant in October. Sitting in their home in March, Jennifer and Anna told HKFP they were privileged to afford the procedures, which they estimated cost around HK$600,000 to HK$800,000. Still, the constant travel took an emotional toll on them. They wish they could have done IVF in Hong Kong, just like heterosexual couples. 'We've got this dropping birth rate. The government is trying super hard for people to have kids,' she said. 'Why don't they allow gay people to have kids?' she said. Legal grey areas Same-sex couples in Hong Kong have limited legal rights. Some they enjoy – such as housing and inheritance rights – are a result of court challenges by LGBTQ activists. In September 2023, the Court of Final Appeal delivered a landmark ruling that Hong Kong must enact a framework for recognising same-sex relationships. The government is expected to deliver the framework by October. Despite the legal victories, conservative voices remain. Lawmakers have argued that a husband and wife provide 'more adequate support' to families and can reduce 'incidences of psychological problems and behavioural deviations.' Still, some same-sex couples in Hong Kong are pursuing their parenthood dreams. HKFP spoke with half a dozen same-sex couples expecting a child or raising children in the city. The lesbian couples did IVF overseas, with one partner carrying the baby and giving birth – or planning to give birth – here. Two of the gay couples' children were carried by a partner's female relative in an altruistic surrogacy arrangement. The other children were born through commercial surrogacy outside Hong Kong, including in the US and mainland China. Surrogacy routes For Daniel and John, the topic of children came up shortly after meeting on a dating app in 2018. Today, they are fathers to two kids born out of very different surrogacy arrangements. Their son, Liam, was delivered via commercial surrogacy in mainland China – where it is illegal – last year. All the children's names in this story are pseudonyms. Three women were involved in the surrogacy, carried out in China's Guangdong province: the woman whose egg they bought, the surrogate, and the woman whose name appeared on their child's birth certificate. The legal and administrative nightmare came after Liam was born, with endless paperwork and appointments to secure identity documents so he could come to Hong Kong. 'It was very stressful, the uncertainty of 'What if I can't get him out, and how long is this going to take?'' Daniel, who is Canadian, told HKFP. Daniel finally brought Liam to Hong Kong when he was around a month old. Liam was joined by Mia, their daughter born through altruistic surrogacy last year in Canada, where the procedure is legal. Daniel's sister bore the baby, conceived with her egg and John's sperm. 'My sister offered [to carry the baby]. It was her gift to us,' Daniel said. Both Daniel and John are listed as fathers on Mia's birth certificate. The couple also obtained a court order in Canada certifying that they are her parents. Family lawyer Azan Marwah said that, given Hong Kong's complicated reproductive laws, same-sex couples should seek legal advice to avoid consequences. After a baby is born abroad via surrogacy, the couple may encounter scrutiny at the Hong Kong airport when bringing them back, Marwah told HKFP. They could also face questions from the Immigration Department when applying for permanent residency or visas for their child. But Marwah added that there had been no known prosecutions under the Human Reproductive Technology Ordinance, largely because of a limited prosecution window. As the ordinance's offences are summary offences, authorities have only six months to prosecute, he said. For surrogacies, that window might start from the last payment that the couple made to an agency. In response to HKFP, police said they 'do not maintain the requested figures' when asked how many prosecutions there had been under the ordinance. Adoption success story Some couples have sought another route: adoption. After years of waiting and uncertainty, Mark and Peter adopted four-year-old Lucas in February. The boy joins their five-year-old daughter, Emma, who was born out of an altruistic surrogacy arrangement, with Mark's sister carrying their baby in the UK. They are a rare case of same-sex couples adopting in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, same-sex married couples cannot apply for adoption as a joint couple because their marriage is not recognised. They can only apply as a solo applicant, and their partners would be interviewed by social workers per the standard procedures which review everybody that would be involved in childcare. Mark, who is from the United Kingdom, applied as a solo applicant in 2020. During a social worker's interviews with Mark and his husband Peter, who is from mainland China, the fact that they were a same-sex couple came up 'extensively.' 'Obviously, Lucas is different from most of his friends because he's got two dads,' Mark said. 'They were probing us a lot on how we would deal with that and the impact it may have on him.' Mark passed the application and was added to the prospective parents pool in 2021. Three years later, in 2024, they received a call that he was matched with a boy at a foster home. After a six-month placement during which Lucas lived in Mark and Peter's home, the couple was granted an adoption order by the Family Court. When delivering the order, the judge acknowledged Peter by name and 'recognised verbally that he was a parent,' Mark said. 'That was a nice gesture that the judge made. Obviously, his name is not physically on the piece of paper… but it's quite important he was recognised,' Mark added. 'Traditional family values' According to the Social Welfare Department (SWD), there were 102 applicants in the adoptive parents pool waiting to be matched with a child as of late February. Among them, 13 were solo applicants and 89 were joint applicants. Data from the past 10 years showed that joint applicants outnumbered solo applicants by almost five times. The percentage of joint applicants matched yearly was also higher than that of solo applicants. But it cannot be said that solo applicants face discrimination, said Diana Kwok, an associate professor at the Education University of Hong Kong's Department of Special Education and Counselling. The wait time depends on the criteria that prospective parents select, she said. 'Some applicants may specify wanting a newborn, or not having health complications, or a certain sex,' she told HKFP in Cantonese. Many same-sex couples are not aware they can adopt as solo applicants because adoption programmes tend to focus on traditional families, Kwok said. 'Most of the time, the Social Welfare Department and the NGOs [that handle adoption] hold talks only targeting [married heterosexual] couples.' This reflects society's view that families should consist of a husband and a wife, the professor added. A 2019 Chinese University of Hong Kong (CUHK) survey – the latest publicly available poll – found that almost 40 per cent of respondents thought same-sex married couples should not be allowed to adopt children, while over 53 per cent supported the idea. Independent lawmaker Doreen Kong said she could understand the opposition. The idea of same-sex parents raising children contradicts 'traditional family values' in Chinese society, she said. 'There might be less controversy about whether they should have financial or inheritance rights. But for raising a child, I think the views are much more divided,' she said in Cantonese. Preparing for motherhood Jennifer and Anna said they had not been treated differently from straight couples at doctor's appointments. Jennifer said she had been able to accompany Anna for check-ups at their private clinics ahead of the July due date. 'We've been very accepted throughout the process,' Anna, now in her last trimester, said. 'I've never felt out of place, except sometimes in the waiting room where [there are] 10 straight couples… and then there's us.' The couple is aware that Hong Kong, by default, acknowledges a child's biological mother and father as the legal parents, meaning only Anna would be recognised. They said they would apply for Jennifer to be a guardian. It is rare for same-sex couples to seek parental rights through the court because of the time and money needed, Marwah said. There is also uncertainty about what options are available to them. Under the Parent and Child Ordinance, parental orders commonly sought after surrogacies are for 'the husband and the wife' only. Guardianship orders could be possible, Marwah said. They do not exclude same-sex couples since guardians are regarded as anybody involved in caring for a child. In a widely reported 2021 ruling, a separated lesbian couple successfully asked the High Court to give guardianship to the non-birth mother and award them joint custody of their two children, who were conceived via artificial insemination. The verdict marked an important step for same-sex parents' rights, but it is unclear if there have been other same-sex couples applying for guardianship orders. 'It's a relatively new area of law. Lawyers don't really know or understand it,' Marwah said. For now, Jennifer and Anna are focused on the present. The couple have been up to their ears in research, attempting to understand everything from cribs to confinement nannies to wills and insurance plans. During a recent check-up, a doctor told the to-be parents that they were in for a 'lifetime of stress.' Between the arduous IVF journey and navigating the law, they have already had a preview of what's to come. 'Just generally, there's a lot to think about. I don't feel like I'm ever going to feel prepared,' Jennifer said. Original reporting on HKFP is backed by our monthly contributors. Almost 1,000 monthly donors make HKFP possible. Each contributes an average of HK$200/month to support our award-winning original reporting, keeping the city's only independent English-language outlet free-to-access for all. Three reasons to join us: 🔎 Transparent & efficient: As a non-profit, we are externally audited each year, publishing our income/outgoings annually, as the city's most transparent news outlet. 🔒 Accurate & accountable: Our reporting is governed by a comprehensive Ethics Code. We are 100% independent, and not answerable to any tycoon, mainland owners or shareholders. Check out our latest Annual Report, and help support press freedom.
