3 days ago
Carolyn Hax: Parent balks at teen's pursuit of career credential in high school
Adapted from an online discussion.
Dear Carolyn: Our daughter's high school has a technical program that would allow her to take classes toward becoming a Patient Care Technician by graduation. Her goal is to become a pediatric nurse.
The problem is that it would require her to drop an elective (chorus) that I know brings her much joy and I think is very beneficial to her mental health. Most of her friends are from her various choral activities. She just seems so young to be making decisions on a career path already.
Full disclosure: I was a chorus kid and it was one of the few positive things for me in high school, so I realize this is coloring my view a bit. I also KNEW I wanted to become a teacher — until I actually pursued that track in college and realized it was NOT for me.
The pressure put on these kids is immense. I just want her to enjoy her high school experience. She will have time to pursue her degree and certifications after graduation.
But is it our call to make? I worry about her resenting us if we deny her this track, but worry more about her mental health if she no longer has chorus as an outlet and bringer-of-joy.
— Worried
Worried: First, drop the chorus rope. You're too invested. She can decide its value to her, and knows where to find it again if she regrets quitting.
Second, lose the 'too soon' inflexibility, because there are unicorn kids who really do know what they want.
Third, she could love this program for its inherent value — and it could, paradoxically, take pressure off her and be better for her mental health if it's a good group of kids, gives her a clear set of standards and sense of purpose, and aligns with her interests.
Fourth: It could rule out more than chorus, though, so look carefully. If 'core' courses get squeezed out, then she may need to pick them up later if she changes to a more liberal arts path. It's not insurmountable, but it's still better to know going in.
Fifth, can she enter this track late? Leave it early? Where have its graduates gone next? Have you asked the school these things?
Sixth, err on the side of trusting your kid. You do have the parental last word, but at her age it's time to save that for emergencies. So gather all the intel you can, primarily about what SHE wants, then proceed as if it's a schedule, not a destiny.
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