3 days ago
Your Teen Was Unproductive This Summer—What Now?
Gen Z teens experience more pressure than ever to be productive and active during their time off. Here's what to know if your teen spent most of their time on the couch during the summer.
We live in a culture of productivity; there's no doubt about that. As much as adults are under pressure, our tweens and teens are feeling it, too. In a 2024 report, Unpacking Grind Culture in American Teens: Pressure, Burnout, and the Role of Social Media, statistics showed that 56% of American teens reported feeling pressure to have a game plan for their futures, including college, career, and relationships. Another 53% reported feeling pressure to have high achievements in their grades, honors classes, and their jobs.
With a large number of teens facing so much pressure in their professional and academic lives, when should parents reconsider the load they expect or allow their children to carry—and should the summer be a time of rest for tweens and teens as opposed to taking on more hustle?
The consensus? There isn't a cut-and-dry answer. Whether or not your tween or teen should take on a summer job or internship all depends on each individual child and their circumstances, according to Penny Meeker, founder and owner of BeLove Parenting.
'It can be appropriate, especially for older teens, to have some level of responsibility continued through the summer,' she said. 'During the school year, if they are heavily involved in sports, extracurriculars, or their academics, then they probably need a change of pace for the summer. So finding a balance that's right for each child.'
Meeker, who has over 30 years of experience in youth development and is a mother of three adult children, says that some kids thrive better with structure, while others may feel too much pressure adding on work during the summer.
'For some kids, having no structure can increase their anxiety. It might just take doing something a little more enjoyable. It's less stressful, but still keeping them active and engaged and having some sort of routine. Vice versa, for some kids, that extra pressure of a job or an internship might be too much for them, and they do need to just have time to chill and rejuvenate.'
Kristen Duke, mother of one teen and three adults, knows from experience how tricky teenagehood can be. 'It's hard being a teenager. It's hard to know how to navigate. It's also hard to be a parent of a teenager, too, and so I validate both experiences.'
Duke, who helps other moms build relationships with their teens through trust, realizes that a lot of people are quick to perceive tweens and teens as lazy—but is that actually the case, or should we be considering the plethora of other things that they're facing that may affect their motivation or even ability to be productive?
'I think that is how a lot of parents perceive what their kids are doing, and I invite them to say, 'Let's reframe laziness.' What if they're not lazy, what if they're just overwhelmed or overstimulated and they need a little more of a break?' she questioned.
Figuring It Out
The best way to know if your tween/teen is ready for more responsibility is by simply having some conversations with them and assessing their load.
Meeker and Duke suggest considering some of the following questions, with Meeker urging parents to ask during check-ins before the summer starts, mid-summer, and even throughout the year.
Are they bored?
Are they lonely?
Do they feel too busy?
Are they too stressed?
Are they getting enough time with their friends, or no?
How can they be stretched a little without being pushed too much?
Is it too much for them to keep going at the same pace that they go all school year?
Is this something that we need to add to their plate, or is this something that's going to stress them during the summertime when it's meant to relax?
Depending on the child's answers, parents can adjust as necessary. 'Just making sure that they have the right balance of time to relax and time to destress as well as time to pursue their interests and their goals,' Meeker advises. 'Leading with curiosity rather than having a set idea or goals already in place for your child and really just helping them to talk it through and set some of their own goals.'Parents can sometimes play a large role in their tween/teens being overscheduled, Duke suggests. 'I think a lot of parents feel this expectation or pressure or even judgment to think, 'They [the child] should be doing this, or I'm a bad parent if I'm not making them have a job.''
'They really need to analyze and assess their own thoughts around why they're thinking that, and then assess their teenager,' Duke added. 'I think there is a big problem with being over-scheduled and the stress associated with that.'
Staying Busy
While working a job or internship can be beneficial for your child, there are many other opportunities your tween/teen can take advantage of to enhance their social and professional skills, as well as develop how they handle responsibility.
'Summer's a great time for them to try out some other interests, get different experiences and exposure that is also educational and expands their horizons—and that's going to help them as they get older and are trying to decide more about what they really want to do,' Meeker said. 'That also is going to still build collaboration skills, leadership skills, different kinds of interactions with different people than they would normally interact with, and all of that is going to benefit them in the long run.'
Even if your tween or teen didn't work this summer, you still want to make sure they're active and engaged during the year.
'The most important thing for the summer is similar to routines as it is for younger kids, which is to keep them reading, keep them moving,' Meeker said. 'Also, making sure that they have face-to-face, in-person interactions on a regular basis as well, not just via video games and texting and social media.'
Whether tweens or teens choose to fill their plates or not is a choice that has to be made between the parent and the child directly. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, but the most important thing is making sure that your child gets an opportunity to develop themselves without overdoing it or being hyperscheduled.
'Giving them different experiences and exposures can really help them at this time in particular, where they are developmentally soaking it all in,' Meeker said. 'It gives them those soft skills that they're going to need as they move through life.'
Read the original article on Parents
Solve the daily Crossword
