Latest news with #PositivePsychology
Forbes
01-08-2025
- Health
- Forbes
The 5 Pillars Of True Lifelong Happiness — According To A Psychologist
What is happiness, really? Positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman asked this very question and discovered that lasting wellbeing isn't about chasing fleeting pleasures. It's about building a life that feels whole and deeply lived. So, he developed the PERMA Model — a framework that offers a grounded, research-backed path to wellbeing. Rather than urging you to just 'think positive,' it invites you to construct a life based on five core pillars: Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment, or 'PERMA.' Here is a breakdown of the PERMA model, and the practical ways you can begin cultivating each pillar today. 1. Positive Emotion This is not about toxic positivity at all. This is about intentionally inviting in joy and gratitude, even in the smallest of doses. Most people equate happiness with automatically being cheerful all the time. However, a 2020 study published in Emotion Review shows that actively engaging in simple practices such as gratitude journaling, savoring and acts of kindness can reliably increase positive emotions and even contribute to better physical health. The key is that these emotions can be cultivated. Positive emotions don't erase life's challenges, but they do broaden our perspective. Here's how to build on them: However, don't confuse this with denying or suppressing difficult emotions. Suppressing feelings increases stress. Balance is key. So let yourself feel the hard moments while intentionally noticing the lighter ones. 2. Engagement Do you ever lose track of time doing something you enjoy? That's characteristic of a flow state. A 2020 study shows that flow isn't just a mood, it's a state where the brain's motivation and attention systems are working in harmony. The dopaminergic and noradrenergic systems fire up, boosting motivation and lifting mood. Here, three major brain networks interact: Here's how to build your desired engagement level: You may resist starting, but once you're in it, you'll emerge feeling more energized and satisfied than you would from an hour of passive entertainment. People who regularly experience flow report not only higher life satisfaction but also greater resilience in the face of stress. Meaningfully engaging with your life is a essential to feeling like you've truly lived. 3. Relationships Human connection is the most robust predictor of long-term wellbeing. Not likes or followers, but authentic, safe, reciprocal relationships. Decades of research confirm this. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study of human flourishing, highlights a deep truth: 'Good relationships lead to health and happiness. The trick is that those relationships must be nurtured.' (Waldinger & Schultz, The Good Life). The study's findings are striking. Researchers found that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. These bonds protect us from life's discontents, delay mental and physical decline and even predict longevity better than social class, IQ or genetics. In fact, satisfaction with relationships at age 50 was a stronger predictor of health in later life than even one's cholesterol levels. Yet, nurturing relationships is not always easy in a distracted world. As Waldinger and Schultz noted, by 2018 , the average American was spending 11 hours a day in solitary activities like watching TV or scrolling social media, leaving just 58 days with friends across nearly three decades, compared to over 4,800 days with screens. These statistics are humbling, but offer an important turning point. Here's how you can start nurturing your relationships: Remember, strong relationships don't mean never fighting. Bonds built on curiosity, kindness and the willingness to mend ruptures last stronger than any relationship that starts off on a seemingly strong note. 4. Meaning Meaning is the compass that steadies us when life feels chaotic. It isn't just a lofty idea. According to research, it has measurable effects on our wellbeing. Recent studies found that people who prioritize meaning in their daily lives report greater happiness, more gratitude, higher life satisfaction and a stronger sense of coherence, even beyond the benefits of simply seeking out positive emotions. That's because meaning doesn't require life missions. It often shows up in the small, intentional choices we make: seeing our struggles as opportunities to live our values, showing up for a cause we care about, connecting with our community or family in ways that affirm a deeper purpose and more. The studies also revealed that prioritizing meaning directly fuels the experience of meaning, which in turn amplifies your wellbeing. Here's how to start creating more meaning: And, remember that a life filled with pleasures but devoid of meaning often feels hollow. Meaning gives context to our struggles and amplifies the richness of our joys, acting as the quiet anchor of long-term wellbeing. 5. Accomplishment As opposed to the common notion that accomplishment is about chasing prestige, it's actually about the quiet satisfaction of moving toward goals that feel authentic to you. Without it, life can feel like treading water, even when everything else seems fine. Research shows that having achievement goals is strongly linked to greater life satisfaction. But it isn't so much the goals themselves but the sense of agency they create. When you believe your actions can truly shape your future, your wellbeing improves. The same study also found that people who practice emotion reappraisal — the ability to reframe setbacks and challenges — experience an even stronger boost in life satisfaction from their goals. Accomplishment is about cultivating competence and self-trust through steady effort and reframing challenges along the way. Here's how to build a healthy sense of accomplishment: Also, real accomplishment often looks quieter than we expect. It's the daily rhythm of small, meaningful wins, and the mindset that turns setbacks into stepping stones that builds long-term confidence and life satisfaction. Lastly, remember that the five pillars are intertwined. You don't have to work on all five at once. Often, they feed into each other. A meaningful friendship (R) can increase joy (P). Achieving a small goal (A) can boost your engagement (E) and deepen your sense of purpose (M). Think of the PERMA model as your personal wellbeing toolkit. Want to know how stocked yours is? Take the science-backed Flourishing Measure to find out.
Forbes
15-07-2025
- Business
- Forbes
When Technical Brilliance Becomes A Liability
Diana Lowe, CEO of Blue Light Leadership , helps organizations transform employee engagement through Positive Psychology and Coaching. getty Zara was a senior leader with a track record that turned heads. She delivered results, met every metric and outperformed peers in her technical domain. But behind the numbers was a mounting problem HR couldn't ignore: She dismissed input from peers, labeled colleagues as 'incompetent' and operated with a my-way-or-the-highway mindset. To HR, coaching was a strategic intervention. To Zara, it felt like a punishment. For her team, it was the final hope. This isn't a story about personality. It's about mindset—and how evidence-based coaching can help shift deeply entrenched attitudes, protect organizational culture and turn a high performer from a liability into an asset. What often presents as a 'difficult personality' is, in truth, a set of cognitive and emotional patterns shaped over time. Zara hadn't become rigid overnight—her views on competence, control and value had been reinforced over decades. The problem wasn't capability. It was mindset—and that's where HR-led coaching interventions can have transformational power. Here are three tools from positive psychology and behavioral coaching that helped shift Zara's perspective and her impact—and how they can help other leaders do the same. 1. Cognitive Reframing: Challenging The Internal Narrative When Zara claimed, 'No one here knows what they're doing,' we paused to examine the thought beneath the thought. Was she feeling unsupported? Out of sync with the culture? Holding others to an impossible standard? Using cognitive-behavioral techniques, we challenged absolutes and helped her develop a more accurate—and empowering—narrative: 'I hold high standards, and I'm learning to communicate them in a way that elevates others.' The Takeaway: Use cognitive reframing to reduce interpersonal friction, shift conversations from confrontation to collaboration and enhance team psychological safety. 2. Strengths-Based Coaching: When Assets Become Liabilities Through the VIA Character Strengths assessment, Zara identified her top strengths: leadership, prudence and fairness. While these traits had helped her rise, their overuse had a cost. Fairness became rigidity. Prudence morphed into micromanagement. Leadership leaned into control. By connecting these strengths to emotional intelligence and self-regulation strategies, she began to use them more intentionally—and more effectively. The Takeaway: Lean on strengths-based development to increase leader self-awareness and transform perceived weaknesses into refined leadership behaviors. 3. Visioning Exercises: Reconnecting To Intrinsic Motivation Using the Best Possible Self exercise, we explored how Zara wanted to be described one year from now. Her answer was not 'the smartest in the room,' but 'respected, inspiring, someone people want to work with.' That shift—from proving to inspiring—became her coaching North Star. Each week, she set micro-goals tied to this future version of herself. The Takeaway: Work on visioning to build intrinsic motivation, align behavior with values and create internal accountability—often more powerful than external pressure. The Multiplier Effect: Why Coaching Relationships Matter None of these tools matter without one essential ingredient: trust. In coaching, insight is just the beginning. Sustainable change happens when leaders feel safe enough to be honest—and challenged enough to grow. In Zara's case, it wasn't one "aha" moment. It was a series of micro-adjustments, made possible by a strong coaching alliance and a safe space to evolve. Why This Matters To A Healthy Company Culture When a high performer becomes a source of disengagement, the cost is steep—turnover, complaints and lost productivity. But writing someone off is often more expensive than investing in behavioral coaching. The ROI is improved retention, revitalized team morale and a transformed leader who becomes part of the culture solution, not the problem. Positive psychology tools aren't soft. They're strategic. And when paired with a strong coaching relationship, they don't just inform behavior change—they make it possible. Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
Yahoo
05-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Have you been ‘cookie jarred'? This is the ‘disgusting' act young people do when dating
It's a jarring experience. Relationship experts are warning about the rise of 'cookie jarring' — a practice whereby someone dates multiple people simultaneously to keep their options open. Those who are 'cookie jarred' are not the suitor's main person of interest and are instead kept as a backup in case things fall through with the primary object of affection. 'Let's be honest, you're keeping them on the side because you want to have somebody else as back-up in case this doesn't work out,' Positive Psychology Coach Arrezo Azim stated, per the Daily Mail. 'The attention's amazing — but the long-term effects are a lot worse if you do it that way,' Azim added. 'Give yourself time to get to know someone without the influence of anyone else and if things just don't work out, then that's okay — but don't get a back-up because you are unsure,' dating trends expert Eugénie Legendre told the Daily Mail. It's not only detrimental for the person who is doing the cookie jarring — it's just as damaging for people who have been placed in the back-up position, who may be left wondering why things aren't progressing Victims of cookie jarring have described the practice as 'disgusting,' 'gross' and 'selfish.' Cookie jarring is not dissimilar to both the 'benching' and 'breadcrumbing' trends that have become part of the dating lexicon in recent years. 'You like them, you just don't like them enough to prioritize them,' Match chief dating expert Rachel DeAlto previously told The Post about the behavior. Feeling like a backup can damage a dater's self-esteem. 'It is an innately human desire to be wanted and seen. Being benched creates a cycle of unmet expectations and unclear boundaries, and the person being benched will likely start to feel like they aren't important,' DeAlto added.
Yahoo
12-05-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
15 Signs You Feel Stuck In Your 'Back Up Plan' Life
You had bigger plans once. Wilder dreams. A version of your life that felt expansive, electric, maybe even a little reckless in all the right ways. But somewhere along the way—between paying the bills, managing expectations, and making 'practical' choices—you traded in the dream for something more stable, sensible… and survivable. Now, you're waking up to a life that technically works, but doesn't feel like you. It's functional, but it's not fulfilling. You're not failing—but you're not thriving either. If you've ever had that quiet, haunting thought—'Is this really it?'—you might be living a version of your backup plan. And the truth is, you're not alone. Here are 15 signs you're stuck in the life you settled for, not the one you once imagined. You know that feeling—that looming dread when Sunday evening rolls around? If every day at work feels like you're trudging through Monday's sluggishness, you might be stuck in your backup plan. Sure, a 'real job' is supposed to pay the bills, but it's not meant to drain the life out of you. According to a study by Gallup published in CNBC, about 60% of employees are emotionally detached at work, so you're not alone. The thing is, jobs don't have to feel like a soul-sucking chore. Imagine waking up excited about what the day holds instead of hitting snooze five times. If your work isn't aligning with your passions, it might be worth questioning whether it's a stepping stone or a roadblock. Take a step back and evaluate—are you living to work, or working to live? Remember that novel you started writing or those art classes you promised you'd take? If your passions are currently lying dormant, it's a clear sign you're not living the life you envisioned. Your backup plan might have taken precedence, pushing those creative pursuits to the back burner. Life's not just about working and paying bills—it's also about fulfillment and joy. Revisit those projects and give them the attention they deserve. It doesn't mean quitting your job tomorrow, but making intentional time for what genuinely lights you up can make all the difference. Let's talk about that elusive "someday." If you often catch yourself saying, "I'll do that someday," it might be time to reevaluate. 'Someday' often translates to never, as it remains a vague point in the future that never comes. As Positive Psychology outlines, setting specific goals with a timeline is crucial for turning dreams into reality. The key is to stop deferring your dreams to an unspecified future. Instead, start setting real dates and deadlines for your next steps. Whether it's signing up for a class, traveling to a new place, or starting a side hustle, make it actionable and tangible. When Friday rolls around, do you find yourself crashing on the couch rather than seizing the day? If you're using weekends solely to recover from the workweek, something's off. The weekend should feel like an opportunity to explore, indulge in hobbies, and spend quality time with loved ones, not just a time to recharge your drained batteries. Ask yourself what your ideal weekend looks like, and try to incorporate more of those activities into your life. It might mean saying no to certain obligations or commitments that drain you. A weekend well spent can rejuvenate you for the week ahead, rather than simply prep you for another round of the grind. Scrolling through social media, do you find yourself feeling a bit green when you see your friends living their best professional lives? Envy is a natural emotion, but it can also be a wake-up call that you're not where you want to be. According to Psychology Today, envy can be a useful tool for self-awareness and motivation if approached correctly. Start by figuring out what exactly you're envious of—is it their flexibility, their creativity, or the recognition they're getting? Understanding your envy can be a powerful tool in identifying what's missing from your own career. It might be time to set new goals or pivot towards what truly excites you. If "good enough" has become your life motto, it's worth exploring why you've settled. Settling often stems from fear of failure or the unknown. It's easy to convince yourself that your current situation is acceptable, but deep down, you know there's more you want from life. Start by identifying areas where you've compromised. Whether it's your career, relationships, or personal growth, understand why you've settled and what changes you can make. Life's too short to stick with "good enough" when something extraordinary could be within reach. If escaping to a remote island sounds more enticing than anything else right now, you might be in a rut. A constant desire to get away can indicate that your current life isn't aligning with your true desires. Work-life balance is crucial, and sometimes, it's not just about taking a vacation but creating a life you don't need to escape from. Start by pinpointing what exactly you're running from—is it the job, the routine, the location? Understanding the root of your discontent can help you make informed changes. According to an article by Forbes, people who make conscious career changes often report higher levels of satisfaction. Maybe it's time to consider a new path that doesn't make you want to hit the eject button so often. When did you last do something purely for fun, without worrying about productivity or outcomes? If you can't remember, you might be out of touch with your inner child. Reconnecting with this playful, carefree part of yourself can be key to rediscovering what you truly want in life. Find activities that bring you joy, whether it's drawing, playing a sport, or simply daydreaming without guilt. Allow yourself to be curious and imaginative. Your inner child can offer you insights into what truly matters and what steps to take next. Have you noticed that your goals change frequently, often swayed by external influences? This inconsistency might suggest you're not as committed to your current path as you think. Goals should be reflective of your true desires, not what you think you should want. Take a moment to list your top priorities and compare them to your daily actions. If there's a disconnect, it might be time to realign. Consistent goals provide a roadmap to your dream life, so it's essential that they resonate deeply with you. Do your chats with friends and family often revolve around complaints or surface-level topics? Shallow conversations might be a sign you're not fully immersed in a life that excites or fulfills you. Engaging in deeper conversations can be a clue to your passions and what truly lights you up. Try steering conversations towards topics that genuinely interest you, even if they seem daunting or unconventional. You might find new inspiration or a fresh perspective that propels you forward. Meaningful dialogue can often spark the changes you need. If you find yourself consistently opting for the safe route, you might be stuck in your backup plan. While risk involves uncertainty, it also holds the potential for growth and change. Embracing risk can be the key to breaking free from a life that doesn't fulfill you. Evaluate the risks you're currently avoiding, and assess their potential benefits. Taking calculated risks can lead you closer to the life you desire. Remember, most great achievements came from stepping out of the comfort zone. Is your routine as predictable as a rerun of your least favorite sitcom? A monotonous daily grind might indicate you're not living your dream life. While routines provide structure, they can also become a trap if they no longer serve you. Shake things up by introducing small changes to your day. Whether it's taking a new route to work, trying a different type of exercise, or exploring a new hobby, variety can bring new energy and perspective. Sometimes, small tweaks can make a big difference. Living in a way that doesn't align with your core values can feel like wearing a jacket that's three sizes too small. Over time, this misalignment creates discomfort and dissatisfaction. Your values act as a compass, guiding you toward a purpose-driven life. Reflect on your core values and assess if your current lifestyle supports them. If there's a gap, identify steps to bridge it. Living in harmony with your values can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling existence. If you've stopped learning or acquiring new skills, you might be stagnating in your backup plan. Continuous learning is crucial for growth and keeps life interesting. It can ignite passions and lead to unexpected opportunities. Look for classes, workshops, or hobbies that pique your interest. Learning something new can open doors and reignite your excitement for life. Seek opportunities to expand your mind and see where it takes you. Do your dreams feel like a distant echo, barely remembered in the hustle of daily life? When dreams fade into the background, it's a sign you're not living the life you envisioned. Dreams are not just childish fantasies—they're the roadmap to your ideal life. Take time to reconnect with your dreams, no matter how far-fetched they seem. Write them down, visualize them, and consider the steps needed to bring them to life. Remember, it's never too late to chase after what truly matters.
