Latest news with #ReichmanUniversity
Telegraph
25-05-2025
- Health
- Telegraph
The professor who believes she's found the secret to sexual attraction in long-term relationships
Gurit Birnbaum loves sex. So fascinated is she by everything to do with human sexuality that she got a PhD in the subject, from Bar-Ilan University in Israel, nearly 30 years ago. Now she is professor of psychology at Reichman University, and a world-leading expert on sexual behaviour. 'When I was getting my PhD, in my early 20s, I was discovering the joys of sex,' Prof Birnbaum says. 'In the course of my research I found that sex can be a source of joy and excitement for some people, like me, but a source of agony and even boredom for others. I was quite shocked to find that not everyone enjoys sex as much as I do.' The differences are often most stark inside of long-term relationships, Prof Birnbaum has found. Some couples feel just as attracted to each other decades down the line as they did in the first days of their courtship, and have just as much sex, too, her research has found. For most however, desire declines over time, and frequency of sex with it. Women are especially likely to lose sexual attraction to their partners over the years. 'Humans make sex so complicated,' Prof Birnbaum says, but it's actually pretty straightforward. Sex 'plays an important part in how we form relationships with potential partners, and in holding those relationships together,' she explains. Although 'for some people, sex is not related to how they function within the relationship,' for the majority of us, 'the health of a couple's sex life reflects the health of their relationship as a whole'. The good news is that our sex lives are not unchangeable, even after years of dissatisfaction. In fact, they can be improved easily, Prof Birnbaum says. Here is what she knows about why desire wanes in long-term relationships, and how to keep enjoying sex well into old age – without having an affair. We risk breaking up when boredom sets in Most couples look back fondly on their first months or years together, remembering it as a time when feelings were strong and desire for each other was high. 'When you meet someone new that you want to have sex with, it often feels like a visceral, animal reaction,' she says. Those feelings serve an important evolutionary purpose: 'It's actually a cue that indicates to you at the gut level that this person might be a potential good match for you as a partner, and leads you to find out whether that person might be compatible with you, in that you have similar in hobbies or interests,' Prof Birnbaum explains. Over time, as we get used to our partners, we don't feel the same desperate need to have sex with them. On the one hand, this allows for a more intimate, stable connection to develop between two people. But at the same time, familiarity makes our partners seem less desirable, a change happens in almost all relationships. The honeymoon phase is a very real phenomenon: on average, those naturally high feelings of desire last for a year to two and a half years, Prof Birnbaum's research reveals, after which maintaining a vibrant sex life is much harder. Yet sex 'preserves connections that are emotionally satisfying,' and a lack thereof 'leaves the ones that don't meet our needs vulnerable to a breakup', says Prof Birnbaum. So finding a remedy can be crucial. 'Novelty is crucial to instigating sexual desire,' says Prof Birnbaum, 'and that doesn't have to mean sex toys and roleplay. Foreplay in this sense starts outside the bedroom.' Going on dates and making time for each other only becomes more crucial as a relationship ages. 'Doing things together means that you keep getting to know your partner and see them in different lights. Talk about new topics with each other, do new and exciting things together, learn new things together, try to observe your partner under different circumstances and in the different roles they take on throughout their lives, that you don't typically see. You will likely discover that your partner isn't this boring person you've already learnt everything about after all, and that there's still more you can learn about them and be excited about.' It's vital to also have your own life. 'It's important to have friends of your own and hobbies of your own so that you don't feel fully enmeshed. Often this helps to boost desire as it maintains the distinction between you and your partner, meaning that they remain someone you want to chase after.' Not all desire is the same At the beginning of a relationship, we typically experience 'spontaneous' desire, Prof Birnbaum says – the sort that 'drives the feeling that you can't get your hands off of each other'. But later on in relationships, 'responsive' desire takes over. 'This means that you have to be committed to the process, accept sexual advances from your partner or initiate sex before you're aroused in the way that you used to be, and really pay attention to what's working to get you or your partner in the mood. In this way, you may feel desire for your partner, get into the mood, and enjoy the sexual interaction, even if you were not there in the first place.' Key here is a couple's willingness to foster responsive desire for each other, rather than hoping to bring back the exact same drive from their early relationship. This plays a key part in Prof Birnbaum's 'relationship development model' of sexual desire. 'It's not only a lack of desire itself, but also an apathy to the situation and a reluctance to do the work and meet each others' needs that leads to relationship breakdown,' she explains. The couples who manage to keep their sex lives thriving for decades are the ones who 'respond to each other's needs, sexually and outside of the bedroom too,' Prof Birnbaum says. 'They're more attuned to what the other needs, and even if one of them doesn't want to have sex, they find a way to navigate the discomfort and find other ways to address the needs that sex can meet – for closeness, intimacy and physical touch.' Prof Birnbaum recommends that couples start trying to initiate this kind of desire an hour before they'd like to have sex: 'People like to feel courted because it makes them feel wanted.' Affairs are contagious If you've ever suspected that infidelity can catch, based on the behaviour of people in your own social groups, then you're right, at least according to Prof Birnbaum. 'Social behaviours can be contagious,' she says. 'It all depends on what's seen as normal within your social groups. If you see one of your friends cheat on their partner, then you're more likely to think that it's acceptable and not that bad, and to behave that way yourself.' We're all vulnerable to this, says Prof Birnbaum, but some more than others. 'Being intoxicated is one example of what makes someone more likely to cheat, but we are also much less likely to resist temptation if we aren't getting enough emotional resources from within our relationships,' she explains. 'People may cheat on their partners even if they are happy with them, however. It's the balance between the magnitude of temptations, whether you are too depleted to control your urges, and the circumstances that will determine how you will resolve the conflict between desire for others – which we all have – and the wish to maintain your current relationship.' 'When you meet someone new that you're attracted to, there's an internal conflict between maintaining the relationship and coping with the temptation,' she says. 'Personal differences like high levels of narcissistic traits, or feeling insecure, can impact whether cheating happens, as well as how valuable your relationship is to you.' Building a relationship that's invulnerable to infidelity is very difficult. But often, 'people just don't consider the negative consequences of their actions when they're in the midst of a strong attraction,' says Prof Birnbaum. 'In one of our studies, we asked people to take their partner's perspective when faced with advances from an attractive person, and we found that doing so made them less likely to cooperate with the flirtatious interaction, because their partner and the potential impact on them was on their mind, and they could empathise with the pain that their partner might potentially feel.' Women and men are different Women are much more likely than men to lose desire for sex altogether. Hormonal changes around the menopause can influence this, but there's more to it than that, Prof Birnbaum says. 'Women tend to be more attuned to their partner's behaviour, both positive and negative, so the relational context is likely to affect them more strongly when it comes to whether or not they want sex and whether they enjoy it,' she says. In the worst cases, where a couple are consistently in conflict, this can cause women to 'shut their sexual systems down entirely,' says Prof Birnbaum. 'When a woman's partner behaves destructively and is frequently critical, she will be likely to express that by backing away from her partner sexually, consciously or unconsciously. If her partner doesn't satisfy her emotional needs, or she feels that they aren't invested enough, then they'll just shut their sexual system.' This is also true when there's a perceived power imbalance, a belief that one person has more power than the other: 'it's a way of asserting yourself and taking back some control,' says Prof Birnbaum, and again it's not always conscious. Then there's the fact that 'many women feel that they get more work in terms of raising the kids and doing chores, on top of working, so naturally they're too exhausted for sex'. The remedy for this – aside from addressing the root causes – is improving your 'sexual communal strength', as Prof Birnbaum calls it. This is shorthand for 'the motivation you have to meet your partner's sexual needs, while still valuing your own needs, and seeing that this is reciprocated by your partner'. Research suggests that couples who have high sexual communal strength are happier in their relationships overall, regardless of how much sex they have, 'because they engaged in sex for positive, relationship-oriented reasons like fostering intimacy and connection'. This helps to improve the overall relationship 'climate', says Prof Birnbaum. It's also crucial not to say things to your partner that you can't take back. 'Even in the midst of a heated argument, you have to choose your words carefully and not say things that are going to hurt your partner and stay in their head for months,' Prof Birnbaum says. 'Women especially can find that this makes them very averse to sex.'
NDTV
23-05-2025
- Politics
- NDTV
Israeli Embassy Staff Victim Yaron Lischinsky Was "Brilliant, Curious": Envoy
Yaron Lischinsky, one of the two Israeli staff members killed outside the Capital Jewish Museum in DC, was a brilliant and curious student, Ron Prosor, Israel's ambassador to Germany, said on Thursday. Mr Prosor said he taught Mr Lischinsky during his master's at the Reichman University. In a long post on X, Mr Prosor wrote, "Yaron, born in Nuremberg, wasn't just a colleague. I had the privilege of having him as my master's student at Reichman University. Bright, curious, engaged." Describing Mr Lischinsky, he said that he was a Christian who served in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) and chose to dedicate his life to the State of Israel and the Zionist movement, supporting the Jewish people's right to have their own state. He further said that Mr Lischinsky represented Judeo-Christian values and set an example for young people around the world. "Chanting "Free Palestine" is not just a slogan, it's a call to action to target Jews wherever they are," Mr Prosor said, adding, "We will not let terror win." "May the memory of Yaron and Sarah be a blessing." Yaron and Sarah— working together at the Israeli Embassy in Washington D.C.— were murdered in a terrorist attack outside the Jewish Museum. A young couple with a bright future planning their life together. Yaron, born in Nuremberg, wasn't just a colleague. I had the privilege of… — Ambassador Ron Prosor (@Ron_Prosor) May 22, 2025 Nissim Otmazgin, a humanities professor at the Hebrew University, said Mr Lischinsky dreamt of becoming a diplomat. According to the German-Israeli Friendship Society, Mr Lischinsky was fluent in German. Volker Beck, the president of the society, paid tribute to Mr Lischinsky, saying, "His interest in German-Israeli relations and ways to achieve peaceful coexistence in the Middle East brightened the environment around him." According to the BBC, one of his friends, Jenny Havemann, called Mr Lischensky a nice, modest, calm, and friendly man. Mr Lischinsky and his colleague and partner, Sarah Milgrim, an American working for the Israeli embassy, were shot dead on Wednesday night by a man named Elias Rodriguez. According to the reports, Rodriguez walked past the victims and shot them in the back multiple times. He reloaded and fired again, shooting a total of 21 bullets. As police arrived, Rodriguez admitted to the shooting, saying, "I did it for Palestine; I did it for Gaza." Yechiel Leiter, the Israeli ambassador to the US, said the couple was set to get engaged in 10 days.
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
Bonded by work and love, Israeli Embassy colleagues' lives cut short by gunman
They were colleagues, and they were a couple, days away from a marriage proposal. But the interwoven lives of Yaron Lischinsky and Sarah Milgrim were brutally cut short Wednesday evening, when the two Israeli Embassy staffers were shot while leaving a reception for young diplomats at the Capital Jewish Museum. The suspect told police he 'did it for Palestine,' according to court documents filed Thursday as he was charged with murder. Milgrim, a 26-year-old American from Kansas, had devoted her burgeoning career to bringing people together to look for ways to promote peace and combat climate change, those who knew her say. Lischinsky, a 30-year-old Israeli citizen who spent some of his childhood in Germany, had a deep attachment to Israel and an interest in bridging cultural and religious divides. He had bought an engagement ring and was just days away from proposing to Milgrim on a planned trip to Jerusalem, according to Israeli Ambassador Yechiel Leiter. 'A young couple with a bright future, planning their life together,' said Ron Prosor, a veteran Israeli diplomat who knew Lischinsky. Yaron Lischinsky Lischinsky grew up partly in the German city of Nuremberg and moved to Israel at 16. He served in the Jewish state's military 'and chose to dedicate his life to the state of Israel," said Prosor, who taught Lischinsky at Israel's Reichman University. Lischinsky earned a master's degree in government, diplomacy and strategy there. 'He embodied the Judeo-Christian values and set an example for young people worldwide,' Prosor said on X. A friend, David Boskey, recalled Lischinsky as someone unafraid to broach hard questions in order to interrogate his own convictions. He met Lischinsky in 2017 in Jerusalem at a Messianic Jewish congregation, where they would often end up talking together about life and faith, Boskey said. The Messianic movement — popularly known as Jews for Jesus — incorporates Jewish symbols and practices, but Israel considers Messianic Jews to be practicing another faith. 'He was looking to see where he was going to go in life, asking questions about calling and about identity and about what he was going to study, where he was going to work, what he wanted to pursue in life,' Boskey said. He described Lischinsky as 'a truth-seeking type of person, mixed with a very, very kind and gracious willingness to serve other people.' Lischinsky helped found the Israeli-German Society's youth forum, according to its counterpart in Germany, and he took a job at the Israeli Embassy in Washington in 2022. There, he worked as a research assistant whose responsibilities included keeping track of important events and trends in the Middle East and North Africa, his LinkedIn profile said. He said he advocated for interfaith dialogue and intercultural understanding and was an 'ardent believer' in deepening Israel's ties with the Arab world through the U.S.-brokered agreements known as the Abraham Accords. On Instagram, his bio included a yellow ribbon symbolizing the struggle to free the hostages taken by Hamas during its Oct. 7, 2023, attack on southern Israel that ignited the war in the Gaza Strip. Milgrim's Instagram bio also had a yellow ribbon, as well as a passage, in Hebrew, from the biblical Book of Deuteronomy: 'Justice, justice you shall pursue.' Sarah Milgrim Milgrim was an American citizen, according to Israel's former ambassador to the U.S., Mike Herzog. She hailed from Overland Park, Kansas, where a former youth director at Congregation Beth Torah remembers a brilliant girl with a perpetual smile and a sense of purpose. 'She had a passion for Judaism and for Israel, and she wanted to do some good,' said Marcia Rittmaster, the former youth director. She recommended Milgrim for a Jewish leadership internship upon the young woman's graduation from high school. Milgrim went on to the University of Kansas, where she earned a bachelor's degree in environmental studies in 2021 and was a warm, uplifting presence at Shabbat dinners and holiday gatherings at the Chabad Center for Jewish Life. 'She believed in connections, in building community and bringing people together,' Rabbi Zalman Tiechtel said. He said she loved asking questions, enjoyed insightful conversations and 'was filled with so much love.' After graduating, Milgrim worked at at a Tel Aviv-based organization centered on technology training, entrepreneurial and conflict dialogue for young Palestinians and Israelis, according to her LinkedIn profile. It said she had been trained in religious engagement and peacebuilding by the United States Institute of Peace, an organization that promotes conflict resolution and was created by the U.S. Congress. After earning a master's degree in international affairs from American University in 2023, she went to work at the Israeli Embassy, where her job involved organizing events and missions to Israel. Among them was an Earth Day gathering last month that highlighted Israeli companies and nonprofit groups doing climate work, recalled attendee Jennifer Laszlo Mizrahi, a philanthropist and a Maryland Commission on Climate Change member. She said she and Milgrim brainstormed by phone just this past week about ways to inform journalists about climate-related innovations in Israel. 'She was exceptionally talented, exceptionally passionate, really kind, extremely well-organized and very effective. And she's the kind of young leader that, really, this nation and the world needs,' Mizrahi said. 'She wanted to create a better future for everyone.' ___ Goldenberg reported from Tel Aviv, Israel. Contributing were Geir Moulson in Berlin; Melanie Lidman in Tel Aviv; Jennifer Peltz in New York; Sarah Brumfeld in Cockeysville, Maryland; Heather Hollingsworth in Kansas City, Missouri, and Holly Ramer in Concord, New Hampshire. Tia Goldenberg, The Associated Press
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
What we know about the 2 Israeli Embassy staffers killed in DC shooting: 'Young couple with bright future'
Yaron Lischinsky and Sarah Lynn Milgrim, two staff members at the Israeli Embassy, were killed outside an event at the Capital Jewish Museum in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday night, according to Israeli Foreign Minister Gideon Sa'ar. The young couple were not diplomats, but instead Lischinsky was a researcher in the political department of the Israeli Embassy, and Milgrim organized U.S. missions to Israel. "The couple that was gunned down tonight were about to be engaged," Yechiel Leiter, Israeli ambassador to the United States, said during the press conference. "The young man purchased a ring this week with the intention of proposing next week in Jerusalem." Ron Prosor, Israel's ambassador in Germany and friend of Lischinsky, described the two victims as a "young couple with a bright future planning their life together." Here is what else we know about the young couple that was killed: Lischinsky, who was born in Nuremberg, Germany, was a Christian, and a "true lover of Israel" who "chose to dedicate his life to the State of Israel and the Zionist cause," Prosor said on X. During his work the past two years as a research assistant at the Israeli Embassy in Washington, D.C., Lischinsky was responsible for "keeping the department up to date on important events in the Middle East & North Africa, conducting research on topics of interest to our diplomatic staff, liaison with other diplomatic missions, maintaining relationships with the local think tank community and helping to organize delegation visits from various Israeli ministries," according to his LinkedIn profile. MORE: 2 Israeli embassy staffers killed in apparent 'targeted attack' in Washington, DC He received a master's degree in government, diplomacy and strategy from Reichman University in Herzliya, Israel, and a bachelor's degree in international relations and Asian studies from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, his profile said. He was fluent in English, Hebrew and German. He wrote on his profile that he moved from Germany to Israel when he was 16 years old and had "the privilege of calling both Jerusalem and Nuremberg my home." Lischinsky also served in the Israel Defense Forces for three years, Prosor said Prosor described Lischinsky as "bright, curious, [and] engaged" and said he "embodied the Judeo-Christian values and set an example for young people worldwide." Milgrim worked in the embassy's department of public diplomacy for almost two years, beginning in November 2023, according to her LinkedIn profile. She described herself as a "dynamic professional," saying her passion lies "at the intersection of peacebuilding, religious engagement and environmental work," her profile said. She was an American citizen, according to The Associated Press. Before her time at the embassy, she worked in Tel Aviv for Tech2Peace, which "provides high-tech and entrepreneurial training alongside conflict dialogue to young Palestinians and Israelis," according to its website. Milgrim received two masters degrees -- one in international affairs from American University and another in natural resources and sustainable development from the University of Peace in Costa Rica -- and a bachelor's degree in environmental studies from the University of Kansas, according to her profile. KU Hillel, the University of Kansas' Jewish community, said Milgrim's friends described her as "the definition of the best person" and that she made "meaningful contributions that continue to resonate today." "Sarah's bright spirit and passion for the Jewish community touched everyone fortunate enough to know her," the group said in a statement on Thursday. What we know about the 2 Israeli Embassy staffers killed in DC shooting: 'Young couple with bright future' originally appeared on
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
What we know about the 2 Israeli Embassy staffers killed in DC shooting: 'Young couple with bright future'
Yaron Lischinsky and Sarah Lynn Milgrim, two staff members at the Israeli Embassy, were killed outside an event at the Capital Jewish Museum in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday night, according to Israeli Foreign Minister Gideon Sa'ar. The young couple were not diplomats, but instead Lischinsky was a researcher in the political department of the Israeli Embassy, and Milgrim organized U.S. missions to Israel. "The couple that was gunned down tonight were about to be engaged," Yechiel Leiter, Israeli ambassador to the United States, said during the press conference. "The young man purchased a ring this week with the intention of proposing next week in Jerusalem." Ron Prosor, Israel's ambassador in Germany and friend of Lischinsky, described the two victims as a "young couple with a bright future planning their life together." Here is what else we know about the young couple that was killed: Lischinsky, who was born in Nuremberg, Germany, was a Christian, and a "true lover of Israel" who "chose to dedicate his life to the State of Israel and the Zionist cause," Prosor said on X. During his work the past two years as a research assistant at the Israeli Embassy in Washington, D.C., Lischinsky was responsible for "keeping the department up to date on important events in the Middle East & North Africa, conducting research on topics of interest to our diplomatic staff, liaison with other diplomatic missions, maintaining relationships with the local think tank community and helping to organize delegation visits from various Israeli ministries," according to his LinkedIn profile. MORE: 2 Israeli embassy staffers killed in apparent 'targeted attack' in Washington, DC He received a master's degree in government, diplomacy and strategy from Reichman University in Herzliya, Israel, and a bachelor's degree in international relations and Asian studies from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, his profile said. He was fluent in English, Hebrew and German. He wrote on his profile that he moved from Germany to Israel when he was 16 years old and had "the privilege of calling both Jerusalem and Nuremberg my home." Lischinsky also served in the Israel Defense Forces for three years, Prosor said Prosor described Lischinsky as "bright, curious, [and] engaged" and said he "embodied the Judeo-Christian values and set an example for young people worldwide." Milgrim worked in the embassy's department of public diplomacy for almost two years, beginning in November 2023, according to her LinkedIn profile. She described herself as a "dynamic professional," saying her passion lies "at the intersection of peacebuilding, religious engagement and environmental work," her profile said. She was an American citizen, according to The Associated Press. Before her time at the embassy, she worked in Tel Aviv for Tech2Peace, which "provides high-tech and entrepreneurial training alongside conflict dialogue to young Palestinians and Israelis," according to its website. Milgrim received two masters degrees -- one in international affairs from American University and another in natural resources and sustainable development from the University of Peace in Costa Rica -- and a bachelor's degree in environmental studies from the University of Kansas, according to her profile. KU Hillel, the University of Kansas' Jewish community, said Milgrim's friends described her as "the definition of the best person" and that she made "meaningful contributions that continue to resonate today." "Sarah's bright spirit and passion for the Jewish community touched everyone fortunate enough to know her," the group said in a statement on Thursday. What we know about the 2 Israeli Embassy staffers killed in DC shooting: 'Young couple with bright future' originally appeared on
