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Sydney Morning Herald
04-08-2025
- General
- Sydney Morning Herald
Rosters and situationships: Has Gen Z abandoned love?
Annabelle King says the Sydney dating scene 'is not for the faint-hearted'. While some of her peers are coupling up, the 27-year-old fears she is falling behind. 'I feel like I finished school, went to university, got a professional job, and then it was just like, bam, everyone else has gotten ahead, and I'm sitting here, hold on. I've got no prospects,' she says. 'I look at this timeline, and I'm turning 28 this year. I'm like, 'Well hold on, I also have a body clock to work with.' It's freaked me out so much that I'm freezing my eggs.' King's experience is not an isolated one. Ask any group of Gen Z men and women about their dating experiences and you'll hear a litany of complaints, from the struggles of meeting someone genuine online to the expense of dating in a cost-of-living crisis. Others are still studying or too focused on building their careers to even consider a romantic relationship. As a result, at a time when their parents would have been coupling up and contemplating starting a family, many in Gen Z are barely out of the dating starting gate. Is this the end of love? Relationships Australia NSW chief executive Elisabeth Shaw says the ground for Gen Z – those born between 1997 and 2012 – has shifted compared with previous generations. 'It's certainly true that a preoccupation with having a partner is not as strong ... taking your time and being a little bit more casual about a relationship is certainly more of a feature in this generation,' she says. Indeed, young people worldwide are increasingly meeting their first boyfriends or girlfriends either much later in life or not at all. Research from the US found that only 56 per cent of Gen Z adults were in a relationship at any point during their teen years, compared with 69 per cent of Millennials, 76 per cent of Gen X, and 78 per cent of Baby Boomers. Loading University of Melbourne sociologist Professor Dan Woodman says people are taking longer to establish themselves comfortably in their careers, which affects young people's dating habits. Gen Z women also have access to more work and education opportunities than earlier generations. This cohort is also taking up further education at a higher rate than their male counterparts. 'Young women are studying for longer, doing master's [degrees], trying to get some return on that investment into education in a career,' Woodman says. 'They could be well into their 30s before they feel it might be the right time to have kids, and then you've got to find the right partner. 'You don't necessarily, if you're a young woman, have a lot of men who have got their act together in their 20s to do it.' Yasmina Lin, 22, has never been in a relationship and isn't keen on pursuing one anytime soon. On top of juggling various responsibilities during her time at high school and university, her job as a radiologist means her days are hectic, so romance has been put on the backburner. 'I've always been someone who's been chasing after a goal. In my life, it's always been about getting into a good course, finishing uni and getting a good, stable job,' Lin says. 'I've just been going to uni, coming back home, or going to work. I don't really actively put myself in situations to socialise with new people,' she says. 'Right now I'm just really not ready for a relationship. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but it feels like it's a lot of work, it feels like something that I have to commit to, on top of what I'm doing right now.' Some describe dating as an onslaught of bad luck. King says Sydney's dating scene is 'transactional', with one man repeatedly trying to sleep with her on the first date. 'I was like, I barely know you,' she says. King doesn't want to rush into a relationship for the sake of fulfilling her dream of starting a family. Because it is more important to her that she finds the right person, she has accepted this means her life might look different to the people around her for a while. 'Finding the right person and someone who will be a good father and a loyal partner to me is a massive priority, and I don't want to rush into that, and I don't want to feel pressure around that, but I also don't want to feel like I've missed the boat, because I feel like I was put on this earth to be a mum.' The UberEats of romantic relationships University student Rodger Liang is swimming against the tide when it comes to online dating and says he is 'very, very set on the organic stuff'. That is, meeting people in the real, as opposed to the virtual, world. 'I think it's almost easier,' Liang, 24, says. 'I feel like, if the timing is right, I'm more comfortable with the idea of meeting somebody organically as well. I don't need to force anything at the moment. 'There's also no level of trust [on dating apps], and I already hear enough horror stories from my friends about dating apps – really bad conversations, and just the usual where people don't show up to dates. 'Finding somebody that you like is kind of exhausting, and then for them to like you back is also a process – it's a lot.' Dr Lisa Portolan wrote her PhD on dating apps and intimacy and says that while the platforms have created the illusion of infinite choices, they are slowly chipping away at young people's ability to form real connections. 'People constantly think that love is disposable, that the grass is going to be greener, there's always going to be someone at the next swipe or online,' Portolan says. 'It creates this sense of almost like an UberEats of romantic relationships, where many people tend to tie their bonds loosely because they're prepared to have to unravel them quickly so they can move onto the next person.' More and more people are opting out. Match Group, the online dating behemoth that owns Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, saw revenue almost halve from $US3.75 billion in 2015 to $2.08 billion in 2024. For participants, Portolan says being ghosted or unmatched online, or being stood up on dates, is akin to 'death by a thousand paper cuts'. 'There were multiple different paper cuts – or microaggressions – that would happen in the online space that would add up and give them a sense of 'Well, why should I behave well in the dating app domain when I have been treated this way?'' Are Gen Z just afraid of commitment? New data from Hinge found 46 per cent of Gen Z Hinge users had avoided defining a relationship because they weren't sure how to discuss it with the person they were seeing. They were also 50 per cent more likely than Millennials (those born between 1981 and 1996) to delay responding to a match to avoid seeming over eager, even when they were interested. Demographer Mark McCrindle says this goes to the heart of a broader problem for Gen Z – the normalisation of casual, noncommittal and often short-term relationships, as young people increasingly view dating versus finding a life partner as two separate endeavours. 'If we go back a couple of generations, people dated or courted to find a life partner, and more often than not, marriage was the social institution to start a family – dating was not separated from coupling and family. Now it is.' He says language can be a powerful influence on how people view dating, too. Terms like 'situationship' and 'talking stage' reinforce a culture of casualness around relationships that did not exist for older generations. 'Almost all of those words highlight the casualisation of relationships, and sometimes the lack of respect or zealousness in a relationship,' McCrindle says. 'Language not only validates an attitude or approach, it valorises that approach. People will use those words, and it almost becomes a bragging rights term – the words in themselves are cool, witty and current, and they're used in a sense of 'Hey, this is how it is for our generation'.' Lin is wary of the casualisation trend. 'Obviously, you want to make it work. I don't want to go into a relationship half-heartedly – I want to make it last. Maybe that's another reason why I'm hesitant about getting into relationships, because I'll kind of look at a guy and think, 'is he going to be the one?',' Lin says. Online dating and abuse For some, the fear of abuse is pause for thought. Some of the ways violence occurs on dating apps includes making repeated and unwanted requests for contact or sex; sending unwanted sexually explicit texts, pictures or videos; or accessing and then distributing sexually explicit images of another without consent. But this is not always contained to the digital realm. Stephanie Zhu, a 25-year-old student from Melbourne, says she has met 'multiple disrespectful men on dating apps', including someone she met in person. 'I started talking to him when I was in China, and he was in Korea. 'I flew back to Melbourne in December, and he was like: 'Oh, I'll fly to Melbourne as well.' I thought he was joking, but he actually landed, and he made me feel like he flew all the way here just for me, so I kind of felt obligated to meet him,' Zhu said. The pair went out for dinner and drinks, but Zhu said there was no indication from their prior conversations that he expected anything more from the date. In his car, before driving her home, he touched and kissed her without her consent. 'I couldn't sense from how he was communicating that he wanted something physical from the meet-up,' she said. 'I thought it would just be dinner and that was it.' There is relatively little data available on the prevalence of assault related to dating apps in Australia, but experts and policy-makers say it is on the rise. A survey of 10,000 Australians in 2022 found almost three in four users had experienced technology-facilitated sexual abuse, while 27 per cent had experienced in-person sexual violence by somebody they met online, including incidents of sexual assault, coercion and drink spiking. Hannah Petocz, from Monash University, wrote her thesis on young women's experiences of online dating and technology-facilitated violence. Loading She found that online platforms such as dating apps 'aren't designed with victim-survivor safety in mind'. 'Rather than designing these apps for safety, they take a patchwork governance approach and use Band-Aid solutions,' Petocz says. 'This is because they're businesses, and they prioritise profit and amount of users and retaining engagement over the safety of users.' Zhu has used both Hinge and Bumble to meet and date people, and everyone in her close circle of friends is actively using dating apps too, but she still has conflicting feelings about meeting people online. 'I wasn't really thinking about meeting people online, and I was also worried about safety as well, especially for women. So I was more inclined to meet someone at uni, or through work or mutual friends,' she says. Is there hope? While Liang is still in the anti-dating app camp, he believes young people are just taking diverging approaches to dating now – and he has hope that the future of love for Gen Z is bright. 'I don't like the idea that we're not committed at all as a generation, I think it's just going two very distinct, polarised ways,' he says. 'The irony is that it's not really that casual. I think there are two ends of the spectrum now: some people are really into the idea of being married early, and some people just really want to explore.' Next month: Millennials Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every Monday.
The Age
04-08-2025
- General
- The Age
Rosters and situationships: Has Gen Z abandoned love?
Annabelle King says the Sydney dating scene 'is not for the faint-hearted'. While some of her peers are coupling up, the 27-year-old fears she is falling behind. 'I feel like I finished school, went to university, got a professional job, and then it was just like, bam, everyone else has gotten ahead, and I'm sitting here, hold on. I've got no prospects,' she says. 'I look at this timeline, and I'm turning 28 this year. I'm like, 'Well hold on, I also have a body clock to work with.' It's freaked me out so much that I'm freezing my eggs.' King's experience is not an isolated one. Ask any group of Gen Z men and women about their dating experiences and you'll hear a litany of complaints, from the struggles of meeting someone genuine online to the expense of dating in a cost-of-living crisis. Others are still studying or too focused on building their careers to even consider a romantic relationship. As a result, at a time when their parents would have been coupling up and contemplating starting a family, many in Gen Z are barely out of the dating starting gate. Is this the end of love? Relationships Australia NSW chief executive Elisabeth Shaw says the ground for Gen Z – those born between 1997 and 2012 – has shifted compared with previous generations. 'It's certainly true that a preoccupation with having a partner is not as strong ... taking your time and being a little bit more casual about a relationship is certainly more of a feature in this generation,' she says. Indeed, young people worldwide are increasingly meeting their first boyfriends or girlfriends either much later in life or not at all. Research from the US found that only 56 per cent of Gen Z adults were in a relationship at any point during their teen years, compared with 69 per cent of Millennials, 76 per cent of Gen X, and 78 per cent of Baby Boomers. Loading University of Melbourne sociologist Professor Dan Woodman says people are taking longer to establish themselves comfortably in their careers, which affects young people's dating habits. Gen Z women also have access to more work and education opportunities than earlier generations. This cohort is also taking up further education at a higher rate than their male counterparts. 'Young women are studying for longer, doing master's [degrees], trying to get some return on that investment into education in a career,' Woodman says. 'They could be well into their 30s before they feel it might be the right time to have kids, and then you've got to find the right partner. 'You don't necessarily, if you're a young woman, have a lot of men who have got their act together in their 20s to do it.' Yasmina Lin, 22, has never been in a relationship and isn't keen on pursuing one anytime soon. On top of juggling various responsibilities during her time at high school and university, her job as a radiologist means her days are hectic, so romance has been put on the backburner. 'I've always been someone who's been chasing after a goal. In my life, it's always been about getting into a good course, finishing uni and getting a good, stable job,' Lin says. 'I've just been going to uni, coming back home, or going to work. I don't really actively put myself in situations to socialise with new people,' she says. 'Right now I'm just really not ready for a relationship. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but it feels like it's a lot of work, it feels like something that I have to commit to, on top of what I'm doing right now.' Some describe dating as an onslaught of bad luck. King says Sydney's dating scene is 'transactional', with one man repeatedly trying to sleep with her on the first date. 'I was like, I barely know you,' she says. King doesn't want to rush into a relationship for the sake of fulfilling her dream of starting a family. Because it is more important to her that she finds the right person, she has accepted this means her life might look different to the people around her for a while. 'Finding the right person and someone who will be a good father and a loyal partner to me is a massive priority, and I don't want to rush into that, and I don't want to feel pressure around that, but I also don't want to feel like I've missed the boat, because I feel like I was put on this earth to be a mum.' The UberEats of romantic relationships University student Rodger Liang is swimming against the tide when it comes to online dating and says he is 'very, very set on the organic stuff'. That is, meeting people in the real, as opposed to the virtual, world. 'I think it's almost easier,' Liang, 24, says. 'I feel like, if the timing is right, I'm more comfortable with the idea of meeting somebody organically as well. I don't need to force anything at the moment. 'There's also no level of trust [on dating apps], and I already hear enough horror stories from my friends about dating apps – really bad conversations, and just the usual where people don't show up to dates. 'Finding somebody that you like is kind of exhausting, and then for them to like you back is also a process – it's a lot.' Dr Lisa Portolan wrote her PhD on dating apps and intimacy and says that while the platforms have created the illusion of infinite choices, they are slowly chipping away at young people's ability to form real connections. 'People constantly think that love is disposable, that the grass is going to be greener, there's always going to be someone at the next swipe or online,' Portolan says. 'It creates this sense of almost like an UberEats of romantic relationships, where many people tend to tie their bonds loosely because they're prepared to have to unravel them quickly so they can move onto the next person.' More and more people are opting out. Match Group, the online dating behemoth that owns Tinder, Hinge and Bumble, saw revenue almost halve from $US3.75 billion in 2015 to $2.08 billion in 2024. For participants, Portolan says being ghosted or unmatched online, or being stood up on dates, is akin to 'death by a thousand paper cuts'. 'There were multiple different paper cuts – or microaggressions – that would happen in the online space that would add up and give them a sense of 'Well, why should I behave well in the dating app domain when I have been treated this way?'' Are Gen Z just afraid of commitment? New data from Hinge found 46 per cent of Gen Z Hinge users had avoided defining a relationship because they weren't sure how to discuss it with the person they were seeing. They were also 50 per cent more likely than Millennials (those born between 1981 and 1996) to delay responding to a match to avoid seeming over eager, even when they were interested. Demographer Mark McCrindle says this goes to the heart of a broader problem for Gen Z – the normalisation of casual, noncommittal and often short-term relationships, as young people increasingly view dating versus finding a life partner as two separate endeavours. 'If we go back a couple of generations, people dated or courted to find a life partner, and more often than not, marriage was the social institution to start a family – dating was not separated from coupling and family. Now it is.' He says language can be a powerful influence on how people view dating, too. Terms like 'situationship' and 'talking stage' reinforce a culture of casualness around relationships that did not exist for older generations. 'Almost all of those words highlight the casualisation of relationships, and sometimes the lack of respect or zealousness in a relationship,' McCrindle says. 'Language not only validates an attitude or approach, it valorises that approach. People will use those words, and it almost becomes a bragging rights term – the words in themselves are cool, witty and current, and they're used in a sense of 'Hey, this is how it is for our generation'.' Lin is wary of the casualisation trend. 'Obviously, you want to make it work. I don't want to go into a relationship half-heartedly – I want to make it last. Maybe that's another reason why I'm hesitant about getting into relationships, because I'll kind of look at a guy and think, 'is he going to be the one?',' Lin says. Online dating and abuse For some, the fear of abuse is pause for thought. Some of the ways violence occurs on dating apps includes making repeated and unwanted requests for contact or sex; sending unwanted sexually explicit texts, pictures or videos; or accessing and then distributing sexually explicit images of another without consent. But this is not always contained to the digital realm. Stephanie Zhu, a 25-year-old student from Melbourne, says she has met 'multiple disrespectful men on dating apps', including someone she met in person. 'I started talking to him when I was in China, and he was in Korea. 'I flew back to Melbourne in December, and he was like: 'Oh, I'll fly to Melbourne as well.' I thought he was joking, but he actually landed, and he made me feel like he flew all the way here just for me, so I kind of felt obligated to meet him,' Zhu said. The pair went out for dinner and drinks, but Zhu said there was no indication from their prior conversations that he expected anything more from the date. In his car, before driving her home, he touched and kissed her without her consent. 'I couldn't sense from how he was communicating that he wanted something physical from the meet-up,' she said. 'I thought it would just be dinner and that was it.' There is relatively little data available on the prevalence of assault related to dating apps in Australia, but experts and policy-makers say it is on the rise. A survey of 10,000 Australians in 2022 found almost three in four users had experienced technology-facilitated sexual abuse, while 27 per cent had experienced in-person sexual violence by somebody they met online, including incidents of sexual assault, coercion and drink spiking. Hannah Petocz, from Monash University, wrote her thesis on young women's experiences of online dating and technology-facilitated violence. Loading She found that online platforms such as dating apps 'aren't designed with victim-survivor safety in mind'. 'Rather than designing these apps for safety, they take a patchwork governance approach and use Band-Aid solutions,' Petocz says. 'This is because they're businesses, and they prioritise profit and amount of users and retaining engagement over the safety of users.' Zhu has used both Hinge and Bumble to meet and date people, and everyone in her close circle of friends is actively using dating apps too, but she still has conflicting feelings about meeting people online. 'I wasn't really thinking about meeting people online, and I was also worried about safety as well, especially for women. So I was more inclined to meet someone at uni, or through work or mutual friends,' she says. Is there hope? While Liang is still in the anti-dating app camp, he believes young people are just taking diverging approaches to dating now – and he has hope that the future of love for Gen Z is bright. 'I don't like the idea that we're not committed at all as a generation, I think it's just going two very distinct, polarised ways,' he says. 'The irony is that it's not really that casual. I think there are two ends of the spectrum now: some people are really into the idea of being married early, and some people just really want to explore.' Next month: Millennials Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every Monday.
Sydney Morning Herald
03-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Sydney Morning Herald
‘It would be weird if she left': The pleasure and pain of adult kids at home
'It will take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parent's house,' Matthew McConaughey famously says in the 2006 film, Failure to Launch. And while his man-child character was played for laughs, staying in the family home long into adulthood is no longer a far-fetched Hollywood plot. As many as 50 per cent of 18 to 29-year-olds are living at home with their parents, according to the latest Household, Income and Labour Dynamics (HILDA) survey by Melbourne University's Melbourne Institute. And it's not just the cost of living keeping the generations under the same roof. Demographers claim the milestones of adulthood – graduating higher education, marrying and having children – are now happening later in life. Add to this the financial strain that comes from the rising cost of housing and you find children are entering adulthood, but staying put. For those who have experienced the 'under my roof' lecture, the potential intergenerational tension is real. Loading Mikaela Binns-Rorke, 21 lives at home board-free with her mum, Natalie Binns, and her mum's partner, Jim Shields. The young actor is responsible for keeping her room, bathroom and living area clean and tidy and she helps out on household chores whenever she can. 'I often have to remind her about this side of the arrangement,' says Binns. 'She has witnessed her friends in share housing and that has been an eye-opener for her with all the expenses; I think she knows she has it pretty good here.' Chief executive of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, says the organisation is seeing a growing number of family groups seeking guidance around young adults living at home. She says there are ways to reduce the household tension, or eliminate it altogether.
The Age
03-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Age
‘It would be weird if she left': The pleasure and pain of adult kids at home
'It will take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parent's house,' Matthew McConaughey famously says in the 2006 film, Failure to Launch. And while his man-child character was played for laughs, staying in the family home long into adulthood is no longer a far-fetched Hollywood plot. As many as 50 per cent of 18 to 29-year-olds are living at home with their parents, according to the latest Household, Income and Labour Dynamics (HILDA) survey by Melbourne University's Melbourne Institute. And it's not just the cost of living keeping the generations under the same roof. Demographers claim the milestones of adulthood – graduating higher education, marrying and having children – are now happening later in life. Add to this the financial strain that comes from the rising cost of housing and you find children are entering adulthood, but staying put. For those who have experienced the 'under my roof' lecture, the potential intergenerational tension is real. Loading Mikaela Binns-Rorke, 21 lives at home board-free with her mum, Natalie Binns, and her mum's partner, Jim Shields. The young actor is responsible for keeping her room, bathroom and living area clean and tidy and she helps out on household chores whenever she can. 'I often have to remind her about this side of the arrangement,' says Binns. 'She has witnessed her friends in share housing and that has been an eye-opener for her with all the expenses; I think she knows she has it pretty good here.' Chief executive of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, says the organisation is seeing a growing number of family groups seeking guidance around young adults living at home. She says there are ways to reduce the household tension, or eliminate it altogether.
The Guardian
29-03-2025
- General
- The Guardian
Two may be company, but for a rising number of Australians, three (or more) isn't a crowd
'I didn't know what polyamory was,' Melissa* says. 'I didn't have the vocabulary. I Googled it a few times to understand.' Melissa was on the 'relationship escalator'. She got married, had a child, then the no longer happy couple split. So she started exploring her options. First stop? Singles' groups. 'Then I went down the rabbit hole of adult groups, sex groups,' the now 40-year-old says. 'It was interesting to look at but it wasn't really my thing … until the [Facebook] algorithm gave me 'Brisbane Polyamory'.' The earliest known use of the word polyamory was in the 1990s, according to the Oxford English Dictionary. Non-monogamy has been around longer, but there's been a surge in interest in both terms in recent years. Dating apps have popularised the terms, and media and social media have increasingly shared stories of people ditching 'traditional' relationship structures as younger generations increasingly reject the social norms of their elders. Priscilla Dunk-West, a professor in social work at Victoria University, says over the past two decades there has been increasing research into polyamory, with more curiosity about voices not necessarily heard previously. Asked whether polyamory is on the rise, she says it has 'probably just changed names and forms'. 'In the 60s there'd be people who were swingers or having open marriages that perhaps looked traditional from the outside.' Polyamorous relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy (CNM). They can be hierarchical (with a primary partner) or non-hierarchical (equal status). Other kinds of CNM include open relationships, swinging, being monogamish and relationship anarchy. Then there's ethical non-monogamy (ENM), with its conscious focus on transparency and integrity; and solo poly, for those who prefer to remain sort of single while ethically hooking up with others. Sign up for a weekly email featuring our best reads A network of interconnected romantic relationships is sometimes called a polycule: think of the 3D structure of a molecule, with various bonds between the different atoms, some attached to several, others just to one. The Relationships Australia NSW chief executive officer, Elisabeth Shaw, who is also a clinical and counselling psychologist, says the guiding principle of polyamory and ENM is consent that is freely given. 'It's bringing ethics in relationships back to the fore in a principled way: 'I want to be open, transparent and clear in what exactly I'm doing',' she says. 'That's the big difference to having an affair, [which is] a unilateral choice by one person to take permission away from the other person.' Shaw says various polls and studies show younger people are more keenly entering into such relationships, potentially because it's easier to do so before children and mortgages 'tip the scales'. 'People still want to get married [but] you have emerging new ways of relating.' While Melissa was discovering polyamory, something else was happening. She and her ex (they were still married) were talking. They were sharing what they liked and didn't like about each other, and what kinks they were and weren't into. They got back together. And she convinced him to go make new 'friends'. 'Each new person is a new opportunity to learn,' Melissa says, recalling her 'first boyfriend' after getting back with her husband. She's since broken up with that boyfriend and met someone new. Melissa's 'immediate polycule' is herself, her husband and boyfriend. The broader 'constellation' includes her boyfriend's submissive, and her husband's 'play partners'. There are others on the periphery, but they're not involved in her day-to-day life. She's moving into her husband's home in May, where they will live together for the first time in eight years. There are other plans afoot. Melissa calls it a 'a pipeline dream'. 'We've started talking about what if we all moved in together on a large property, have plenty of room, other roommates, whatever situation can be accommodated. It's still very much a fantasy land because we do have a daughter to accommodate as well.' Her advice to anyone interested in non-monogamy is to be curious and to research, but not get overwhelmed by the avalanche of information about different ways to love. She says a key to relationship success – no matter what type of relationship – is compersion, a word used in poly communities for feeling joy at your partner's happiness. The advocacy group Relationships Australia reports about 6% of Australians have been in an open relationship. The group believes these non-traditional relationships are 'growing in popularity'. But clear data is hard to find, because the language is still evolving, and there is a lack of longitudinal studies. Data from the US reflects an acceptance of alternative relationship structures skewed to the young. A 2023 Pew Research Centre survey showed 51% of those aged from 18 to 29 say open marriages are 'acceptable'; that drops to 41% for the 30-49 bracket, and dwindles from there. Sign up to Five Great Reads Each week our editors select five of the most interesting, entertaining and thoughtful reads published by Guardian Australia and our international colleagues. Sign up to receive it in your inbox every Saturday morning after newsletter promotion A 2023 YouGov poll shows support for monogamy is lower among the young: 76% of 18-29-year-olds somewhat or strongly approve of monogamy, compared with 87% for those older than 45. Australian research published in the Journal of Sex Research in March found people in non-monogamous relationships were just as satisfied as those in monogamous relationships. The study speculated that consensual non-monogamous couples were satisfied because infidelity was not an issue, more effort was put into communication and understanding, there was more openness and autonomy, and a wider variety of needs were being met. Researchers said they'd debunked the 'monogamy-superiority myth'. They believed their study was the first meta-analysis of academic work in the area, examining 35 studies including almost 25,000 people. Dunk-West says people in non-monogamous relationships are more reflexive by necessity, having to learn and talk about how the relationship will work. Thinking about jealousy is a feature of non-traditional relationships, she says, necessitated by negotiation and communication around those feelings, and managing the rules of seeing other partners. As style of relationships are being interrogated, Dunk-West says more people are thinking: 'What kind of relationship do I want? 'What emerges is things like considering consent, how loving practices occur [and] radical honesty.' A paper in published in The University of Queensland Law Journal this month outlined how Australia could legalise polygamy in a secular way. The University of Adelaide PhD candidate Michail Ivanov proposed that could happen by maintaining the law that a marriage be between two people, but abolishing bigamy as a crime. 'The practice of polygamy clashes with traditional Christian values, which have underpinned much of Australia's marriage laws. But in a country with no state religion, we should question how much weight we place on that factor,' Ivanov says. 'If Australia were to legalise polygamy in the way I propose, it would be the first society to do so in a manner not led or motivated by religious beliefs.' Politically, Australia hasn't seen much of a surge in talk of polygamy since the former senator Cory Bernardi argued in 2012 that legalising same-sex marriage was a slippery slope to polygamy and bestiality. He later said a petition from the Polyamory Action Lobby (PAL) – a tiny and newly formed group – arguing 'everyone should be allowed to marry their partners' proved he was correct. Reflecting on that time, the PAL founder, Brigitte Garozzo, says she and her friends were fully supportive of same-sex marriage but also asked: 'Why should the state have the power to dictate which consenting adult relationships are considered legitimate?' So they formed PAL to 'spark conversation and challenge these norms'. Garozzo is no longer active in the space, but remains committed to ENM as 'a philosophical stance and a personal choice'. Since then, she says, attitudes have 'undeniably evolved – but not enough'. While there's more coverage of alternative structures, she says there's no political will to change. Garozzo says she has no personal interest in the institution of marriage, while acknowledging 'the significance of ensuring everyone is represented within these institutions, flawed as they may be'. She says the broader shift is not just about relationships. 'It signals a broader rejection of rigid gender norms, a move towards collective resource-sharing, and a deeper cultural emphasis on honesty, communication, and mutual respect in relationships,' Garozzo says. 'Love isn't finite, and neither is our capacity for deep, meaningful relationships. 'Life is simply too short to limit ourselves to just one connection at a time.' * Melissa's real name has not been published for privacy reasons
