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Forbes
07-05-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Wills, Care And Tough Talks: A Mother's Day Financial Planning Guide
Make this Mother's Day count: Discover how to support your mom in planning for the future with ... More practical advice on estate, legal, and care decisions. Getty Creative Mother's Day is a time for celebration, reflection and maybe a moment to talk about the hard stuff. As our parents age, many of us find ourselves navigating unfamiliar territory: future care, legal paperwork, long-term expenses and awkward but necessary conversations about estate planning. But planning for the future doesn't have to be grim. It can be a gift; a way to ensure your parents' wishes are honored, their care is managed with dignity and your family avoids emotional and financial chaos if an unexpected health crisis hits. We spoke to elder law attorneys, financial planners and aging experts to break down the key steps families can take now to prepare for future medical and financial decisions. 'The biggest mistake families make is avoiding the issue and not planning,' said Richard Wexler, CEO of APlan2Age, a care planning and coordination firm. 'These can be awkward and uncomfortable conversations, but without a comprehensive plan, many families find out too late that care for mom, after a fall or illness, can be lengthy and expensive.' A proactive approach can help reduce long-term costs and avoid court entanglements when a loved one becomes incapacitated without the proper documents in place. Key Documents Every Family Needs There's near-unanimous agreement among experts on what paperwork to prioritize to make sure a family member's care and finances are taken care of, should they be unable to attend to them themselves, which includes: A durable power of attorney (POA) for financial decisions A health care proxy or advance directive A last will and testament or a living trust A living will or POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment) A letter of instruction and a complete asset inventory Updated beneficiary designations on life insurance policies and retirement accounts Powers of attorney are essential tools that allow a trusted individual to act on a parent's behalf when they can no longer do so. A durable power of attorney for finances enables someone to pay bills, manage property and make decisions without court involvement, while a health care power of attorney allows medical advocacy. 'Without these, families often face court conservatorship, which is expensive, time-consuming and emotionally draining,' said Dr. Lucy Andrews, founder of a cognitive health and aging consultancy. 'You need both financial and healthcare powers of attorney in place before a crisis occurs.' Denise D. Nordheimer, partner at Fox Rothschild LLP, a national financial planning firm, echoed the urgency. In one common scenario, an adult child might discover they can't access their parents' bank account after a medical emergency, leading to months in probate court and thousands in legal fees, all during a time of crisis. 'So many times, we conclude a lengthy and expensive matter and say, 'This all could have been avoided with a simple power of attorney,'' Nordheimer said. Talking About the Future Without Starting a Family Feud The first step in any plan isn't paperwork, it's people. 'Start with love and curiosity, not logistics,' Andrews said. 'Say something like, 'I want to understand your wishes so we can support you the way you'd want. What matters most to you as you age?' Dana Walsh Sivak, partner and chair of the Elder Law Practice Group at Falcon Rappaport & Berkman, said it's key to approach aging parents as the adults they are. 'It's important to include parents in the discussion, rather than assume you know what they want. Listen more than you talk.' Wexler recommends starting with siblings first. 'Figure out who has the closest relationship with Mom. That person might be best positioned to initiate the conversation,' he said. And yes, ask Mom for advice. It flips the dynamic in a respectful, empowering way. What To Know About Long-Term Care Insurance Long-term care insurance is shrinking as an option, but if your parent can get it, many experts agree: it's probably worth it. '[These policies] are very rare now, but there are hybrid policies that convert from life insurance to long-term care that are still being written,' Nordheimer said. If insurance isn't feasible, families may need to plan for Medicaid eligibility, tap VA benefits or rely on personal funds. Constantina Papageorgiou, an elder law attorney, emphasized discussing this with both an attorney and a financial advisor. 'You may be able to protect assets and still qualify for assistance,' she said. The Most Common Oversights (And How To Avoid Them) Family conflict over inheritance and money is more common than most people realize, and the consequences can last for years. According to the Institute on Aging, unresolved tensions around estate planning can tear families apart if expectations and intentions aren't clearly communicated. The institute recommends that parents speak openly with their children about their wills and financial plans. Managing expectations early and honestly can help avoid resentment and confusion later, especially when emotions are already running high. The top mistake, according to every expert we interviewed, is not planning at all. But even well-intentioned families slip up. Andrews listed a few common traps: Waiting too long to start Leaving one sibling with all the responsibility Not sharing the plan with family Underestimating dementia care costs Sivak pointed to another issue: bad legal documents. 'Printing a POA form from the internet is a mistake,' she said. 'I've heard many people lament that decision after finding out the form was invalid in a crisis.' Wexler added, 'Families think they'll stay with Mom for a few days and she'll be fine. However, care needs can be long-term and costly. Without a plan, you're flying blind.' Sharing the Load: How Siblings or Other Family Members Can Work Together Caring for a parent is hard enough without resentment brewing. When possible, experts suggest making caregiving a shared effort early on, and that doesn't have to mean just siblings. Adult children, in-laws, cousins and even close family friends may be part of the support network. 'Start with an honest family meeting. Clarify what each person can offer, whether that's money, time, skills or support,' Andrews said. Papageorgiou recommended dividing responsibilities. 'Allocate tasks and check in regularly. That way, one person doesn't shoulder the full emotional and logistical burden.' Still, many people are navigating this process alone or with limited help. Sivak said emotional support is often more important than financial support. 'It's seldom the money that causes stress. It's feeling alone in the responsibility.' When To Call In the Pros Bring in a financial advisor, elder law attorney or care planner before a health crisis happens, experts say. Dr. Andrews suggested finding experts via (elder law attorneys), (fee-only financial planners), or (geriatric care managers). 'A trustworthy expert will understand your family's values, not just their finances,' she points out. Nordheimer said to look for attorneys who concentrate in elder law, are active in professional associations and take time to build a real relationship. 'It has to work for both of you,' she said. The takeaway? You don't need to have it all figured out this Mother's Day. But having a plan—even a rough one—can mean the difference between chaos and compassion when things get hard. Call your mom. Bring up the future. She might be more ready to talk than you think.
Boston Globe
28-02-2025
- Health
- Boston Globe
For parents who lose custody of their children to the state, a too-long wait
'There wasn't really a reason for them to take him away,' said the mother, who asked not to be named to protect her privacy. 'I hadn't tested positive for substances. I wasn't actively having a mental health crisis.' She and her husband were supposed to have a court hearing within three days to persuade a judge to reunite them with their baby, according to state requirements. Instead, it took almost two weeks for an Essex County Juvenile Court judge to rule DCF made a mistake, a period during which mother and child would have begun forming their first strong bonds. 'The trauma of removal itself is compounded with every additional hour,' said Richard Wexler, executive director of the Advertisement The lack of urgency to schedule the mother's case is part of a longstanding and potentially harmful trend in Massachusetts juvenile courts. Almost two-thirds of the 1,551 temporary custody hearings in 2024 were not held within the three-day window, according to data shared by the Massachusetts Trial Court. In more than 200 cases, it took about one month to begin the hearing. The right to separate children from their parents is one of the most extraordinary powers the state possesses, allowing lawyers, social workers, and court officers to shape a foundational human relationship. Because the impacts of child separation can be so profound, the state requires that temporary custody hearings be held within 72 hours of the emergency removal of a child so a judge can quickly determine whether a child's parents or guardians pose an immediate risk of abuse or neglect. Advertisement Yet the court system's failure to meet that 72-hour deadline, a problem that dates back for In a brief statement, the courts said it 'continues to work to identify and reduce causes of delay and to improve the time to a permanent placement for children in Care and Protection proceedings.' A DCF spokesperson said the agency provided feedback on the court's proposals and that it believes the proposed changes will help reduce delays. Beyond the extreme emotional freight involved in a DCF intervention, the custody process is also a logistical challenge: Each case involves different sets of lawyers, representing the child, parents, and DCF, while shortages of lawyers, judges, and interpreters means that most professionals are also juggling caseloads with different clients in different courts. Parents, judges, and interpreters also have their own scheduling conflicts. In the case of the mother from Haverhill, her first court appearance after the DCF intervention on May 23 was pushed back by the Memorial Day holiday to May 28 and was then rescheduled and assigned to a different judge, according to court records; that judge wasn't available to hold the hearing until June 5. Moreover, the hearings themselves are complicated, typically taking days to resolve. 'We're talking about parental rights, and we're talking about the welfare of kids,' said Paula Carey, retired chief justice of the state's trial court. 'You've got two, what could be competing, constitutional due process rights that are banging up against each other.' Advertisement Massachusetts court records show judges usually support DCF's decisions to remove children; last year judges ruled children should be returned to their parents or guardians in almost 12 percent of temporary custody hearings. The rules also allow parents to waive their rights to a temporary custody hearing. Wexler, the coalition director, said many states fail to consistently meet their own deadlines for speedy custody hearings, which can range from 24 hours to nine days. The difficulties in Massachusetts, though, are exacerbated by the particularly large number of cases DCF handles, he said. More than 6 percent of children in Massachusetts were referred to the state's child protection system in 2023, compared with less than 5 percent nationally, according to data compiled by Court officials proposed allowing continuances beyond 72 hours only when a courtroom or personnel, such as lawyers or judges, are unavailable. When there is a delay, the hearing should be pushed off no more than six days. Temporary custody hearings would have to be resolved over consecutive days, and the hearings would be required to conclude within 30 days of the removal of a child. Most delays were explained by a party involved in the case asking for additional time, according to court data, for example, to ensure parents and children receive fair hearings, according to lawyers in public comments on the court's new rules. Attorneys asked the court to consider loosening the proposed new guidelines to acknowledge it can take more than three days to arrange for an interpreter, find medical records, or secure expert testimony within three days. Advertisement 'It matters why the 72-hour hearing isn't happening in a timely matter,' said Alexis Williams Torrey, co-director of strategic advocacy for the Children's Law Center of Massachusetts. 'If it is a parent or a child asking for a continuance in furthering due process, that's different than court schedules or lack of attorneys.' In some cases, delays also allow a parent to make adjustments, such as finding a domestic violence shelter or obtaining a restraining order, which could allow them to be reunited with their children, the Committee for Public Counsel Services, which arranges court-appointed representation for children and parents, argued in public comments. Court officials said they have revised their reform proposals in light of public comments from late last year and have sent them to the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court for approval. They have not yet been made public. Yet the changes would do little to resolve staffing shortages that contribute to the hearing delays. About 8 percent of delays last year were due to a lack of court-appointed counsel, the court reported. The committee for public counsel has shortened waitlists for lawyers by boosting recruitment efforts, though it continues to struggle to supplement its ranks with private attorneys, who handle most child protection cases, said Daniel Mahoney, deputy chief counsel of its Children and Family Law Division. The public defender's office pays $85 an hour to private attorneys, but the cases are challenging, and of the 725 private lawyers certified to handle child protection cases, about a third did not regularly take cases. Advertisement 'They're time-consuming, particularly at the beginning with the temporary custody hearing,' he said. 'If you represent a child, you might represent a child for a dozen years.' In the Haverhill mother's case, the state placed her baby boy with members of her church. During that time, she said she tried to keep herself busy, including pumping milk every three hours that was stockpiled for the family caring for her child. She has since moved to Marblehead and has also regained custody of her daughter. While she feels her life has stabilized, she is still traumatized by her separation from her son. 'It was horrible,' she said. 'It wasn't fair for them to take away my child on just allegations of me not having insight.' Jason Laughlin can be reached at
Yahoo
10-02-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
New Hampshire's Bad Parenting Bill Is a Nightmare
The New Hampshire legislature is considering a parenting bill that would make it easier for the government to investigate parents for child abuse or neglect. It accomplishes this by removing the word "safety" from the legal definition of child abuse and replacing it with "physical, emotional or psychological welfare." That could be almost anything, of course. "I happen to be a tax-and-spend liberal," Richard Wexler, executive director of the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform, tells Reason. "But this bill provides not one iota of additional help. It simply turns the [Division for Children, Youth and Families] into the 'well-being' police." House Bill 553 has 14 sponsors from across the political spectrum. State Rep. Alicia Gregg (D–Hillsborough), who filed the bill, told the New Hampshire Bulletin that she believes the state needs an "updated definition of what child abuse and endangerment looks like." She has worked with domestic abuse victims and hopes the bill will allow the state to set aside its "hesitancy to step in" and intervene "before we have a crisis." But New Hampshire already has "robust and effective" laws to protect children, says Will Estrada, senior counsel at the Home School Legal Defense Association. In fact, New Hampshire removes children from their families at a rate nearly double the national average, says Wexler. Overall, 37 percent of American children will be investigated by child protective services sometime before age 18. For black kids, that number is 53 percent. The proposed law does contain some good provisions for the children who are removed from their families, making sure there are "frequent" reviews of their case, and that children are returned home as soon as possible in cases of overreach. But its vagueness would allow state intervention not only when a child is in imminent danger—which most of us would want and is already the case—but whenever there is a "risk to a child's psychological or emotional well-being…or mental health." The bill also stipulates that "exposure of a child to verbal abuse, or psychological maltreatment directed at the child, a sibling, the other parent or significant other or another person living in the home" could also impair a child's well-being, opening the door to investigating parents who fight or shout at one of the kids. Finally, the law also comes down hard on "adultification," a new term for making a child take on some of the responsibilities an adult should presumably be doing for them. This happens in incredibly dysfunctional families as well as in incredibly functional ones—say, when a child of immigrants proudly translates for their parents at the doctor's office or the auto repair shop. Looking back on any tragedy, there's always the feeling that someone ought to have intervened sooner. But inviting the state to intervene in many, many more cases—and perpetually expanding the definition of abuse—will cause more problems than it solves. The post New Hampshire's Bad Parenting Bill Is a Nightmare appeared first on
