Wills, Care And Tough Talks: A Mother's Day Financial Planning Guide

Forbes

07-05-2025

Make this Mother's Day count: Discover how to support your mom in planning for the future with ... More practical advice on estate, legal, and care decisions. Getty Creative
Mother's Day is a time for celebration, reflection and maybe a moment to talk about the hard stuff. As our parents age, many of us find ourselves navigating unfamiliar territory: future care, legal paperwork, long-term expenses and awkward but necessary conversations about estate planning.
But planning for the future doesn't have to be grim. It can be a gift; a way to ensure your parents' wishes are honored, their care is managed with dignity and your family avoids emotional and financial chaos if an unexpected health crisis hits.
We spoke to elder law attorneys, financial planners and aging experts to break down the key steps families can take now to prepare for future medical and financial decisions.
'The biggest mistake families make is avoiding the issue and not planning,' said Richard Wexler, CEO of APlan2Age, a care planning and coordination firm. 'These can be awkward and uncomfortable conversations, but without a comprehensive plan, many families find out too late that care for mom, after a fall or illness, can be lengthy and expensive.'
A proactive approach can help reduce long-term costs and avoid court entanglements when a loved one becomes incapacitated without the proper documents in place. Key Documents Every Family Needs
There's near-unanimous agreement among experts on what paperwork to prioritize to make sure a family member's care and finances are taken care of, should they be unable to attend to them themselves, which includes: A durable power of attorney (POA) for financial decisions
A health care proxy or advance directive
A last will and testament or a living trust
A living will or POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment)
A letter of instruction and a complete asset inventory
Updated beneficiary designations on life insurance policies and retirement accounts
Powers of attorney are essential tools that allow a trusted individual to act on a parent's behalf when they can no longer do so. A durable power of attorney for finances enables someone to pay bills, manage property and make decisions without court involvement, while a health care power of attorney allows medical advocacy.
'Without these, families often face court conservatorship, which is expensive, time-consuming and emotionally draining,' said Dr. Lucy Andrews, founder of BrainGuardSystem.com, a cognitive health and aging consultancy. 'You need both financial and healthcare powers of attorney in place before a crisis occurs.'
Denise D. Nordheimer, partner at Fox Rothschild LLP, a national financial planning firm, echoed the urgency. In one common scenario, an adult child might discover they can't access their parents' bank account after a medical emergency, leading to months in probate court and thousands in legal fees, all during a time of crisis.
'So many times, we conclude a lengthy and expensive matter and say, 'This all could have been avoided with a simple power of attorney,'' Nordheimer said. Talking About the Future Without Starting a Family Feud
The first step in any plan isn't paperwork, it's people.
'Start with love and curiosity, not logistics,' Andrews said. 'Say something like, 'I want to understand your wishes so we can support you the way you'd want. What matters most to you as you age?'
Dana Walsh Sivak, partner and chair of the Elder Law Practice Group at Falcon Rappaport & Berkman, said it's key to approach aging parents as the adults they are. 'It's important to include parents in the discussion, rather than assume you know what they want. Listen more than you talk.'
Wexler recommends starting with siblings first. 'Figure out who has the closest relationship with Mom. That person might be best positioned to initiate the conversation,' he said. And yes, ask Mom for advice. It flips the dynamic in a respectful, empowering way. What To Know About Long-Term Care Insurance
Long-term care insurance is shrinking as an option, but if your parent can get it, many experts agree: it's probably worth it.
'[These policies] are very rare now, but there are hybrid policies that convert from life insurance to long-term care that are still being written,' Nordheimer said.
If insurance isn't feasible, families may need to plan for Medicaid eligibility, tap VA benefits or rely on personal funds.
Constantina Papageorgiou, an elder law attorney, emphasized discussing this with both an attorney and a financial advisor. 'You may be able to protect assets and still qualify for assistance,' she said. The Most Common Oversights (And How To Avoid Them)
Family conflict over inheritance and money is more common than most people realize, and the consequences can last for years.
According to the Institute on Aging, unresolved tensions around estate planning can tear families apart if expectations and intentions aren't clearly communicated. The institute recommends that parents speak openly with their children about their wills and financial plans. Managing expectations early and honestly can help avoid resentment and confusion later, especially when emotions are already running high.
The top mistake, according to every expert we interviewed, is not planning at all.
But even well-intentioned families slip up. Andrews listed a few common traps: Waiting too long to start
Leaving one sibling with all the responsibility
Not sharing the plan with family
Underestimating dementia care costs
Sivak pointed to another issue: bad legal documents. 'Printing a POA form from the internet is a mistake,' she said. 'I've heard many people lament that decision after finding out the form was invalid in a crisis.'
Wexler added, 'Families think they'll stay with Mom for a few days and she'll be fine. However, care needs can be long-term and costly. Without a plan, you're flying blind.' Sharing the Load: How Siblings or Other Family Members Can Work Together
Caring for a parent is hard enough without resentment brewing. When possible, experts suggest making caregiving a shared effort early on, and that doesn't have to mean just siblings. Adult children, in-laws, cousins and even close family friends may be part of the support network.
'Start with an honest family meeting. Clarify what each person can offer, whether that's money, time, skills or support,' Andrews said.
Papageorgiou recommended dividing responsibilities. 'Allocate tasks and check in regularly. That way, one person doesn't shoulder the full emotional and logistical burden.'
Still, many people are navigating this process alone or with limited help. Sivak said emotional support is often more important than financial support. 'It's seldom the money that causes stress. It's feeling alone in the responsibility.' When To Call In the Pros
Bring in a financial advisor, elder law attorney or care planner before a health crisis happens, experts say.
Dr. Andrews suggested finding experts via NAELA.org (elder law attorneys), NAPFA.org (fee-only financial planners), or AgingLifeCare.org (geriatric care managers). 'A trustworthy expert will understand your family's values, not just their finances,' she points out.
Nordheimer said to look for attorneys who concentrate in elder law, are active in professional associations and take time to build a real relationship. 'It has to work for both of you,' she said.
The takeaway? You don't need to have it all figured out this Mother's Day. But having a plan—even a rough one—can mean the difference between chaos and compassion when things get hard. Call your mom. Bring up the future. She might be more ready to talk than you think.