Latest news with #SarahHensley
Cosmopolitan
23-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
What TikTok's Date With Me Trend Really Says About Modern Dating
It has come to my attention that there's a new TikTok dating trend afoot. It has also come to my attention that everybody hates it. Just kidding—considering the platform's 'Date With Me' trend currently boasts millions of views, it's tough to say it's anything but popular. But while it may have inspired countless daters to broadcast the ups and downs of their dating lives before the internet, elsewhere, the response to the trend has been what we might call skeptical. Explainers from Well + Good and Essence question the ethics of dating for content vs. dating for love, inviting experts to weigh in on whether dating with a virtual audience in mind is the best way to foster meaningful connections with the real-life people you're actually on a date with. Taking a less subtle approach, a recent Dear Media headline simply insists that the Date With Me trend 'Needs to Go. Immediately.' It's not exactly shocking that people have grievances to air re: something they saw online—that's what the internet is for. But what is it about this genre of TikTok dating content, specifically, that seems to be rubbing people the wrong way? Here's what the experts have to say. Like 'Get Ready With Me' videos or any other 'Come With Me' content that invites viewers to follow along as a creator, well, does a thing, Date With Me videos feature TikTokers taking their followers along with them on a date. These posts may include pre-date GRWM-style prep, actual clips from the date itself, mid-date bathroom updates, and post-date debriefs. While less common, some creators even livestream their dates in real time. Not unlike the 'Loud Breakup' trend that has creators hard-launching heartbreak and giving viewers a first-person POV into their post-breakup grief and recovery, 'Date With Me' is meant to provide an intimate look into the ups and downs of someone else's love life—but instead of the end of a relationship, this trend chronicles the (potential) beginning of one. For both viewers and creators of 'Date With Me' content, a big part of the appeal seems to be in feeling less alone, says dating coach Grace Lee, founder of A Good First Date. 'On the surface, dating may seem fun and lighthearted, but for many people it's scary. Sharing these experiences, especially the bad ones, can soften the blow.' Essentially, dating is hard, and creating and consuming this kind of content 'can provide a level of connection and solidarity around how difficult it can be to navigate the dating playing field,' says psychologist and relationship coach Sarah Hensley, PhD, founder of The Love Doc. Not to mention, going on a date with content creation in mind can make even bad dates feel worth one's while. Sure, maybe you're not leaving with a boyfriend or even a second date, but at least you're leaving with new material. And in the age of dating burnout, it certainly doesn't hurt to have some extra incentive to not bail on that Tinder date. Of course, that's where much of the skepticism this trend has aroused stems from—the idea that people are taking an intimate, personal, vulnerable experience and exploiting it for content. As dating coach Blaine Anderson, founder of Dating By Blaine notes, 'when a date becomes content, it risks shifting the focus from chemistry to clicks, and when views are a top priority, what we're seeing no longer depicts a genuine, organic experience.' This dynamic can also 'create a power imbalance' if your date isn't a content creator themselves and 'doesn't want to be treated as content currency,' Anderson adds. I think it's fair to say it's pretty obvious that creating content from a date—particularly while on said date—is probably not going to yield the most intimate of romantic connections in most cases. I think it's also fair to suggest that Date With Me's detractors are less concerned with the trend's efficacy as a successful relationship-forging strategy than they are irked by the ways in which it reflects and reinforces some of the top-line ills thought to be plaguing the state of modern dating. In an age of dating app burnout and loneliness epidemics, the idea that people are craving authentic, real-life connections—particularly in their love lives—has become an increasingly common refrain. It's only natural that trends like Date With Me, which take a real, in-person experience and put it back behind a screen, would be met with frustration at a time when unfiltered, unedited, actually lived experiences may feel harder to come by. This frustration is only further compounded by the somewhat paradoxical nature of this content, in which creators offer a supposedly vulnerable, authentic look inside their dating lives that is, ultimately and inevitably, still a performance they are putting on for their followers. 'It's vulnerability meeting performance, authentic connection meeting curated content,' says Anderson. 'This trend makes dating feel both more exposed and more performative than ever, and it shows how blurred the lines have become between our personal lives and public personas.' Of course, this is nothing artists of all mediums haven't grappled with for centuries—the inability to ever capture the essential truth of a lived experience in a creative representation of it, the question of what it means to live authentically when one is creating from that life, the possibility that art may always involve some degree of artifice. With TikTok, the veil between the lived and the represented has simply become thinner and the time it takes to turn reality into content continues to rapidly condense. And the fear, I suppose—one that ultimately has relatively little to do with dating—is that eventually there will cease to be a difference between them at all. For now though, there is still a real world we are free to experience and date in without the filter of the internet. So if you want to have an authentic experience with another human being in real life, you can do that! And if you don't want to see other people who are doing the opposite of that, all you have to do is not look at TikTok. Easy, right? (JK—that's obviously impossible.)
USA Today
07-02-2025
- General
- USA Today
10 ways to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment — yours and theirs
A box of chocolates is nice, but here's how to really win at love With so many expectations tied to this holiday, it can be a real challenge to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment — Photo courtesy of Hispanolistic / E+ Advertisement If Valentine's Day feels like most other days to you, you're not alone. A recent survey revealed that more than half of Americans say they enjoy Valentine's Day as much as any other calendar day. However, if you're in a romantic relationship, don't be so sure your partner feels the same way. That assumption can lead to big Valentine's Day disappointment. We asked relationship expert Dr. Sarah Hensley how couples can avoid letting each other down on this holiday so ladled with expectation. Here's what she had to say. Ease the expectation for physical intimacy This isn't the movies, friends. 'One of the biggest issues I see is that this day can come with an automatic expectation for physical intimacy," Hensley says. "In relationships where the emotional safety and intimacy is lacking, this can feel really inappropriate.' Hensley instead recommends focusing on the emotional connection you have with your partner to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment. 'This can spark the return of physical intimacy," she says. "Most of the time when physical intimacy wanes, it's because people's attachment needs have gone deeply unmet for some time. Meeting your partner's attachment needs makes them feel both safe and loved. Safety is absolutely critical.' Discuss Valentine's Day plans up front — along with budget A surefire way to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment is to ask your partner if they want to exchange gifts and, if so, agree upon a spending limit. For some couples, a pragmatic conversation like this comes naturally; for others, it might feel a bit odd. But the momentary awkwardness of a direct conversation can prevent the real awkwardness of one partner getting a card, while the other receives a nice piece of jewelry. If in doubt, do more, not less This tip from Hensley can save some real headache. 'Sometimes in relationships we have to be sacrificial, and just because the holiday isn't important to us, it might really be important to our partners,' she says. Hensley suggests that men in heterosexual relationships consider taking the lead in planning something special for Valentine's Day. "Overall, women tend to prefer men to plan and execute dates," she says. "In fact, in my coaching practice, something I hear very often is how turned off female partners can be when men don't take the lead on planning dates.' Share a wish list to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment Don't leave your partner hanging or playing the guessing game on what would bring you joy on Valentine's Day. Whether you hand them a catalog with a few items circled or tell them about a restaurant you've been dying to try, you can drop helpful hints along the way. Stick with flowers A beautiful bouquet or floral arrangement is a time-tested way to make someone feel special. You can pair the bouquet with a meaningful note (more on that below) or have it delivered to your partner's workplace for a midday surprise. Bonus points for knowing your partner's favorite flower! A few meaningful words go a long way Whether spoken directly or handwritten in a card, Valentine's Day is a great occasion to share what you appreciate about your partner. 'For those who struggle with vulnerability, the trick is to give compliments that are unique to your partner,' says Hensley. Avoid generic sentiments you'd find in a greeting card. Think about the specific ways — big and small – your partner adds richness to your life. Plan an adventure together Going on an adventure you've both planned can bring you closer together — Photo courtesy of DMP / E+ If you're usually a "dinner and a movie" couple, break out of the norm. It can be as adventurous as a fly-in romantic date or as simple as a day trip to a neighboring town. Experts say that traveling as a couple can be healthy for a relationship, especially when you plan something together. Explore: Las Vegas, baby! How to plan an unforgettable romantic getaway Choose the best day, not the right day Is February 14 not a convenient day to celebrate? Instead of skipping Valentine's Day altogether, plan to do something on another day and communicate the change of plans in advance to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment. Most people simply want some quality time together, even if it can't be on the proper holiday. Wish them a Happy Valentine's Day right away There's nothing worse than hoping your partner remembered. Hensley says that even if you've planned a surprise for later in the evening, acknowledge right away what day it is. Otherwise, "your partner might think you forgot and spend most of the day feeling sad and insignificant,' Hensley says. You can even let them know you have something special planned for later without spoiling the surprise. "Letting them know that morning that you are excited to celebrate with them will leave them anticipating what is coming," Hensley says. "Excitement between couples fosters bonding. We find our partners more attractive when they spark our curiosity.' Hotels & Resorts: 10 romantic hotels near national parks that will capture your heart Know your partner Knowing your love language and your partner's love language — and communicating this to each other — is an effective way to avoid Valentine's Day disappointment. According to best-selling author Gary Chapman, the five love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. Adds Hensley: 'Attachment science can help create mutual understanding between how people prefer to be loved, leading to more empathy for each other and fewer disagreements.' Now, get out there, follow these tips, and make Cupid proud.
