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Yahoo
15-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
People Who Regret Their Divorce Wish They'd Known These Things Sooner
Divorce is one of those life-altering events that can leave you feeling like you're navigating uncharted territory. While some people find liberation on the other side, others look back with regret, wishing they'd considered certain things before signing the papers. If you're contemplating divorce or simply curious about its potential pitfalls, it might be helpful to know what some wish they had understood earlier. Here are fifteen insights that people who regret their divorce wish they'd known sooner. Hopefully, these reflections can provide some clarity if you find yourself on the fence. When you're in a tough marriage, it's natural to wonder if life would be better on your own or with someone else. However, many who have gone through a divorce find that the challenges of single life or new relationships aren't necessarily an improvement. According to a study by Dr. Scott Stanley at the University of Denver, some divorced people report finding themselves in similar or even worse situations post-divorce. The reality is, if underlying personal issues aren't addressed, they usually follow you into the next relationship or chapter of your life. So, before making a leap, it's worthwhile to evaluate whether the problems you're facing might persist outside the marriage. The allure of starting fresh can sometimes blind you to the stability and companionship you already have. It's easy to romanticize the idea of a new beginning, but the reality can be far less appealing when faced with the loneliness and financial strains that often accompany divorce. People sometimes regret not investing the same energy in improving their marriages as they do in pursuing new relationships. Addressing the root causes of your unhappiness might be more fruitful than uprooting your life entirely. After all, new beginnings can come from working through challenges, not just walking away from them. One of the harsh realities of divorce is the financial burden it can impose. Many don't realize the extent to which their finances will be affected until they're knee-deep in bills and legal fees. Splitting assets, paying for attorneys, and supporting two separate households can quickly drain your resources. Some people find themselves having to significantly downsize their lifestyle, which can add to the stress of an already difficult situation. If you think your financial troubles will disappear with the end of your marriage, it's crucial to reconsider. Before filing for divorce, taking an in-depth look at your finances is crucial. It might be beneficial to consult a financial advisor to understand the full impact of a potential split. Many regret not developing a comprehensive financial plan before proceeding with a divorce. Awareness and preparation can help mitigate unexpected financial downfalls. Remember, divorce doesn't just sever personal ties; it divides everything, including your financial stability. While most anticipate some level of emotional distress during a divorce, few expect just how overwhelming it can be. The end of a relationship can feel like a loss, and grief is often part of the process. Dr. Judith Wallerstein, a renowned psychologist, noted in her research that many divorced people experience prolonged emotional turmoil long after the legal proceedings are over. This isn't just about missing your ex; it's also about the life you planned together that no longer exists. Understanding the emotional weight can help you prepare or reconsider your decision. Even the most amicable divorces can leave lasting emotional scars. People often underestimate how much time and effort it will take to heal and move on. The feelings of failure, rejection, or guilt can be persistent and challenging. Therapy or support groups can be valuable resources during this time, offering strategies to cope with the emotional upheaval. Addressing these feelings head-on can make a significant difference in your recovery process. Many people go into a divorce believing that their children will quickly adjust or that the separation might even be better for them in the long run. However, countless parents are taken aback by the depth of their children's emotional responses. Kids, no matter their age, can struggle with the changes in their family dynamics and the sense of security they lose. The transition can affect their academic performance, social relationships, and mental health. Parents often realize too late that open communication and reassurance are vital throughout the process. Understanding your child's perspective and emotions is crucial before making any decisions. It's not just about ensuring that they feel loved but also about managing their expectations and helping them to voice their feelings. Many parents regret not seeking family counseling or child therapy to ease their children through the transition. Supporting them and addressing their concerns is essential, as ignoring their needs can result in long-term issues. A divorce affects the entire family, and acknowledging this can help minimize the fallout for your kids. Post-divorce, many people find that co-parenting presents a new set of challenges they hadn't fully anticipated. While the idea of shared parenting might seem straightforward, the reality can be far more complex and emotionally taxing. As noted by family therapist Dr. Debra Castaldo, effective co-parenting requires a level of cooperation and communication that wasn't always necessary or present during the marriage. Conflicting schedules, parenting styles, and new partners can all complicate matters further. Successfully co-parenting often demands more collaboration than some initially expect. The logistics of co-parenting can also become a constant source of tension. From negotiating holidays to everyday pick-ups and drop-offs, the coordination required can be exhausting. Many regret not having ironed out these details before the divorce was finalized. Setting clear guidelines and boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflict. Remember, for the sake of your children, it's crucial to keep personal grievances separate from parenting responsibilities. One of the stark realities post-divorce is the loneliness that can creep in, especially if you were in a long-term marriage. The absence of a daily companion can hit hard, even if the relationship was strained. Some people find themselves missing the mundane aspects of married life—the shared dinners, the inside jokes, or even the familiar arguments. This sense of loneliness can be more profound than anticipated and often overlooked during the decision-making process. It's important to consider whether you're prepared for this potential outcome. For those who didn't develop a strong social network outside of the marriage, this loneliness can feel even more pronounced. Rebuilding a social life takes time and effort, and the transition can be daunting. Many regret not nurturing friendships and hobbies while they were married, which could have provided support during this period. Finding new ways to connect with others can help alleviate some of the loneliness. Taking proactive steps to build a community around you can be crucial in combating post-divorce isolation. Despite modern society's acceptance of divorce, some people are still taken aback by the stigma and judgment they encounter. Friends and family, who might have seemed supportive, sometimes express unexpected criticism or disappointment. According to a study led by sociologist Dr. Elizabeth Hughes, societal attitudes toward divorce still carry a degree of negativity that can affect those going through the process. The judgment of others can feel like an additional burden when you're already dealing with your own emotions. Being prepared for potential backlash can help you navigate this aspect more smoothly. Learning to deal with this external pressure involves developing a thick skin and finding sources of support. Close friends, family, or support groups can be invaluable in helping you focus on your well-being rather than external opinions. Many regret not surrounding themselves with positive influences during this difficult time. Remember, other people's judgments are often based on their own biases and experiences and don't define your reality. Keeping this perspective can help mitigate the impact of unwarranted criticism. Moving on from a divorce isn't as simple as signing papers and starting over. The healing process is complex and can take much longer than people initially expect. Emotional wounds don't just vanish overnight, and the baggage from a marriage can linger if not addressed. Finding closure and peace requires actively working through your emotions, which can be daunting. The importance of giving yourself time to heal cannot be overstated. Many find that therapy or counseling provides invaluable tools for processing emotions and developing coping strategies. Engaging in self-reflection and personal growth can turn what feels like an ending into a transformative experience. However, this journey is rarely linear, and setbacks are normal, which can be frustrating. Patience with yourself and the process is key to finding a new sense of balance. Those who have navigated this path often emphasize the value of focusing on self-care and personal development during this tumultuous time. Jumping into a new relationship might seem like an enticing way to move on from divorce, but it rarely works as a quick fix. Many people discover that the issues they faced in their marriage resurface in new relationships if they haven't been resolved. It's tempting to believe that someone new could fill the void left by an ex, but relying on another person for happiness is a risky venture. This can lead to a cycle of repeating past mistakes and experiencing similar frustrations. Understanding that no relationship is without challenges is a crucial lesson for those emerging from a divorce. Before entering a new relationship, it's vital to ensure you're doing so for the right reasons. Emotional readiness is key to building a healthy and lasting partnership. Taking the time to identify and work on personal issues can lead to more fulfilling relationships in the future. Many regret not allowing themselves the time and space to heal fully before diving into dating again. Acknowledging and addressing your past can pave the way for a healthier and happier future with someone new. While divorce is often seen as an end, it can also be a catalyst for personal growth. Many people find that the challenges of divorce push them to reassess their priorities and rediscover themselves. This period of introspection can lead to significant personal development if approached with an open mind. Embracing new opportunities and exploring interests that were previously set aside can be incredibly rewarding. Understanding that growth can come from adversity might shift your perspective on the situation. Focusing on self-improvement can also help build confidence and independence. This newfound strength can become a solid foundation for future relationships and endeavors. Those who regret their divorce often wish they had recognized the potential for growth sooner and embraced it more fully. The journey isn't always straightforward, but the personal rewards can be substantial. Taking the time to invest in yourself can turn a seemingly negative experience into a powerful source of transformation. During a divorce, it's easy to become isolated, but many people eventually realize how crucial a support network is. Friends and family can provide emotional support, practical help, and even a sense of normalcy during a chaotic time. Reaching out to those you trust can make a significant difference in how you cope with the divorce process. Unfortunately, some people only recognize the importance of this support after they've gone through the toughest parts alone. Building and leaning on these connections can help mitigate some of the stress and loneliness you might face. However, it's important to choose your confidants wisely. Sharing too much with people who are more interested in gossip than offering genuine support can backfire. Those who have been through a divorce often regret not being more selective about whom they confided in. Taking the time to identify who truly has your best interests at heart can provide a more solid foundation of support. Remember, true friends will stand by you, offering encouragement and assistance when you need it most. Many people underestimate the toll that legal proceedings can take during a divorce. The drawn-out process of negotiations and court appearances can be both financially and emotionally exhausting. People often find themselves caught in a cycle of lawyers' fees and endless discussions over assets and custody. This aspect of divorce can become an all-consuming drain on your energy and resources. Understanding the potential for this drain can help set more realistic expectations and encourage seeking ways to minimize conflict through mediation or collaborative divorce approaches. The adversarial nature of legal proceedings can sometimes exacerbate tensions, making the divorce more acrimonious than necessary. Some regret not seeking alternative dispute resolution methods that prioritize cooperation over conflict. This realization often comes too late, after the damage has been done. Exploring all available options and fully understanding the implications of the legal process can lead to a more amicable and less stressful divorce. Being informed and prepared can help you navigate the legal landscape more effectively, preserving both your sanity and your finances. In the wake of a divorce, setting clear boundaries becomes crucial as you redefine your relationship with your ex. Without these boundaries, old patterns and conflicts can easily resurface, making it difficult to move forward. Establishing what is acceptable and what is not can prevent misunderstandings and reduce unnecessary drama. Those who regret their divorce often wish they had been more proactive in setting and maintaining these boundaries from the start. Having these guidelines in place can help facilitate a smoother transition for everyone involved. Boundaries aren't just about limiting negative interactions; they're also about creating space for healing and growth. Whether it's deciding on communication methods or how to handle shared responsibilities, clarity is essential. Taking the time to articulate and enforce these boundaries can provide a sense of control over an otherwise tumultuous situation. The goal is to minimize stress and create a framework where both parties can move forward positively. Respecting and upholding these boundaries can lead to improved relationships and personal well-being post-divorce. After years of being part of a couple, finding your individual identity again isn't always easy. Many people underestimate how intertwined their personal identity has become with their marriage, and rediscovering who you are can take time and effort. This journey of self-discovery can be both enlightening and challenging, as you explore interests and passions that might have been set aside. Understanding that this process is gradual can alleviate some of the pressure to immediately "have it all figured out." Those who wish they'd known this sooner often say they would have been more patient and compassionate with themselves. Embracing this phase as an opportunity rather than an obligation can make a significant difference. Trying new activities, meeting new people, or even traveling can be part of this reawakening. Many regret not taking advantage of this period to experiment and explore. Allowing yourself the freedom to grow and change can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying life post-divorce. This rediscovery process can ultimately provide a stronger sense of self and a clearer direction for the future. One of the most impactful realizations is that acceptance is crucial for moving on after a divorce. Holding onto anger, guilt, or resentment can keep you stuck in the past, preventing you from embracing the future. Acceptance doesn't mean you're happy about what happened, but rather that you acknowledge the situation and are ready to move forward. Many people who regret their divorce find that letting go of these negative emotions was the turning point in their healing journey. Accepting the end of a marriage can open doors to new beginnings and possibilities. Reaching this state of acceptance often requires time, reflection, and, sometimes, professional support. It's about making peace with what was and finding gratitude in what is and what could be. Those who have navigated this transition successfully often speak of the relief and clarity that acceptance brought them. This mindset can lead to more positive experiences and relationships in the future. The journey toward acceptance might be challenging, but its rewards can be profound and liberating.
The Sun
08-07-2025
- Health
- The Sun
Baby girl found ‘stiff and blue' after fatal condition struck in the night – heartbroken parents say ‘world fell apart'
HEARTBROKEN parents say their "world fell apart overnight" when they woke to find their 14-month-old baby girl had passed away during the night. It was a morning like any other for Enya Burgess, 29, and Scott Stanley, 28, when they went to wake their "cheeky" young daughter, Lily-Anne, on May 7 this year. 10 10 But they realised with alarm she was 'stiff' and 'blue'. The couple frantically called for an ambulance but Lily-Anne was sadly pronounced dead. It was later determined that the tot had died of Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC), leaving her parents with 'no answers'. Enya, a customer service advisor, recalled: 'It was just a normal Tuesday for us, and the next day our world fell apart, just overnight. 'Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, cherish every moment you can." The parents - who've been a couple for three and a half years - described Lily-Anne as 'very loving and very cheeky'. 'She was very caring and she liked to share a lot, she had a big heart,' Scott said. The tot had had no previous health issues. Scott, an asbestos consultant, said it was a morning like any other on May 7 when he got up for work. 'I went downstairs, made [Lily-Anne's] milk and I went to get her up and ready for nursery. Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood explained "She was stiff on her front and she was blue,' Scott said, becoming emotional. The couple called an ambulance while Enya ran out of the house to shout for help. One of their neighbours, an off-duty police officer, was able to start administering CPR to Lily-Anne. Enya said it was 'craziness' as both police officers and an ambulance arrived at once, before it was confirmed Lily-Anne had died in her sleep at 14 months. 10 Lily-Anne was taken to King's Mill Hospital in Nottinghamshire for further checks while Enya and Scott followed behind – but they claim they had to sit in the A&E waiting room following their very recent loss. 'It was mayhem – we were sat there for a good half-hour, sitting around other people, wondering what the hell is happening,' Enya said. The couple said they were then met by doctors before being taken into a side room and questioned about Lily-Anne's health. 'They did some initial checks on her and confirmed there were no signs of struggle, that there was no obvious reason as to why she had passed,' Enya said. From there, Enya claims she and Scott were moved to another room located 'right next to' the children's A&E waiting room. 'It was literally just a dingy, dark room behind some toilets, and we could hear everything going on,' Enya said. 'We were in shock, it was triggering in a way considering what we were going through.' 10 Over the subsequent days, Enya and Scott wanted to 'spend as much time with Lily-Anne as possible' while she was in the hospital mortuary. The couple claim they were not offered any counselling or support from a dedicated bereavement team at King's Mill Hospital and there was not a specific area onsite where they could process their loss privately. They also claim that while bereavement support is on offer at the hospital, it is only for those where a child has died under a certain age – and Lily-Anne was too old for them to receive this service. Enya and Scott said they were 'lucky' however to have some support from an A&E nurse and a Chaplain at the hospital, who were able to accompany the couple to the mortuary and help them through their difficult time – often staying late outside their working hours to do so. 'We've lost our daughter but fortunately, we had two good people there to help us,' Scott said. 'Not every family is going to get that and without them we would have had nothing – we were just lucky.' What is Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC)? SUDC is the unexpected death of a child aged between 1-18 years that remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation is conducted. This must include; examination of the death scene, performance of a complete post-mortem, and a review of the child and family's medical history Around 40 children are affected every year in the UK, often going to sleep and never waking up. At this time, no-one can predict or prevent these deaths; neither parents nor medical professionals. It's not known why exactly they occur. Sudden Unexplained Death In Childhood is the fourth leading category of death for children aged one to four years. Source: SUDC UK The experience was eye-opening for the couple, prompting them to launch a GoFundMe page to raise money to improve bereavement services at the hospital, to help other families through the 'unthinkable'. 'We want to make these changes to create a lasting legacy for Lily-Anne and to help other parents and families when they are going through the unthinkable.' Scott added: 'Every hospital should have these services on offer for when you lose a child. 'You need help and support to process the news, and a private place to do so.' On May 19, Lily-Anne was transported to Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children in London where a post-mortem examination was conducted. On June 23, the baby's death was officially ruled as SUDC. Around 40 children are affected every year by SUDC in the UK, often going to sleep and never waking up, according to SUDC UK, a charity dedicated to research and support. Enya, Scott and their loved ones held a funeral for Lily-Anne on June 6 – although they say they have not processed her death. 'It's hard because we don't have an answer, there was no reason why she died,' Enya said. 10 The couple's GoFundMe - which aims to enlist a bereavement support team for all at King's Mill Hospital and create a dedicated bereavement suite at the site – has raised over £2,000 so far with a target of £10,000. 'My goal is to get this support in place to help other families in the future,' Enya said. Dr Simon Roe, Chief Medical Officer at Sherwood Forest Hospitals, said: 'On behalf of the Trust, I want to express my sincere condolences to Lily-Anne's family at this incredibly difficult time. 'While we have a dedicated Bereavement team and plans in place to assist staff in providing advice, guidance and memory-making opportunities to families who have experienced a bereavement, the team doesn't provide ongoing support such as counselling. 'Like other Trusts across the country, bereaved families are signposted to local and national organisations for advice and support. 'We are committed to improving our services and continue to work with our local and regional partners to consider potential developments in relation to bereavement support. 'We are grateful to Lily-Anne's family for wanting to improve others' experiences during what is a distressing time for them and we will continue to work with them to find a suitable way to support our bereavement services as a lasting legacy for their daughter.' You can visit Enya and Scott's GoFundMe page here.
