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Metro
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Metro
A drunken one-night stand left me pregnant — and my partner has no idea
We all know taking a break from a partner can muddy the waters over what constitutes cheating. Need we mention the infamous 'we were on a break' debacle in Friends? But this week, we hear from a reader has found themselves in an even trickier predicament. After separating from her husband due to his ongoing drug use, she ended up having a drunken one-night stand with someone else. Now she's back with her ex — and not only is she's pregnant, she has the unshakeable feeling it's not his. Read the advice below, but before you go, make sure to read last week's Sex Column about a woman who's desperate to lose her virginity, but has a panic attack whenever she comes close. I'm in my mid-thirties and have been married for eight years to a guy I met on holiday. He comes from Manchester, I'm from London, and he moved to be with me. We married quite quickly but so far don't have children, although he's always said he wants them. The reason I held off is because he used to be a major coke-head, and I never thought he was ready for babies until he grew out of his partying ways. Although he promised to quit, I've caught him out a couple of times and he had to admit to still doing it. For instance, one time when we kissed, my mouth was immediately tingly because he had wiped his gums with coke, and another time, when we were away with friends, he suddenly disappeared. I found him doing a line in the pantry! Finally, I left him and went back to my parents. I thought it was a good time to take a break from the pill but unfortunately, I ended up having a drunken one-night-stand with some random guy I met in a club, and now I'm nearly three-months pregnant. My husband and I got back together shortly after my fling, and he promised he's quit his partying lifestyle. I think me leaving was the jolt he needed, and now everything between us is perfect. I'm fairly sure the baby is the result of my one-night stand, but my partner has no idea about it and is really excited to be a dad. The guy I hooked up with looked eerily similar to him and I'm sure that if I said nothing, he'd be none the wiser. I know if I own up to my fling it will cause a lot of heartache, but the guilt is killing me. I lie awake at night, worrying what to do. You're in a difficult situation, but you need to take a deep breath and calm down. Have an honest talk with your GP; if you're very specific about when you had sex with whom, you might be able to pin down which guy is the father of your baby. Let's assume the doctor can tell with some degree of accuracy, that the baby is your husband's. Should you confess your fling? Only you know how he's likely to react, but if there's zero chance of him ever finding out then honestly, I would say nothing. When faced with a choice between 'bad' or 'worse', sometimes honesty isn't always the best policy. You weren't even together at the time. More Trending But if it looks as though the baby could be your lover's, you have a dilemma. Maybe the guilt is too much for you or you're worried that DNA technology will give you away at some point in the future, in which case you must sit your husband down and tell him about your drunken fling. He'll know his behaviour was a contributary factor and may be willing to forgive and forget. Hopefully your love is strong enough to cope long term, but if you end up being a single parent and want to talk about it, write to me again. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. View More » Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: I'm a man and I don't let myself climax during sex MORE: I spent big to impress women — now I'm £18,000 in debt MORE: My boyfriend wants to split bills 50/50 — I think he's being tight-fisted
Metro
21-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Metro
I'm desperate to lose my virginity but have a panic attack whenever I come close
Virginity may be a social construct, but having sex for the first time can still feel like a huge deal. Often, people are nervous the reality of 'losing it' will be disappointing after building it up in their minds as a life-affirming moment. But for this week's reader, it's far more than a case of the butterflies. Despite the fact she wants to sleep with her boyfriend, her anxiety levels spike whenever they're physically intimate — and she's starting to worry it'll never happen. Read the advice below, but don't forget to check out last week's Sex Column too, from a man who dumped his girlfriend for being too 'vanilla' but is now struggling to perform with his adventurous new lover. I've been seeing the same guy for nearly six months, so you'd assume that we'd have had sex by now. Unfortunately, that's not the case, as I am still a virgin and a bit freaked out about the idea of intercourse. I'm a first-year student and met my boyfriend in the university bar. He's in the year above me and also took a gap year, so he's a little older and more experienced than me. From listening to him talk, he's had a few girlfriends and is sexually quite experienced, whereas I went to an all-girls school and have never had a boyfriend before. I was also brought up in a religious household where sex before marriage is frowned upon, so he knows I'm still a virgin and says he's relaxed about it. My boyfriend has admitted that some girls go for it on the first night, so he thinks it's quite amusing that I'm still holding out. He says he's happy to wait until I'm ready, but I wonder whether he'll give in to temptation if it comes along via another girl. Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up to The Hook-Up and we'll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro. We can't wait for you to join us! I would like to have sex with him at some point, but every time things get a bit passionate between us, I have an attack of nerves and refuse to go any further. I'm really starting to think there's something wrong with me. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with you. Being a virgin isn't something to be ashamed of, especially if it's just because you've made the decision that you want to lose your virginity to someone special. I'm sure there are lots of other people at your university who are virgins too, and never having had sex doesn't make you a freak. However, if you're feeling conflicted because the decision is based on what you've been taught growing up, you would probably benefit from talking it through with a therapist. Time spent on a one-to-one basis with an expert can unravel all the complex emotions you feel about sex. In particular, counselling can help you resolve the separation between what feels good physically, yet feels bad emotionally. There is clearly more to your relationship than just how you interact in a physical sense, so don't worry about your boyfriend being tempted elsewhere. It's very evident that he wants to be with you for many more reasons than sex. More Trending You've said you would like to have sex with your boyfriend, so just remember that the act of making love is nothing to be afraid of and there's a first time for everyone. Meanwhile, there are many kinds of sexual activity to explore, and you don't have to go the whole way until you're ready for it. Sex can be an expression of love, and if your partner is genuinely understanding and kind, he will take pride in making your first time as special as possible. Waiting a while won't harm your relationship, and a great love life will just add to what you already have together. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. View More » Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to MORE: I told my date my sexual preferences and was immediately ghosted MORE: Video games are great for my mental and physical wellbeing – Reader's Feature MORE: I'm allowed to date other women – my partner isn't
Metro
17-05-2025
- Metro
I'm happily married, but I can't stop having phone sex with my old school friend
Does cheating always have to be physical? That's the question one reader is grappling with in this week's Sex Column. She's found herself talking dirty on the phone to an old school friend – and enjoying it far more than she expected. The digital affair has been going on for months, while her unsuspecting husband works away from home. Now the former classmate wants to meet up in person, but she's not sure whether she wants to cross that line. Read the advice below, but before you go, make sure to read last week's column, where a reader has been witnessing a family affair (literally) from his doorstep. I'm in my early 30s and have been happily married for six years. My husband and I don't have children yet, although that is on the agenda. When I first met him, I already belonged to a Facebook group of classmates from secondary school, which has been a great way of keeping up with old friends. There's one guy in particular who I've grown attached to. Two years ago his wife died of cancer, leaving him alone with three young boys. I think that brought us closer, as obviously I felt deeply for him. We didn't have a lot to do with one another at school, but after his wife's death I gave him my phone number. Now we chat for hours about all sorts when my husband is working away from home, as he does often. Recently we've been, for want of a better description, 'talking dirty' to each other on the phone. The first time he spoke to me in this way it came out of the blue, but I'll be honest, it really turned me on and it didn't take much for me to reciprocate. Now we have regular phone sex and this has been going on since before Christmas. Of course he wants to meet up, but I feel I couldn't go that far as it really would feel like cheating on my husband. There have been a few class get-togethers but I've moved to the other end of the country, so it doesn't work for me to attend these. Anyway, from his pictures I don't really fancy this guy enough to break up my marriage. I know I need to stop but it feels so good. It's like a drug – the more I have, the more I want. How would you feel if it were your husband having phone sex with an old classmate, rather than you? My betting is, you'd be distraught. So I wonder why you ever thought it was okay for you to cheat like this; and it is cheating, just not in the conventional way. If your husband found out, he would doubtless be just as devastated as he'd be if you were having a physical affair. Maybe your phone lover thinks he has a future with you, in which case you're not being fair to him either. He's had a tough time and so have his poor children, so let him try to rebuild his family without you as a distraction. You've admitted you're not serious about him so set him free; just explain that you've realised you're in too deep and need to end things. Put some time and energy into your marriage – not just the sex, but going on dates again and sharing time together. If you feel lonely when your husband is away, get in touch with a real friend instead of talking dirty to someone you haven't seen for years. More Trending If you're planning to have children you must be in this marriage for the long haul, so give yourself a good shake and don't risk everything for a bit of excitement. You've got away with it so far, but you have been lucky. The time to end this crazy phone fling is now. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. View More » Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: I've been called an undateable 'red flag' because of my health condition MORE: I thought my date had ordered an Uber – then I got in MORE: My boyfriend poked my back with his penis – his seduction technique needed work
