a day ago
Self-care for parents: 10+ hacks to help you cultivate wellbeing this back-to-school season
A busy parents' guide to refueling this school year
The best parents want their children to be well, however, the average parent overlooks their wellness as a critical factor in making this possible. Burnout continues to be a growing concern among parents, but do we really think our children aren't affected? According to Dr. Sejal Barden, Executive Director of the Marriage and Family Research Institute and Professor and Chair at the University of Central Florida's Counselor Education and School Psychology Department, 'For over two decades, research from UCF's Marriage and Family Research Institute has made one thing clear: when parents are stressed, kids feel it. That's why strengthening the well-being of parents, not just as caregivers, but as individuals and couples is key to raising healthier, happier children.' Dr. Sheena McKenzie, Pediatric Hospitalist and mother of two highlights the essentiality of self-care in raising healthy children. She emphasizes, "Self-care isn't a luxury, it's something that actually helps your child and your relationship with your child. We perform better as parents when we take care of our needs in addition to those of our kids.'
Now let's be real, while their input certainly holds us accountable, you didn't need to be convinced by expert opinion, did you? Not only does it make perfect sense, deep down you know that your wellbeing sets the precedent for your children. It may even be frustrating to hear because while you may wish to improve self-care, finding the right time may seem few and far between and finding the right strategy may seem like a mystery. As a mental health counselor, educator, advocate, and parent if there is one thing I want you to know about self-care it's that it may not be as complicated as you think. Yes, it takes time, energy, and effort, but you are absolutely capable of fostering this cornerstone to wellbeing. By the end of this list you will be equipped to move in the right direction. Here are # tips to support your self-care and the wellbeing of your family:
1. Define self-care
What does self-care mean to you? What words come to mind? What doesn't qualify? Pausing to define self-care is an often overlooked strategy that makes a huge difference. For one, if your definition is a bit misleading it can set you astray. I'll share the definition that has been incorporated for thousands who use The Self Love Workbook:
self-care is the active practice of paying attention to and tending to your needs in the current context.
Let's unpack this a bit. That means self-care is directly connected to your needs, requires your intervention, and is not static. Loop back to your definition to see if you may benefit from tweaking it for your wellbeing.
Before we dive deep into hacks, reflect on these 10 questions to get clear on what self-care might look like for you:
What does wellness mean to you?
When you're well, how do you know?
How do you recognize when you're stressed?
What increases your stress?
What has helped you cope in the past?
What activities help you feel grounded?
How do people in your support system cope?
What strategies have you not tried yet, but want to?
What's one skill you can use even when you're short on time?
What's one tool that doesn't require buying anything new?
2. Know your needs
The wellness industry will offer you endless solutions, but none of them will work if they don't match your actual needs. The most effective self-care honors your limited time and energy and starts with identifying your biggest gaps (and ultimately your highest priorities). If you're exhausted, maybe you need rest. If you're feeling lonely, maybe you need connection. If you're overwhelmed, maybe you need clarity. That fancy eye mask or new supplement isn't the solution if it doesn't match the root of the need.
3. Start small
When we can sense that we are depleted, a simple self-care action can seem like a drop in the bucket. But my friend, please know that the small steps matter. As a matter of fact, as a mental health clinician I tend to believe that the ability to muster the effort to do one small thing when you are faced with a mountain of stress signifies more resilience and growth than most of us realize. Do not overlook the small steps, they add up. Dr. Sheena McKenzie offers a key strategy that she employs as a busy mother of two young boys: 'Instead of thinking, 'What can I do every day?' ask yourself, 'How do I want to feel by the end of the week?'' Reorienting your assessment process from quantity to sensation can be the overlooked skill you have been waiting for.
4. Give yourself credit
Many parents think they're not doing enough. But chances are, you already are doing more than you realize, yet perception has power. Taking time to acknowledge your current efforts helps you build confidence in your ability to support yourself. We commonly overlook the self-care strategies we use that aren't sexy. I have to break it to you, paying your bills is absolutely self-care. Acknowledging the seemingly tedious tasks that qualify as self-care can help to build a momentum to thrust you into the self-care you have desired but struggled to take the next step towards.
5. Create a self-care kit
When you know what works for you, make it easy to reach for. Whether physical or digital, a 'kit' can be your go-to toolbox of skills or items that help you reset. This is a great strategy to share with the kids. Even the littlest ones tend to love a sensory basket. If you opt for this angle, consider using it in their presence and making the kit accessible. This isn't just a resource; it's a reminder that care is available, possible, and okay to seek.
6. Select sustainability
It can be fun to try a variety of self-care strategies and build your awareness of what does and doesn't fit for you, but for many that's not plausible. Please don't mistake this trial-and-error for self-care; it can be a part of the process but isn't required. You know more than you realize. Beyond assessing your current needs, reflect on the past to consider what used to work. Many times it's not that it stopped working, it's just that we stopped doing it. Oftentimes it's because we associate something as childish like coloring, dancing, or sports, when people who hold entire careers in these respective categories would beg to differ.
Similarly, while the marketing campaigns that have landed in your inbox may say otherwise, I have to tell you that you don't need to buy anything either. Yes, I know how big of a blunder it is for me to tell you this truth as an author, but I have to be honest. You likely have so many self-care items that you either forgot you have or simply haven't labeled them as such yet. I am a big fan of the self-care strategy scavenger hunt. Tour your household like you are the nosiest guest to ever exist. Make note of the items you have and how they can be utilized to support your wellbeing.
7. Build healthy habits
Self-care isn't one-and-done. Truthfully, I wish that were the case for all of us. In reality, most of us need to replenish our energy regularly. That's why it helps to build rituals that are aligned and sustainable. Start with your existing routine. Where can you embed care into what you're already doing? If your routine is off and running, where can you habit stack self-care?
For example, we are currently using breakfast affirmations to foster connection. It used to be during teeth-brushing time but that got a bit complicated. Neither require extra time, just intention.
8. Walk the walk
Many parents set higher expectations for their children than they do for you struggle to handle nonstop scheduling, is it fair to expect your child to thrive under that same pressure? If you lose patience after a long day, is it reasonable to expect them to stay perfectly regulated?
Becoming aware of these double standards isn't to criticize, blame, or shame, because trust me, I have fallen into this trap too. Instead, use this as motivation to invest in setting a strong precedent. By checking your own expectations, you clarify what types of self-care to prioritize and model more realistic emotional wellness. Dr. Sheena McKenzie notes, 'If your kids see you modeling healthy boundaries and time for yourself, that teaches them how to do the same as they grow.'
9. Reclaim your time
'I don't have time' is the most common reason parents don't engage in self-care. The tough-to-swallow truth that I see as a mental health counselor and human is that time isn't actually the problem, it's often how we prioritize and protect it. Be honest: how many minutes did you spend scrolling today? Do you even want to know? Yes, digital wellness is often the most universal example I can give, but we all tend to fall away from what matters to us in all sorts of ways and get conditioned to that pattern over time. Without magically changing your responsibilities, if you could spend your next week anyway you want to, how would that look different from last week? Remember, self-care doesn't always require more time, but it certainly requires more intention.
10. Self-care doesn't have to be solo
Yes, solo time is stellar, but not all self-care happens in isolation. We are social beings, and care can happen with our children too. So many parents are always worried that I'm going to say to put your needs in front of your children and I promise you will never hear me say that. On the other hand, I will ask you to see yourself as worthy too. When doing so, you'll notice that there are ample times you don't have to choose between your needs and theirs: they align.
Especially if you have children who can engage in the conversation with you, introduce the concept of wellness and self-care. Let them brainstorm what works for them. You may find yourself inspired. Also, you know them well too, and with your fully-developed brain you can help them consider what works for them. As the cards flip you may find a match or a few.
11. Check your self-love
Here's a challenging predicament I see parents face all the time when it comes to self-care: Doing all the 'right' things and still feeling like something's off. A practice of self-care is critical for wellness, but it isn't synonymous with positive wellbeing. Self-care is only one part of the bigger picture. If your relationship with yourself is strained, self-care routines might feel empty, ineffective, or even like just another task. There are seven core segments of self-love, and all of them are essential for true well-being:
Self-awareness – Noticing your emotions, habits, values, and patterns
Self-exploration – Asking meaningful questions to understand your inner world
Self-care – Actively nurturing your needs in the present context
Self-esteem – Recognizing your value and embracing your strengths
Self-kindness – Being compassionate with yourself, especially in hard moments
Self-respect – Setting and maintaining boundaries that protect your peace
Self-growth – Remaining open to learning and evolving throughout your life
When one of these segments is neglected, the others can suffer too. For example, it's hard to engage in self-care if your self-esteem is low. So if it feels like your self-care isn't landing, take a step back and reflect on your self-love. Are you nurturing all seven segments? Where might you need to soften, shift, or invest? Because real self-care sticks when it's grounded in self-love.
