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Psychologist: It's 'necessary' for parents to make mistakes—your kids are more likely to grow up successful
It's easy to want to be the perfect parent when you have kids, but making mistakes as a parent is pretty natural.
In fact, it's part of the equation for raising successful kids, developmental psychologist Aliza Pressman told "The Mel Robbins Podcast" in an episode that published on July 28. When your kids see you making mistakes, they learn that messing up doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with them — lessening the pressure they may feel to be completely mistake-free, said Pressman.
Giving your kids permission to mess up can help them become happier and more successful as adults. "If our kids didn't see [our mistakes], they would not have much hope that they get to make mistakes and grow and still be loved and be worthy," Pressman said.
Your parenting mistakes will be unavoidable, she said — from forgetting to pack your kid's favorite snack one day to accidentally saying the wrong thing in front of them. "We are born as parents when our children are born," said Pressman, adding: "Of course we're messing up all of the time, because we're babies. We're baby parents ... [It's] a necessary part of this gig to keep making mistakes."What matters is how you respond to those mistakes, she said. She recommended apologizing directly to your children, a process that she called "repair." Some other psychologists offer similar advice: Be "honest and direct" when apologizing to your child, child psychologist Tovah Klein told CNBC Make It in October 2024.
Kids can mistake a parent's outburst as something more serious and long-lasting than you likely intended, she noted. Try simple phrases like "I'm sorry I yelled," or, "I apologize, I shouldn't have done that," said Klein, the director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development.
Parenting experts often stress the importance of modeling the kind of behavior you want your kids to learn. "Want your kids to not be addicted to their screens? Don't be on your phone all the time in front of them. Want them to be active? Let them see you exercise," Theo Wolf, an educator at Spike Lab, wrote on March 27.
Your children learn from a variety of your behaviors, from traits and values — like mental resilience or self-awareness — to your day-to-day actions and the language you use when you think they're not listening, added Wolf, a coach at New York-based Spike Lab, an entrepreneurship program for teenagers.
"Be mindful of the examples you set for them," he wrote. "If you want them to grow up to be responsible, purposeful, hard-working, and above all, happy, embody those traits yourself."
