Latest news with #Swiftie-style
CNN
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- CNN
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are proving to be an enduring love story
Travis Kelce People in sports Taylor Swift People in entertainmentFacebookTweetLink Follow We like this new era Taylor Swift is in. She will be appearing on boyfriend Travis Kelce's podcast 'New Heights' to discuss her 12th studio album, 'The Life of a Showgirl,' with his cohost and brother, Jason Kelce, on Wednesday. The new music comes after her hugely successful Eras Tour, which ended in December 2024. But almost as important as the news of another album is how Swift made the announcement, sitting next to her beau. Swift has never had a boyfriend this intimately involved in a new project launch, which has her supporters wondering if wedding bells going to ring anytime soon? Here's a look back at the alchemy that got us to this era. Kelce is very familiar with Kansas City's Arrowhead Stadium since that's where his team, the Kansas City Chiefs, play. But on July 8, 2023, he was there for a different reason – to see Swift perform as part of her 'Eras Tour.' A few weeks later, he shared the story on his 'New Heights' podcast about how he had attempted to get Swift his phone number via a Swiftie-style friendship bracelet. 'I was disappointed that she doesn't talk before or after her shows because she has to save her voice for the 44 songs that she sings,' he told the world after his brother Jason asked about attending the concert. 'So I was a little butthurt I didn't get to hand her one of the bracelets I made for her.' 'If you're up on Taylor Swift concerts, there are friendship bracelets, and I received a bunch of them being there, but I wanted to give Taylor Swift one with my number on it,' Kelce said. When Jason asked if his brother meant his jersey number or his phone number, the Kansas City tight end quipped, 'You know which one.' From there, Kelce found himself fielding questions about what, if anything, was going on between him and Swift. 'I'm not gonna talk about my personal life,' he said during an interview with NFL+ host Andrew Siciliano. That didn't stop the speculation that the pair were dating, and Kelce shared during an appearance on 'The Pat McAfee Show' that he had invited Swift to watch him play. 'I threw the ball in her court,' the football player said. 'I told her, 'I've seen you rock the stage in Arrowhead, you might have to come see me rock the stage in Arrowhead.' We'll see what happens in the near future.' Swift eventually took him up on it and appeared at his game on September 24, sitting next to his mother, Donna Kelce, in the family suite. Swifties, as her hardcore fan base is known, promptly lost it, heralding the kickoff of mania over the pair. The NFL began leaning in to 'Traylor,' 'Tayvis,' 'Swelce' or whatever you choose to use as their couple nickname. The league's official X account posted about her plenty when on October 1 Swift and some of her famous friends including Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds cheered Kelce and his team on against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium. Everyone felt swept up in the excitement over the two. Donna Kelce, his mother, told CNN at the time that all the attention surrounding her son and Swift felt 'unreal.' 'I tell everyone that it's kind of like an alternate universe that I just happened to be in,' Donna Kelce said. 'Like, I went through a third wall into another dimension. That's what it feels like.' And in a case of 'we can show you better than we can tell you,' Kelce and Swift appeared to confirm their coupledom when they were photographed holding hands in New York City after they both made separate surprise appearances on 'Saturday Night Live's' season 49 premiere on October 14. Swift gave definite girlfriend vibes a week later when she and Brittany Mahomes, the wife of Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes, showed off their special handshake during a successful Chiefs play against the Los Angeles Chargers. Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes are besties as well as teammates. There was no doubt that Swift and Kelce were indeed a couple once he traveled to Buenos Aires, Argentina, for her November 11 Eras Tour stop. Not only was Kelce there with Swift's dad, she swapped the 'Karma' lyric 'Karma is the guy in the screen coming straight home to me' – which many thought was about her ex-boyfriend actor Joe Alwyn – for 'Karma is the guy on the Chiefs coming straight home to me.' And if that wasn't swoon-worthy enough, video of her running off stage into Kelce's arms for a smooch had those rooting for the superstar singer to find her person singing 'It's a love story, baby, just say 'Yes.'' Later that month, Kelce was the cover star of WSJ Magazine's and opened up about their relationship. 'Obviously I've never dated anyone with that kind of aura about them…. I've never dealt with it,' Kelce told the publication of Swift's life in the spotlight. 'But at the same time, I'm not running away from any of it…. The scrutiny she gets, how much she has a magnifying glass on her, every single day, paparazzi outside her house, outside every restaurant she goes to, after every flight she gets off, and she's just living, enjoying life. When she acts like that I better not be the one acting all strange.' Kelce wasn't the only one willing to talk about their relationship. Swift was named Time magazine's 2023 'Person of the Year' and in an interview with the publication, she cleared up speculation that they became official at that first September football game she attended. 'By the time I went to that first game, we were a couple,' she told Time. She added, they 'would never be psychotic enough to hard launch a first date' in the public sphere like that. Makes sense. Not only did Kelce and Swift ring in the new year together with a sweet kiss, but she also met his brother Jason for the first time. The then-Philadelphia Eagles center and his wife Kylie Kelce hung out with Swift during the Chiefs' playoff game against the Buffalo Bills, Suffice it to say, Jason Kelce made quite the impression as he stripped off his shirt, guzzled beer and hopped out of the suite window to have some fun with the fans. The brothers talked about it during an episode of their podcast and Jason Kelce said his wife had warned him to be on his 'best behavior' for his first meet up with his beloved brother's girlfriend. 'I was like, 'Kylie, the first day I met you I was blackout drunk and fell asleep at the bar,' he said during the podcast. 'This is part of the charm. This is part of the Jason Kelce charm. I wanna make my best first impression.'' It apparently worked as Travis Kelce told him, 'Tay said she absolutely loved you.' Love was in the air the month of Valentine's Day – not just between Swift and her boyfriend, but for his sports fans. His team made it once again to the Super Bowl, which allowed the NFL to further cash in given that Swift had been boosting ratings with her attendance at the games. And while some thought the league was overdoing it with all the shots of the singer during the games, Mama Kelce was excited for the new audience Swift was attracting. 'I think it's amazing that more and more people are embracing the NFL. I love sports. I especially love football because my boys have been doing it for so long,' Donna Kelce told CNN. 'I truly believe that it's bringing families closer. Sports tends to do that.' 'I've gotten letters, texts and comments when I'm in the airport about how fathers are so happy that their daughters are finally coming to them to try to understand the game,' she added. 'And they couldn't have thought that would have ever happened before now.' Her son Travis and his Chiefs went on to win the Super Bowl, their third in five years and their second in a row. And because we must know how did it end, Swift and Kelce gave us that movie moment when he turned from celebrating with his mother, told Swift 'Come here girl,' and the pair embraced and exchanged a few kisses on the field. There was much partying and Swift even joked in a TikTok video about ending up in a nightclub with her parents as they celebrated the historic win. Later that month Kelce thrilled concertgoers in Australia when he flew out to join her when she played her Sydney tour stop. Good luck remembering who played Coachella because all eyes were on Swift and her man as they enjoyed the annual music festival. It was so serious, a video of a lip-reader trying to interpret what the couple said to each other while they jammed went viral. But that was nothing compared to the excitement when Swift dropped her new album 'The Tortured Poets Department' on April 19. Immediately, Swifties were trying to decode which songs/lyrics might be about Kelce. The singer scored with all the sports references in her track 'The Alchemy,' which led many to believe that the song about having an intense attraction to a new lover was inspired by Kelce. 'So when I touch down/Call the amateurs and/Cut 'em from the team/Ditch the clowns, get the crown/Baby I'm the one to beat,' Swift sings. 'Cause the sign on your heart/Said it's still reserved for me/Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?' Kelce proved to be Swift's number one fan and revealed his favorite Swift 'era.' 'I'm a big '1989' fan,' Kelce told 'Access Hollywood' during his second annual Kelce Jam music festival. 'But I'm not going to lie, I may be a little biased towards 'The Tortured Poets Department.' Just a little bit.' The pair also enjoyed a romantic vacation in Lake Como, Italy, while Swift was on break from the European leg of her Eras Tour. Speaking of Europe, Swift posted a selfie of her, Kelce, Prince William and his two oldest kids, Prince George and Princess Charlotte, from her London concert, which also counted as his first Instagram-official shot on her feed. Kelce wasn't just along for the ride, it turns out. He made his debut at her Wembley Stadium concert in London where he donned a top hat and tails for a cameo on stage with Swift. Swift posted about her performance at the stadium, writing, 'And I'm still cracking up/swooning over @killatrav's Eras Tour debut.' Kelce gave listeners of his podcast the behind the scenes of his surprise debut, sharing that 'It was an absolute blast.' 'It was such a fun, playful part of the show and it was like the perfect time for me to go up there, just be a ham and have some fun, not only with [Swift]… but the crowd and really try and get everybody excited for the rest of the show,' he said. 'It was awesome.' His main focus? Not to fumble. 'The golden rule was 'Do not drop Taylor. Get her to the couch safe,'' he said. 'Do not drop the baby' is what he thought, and as usual, Kelce won. The football player attended her favorite songbird's concerts in Amsterdam and Germany before heading back to the US for training camp with his Kansas City Chiefs. Absence made the heart grow fonder as Kelce danced to 'Shake It Off' at the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship Tournament and dedicated his karaoke win to his girlfriend. Swift performed her last show along the European leg of her Eras Tour at London's Wembley Stadium. Days later, she commented for the first time on the thwarted terror attack that led to the cancellation of three shows in Vienna earlier in the month. In her statement, Swift expressed her gratitude to the authorities involved because even thought she felt guilt for the cancellations, 'we were grieving concerts and not lives,' she wrote. Kelce did not publicly comment about the incident. Swift and Kelce reunited later in the month to throw a star-studded bash at her Rhode Island mansion to celebrate her taking a break from her tour. Guests included other couples like Jason and Kylie Kelce, Patrick and Brittany Mahomes, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, and Bradley Cooper and Gigi Hadid. Kelce also became a minority owner of a racehorse named, wait for it, Swift Delivery. And Swift, apparently, is more involved in Kelce's career than we knew. 'She's really interested in football and she asks a lot of great questions,' Mahomes told NBC's Chris Simms in a recent interview. 'She started drawing up plays, we might have to put one in.' Kelce and his Kansas City Chiefs were heading back to the Super Bowl, but all anyone wants to talk to him about is his relationship with Swift. After back to back questions during a press conference as to when Kelce planned on popping the question to his superstar singer girlfriend the football player responded 'Man, back to back, you guys are crazy.' He was more than happy, however, to praise her work ethic and talk about how he felt the need to match it. 'I better hold up my end of the bargain,' Kelce said. 'If she's out here being the superstar she is, never taking no for an answer and always working her tail off, I better match that energy for sure.' His team, the Kansas City Chiefs, lost to the Philadelphia Eagles and Swift and Kelce dropped out of sight for a bit though there were reports that they enjoyed a bit of vacationing. May was a big month for Swift. We were reminded that celebs are also Swifties, when WNBA player Caitlin Clark was asked if she thought Swift and Kelce would be attending any of her Indiana Fever games. Clark said she hoped so. I feel like they're also living. They're in a nice, in vacation mode right now,' Clark told USA Today. 'So I hope they enjoy a nice little break out of the spotlight. But I'm sure they'll be cheering for the Fever either way.' Swift also scored a personal victory in getting her music catalog back, which she announced in a letter shared on her site and said she was able to do so thanks to the success of her Eras Tour. 'To say this is my greatest dream come true is actually being pretty reserved about it,' she wrote. There were wedding bells, but not Swift and Kelce's. The couple attended his cousin Tanner Corum's nuptials at the RiverView Family Farm in Knoxville, Tennessee. Corum shared a photo of the couple, posing with him and his bride, Samantha, along with their daughter at the wedding. 'So damn thankful for our family and the people that love us the most to come celebrate us on this special day,' Corum wrote in the caption. Swift teased the announcement of her 12th studio album, 'The Life of a Showgirl,' in a clip showing her sharing the news on Kelce's podcast. It marked the first time the world gets to see the couple publicly engaged in conversation. A version of this story was originally published in July 2024.
CNN
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- CNN
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are proving to be an enduring love story
Travis Kelce People in sports Taylor Swift People in entertainmentFacebookTweetLink Follow We like this new era Taylor Swift is in. She will be appearing on boyfriend Travis Kelce's podcast 'New Heights' to discuss her 12th studio album, 'The Life of a Showgirl,' with his cohost and brother, Jason Kelce, on Wednesday. The new music comes after her hugely successful Eras Tour, which ended in December 2024. But almost as important as the news of another album is how Swift made the announcement, sitting next to her beau. Swift has never had a boyfriend this intimately involved in a new project launch, which has her supporters wondering if wedding bells going to ring anytime soon? Here's a look back at the alchemy that got us to this era. Kelce is very familiar with Kansas City's Arrowhead Stadium since that's where his team, the Kansas City Chiefs, play. But on July 8, 2023, he was there for a different reason – to see Swift perform as part of her 'Eras Tour.' A few weeks later, he shared the story on his 'New Heights' podcast about how he had attempted to get Swift his phone number via a Swiftie-style friendship bracelet. 'I was disappointed that she doesn't talk before or after her shows because she has to save her voice for the 44 songs that she sings,' he told the world after his brother Jason asked about attending the concert. 'So I was a little butthurt I didn't get to hand her one of the bracelets I made for her.' 'If you're up on Taylor Swift concerts, there are friendship bracelets, and I received a bunch of them being there, but I wanted to give Taylor Swift one with my number on it,' Kelce said. When Jason asked if his brother meant his jersey number or his phone number, the Kansas City tight end quipped, 'You know which one.' From there, Kelce found himself fielding questions about what, if anything, was going on between him and Swift. 'I'm not gonna talk about my personal life,' he said during an interview with NFL+ host Andrew Siciliano. That didn't stop the speculation that the pair were dating, and Kelce shared during an appearance on 'The Pat McAfee Show' that he had invited Swift to watch him play. 'I threw the ball in her court,' the football player said. 'I told her, 'I've seen you rock the stage in Arrowhead, you might have to come see me rock the stage in Arrowhead.' We'll see what happens in the near future.' Swift eventually took him up on it and appeared at his game on September 24, sitting next to his mother, Donna Kelce, in the family suite. Swifties, as her hardcore fan base is known, promptly lost it, heralding the kickoff of mania over the pair. The NFL began leaning in to 'Traylor,' 'Tayvis,' 'Swelce' or whatever you choose to use as their couple nickname. The league's official X account posted about her plenty when on October 1 Swift and some of her famous friends including Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds cheered Kelce and his team on against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium. Everyone felt swept up in the excitement over the two. Donna Kelce, his mother, told CNN at the time that all the attention surrounding her son and Swift felt 'unreal.' 'I tell everyone that it's kind of like an alternate universe that I just happened to be in,' Donna Kelce said. 'Like, I went through a third wall into another dimension. That's what it feels like.' And in a case of 'we can show you better than we can tell you,' Kelce and Swift appeared to confirm their coupledom when they were photographed holding hands in New York City after they both made separate surprise appearances on 'Saturday Night Live's' season 49 premiere on October 14. Swift gave definite girlfriend vibes a week later when she and Brittany Mahomes, the wife of Kansas City quarterback Patrick Mahomes, showed off their special handshake during a successful Chiefs play against the Los Angeles Chargers. Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes are besties as well as teammates. There was no doubt that Swift and Kelce were indeed a couple once he traveled to Buenos Aires, Argentina, for her November 11 Eras Tour stop. Not only was Kelce there with Swift's dad, she swapped the 'Karma' lyric 'Karma is the guy in the screen coming straight home to me' – which many thought was about her ex-boyfriend actor Joe Alwyn – for 'Karma is the guy on the Chiefs coming straight home to me.' And if that wasn't swoon-worthy enough, video of her running off stage into Kelce's arms for a smooch had those rooting for the superstar singer to find her person singing 'It's a love story, baby, just say 'Yes.'' Later that month, Kelce was the cover star of WSJ Magazine's and opened up about their relationship. 'Obviously I've never dated anyone with that kind of aura about them…. I've never dealt with it,' Kelce told the publication of Swift's life in the spotlight. 'But at the same time, I'm not running away from any of it…. The scrutiny she gets, how much she has a magnifying glass on her, every single day, paparazzi outside her house, outside every restaurant she goes to, after every flight she gets off, and she's just living, enjoying life. When she acts like that I better not be the one acting all strange.' Kelce wasn't the only one willing to talk about their relationship. Swift was named Time magazine's 2023 'Person of the Year' and in an interview with the publication, she cleared up speculation that they became official at that first September football game she attended. 'By the time I went to that first game, we were a couple,' she told Time. She added, they 'would never be psychotic enough to hard launch a first date' in the public sphere like that. Makes sense. Not only did Kelce and Swift ring in the new year together with a sweet kiss, but she also met his brother Jason for the first time. The then-Philadelphia Eagles center and his wife Kylie Kelce hung out with Swift during the Chiefs' playoff game against the Buffalo Bills, Suffice it to say, Jason Kelce made quite the impression as he stripped off his shirt, guzzled beer and hopped out of the suite window to have some fun with the fans. The brothers talked about it during an episode of their podcast and Jason Kelce said his wife had warned him to be on his 'best behavior' for his first meet up with his beloved brother's girlfriend. 'I was like, 'Kylie, the first day I met you I was blackout drunk and fell asleep at the bar,' he said during the podcast. 'This is part of the charm. This is part of the Jason Kelce charm. I wanna make my best first impression.'' It apparently worked as Travis Kelce told him, 'Tay said she absolutely loved you.' Love was in the air the month of Valentine's Day – not just between Swift and her boyfriend, but for his sports fans. His team made it once again to the Super Bowl, which allowed the NFL to further cash in given that Swift had been boosting ratings with her attendance at the games. And while some thought the league was overdoing it with all the shots of the singer during the games, Mama Kelce was excited for the new audience Swift was attracting. 'I think it's amazing that more and more people are embracing the NFL. I love sports. I especially love football because my boys have been doing it for so long,' Donna Kelce told CNN. 'I truly believe that it's bringing families closer. Sports tends to do that.' 'I've gotten letters, texts and comments when I'm in the airport about how fathers are so happy that their daughters are finally coming to them to try to understand the game,' she added. 'And they couldn't have thought that would have ever happened before now.' Her son Travis and his Chiefs went on to win the Super Bowl, their third in five years and their second in a row. And because we must know how did it end, Swift and Kelce gave us that movie moment when he turned from celebrating with his mother, told Swift 'Come here girl,' and the pair embraced and exchanged a few kisses on the field. There was much partying and Swift even joked in a TikTok video about ending up in a nightclub with her parents as they celebrated the historic win. Later that month Kelce thrilled concertgoers in Australia when he flew out to join her when she played her Sydney tour stop. Good luck remembering who played Coachella because all eyes were on Swift and her man as they enjoyed the annual music festival. It was so serious, a video of a lip-reader trying to interpret what the couple said to each other while they jammed went viral. But that was nothing compared to the excitement when Swift dropped her new album 'The Tortured Poets Department' on April 19. Immediately, Swifties were trying to decode which songs/lyrics might be about Kelce. The singer scored with all the sports references in her track 'The Alchemy,' which led many to believe that the song about having an intense attraction to a new lover was inspired by Kelce. 'So when I touch down/Call the amateurs and/Cut 'em from the team/Ditch the clowns, get the crown/Baby I'm the one to beat,' Swift sings. 'Cause the sign on your heart/Said it's still reserved for me/Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?' Kelce proved to be Swift's number one fan and revealed his favorite Swift 'era.' 'I'm a big '1989' fan,' Kelce told 'Access Hollywood' during his second annual Kelce Jam music festival. 'But I'm not going to lie, I may be a little biased towards 'The Tortured Poets Department.' Just a little bit.' The pair also enjoyed a romantic vacation in Lake Como, Italy, while Swift was on break from the European leg of her Eras Tour. Speaking of Europe, Swift posted a selfie of her, Kelce, Prince William and his two oldest kids, Prince George and Princess Charlotte, from her London concert, which also counted as his first Instagram-official shot on her feed. Kelce wasn't just along for the ride, it turns out. He made his debut at her Wembley Stadium concert in London where he donned a top hat and tails for a cameo on stage with Swift. Swift posted about her performance at the stadium, writing, 'And I'm still cracking up/swooning over @killatrav's Eras Tour debut.' Kelce gave listeners of his podcast the behind the scenes of his surprise debut, sharing that 'It was an absolute blast.' 'It was such a fun, playful part of the show and it was like the perfect time for me to go up there, just be a ham and have some fun, not only with [Swift]… but the crowd and really try and get everybody excited for the rest of the show,' he said. 'It was awesome.' His main focus? Not to fumble. 'The golden rule was 'Do not drop Taylor. Get her to the couch safe,'' he said. 'Do not drop the baby' is what he thought, and as usual, Kelce won. The football player attended her favorite songbird's concerts in Amsterdam and Germany before heading back to the US for training camp with his Kansas City Chiefs. Absence made the heart grow fonder as Kelce danced to 'Shake It Off' at the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship Tournament and dedicated his karaoke win to his girlfriend. Swift performed her last show along the European leg of her Eras Tour at London's Wembley Stadium. Days later, she commented for the first time on the thwarted terror attack that led to the cancellation of three shows in Vienna earlier in the month. In her statement, Swift expressed her gratitude to the authorities involved because even thought she felt guilt for the cancellations, 'we were grieving concerts and not lives,' she wrote. Kelce did not publicly comment about the incident. Swift and Kelce reunited later in the month to throw a star-studded bash at her Rhode Island mansion to celebrate her taking a break from her tour. Guests included other couples like Jason and Kylie Kelce, Patrick and Brittany Mahomes, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, and Bradley Cooper and Gigi Hadid. Kelce also became a minority owner of a racehorse named, wait for it, Swift Delivery. And Swift, apparently, is more involved in Kelce's career than we knew. 'She's really interested in football and she asks a lot of great questions,' Mahomes told NBC's Chris Simms in a recent interview. 'She started drawing up plays, we might have to put one in.' Kelce and his Kansas City Chiefs were heading back to the Super Bowl, but all anyone wants to talk to him about is his relationship with Swift. After back to back questions during a press conference as to when Kelce planned on popping the question to his superstar singer girlfriend the football player responded 'Man, back to back, you guys are crazy.' He was more than happy, however, to praise her work ethic and talk about how he felt the need to match it. 'I better hold up my end of the bargain,' Kelce said. 'If she's out here being the superstar she is, never taking no for an answer and always working her tail off, I better match that energy for sure.' His team, the Kansas City Chiefs, lost to the Philadelphia Eagles and Swift and Kelce dropped out of sight for a bit though there were reports that they enjoyed a bit of vacationing. May was a big month for Swift. We were reminded that celebs are also Swifties, when WNBA player Caitlin Clark was asked if she thought Swift and Kelce would be attending any of her Indiana Fever games. Clark said she hoped so. I feel like they're also living. They're in a nice, in vacation mode right now,' Clark told USA Today. 'So I hope they enjoy a nice little break out of the spotlight. But I'm sure they'll be cheering for the Fever either way.' Swift also scored a personal victory in getting her music catalog back, which she announced in a letter shared on her site and said she was able to do so thanks to the success of her Eras Tour. 'To say this is my greatest dream come true is actually being pretty reserved about it,' she wrote. There were wedding bells, but not Swift and Kelce's. The couple attended his cousin Tanner Corum's nuptials at the RiverView Family Farm in Knoxville, Tennessee. Corum shared a photo of the couple, posing with him and his bride, Samantha, along with their daughter at the wedding. 'So damn thankful for our family and the people that love us the most to come celebrate us on this special day,' Corum wrote in the caption. Swift teased the announcement of her 12th studio album, 'The Life of a Showgirl,' in a clip showing her sharing the news on Kelce's podcast. It marked the first time the world gets to see the couple publicly engaged in conversation. A version of this story was originally published in July 2024.
The Guardian
05-02-2025
- General
- The Guardian
I want community – but am I prepared to put the work in?
In the year since I moved into my flat, I've received a few notes under the door. Some were warm welcomes – most notably, a Swiftie-style friendship bracelet from my downstairs neighbour, who'd heard me ('very faintly!') listening to the new album. Others were Christmas cards, or courtesy notes warning of forthcoming maintenance or outages. Then, there were the requests – to turn the volume down or make some other small accommodation that's necessary when living among others. The other day, I returned from running errands and glimpsed a scrap of cardboard on the mat. Somehow I knew it belonged to the latter category. Could I 'PLEASE' break down large cardboard boxes and put them inside the recycling bin instead of sliding them in between, read the anonymous note, adding: 'It makes the area look like a rubbish dump!' I felt a flush of irritation. Was twice-underlining the 'PLEASE' really necessary, on top of the caps? Would it have not been friendlier to sign their name? Then, the fit of pique passed. The request was completely reasonable, and my quibbles didn't make me any less wrong. This minor run-in made me think about community – what we mean by it, and what it asks of us. The word is used freely, to describe all kinds of aggregates. It can encompass people whose daily lives are closely intertwined through their jobs, home life or hobbies and those who simply follow the same Instagram influencer or like the same brands. When it's real, present and felt, community can be a source of social connection, belonging, shared purpose and meaning. More often – and increasingly, in the absence of other social safety nets – it's invoked in the abstract as something we desire, or should be working toward. The benefits of strong relationships and social support are well-documented and indisputable. Earlier this month, the outgoing US surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, prescribed community as a balm for the 'pain, disconnection and division' of the contemporary status quo. The word 'community' has warm, fuzzy connotations. But a siloed, individualistic culture also makes it harder to establish and maintain community; creating a shared identity and spirit of reciprocity takes effort and is not always comfortable. We may say community is the future, the cure for what's ailing us about modern life and, as Murthy put it, 'the irreplaceable foundation for our well-being' – but are we prepared for the challenges of creating it? In August 2016, when Charles Vogl's book The Art of Community was first published, people heard the title 'and thought I was talking about singing Kumbaya around the campfire', he says. Vogl outlined 'seven principles for belonging' in his book, developed during his time volunteering at a homeless shelter in Santa Ana, California, and in the Peace Corps in Zambia; labour organising in New York; and studying faith traditions at Yale University, among other roles at other organisations. Today, Vogl advises tech companies and organisations on how to build community. As Murthy and others have emphasised, social isolation is a public health issue, associated with an elevated risk of anxiety, depression, heart disease, dementia, stroke and premature death. But inflation and the high cost of living are eating into individuals' leisure time, depleting their availability and energy for socialising. 'People work so hard, they don't have time to go to potlucks,' Vogl says. Because people increasingly socialise online, there also has been an 'actual erosion in social skills'. For younger people in particular, the loss of experience and opportunities throughout the pandemic has resulted in a lower appetite for social risk, he says: 'They're more comfortable texting than they are talking.' Factor in lower religious affiliation, falling social trust and the time-honoured (though possibly declining) trend of moving every few years, and community is indeed in danger of becoming a fabled good, Vogl says. Community can also – knowingly or otherwise – be mis-sold. A group of artists or athletes, for instance, can't really be considered a community if the prevailing feeling is of competitiveness or resentment, Vogl points out. Even events that explicitly set out to foster community can fall short by being too large, loud or impersonal – what Vogl calls 'an arena experience'. Sometimes that is a failure of planning, but it can also indicate the organiser's shallow investment or transactional intent. 'A lot of people say they want to build community, but their No 1, often only, goal is to extract time, attention and money,' he warns. 'There's a constant calculation of value exchange going on, and at some point that's going to go south.' Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion While you might believe you are already part of a community – for instance, in the area where you live – 'if you literally don't know the names of your neighbours … you're just strangers in proximity'. For Vogl, a community is defined not by common interests or physical space, but as 'a group of people who share mutual concern for one another'. It's the difference between someone you feel you could call on for help in the event of a 3am plumbing emergency, versus 'someone you technically ate pizza with' once. Key to that, Vogl continues, is commitment with no expectation of return. 'For this to really work, and to fill the emotional – I would even say spiritual – hole, there has to be generosity,' he says. Generosity has been so neglected in the conversation about community that, in Vogl's revision of The Art of Community, forthcoming in March, he has added it as a criterion. That's not to say community is an open invite or one-way exchange. Boundaries are important, Vogl says, not necessarily for keeping people out, but 'to make the inside safe'. Still, he adds, the need for us all to try to foster community is greater than many of the potential negative consequences. Merely extending an invitation – to come over for a cup of tea or accompany you on a trip you're already making – signals your willingness to connect, Vogl says: 'Whether the invitee accepts or not, they believe they know somebody who has the power to bring people together.' With time, such small steps can lead to something bigger, more deeply rooted and sustaining. Stopping to chat with your neighbor, instead of nodding a quick hello on your way out, paves the way for a more familiar relationship and the 'mutual concern' that Vogl says defines community. It doesn't need to be intimidating, but it does require consistency and commitment, without any expectation of return. There may be an element of social discomfort – of putting ourselves out there or risking rejection. But, Vogl adds, 'isn't that true about everything good in life?' I want to feel part of a community, to know my neighbours, and be known as a 'local' or a 'regular'. That takes time – but I've been glossing over the associated effort, as my half-hearted recycling goes to show. My neighbour was right to call me out. I may have saved myself a few extra minutes by not breaking down my boxes – but I could gain something far greater, by taking the extra care.
