08-03-2025
Netflix's Gabby Petito series lays bare hidden patterns of domestic violence
The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Text 'START' to 88788. Chat live at
Gabby Petito caught the nation's interest in 2021 when she went missing while on a cross-country van trip with fiancé Brian Laundrie.
After an extensive search, the 22-year-old woman's body was discovered near a camp ground in Wyoming, and a medical examiner ruled that she had been strangled.
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Laundrie, 23, also went missing, after he returned alone to his parents' home in Florida. His body, along with a written confession that he had killed Petito, was found in a park, and his death was ruled a suicide.
Now, a new Netflix documentary series, "American Murder: Gabby Petito," uses text messages, social media videos and interviews with family members to weave a vital narrative about domestic violence.
One thing the documentary does well is to dispel myths about abusers. It also highlights the primary element of abuse − coercive control.
One myth is that abusers are always violent from the start. That might be true in some cases, but often it's the opposite. The abuser conceals red flags early in the relationship, but abusive language, domineering control and physical violence creep in over time.
In the documentary, Laundrie initially seems like a regular guy. While I did sense that something was off about him early in the series, he doesn't appear to be violent. If anything, he comes across as quiet and insecure.
He charms Petito, and the two engage in a whirlwind romance. It's common for abusers to quickly push a new relationship to the next level, so a victim is emotionally entangled before abusive behavior fully emerges.
That doesn't mean that every romantic partnership that moves quickly involves abuse. But almost all abusive relationships move rapidly through the initial stages of getting to know someone as a person and as a romantic partner.
Physical violence rarely happens early in a relationship, but elements of emotional abuse often begin right away, as we see in the documentary.
Like most abusers, Laundrie shows several signs of controlling behavior, although they're subtle enough that I can see where Petito and her family missed them. The documentary shows text messages in which he complained about her work and the time she spent away from him, including with friends. He called her names in some messages and appeared jealous of her at times.
But the two would quickly make up, and it's clear that Petito wanted to make the relationship work. That's another common factor in abusive relationships − the victim is emotionally invested enough to overlook the early signs of destructive behavior.
Laundrie quickly starts to isolate Petito, which is another common tactic. While she was onboard with their decision to drive across the country in a converted van, the trip also worked to separate Petito from her support system. The couple also were often without cell service while traversing Utah, which created a ripe opportunity for an abuser to take advantage of his victim.
I first paid attention to the Petito case when police bodycam video was released in 2021. Scenes from that video are shown in the documentary, but they're presented with text messages and journal entries that provide context about what had happened and would happen in the relationship before and after the encounter with police.
With that context, the video, recorded less than a month before Petito was reported missing, is nauseating and shows a classic example of an abusive dynamic in a relationship.
After receiving a 911 call about a potential domestic violence incident, police in Moab, Utah, confronted the couple. The caller described seeing Laundrie slap Petito, but the police focused on scratches on his face. Although Petito is crying, it's Laundrie who claimed that she slapped him.
Police separated the couple to speak to each separately. When an officer asked Petito why she was crying, she blamed herself: "We've just been fighting this morning. Some personal issues."
The couple told officers the same story − they were arguing and both became violent. But their body language told a different story. While Petito struggled to calm down, Laundrie was relaxed, almost charismatic, as he joked with officers. He seems chummy with the police, even though his fiancée was distraught.
Incredibly, the police bought the story. 'You're the victim of a domestic assault,' one officer told Laundrie.
They sent him to a hotel for the night for refuge, and Petito was left alone on the road in the van.
The scene is infuriating, not only because of what happened to Petito but also because the police overlooked a common dynamic in abusive relationships. Abusers crave control, and they maintain it by turning the tables on their victims to keep them disoriented and confused.
Abusers are able to gaslight their victims and others into thinking they are charming and kind. They're not abusive, their partners are. Abusers play the victim often and well, cycling from bully to supposed victim with ease.
Abusers are often so good at this, they can fool therapists and police − the very people victims look to for help.
Petito's story is heartbreaking, but it can help people understand just how common it is for women to suffer violence and abuse. The World Health Organization reports that globally, 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetimes.
After her death, Petito's parents started the Gabby Petito Foundation to help people learn about the cycles and signs of abuse. The foundation offers training programs and other resources on domestic violence. Online resources that allow victims to search in private are key to helping them learn the signs of an abusive relationship and how to escape.
Policy changes also can help. Thanks in part to the public support of Petito's parents, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox in 2023 signed a law that requires police responding to a report of domestic violence to ask specific questions to determine if a person is at risk of being hurt or killed by their partner. Every state should adopt such a measure.
Yet, the best way to stop abusers is for women but especially men to stand in the gap, to force a spotlight on this insidious behavior and to demand that it stop.
The Netflix documentary ends with scenes from the only video that Petito uploaded to her vlogging channel. She is shown running along a beach on a sunny day. She is young, pretty and carefree. Her whole life appears to be ahead of her.
We know, of course, that her life would end far too soon. She became a victim of a violent abuser, another life cut short by the evil of domestic violence.
Nicole Russell is a columnist at USA TODAY and a mother of four who lives in Texas. Contact her at nrussell@ and follow her on X, formerly Twitter: @russell_nm. Sign up for her weekly newsletter, The Right Track, here.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Gabby Petito documentary reveals domestic abuser in action | Opinion
