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Ottawa Citizen

Pellerin: A safe, crack-free sidewalk is as hard to find as a Labubu toy

At the risk of sounding desperately uncool talking about things I'm too old to understand, I dream of living in a city where normal non-cracked and non-weed-infested sidewalks are easier to find than the latest Labubu. (Yes, I'll explain what those are. Gather around, gentle readers, it's time for Auntie Brigitte's Story Hour.) Article content You ever seen the meme that says, 'The Printer that Simply Worked and Other Fairy Tales'? I feel the same way about sidewalks that aren't ugly death traps. Article content Article content Article content Columnist Bruce Deachman recently wrote about Ottawa sidewalks that are too often 'obstacle courses, pot-holed nightmares for strollers, walkers, the elderly and the absent-minded, with, in at least one case that I recall, utility poles growing out of them.' Article content I like Bruce a lot but he's way too nice. In addition to what he mentions, there are cracks and craters everywhere that sometimes, after a few years of badly twisted ankles and toppled wheelchairs, get patched up with grossly applied asphalt, leaving us with the ugliest urban patchwork of bricks, concrete, dust and bitumen ever invented. With ungodly amounts of weeds growing every which way. Article content Sidewalks are a useful transportation design element, provided we make them wide and smooth enough (except for the tactile patches marking intersections for the disabled) so that they can provide safety for all humans, not just those who are young and nimble enough to jump over cars. Article content Article content On busy streets, sidewalks also serve to hold 'street furniture' such as bike racks, trees, newspaper boxes and benches so weary commuters can sit (ideally in the shade) while waiting, and waiting, for the transit bus — no, not that one, the other one that comes after the one that inexplicably failed to show up. Article content Article content Sidewalks are a great idea in principle but for some reason in Ottawa we have thoroughly muffed the execution. Sidewalks that are just right and well-maintained are rarer than those Labubu toys, which, for those of you who don't currently live with a Gen Zer, are sort of like this season's 'Tickle-me-Elmo' — that one doodad without which your favourite representative of the target demographic will not feel complete. Article content Labubus are small, round plush toys with monster faces and bunny ears. They are, I am assured by the internets, the hottest thing in the history of ever. They're from a series called The Monsters and what's interesting about them is that they are sold in sealed plastic bags inside a closed box and you don't know which one you're getting until you open it up.