Latest news with #TheTroubleWithWantingMen
Los Angeles Times
01-08-2025
- Politics
- Los Angeles Times
The left should stop harping on men. That drives them to Trump
If you're still looking for someone to blame for Donald Trump's 2024 reelection, don't just look at the usual suspects — the MAGA die-hards, the QAnon crowd or your uncle screaming at Fox News. Consider the bros at your local gym's squat rack, the Discord server or the gaming lounge who suddenly swung right — or, better yet, consider blaming the Democrats who decided those guys didn't matter. Yeah, nice work, geniuses. Recent focus groups conducted by the centrist Democratic group Third Way, with the polling firm HIT Strategies, show that many young men feel criticized, overlooked and talked down to by a party they see as hostile to their values and concerns. This echoes similar feedback from last fall, when young male voters told pollsters that the Democratic Party 'has somehow become the anti-male party.' If you're wondering why this siege mentality hasn't softened, it may be because the condescension and antagonism persist — especially among progressive elites whose statements are often conflated with the Democratic Party. July alone offered a plethora of examples. And lest you think this is from the fever swamps of the internet, consider a few selections from the New York Times. First, we got 'The Boy Crisis Is Overblown,' which shrugs off boys' educational struggles, instead suggesting that boys expect others (women) to pick up the slack, both at home and in school. Then came 'The Trouble With Wanting Men,' a literary masterclass on how dating men amounts to unpaid emotional labor. And to round it out, 'Why Women Are Weary of 'Mankeeping,'' which blames men for … being human? Having different priorities than their girlfriends and wives? See a pattern? None of these pieces are entirely wrong. Boys and men are only human, and there are good guys and bad guys. But if you're a dude just trying to stay afloat in a rapidly changing world, you might get the impression that the cultural left, which (let's be honest) constitutes the Democratic Party's base of energy and pressure, isn't exactly rolling out the welcome mat. And if you're a guy, what do you do with all of that criticism? You check out. You find a podcast. You listen to some YouTuber explain how protein cured his depression and why you should never trust a woman who owns more than one NPR tote bag. You exercise your greatest act of middle-finger rebellion: You vote for Trump! Now, you might say, 'Is it really fair to blame the entire Democratic Party for what a few writers say?' No! But politics isn't about fairness. It's about vibes, and the vibe right now is that progressive culture has morphed into the HR department from hell. Heck, even Sydney Sweeney in an American Eagle ad was too much for the online pitchfork crowd. What's next? Canceling golden retrievers? The problem for the Democratic Party is that once you're branded a 'woke scold,' it's hard to pivot, no matter what you say. Look at President Biden. He was called 'Genocide Joe' for supporting Israel, yet still got blamed for pro-Palestinian campus protests — proof that stereotypes are sticky, and perception, not policy, drives voter sentiment. But here's the irony: Democrats have an opportunity to turn things around — and if their friends weren't so busy writing gender theory op-eds, they might notice there's an opening to do just that. Thanks to issues ranging from tariffs to immigration roundups to the Jeffrey Epstein scandal, some of these podcast bros have started mocking Trump. Meanwhile, 'South Park' skewered him for threatening lawsuits to intimidate or silence his critics, which is an impressive about-face considering he used to score points by criticizing cancel culture. 'While some of these young men are still drawn to Trump and the Republican Party,' Third Way's focus groups found, 'most are persuadable swing voters who dislike significant aspects of Trump's actions so far in his second term.' But it's gonna take more than President Obama podcasting about 'what's right with young men.' It's gonna take modern leaders — men and women — who have the guts to stand up to their own tribe and say, 'Hey, maybe we shouldn't treat half the population like defective appliances.' Want their votes? Talk to them like they're human. Stop acting like masculinity is a war crime. Nominate a presidential candidate who lifts and can go on Joe Rogan's podcast. Offer some real policies that don't sound like they were cooked up in a gender studies seminar at Bryn Mawr. Until then? Don't be shocked if a whole generation of guys hears one more lecture about toxic masculinity … and decides to vote for the most toxic guy in the room. This is how Trump wins. Matt K. Lewis is the author of 'Filthy Rich Politicians' and 'Too Dumb to Fail.'
New York Post
24-07-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Post
NY Times' ridiculous ‘heterofatalism' embrace is further evidence of sad, sickly post-Millennial outlook
Dating is hard, but blaming all men for your horrible choices is easy A new New York Times piece, 'The Trouble With Wanting Men,' by Jean Garnett, posits that the trouble with wanting men, is … men. Like, all of them. Advertisement It's part of a genre of man-hating thought pieces that turn hetero love and dating into an all-out gender war — and totally absolve women of any agency or responsibility in their relationships. 6 An article in the New York Times, titled 'The Trouble With Wanting Men,' has gone viral. There's no accountability or introspection, just the big diagnosis that men are the problem, from a woman who has decided to pursue open relationships, casual sex and situationships into middle age. It's a sad, sickly post-millennial take on 'Sex and the City' that's further evidence of just how bleak the modern romantic outlook really is. Advertisement The piece, which is mostly autobiographical sexual navel-gazing, argues that many women are experiencing 'heterofatalism,' a term Garnett borrowed from UPenn academic Asa Seresin, which describes the way straight women are 'fed up with the mating behavior of men.' It's a word that reeks of misandry. Garnett's own heterofatalism manifests in lamenting with a female friend that they can't just be gay with one another and declaring that 'men are what is rotten in the state of straightness.' 6 Jean Garnett is the author of the controversial autobiographical piece about modern dating. It also rears its ugly head when she walks past a couple holding each other close outside a subway and audibly gags. Advertisement What has left this woman so hurt, so bitter, so … heterofatalistic? Well, her dating past is colorful, to put it kindly. Garnett reveals that her open marriage fell apart because she 'fell in love with another man' — in fact, 'toppled the whole structure of [her] life for a man' — who told her from the outset 'that he did not know how to 'do' relationships.' Ah, yes, the classic. 6 Garnett argues that 'heteropessimism' is a common experience among straight women today. vgstudio – Advertisement Later, she reveals she sometimes brings her daughter along on dates with this man, who won't commit to anything more than a sexual relationship. She also recounts getting a text from an actual adult male who she went on a date with, reading, 'I was really looking forward to seeing you again but I'm going through some intense anxiety today and need to lay low :(.' Apparently, among her friend group, this is a common experience, and they laugh over brunch about 'men's inability to 'man up and [expletive] us.'' Garnett asks, 'Where were the men who could handle hard stuff? Like leaving the house for sex?' 6 Garnett compares her friends to the characters of 'Sex and the City,' chatting about sex over a meal. She alludes to being a character in 'Sex and the City' — but what about 'He's Just Not That Into You'? Who are these men she speaks of? For all the complaints I've fielded from friends about their dating lives, men failing to show up for sex is not one. Heterofatalism is just one of many academic terms Garnett cites. We also learn about complementary twoness, normative male alexithymia and emotional labor, among others. The fancy words and citations allow her to hide behind an academic facade — and avoid analyzing whether her own choices are actually what's making her so miserable. Advertisement 6 UPenn academic Asa Seresin first coined the term 'heteropessimism.' In a rare glimpse of self-awareness, she writes: 'I experience desire in terms of a struggle that someone must lose.' But this is the problem. We're not living out a gender war through our love lives. What Garnett has figured out, consciously or not, is that framing the problem as an us-versus-them situation allows her to remove the 'I' from the equation. Advertisement But, guess what, lady: A lot of your problems would probably subside if you stopped — by your own admission — throwing yourself at men in the first 30 minutes of knowing them. And pursuing ones who give you yellow lights. And indulging in the romantic deathtrap that is non-monogamy. 6 Many real troubles with modern dating go largely unaddressed in the piece. Shutterstock Stop blaming everyone else, straighten out your own life, and get a little agency. There are a lot of troubles with modern dating — from hookup culture to situationships, dating apps to ghosting. Women's struggles should be given a platform. Advertisement But outlets like the Times seem hellbent on amplifying the voices of the most bitter and dysfunctional individuals who bring their misery upon themselves and distract from the actual issues at hand. Pieces like these bring us no closer to solving the issues that plague modern love. And they make readers want to shake the writer and say, 'Get a grip.' Is the problem all men? Or is the problem the way that some women choose to navigate relationships with men?
Hamilton Spectator
23-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Hamilton Spectator
Movie Review: A dark comedy about modern dating in sharp, (knowingly) silly ‘Oh, Hi!'
The modern dating scene is not a healthy one. Perhaps it never really was and everyone is nostalgic for something that didn't exist. But you don't need to be on the apps to sense the anxiety around. Just open the New York Times Magazine site and scroll through the 1,200 comments on Jean Garnett's 'The Trouble With Wanting Men,' in which she examines unfulfilled desire and the idea of 'heterofatalism.' We wonder what happened to the romantic comedy. Maybe we're all to blame. How can we have fun with stories about romance when it is so bleak out there? But thank goodness for the filmmakers who are trying to, if not make sense of it all, talk about it. Celine Song did it in her own way with 'Materialists.' And now comes Sophie Brooks' 'Oh, Hi!' about a new-ish couple on their first weekend away together. These movies are not at all similar, and yet both speak to the current mood in valuable ways. In 'Oh, Hi!' Iris (Molly Gordon) and Isaac (Logan Lerman) seem to be very much in sync as a pair, singing in the car together, laughing about a little accident that results in the purchase of hundreds of strawberries and excitedly exploring the very nice house they've rented for this romantic getaway. The chemistry is there: There's humor, wit, conversation and attraction. They're even on the same page on more intimate matters. It is a terrific opening — nothing is really happening, and yet it's pleasant to just be in the moment with them. But then things take a turn. We know they're headed south from the first frame, when a distraught Iris greets her friend Max (Geraldine Viswanathan) at the country home late one night. We're trained to expect that it's all leading to a fight, or a breakup. 'Oh, Hi!,' however, has other things up its sleeve. Note to new couples: Best not to define a relationship while one is chained to the bed after a bit of experimentation. Granted, neither thought they needed to have this conversation, but it quickly becomes clear that they both heard things differently. Iris thought they were exclusive. Isaac thought it was perfectly clear that they weren't and aren't. But why, Iris asks, are they doing this at all after four months? Why are they on this trip? Why did he make her scallops? It's enough to make anyone go a little mad, which Iris does, deciding that she's going to keep Isaac chained up until they talk it through to her satisfaction. It's a kind of over-the-top, 'Misery'-styled meditation on entrenched gender cliches in heterosexual dating. The women are crazy and needy. The men are jerks and aloof. And no amount of rational discussion on either side will end the stalemate. Iris believes that if he just gets to know her a little better, perhaps he'll change his mind. She goes long on her biography in a funny little sequence, but the monologuing doesn't help Isaac figure out how to escape. It just goes on. 'Oh, Hi!' follows this path to extreme ends as Iris involves Max and her boyfriend Kenny (John Reynolds), who are all trying to figure out how to get out of the situation without going to jail. It's admirable how ardently they commit to making this outlandish premise as realistic as possible. The film loses the plot a bit when Max and Kenny get involved and things get extra silly. It might have been better had it stayed with Iris and Isaac to the bitter end. Gordon, who co-wrote the story with Brooks, is a huge reason it works at all. She somehow keeps Iris grounded and relatable throughout, which is no small feat after she makes her big mistake. At times, that epic misstep made me think that 'Oh, Hi!' might be the female 'Friendship.' And while Lerman gets substantially less to do, you come out feeling for both characters, trapped in anxieties of their own making and a social structure in which neither romance nor commitment seems to be a priority. At least this film lets us laugh about it a little bit. And lest you think people in relationships have it easier, just wait until 'Together' arrives next week. 'Oh, Hi!' a Sony Pictures Classics release in theaters Friday, is rated R by the Motion Picture Association for 'language, sexual content and some nudity.' Running time: 94 minutes. Three stars out of four.
Winnipeg Free Press
23-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Winnipeg Free Press
Movie Review: A dark comedy about modern dating in sharp, (knowingly) silly ‘Oh, Hi!'
The modern dating scene is not a healthy one. Perhaps it never really was and everyone is nostalgic for something that didn't exist. But you don't need to be on the apps to sense the anxiety around. Just open the New York Times Magazine site and scroll through the 1,200 comments on Jean Garnett's 'The Trouble With Wanting Men,' in which she examines unfulfilled desire and the idea of 'heterofatalism.' We wonder what happened to the romantic comedy. Maybe we're all to blame. How can we have fun with stories about romance when it is so bleak out there? But thank goodness for the filmmakers who are trying to, if not make sense of it all, talk about it. Celine Song did it in her own way with 'Materialists.' And now comes Sophie Brooks' 'Oh, Hi!' about a new-ish couple on their first weekend away together. These movies are not at all similar, and yet both speak to the current mood in valuable ways. In 'Oh, Hi!' Iris (Molly Gordon) and Isaac (Logan Lerman) seem to be very much in sync as a pair, singing in the car together, laughing about a little accident that results in the purchase of hundreds of strawberries and excitedly exploring the very nice house they've rented for this romantic getaway. The chemistry is there: There's humor, wit, conversation and attraction. They're even on the same page on more intimate matters. It is a terrific opening — nothing is really happening, and yet it's pleasant to just be in the moment with them. But then things take a turn. We know they're headed south from the first frame, when a distraught Iris greets her friend Max (Geraldine Viswanathan) at the country home late one night. We're trained to expect that it's all leading to a fight, or a breakup. 'Oh, Hi!,' however, has other things up its sleeve. Note to new couples: Best not to define a relationship while one is chained to the bed after a bit of experimentation. Granted, neither thought they needed to have this conversation, but it quickly becomes clear that they both heard things differently. Iris thought they were exclusive. Isaac thought it was perfectly clear that they weren't and aren't. But why, Iris asks, are they doing this at all after four months? Why are they on this trip? Why did he make her scallops? It's enough to make anyone go a little mad, which Iris does, deciding that she's going to keep Isaac chained up until they talk it through to her satisfaction. It's a kind of over-the-top, 'Misery'-styled meditation on entrenched gender cliches in heterosexual dating. The women are crazy and needy. The men are jerks and aloof. And no amount of rational discussion on either side will end the stalemate. Iris believes that if he just gets to know her a little better, perhaps he'll change his mind. She goes long on her biography in a funny little sequence, but the monologuing doesn't help Isaac figure out how to escape. It just goes on. 'Oh, Hi!' follows this path to extreme ends as Iris involves Max and her boyfriend Kenny (John Reynolds), who are all trying to figure out how to get out of the situation without going to jail. It's admirable how ardently they commit to making this outlandish premise as realistic as possible. The film loses the plot a bit when Max and Kenny get involved and things get extra silly. It might have been better had it stayed with Iris and Isaac to the bitter end. Gordon, who co-wrote the story with Brooks, is a huge reason it works at all. She somehow keeps Iris grounded and relatable throughout, which is no small feat after she makes her big mistake. At times, that epic misstep made me think that 'Oh, Hi!' might be the female 'Friendship.' And while Lerman gets substantially less to do, you come out feeling for both characters, trapped in anxieties of their own making and a social structure in which neither romance nor commitment seems to be a priority. At least this film lets us laugh about it a little bit. And lest you think people in relationships have it easier, just wait until 'Together' arrives next week. 'Oh, Hi!' a Sony Pictures Classics release in theaters Friday, is rated R by the Motion Picture Association for 'language, sexual content and some nudity.' Running time: 94 minutes. Three stars out of four.
