27-07-2025
Parenting expert explains why you should never try and 'end' your child's tantrum
Tantrums can be tough to handle and a parenting psychologist has shared some advice about how to deal with a child mid-tantrum and what parents should and shouldn't do
No parent relishes the moments when their children have tantrums, yet it's a common occurrence. Toddlers often resort to this behaviour because they lack the verbal skills to express their needs or frustrations.
Today (Sunday, July 27) we celebrate Parents' Day, a day to appreciate parents for their unwavering love and commitment to nurturing their children, but it also serves as an opportunity for mums and dads to enhance their parenting techniques, such as managing tantrums. American parenting psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy has offered insights on how to cope with a child's meltdown and what actions to avoid.
In a TikTok video posted by Thrive Parenting Network, Dr Kennedy emphasised that a parent's role is " not to end a tantrum ever."
She elaborated: "The more energy I put into ending a tantrum the more my kid thinks I'm scared of their tantrum."
The child psychology specialist pointed out that when parents attempt to stop a tantrum, they inadvertently project their own anxiety onto their child, resulting in heightened fear and a prolonged, more intense tantrum.
She likened a tantrum to a "kind of explosion" and clarified that a parent's duty is to act as a "container" maintaining composure and ensuring the safety of their child.
Dr Kennedy went on to say: "When I mean safe, sometimes during tantrums kids will start like throwing things or like I don't know they'll, you know, get something in their room."
She emphasised that parents must put an end to certain behaviours, highlighting the significance of the phrase "I won't let you" as opposed to softer alternatives like "we don't" or "please stop".
The parenting psychologist illustrated her point with the example: "I'm not gonna let you throw that vase."
She went on to explain: "That's the boundary, and then what I'm going to say to myself honestly is like a mantra while I kind of just wait it out.
"I might say to myself 'I'm safe, this isn't an emergency, I can cope with this.' That's actually my favourite mantra because the only reason we get activated during our kids' tantrums is because our body kind of confuses whose feelings are whose."
She further explained that when parents feel their own bodies becoming unsafe, it's often a reaction to wanting to "shut down" the child's tantrum.
Reiterating her advice, she said that reassuring yourself of safety is effective, as the body "responds really well to being told this."
The TikTok video has amassed 62,400 views and more than 4,500 likes, along with numerous comments from parents sharing their experiences.
One parent remarked: "I like this. It's probably hardest when the tantrum happens in the middle of trying to get a time-sensitive chore or thing done."
They added the challenge of dealing with a tantrum while juggling responsibilities: "Like a tantrum in the middle of trying to get to school, after which I need to get to work.."
Another expressed gratitude, saying: "Your 'this is not an emergency' line might have made motherhood 1000x better for me."
A third shared their struggle: "Keep your body calm sounds so simple but feels impossible in the moment."
