17-03-2025
Dear tourists: Come to America! You might win a free trip to El Salvador!
Dear tourists: Come to America! You might win a free trip to El Salvador! | Opinion We here at the U.S. National Travel and Tourism Office are proud to announce our new slogan: 'Come to America! There's only a small chance you'll be detained indefinitely!'
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What to know about the Alien Enemies Act of 1798
President Trump wants to invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798. Here's what you need to know about the wartime law.
Greetings, international tourists. I'm here to persuade you to ignore the fake news media and spend your vacation time this year in MAGAmerica, formally known as 'America.'
Under the stunning leadership of President/King Donald Trump and his billionaire regional manager Elon Musk, the United States has been transformed from a violent and deteriorating third world nation to the greatest place on earth. (Please note: 'greatest place on earth' does not apply to people who say bad things about Teslas.)
In honor of the return of American exceptionalism, we here at the U.S. National Travel and Tourism Office are proud to announce our new slogan: 'Come to America! There's only a small chance you'll be detained indefinitely!'
Are fewer foreign travelers coming to the US? Only if you believe 'data.'
We have, of course, seen the reports that fewer Canadians are traveling to America, despite President Trump's gentle trade war and generous offer/threat to annex their country. U.S. data showed a nearly 13% drop in Canadians crossing into our country in February compared with last year, but the Trump administration is working to swiftly eliminate Marxist 'data' like that, so we're not concerned.
And yes, we saw research firm Tourism Economics' recent estimate that international 'inbound travel to the US is projected to decline by 15.2% compared to baseline projections,' which will result in 'a $22 billion annual loss' in inbound travel spending.
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But again, those are 'words' and 'numbers,' and President Trump has made it abundantly clear those are illegal unless he likes them.
Consider all MAGAmerica has to offer foreign travelers
So forget that silly nonsense and think about what MAGAmerica has to offer you, the fabulous foreign traveler.
For starters, there are our beautiful national parks, which will be less crowded this year thanks to Mr. Musk firing about 1,000 U.S. National Park Service employees. No more bothersome 'park rangers' telling you woke stuff like 'please stay on the path so you don't destroy delicate ecosystems' and 'please don't pee in Old Faithful.'
President Trump welcomes you to bring your own four-wheeler, do some off-roading in Grand Teton National Park and even drill for oil if you want to. (Please note: If you find oil, it belongs to President Trump or one of his sons.)
But it's not just the natural parks or the numerous Trump-owned properties you will be required to stay at. International visitors coming to America this year could win … a free trip to El Salvador!
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President Trump is generously sending a select few on a trip to El Salvador!
Depending on your accent and the color of your skin, agents from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement could deem you a foreign gang member and then use the Alien Enemies Act to ship you off for a free stay at an El Salvadoran fitness facility, something the liberals lamely call 'a labor camp.'
Just this weekend, the Trump administration grabbed more than 200 lucky 'suspected" gang members and, without evidence and in violation of a court order, shipped them off to sunny El Salvador. You and your family could be next!
While only a select number of lucky visitors will receive what we're calling 'the El Salvador package,' every foreign tourist will get to experience America's new-and-improved First Amendment, which gives all people the right to speak freely, as long as they aren't critical of President Trump and don't engage in the kind of protected free speech that makes Mr. Musk angry or sad.
Is it possible you could be 'arrested and interrogated' if you violate the new First Amendment? Sure. But there's little chance of that happening as long as you keep your foreign opinions to yourself and just enjoy the inordinate number of national park bears eating out of overflowing trash cans.
Don't forget to honor our great President Trump by purchasing merch!
And don't forget, no visit to MAGAmerica would be complete without paying tribute to … sorry … we mean 'picking up some souvenirs' from one of the official Trump merchandise stores that will soon be located at every airport and border crossing and rest stop and gas station.
So don't delay. Make America your vacation destination in 2025. The chances of indefinite detention are totally slim!
(Also, please bring your own eggs. We don't have those anymore.)
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @ and on Facebook at
