2 days ago
'It pulled me out of the darkness': Channel 10's Barry Du Bois says the words 'I'm not okay' helped save his life, and could save countless others
Barry Du Bois has weathered more storms than most- the death of his mother, a debilitating back injury, years of unsuccessful IVF, the loss of a pregnancy, his wife Leonie's cervical cancer diagnosis, and his own battle with an incurable blood cancer.
But Channel 10's The Living Room co-host says one of the most important lessons he's learned through it all is the power of a few simple words: "I'm not okay."
"My mental health unravelled after those years of heartbreak," Du Bois told
"I spiralled into a very lonely, low place. I even contemplated ending my life. But a friend encouraged me to open up - and that conversation pulled me back."
At 65 years old, Du Bois is living with multiple myeloma, a rare and incurable type of blood cancer.
He was initially diagnosed in 2010 with solitary plasmacytoma, another rare form of blood cancer.
This diagnosis progressed to myeloma in 2017, a condition that impacts the immune system while attacking the bone marrow.
Eight years later, he continues to defy the odds, and he's using his platform to inspire others to speak up before they hit crisis point.
"I know personally, when you realise that people will support you, that's when your journey out of that darkness starts to happen," he said.
That philosophy is why Du Bois has joined the Heart on My Sleeve "I'm Not Okay" campaign, founded by mental health advocate Mitch Wallis.
The initiative urges Australians not to wait to be asked if they're struggling.
Instead, they're encouraged to put their heart on their sleeve, literally, and say it out loud.
Alongside Du Bois, the campaign's ambassador line-up includes world champion surfer Layne Beachley, TV host David Koch, NRL star Kieran Foran, actor Sharon Johal, ironman Guy Leech, Gogglebox's Jad Nehmetallah, entertainment reporter Richard Reid and journalist Antoinette Lattouf.
The father-of-two, who is also a proud ambassador and board member of R U OK? Day, said his work with Heart on My Sleeve is "incredibly complementary".
"I think (the campaign) really complements what I do at R U OK? Day," he said.
"One encourages people to check in on their loved ones and the other encourages people to speak up. Really, it's all about strengthening society and understanding the value of emotion, the positive and the negative, and not being afraid to share the tough stuff."
Du Bois admitted that was not something he learned growing up.
"I was raised not to show your emotions, and that took me to a very, very dark place," he said.
"So now I'm incredibly passionate about telling people that they can be brave enough to show their emotions."
As the proud father of 13-year-old twins, Bennett and Arabella, he's determined they'll always feel "heard".
"So many children, in the busy lives that we have today, don't feel heard by their parents," he said.
"The first reason is that parents often… speak in a solution-based conversation.
"They see that there's a problem and the parent wants to solve it.
"And when you've got a child that craves autonomy or craves independence… You telling them what they should do doesn't help."
Instead, he says, parents should create conversations "where you're both learning something".
Without that, kids may look elsewhere, often to social media, for validation and connection.
From his own experience, Du Bois knows that perspective matters- not just for kids, but for carers.
Supporting Leonie through her cancer battle gave him a new understanding of the toll it can take.
"When you're a carer, you're going through something that's called borrowed trauma," he said.
"You're dealing with the trauma of others as well as your own trauma, and it's really important to make sure that we get some reprieve from that.
"We have to make sure our personal cup of empathy is full. We need to care for ourselves so that we can care for others."
Looking back, he admits: "I refused to share the emotion and pain I was in. I sort of resented caring for myself because I believed others needed it more. But that's just not a balanced way to think."
And for those facing their own illness or cancer battle, Du Bois has a simple message.
"So often in this world, particularly in the medical industry, they do give up as a number, but we're not," he said.
"Never give up believing there's an opportunity to do better.
"Be curious about every possibility there is- new treatments, lifestyle changes, support networks. We're not defined by the diagnosis we have today, but by how we get up and thrive after it."
For Du Bois, joining I'm Not Okay is another step in what he calls putting "grains of sand" in front of the wrecking ball of mental ill-health- small but vital acts of advocacy and connection.
"I believe, as a modern day elder (that's how I describe myself these days) it's our duty to be as curious and to be as aware on how we can how it can improve society and how we can strengthen society," said.
"Because if we're vigilant to constantly change for the better society, that means my children will have a place where they'll be able to thrive and where they will have their best opportunities."
