30-01-2025
Colbert Says RFK Jr. Is Not Even Qualified to Work at Jamba Juice
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Pet Feed
President Trump's nominee for health secretary, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appeared before the Senate Finance Committee on Wednesday, where he was questioned about his views on vaccines, abortion and baby onesies sold by an anti-vaccination nonprofit organization he founded in 2016.
Stephen Colbert said, 'If you're alarmed about RFK Jr. becoming our health secretary, there's a good chance you may be a member of his family,' referring to Caroline Kennedy's letter and video urging the Senate to reject her cousin's nomination on the grounds that he's unqualified, and a 'predator.' She also said that he used to enjoy putting baby chickens and mice in a blender to feed his pet hawks.
That behavior is disgusting and cruel, and it completely disqualifies him from working for H.H.S. and for Jamba Juice. Plus, why did he have to blend up food for his hawks? They swallow their prey whole. It's not like they are up their flying around with a Nutribullet. — STEPHEN COLBERT
''He put baby chickens and mice in a blender to feed to his hawks.' And guess what? Not one of the 27 senators on the finance committee asked him about it today. Not one! We've reached the point where these cabinet picks are so nutty, the idea that one of them was making Stuart Little smoothies doesn't even come up.' — JIMMY KIMMEL
'He was putting baby chickens and mice in a blender? And ladies, you thought it was bad when a guy brought you back to his dorm room and busted out a guitar.' — MICHAEL KOSTA
'Now, I'm not sure her statement will have much sway because, first of all, blending food — that's just how you feed a hawk. If you've ever looked at their nests, you'll see they always have a little NutriBullet right in there.' — MICHAEL KOSTA
'Basically, if there's an animal corpse anywhere in America, RFK Jr. is probably involved.' — MICHAEL KOSTA
'Well, that explains why he lost the job at Jamba Juice.' — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Unqualified Kennedy Edition)
'Another weird day in Washington today where a man who does not believe in medical science may soon be in charge of medical science.' — JIMMY KIMMEL
'Health and Human Services Secretary nominee Robert F. Kennedy Jr. testified today before the Senate Finance Committee. In related news, the Senate Finance Committee now has rubella.' — SETH MEYERS
'Yep, RFK Jr. was tested, and he came back positive for everything.' — JIMMY FALLON
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