07-05-2025
VAPs, shoving peace down your throats
VAPs, shoving peace down your throats
There's not many of them out in TV studios, or on social media. But somewhere in the tangled philosophies of non-violence and righteous indignation exists a rare but formidable breed: the violent, aggressive pacifist, or VAP. This person will lecture you on the virtue of peace, while jabbing a finger in your face for interrupting their soliloquy on 'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind'. Fluent in the language of tranquillity, they wield it like a weapon, demanding that you embrace serenity or else....
VAPs don't simply oppose war - they wage battle against anyone who doesn't. Their pacifism is enforced with the intensity of a social media Manekshaw screaming orders at 'Like'- or '♥'-pressing troops. They insist on dialogue, but only if it consists of you nodding in agreement. Disagreement is considered an act of aggression. Should you foolishly express doubt, or an alternative perspective, be prepared to get pummelled for fuelling bloodlust. The hardcore VAP will threaten you - quite like the regular warmonger, from behind a screen, unless they're at loggerheads in front of a talking heads camera. They want a gentler world, for which they are willing to intimidate the pragmatic supporter of any military conflict resolution. If you ever meet one, just nod, smile and surrender. Resistance is futile, and deeply bellicose of you.