30-05-2025
Letter to Mahlamba Ndlopfu: Mzwanele Manyi has redefined the term ‘political reinvention'
Ah, Chief Dwasaho! My leader, seeing as your inbox is undoubtedly groaning under the weight of diplomatic communiqués and full-course buffets since your sho't left for the United States of Amerikaners, I fully understand why my humble email slipped through the cracks.
I sent you my updated profile — certainly not for the coveted US ambassadorship, where one dines with senators and flirts with the threat of sanctions. It was for a modest writing or editing gig to keep the home fires burning.
And I do mean that quite literally and figuratively — the price of firewood, gas, and electricity in Mzansi is no joke.
Former by design, not disgrace
In the aforementioned profile, penned with all the dignity of a man whose LinkedIn boasts more chapters than the Bible, I stated — with solemn pride — that I am a former leader of the African National Congress (ANC); a former deputy chairperson of the South African Students' Congress (Sasco); and a former Student Representative Council (SRC) president at Technikon Natal (Durban University of Technology).
I am also a former Public Relations Officer of the South African Technikon Students Union (Satsu) and a former Political Education Officer of the South African Students' Press Union (Saspu) — back when 'press' meant journalism, not anti-social media. I was even a former council member of said Technikon, although whether that came with a stipend or merely a chicken feet lunch remains a mystery.
Professionally, I am formerly Director of Media and Public Relations at the KwaZulu-Natal Department of Transport, Community Safety and Liaison; formerly attached to the KwaZulu-Natal Department of Education; and formerly in national service at the Department of Basic Education, where I fought valiantly against broken grammar and ministerial misquotes.
As you can see, my formerlies are not just bona fide — they qualify as a full-blown curriculum vitae.
To crown it all, I proudly hold what may well be an unbreakable national record — I am a former student of not one, not two, but three universities. A proper academic polygamist, if you will.
I am also a former fan of all things Zumaaaaaa, back when his dance moves still thrilled the comrades and his speeches weren't riddled with 'nine-point plans' that led us nowhere slowly.
Now, Comrade Leadership, I must confess that nothing warms my heart more than being a former lover of my firstborn son's mother, who has since risen phoenix-like to become an admitted attorney of the high court. I am also, quite perplexingly, a former son to my late, unlikeable father — which surely deserves a constitutional review or at least a footnote in our next National General Council documents.
Yet, through all these exits, not once have I left under a cloud — no dishonourable discharge. As the British say, I've always known when to take my leave before the tea turned cold — and certainly, before the comrades started stirring the sugar of suspicion.
I wasn't shown the door by the party, the home, or even the communal WhatsApp group where gossip goes to find its second wind.
And yes, I was once an optimist about this democracy of ours, which in ANC circles is still referred to as a 'Democratic Breakthrough'. These days, with the movement having suffered a defeat at the polls and reduced to sharing Cabinet seats with the Opposition, comrades now refer to our electoral humiliation as the 'Strategic Setback of 2024'.
That, my leader, is the ANC for you — consistently applying revolutionary grammar to electoral trauma. But I digress.
Isn't Jimmy or Mzwanele…
As I paced in my lounge like a contemplative Marxist revolutionary considering my next audacious career move in the absence of your reply, my leader, enter, stage left: Mzwanele Manyi, formerly known as Jimmy, the ever-(dis)honourable member of many things.
Yes, him. The guy known for his vile comment: 'This over-concentration of coloureds in the Western Cape is not working for them.'
The same individual who once utilised the Department of Labour and Government Communication and Information System (GCIS) as his megaphone and later commandeered ANN7 as if it were the SABC of Saxonwold.
Now? He has been formally and formerly dismissed as the uMkhonto Wesizwe (MK) party's chief whip.
My leader, I am convinced that Mr Manyi holds the Guinness World Record for the most 'formerlies' one man can attach to a single CV — a veritable collector of ex-titles.
Former ANC apparatchik. Former Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) fighter. A former missionary with the African Transformation Movement (ATM). Former lay preacher at the Bantu Church of Christ and former government spokesperson. The former media mogul — a generous stretch.
The former founder of the Decolonisation Foundation, which was more of a WhatsApp group than a movement. Former spokesperson of the JG Zuma Foundation — a one-person, one-fax-machine operation.
He's reinvented himself more times than the Johannesburg City Council has had mayors and Eskom has had CEOs — and that's no small feat.
From the carpeted hallways of the Union Buildings to the propaganda booths of Gupta TV, to now tiptoeing out of the corridors previously reserved for Zuma's most loyal lieutenants, Manyi has marched them all. With a microphone in one hand, a recycled manifesto in the other, and a press release tucked into the inside pocket of his camouflage blazer.
This week, when confronted by journalists about his sudden dethroning, the former chief whip declared, without flinching: 'It's not a shame.' Of course, it's not. My leader, shame has long since been voted out of the House — alongside accountability and humble pie.
In today's politics, being 'former' isn't a phase — it's a full-blown lifestyle. A calling. A brand strategy designed at Harvard. It doesn't end there!
'Formerlies-R-Us'
My leader, if political reinvention were an Olympic sport, Jimmy Mzwanele Manyi would have clinched gold in both the solo and relay events. But long before he paraded on red carpets, donned berets, and wore green fatigues, he strode the corridors of White Monopoly Capital like a man who had once read Rich Dad Poor Dad as if it were scripture.
Let's begin with the boardroom ballet. Manyi, formerly of Anglo-American, served a decade in the heart of the mining industry — not as a unionist, mind you, but as a mining and exploration geologist (without formal qualifications in the field).
You must respect the sheer grit and stamina of Jimmy for being never knowingly underemployed. He is also a former president of the Black Management Forum (BMF), where he led transformation debates with the vigour of a man who believed BEE stood for 'Bold Executive Elevation'.
Formerly employed, formidably titled
Then came Toyota South Africa, where he served as general manager — steering corporate strategy, presumably without a reverse gear. If those Toyotas could talk, they'd say: 'Mr Manyi's leadership had fewer breakdowns than Eskom.'
At Barclays PLC he held a top-level executive position, overseeing Business Banking, Development, Black Economic Empowerment, and Government Relations — a rare four-in-one combination akin to buying a car with Bluetooth, a sunroof, and a prayer included.
After government, Jimmy, or was it Mzwanele, founded Afrotone, his investment firm. Whether it generated rands, cents, sense, or simply headlines is beside the point. Then came the media ownership — The New Age and ANN7, acquired from the Gupta family. He ran both with the enthusiasm of a teenager handed the remote for the first time. Objectivity? Let's say Jimmy redefined it in his own image.
As for education, he holds a Higher Diploma in a field that even the internet doesn't know. He is degreeless, an omission that cost him the director-general post at Mineral Resources. But, my leader, when you're Jimmy, even CV gaps read like bullet points of legend.
Reload, don't resign
Just for the record, neither Jimmy nor Mzwanele is fazed by the latest development, which makes him look like a crosstitute. This makes sense because being 'former' is no longer a setback — it's a brand.
With the bluster of Donald Trump and the cryptic tone of an Elon Musk tweet orbiting the Union Buildings, he said: 'I will rise, as always.' Yes, he will; he's been a former 26 times by conservative estimates.
Till next week, my man — send me to the original Jimmy Manyi without titles. DM
