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Ask Sahaj: Roommate reacts with ‘bafflement and confusion' every time I vent
Ask Sahaj: Roommate reacts with ‘bafflement and confusion' every time I vent

Washington Post

time4 hours ago

  • General
  • Washington Post

Ask Sahaj: Roommate reacts with ‘bafflement and confusion' every time I vent

Dear Sahaj: My roommate and I were close in high school, but we drifted apart in college. Since we started sharing a place, we have become closer again, but I am finding myself bothered by a dynamic that emerges over and over again whenever we talk. My friend will often ask how I am and invite me to share what's on my mind. I find that as long as we keep the conversation relatively superficial, or keep a positive spin on things, we can talk with little awkwardness. But as soon as I share something that isn't so positive, she will react with open bafflement and confusion. For example, last week she asked if I was still considering leaving my job as I had said before. I told her I was leaning toward leaving because my workplace culture was 'bro-y' (I work in tech), and I shared examples of inappropriate jokes I heard bosses make. She immediately reacted with a kind of bafflement: 'Oh, that's weird and toxic. I don't get why people would make jokes like that.' Then she changed the subject. The whole conversation left me feeling misunderstood and brushed off. It's a pattern that has also emerged whenever I talk about my (very dysfunctional) family. She asks a lot of follow-up questions but in a confused, rather than curious, tone. I end up overexplaining myself while she looks more confused. Then she will cap off the conversation with something like, 'That's odd/weird/problematic' and change the subject. What can I do to break this pattern? Should I have a conversation with her, or should I just stop talking about difficult subjects with her? On the one hand, I worry that she's reacting this way because I am overburdening her with my feelings or expecting her to be my therapist, and this is her way of setting a boundary because we live together and she doesn't want to have to caretake me 24/7. On the other, though, this pattern is leaving me frustrated and resentful, and I don't want to spend time resenting my roommate, either. — Confused Confused: Of course you're confused. Your friend is doing a whole emotional bait-and-switch where she invites conversation but then shuts it down when it goes somewhere she doesn't want. Something has to change; you can't keep opening up to her and expecting compassion, only to be disappointed when you're already feeling vulnerable. You have to decide if you are okay with sharing much less with her or talking to her about what you're experiencing. You can decide not to talk to your friend about her disappointing reactions and consciously stop sharing more deeply with her and redirect that energy elsewhere. You worry this is her boundary, but rather, it sounds more like a limit. She probably doesn't know how to hold discomfort or complexity without either fixing it, dismissing it or retreating. That's not inherently malicious, but it does make her an unreliable container for your more vulnerable truths. It will be hard and sad to let go of a version of a friendship you had hoped to have; let yourself grieve that. Or if you do feel motivated to talk to her and want to try to find a way to shift the dynamic, you can broach a conversation with her by saying something like, 'Hey, can I share something I've been sitting with? It's something I've noticed happening a few times when we talk, and I think naming it and talking to you about it might help me get some clarity.' Then something like: 'Sometimes when I share stuff that's a little heavier — like work stress or family stuff — I feel like it lands kind of awkwardly. I totally get that not every conversation needs to be deep, but I've left a few of those chats feeling a bit misunderstood or shut down. I wanted to check in because I value our friendship and want to make sure I'm not overstepping or asking for more than you want to hold.' This is grounded in your experience, uses 'I' language to be non-accusatory and is asking for her to share her side of things. The conversation will be clarifying for many reasons. Only after naming this and chatting with her about it will you gain clarity on whether she is overwhelmed and wants to set a boundary. Or you'll realize she is simply unaware and may not be the right person for certain kinds of conversation. You'll hopefully get an idea of how she interprets these conversations and recognize if there's anything you need to do differently. If she gets defensive or minimizes, that will give you useful information, too. You don't need to force closeness with someone who can't meet you there. If that happens, the best path may be to recalibrate your expectations by accepting that she may be a great roommate or surface-level friend, but she can't be your go-to for emotional processing. This will allow you to preserve the relationship — especially as you continue to live together — by not expecting it to be something it can't be. Finally, be compassionate with yourself as you navigate this. I hear you internalize your friend's behavior as something that is your fault. You can hold yourself accountable to what you can do differently, but don't take responsibility for how she is acting and responding to you. This only feeds your narrative that you are too much, when in fact, you just know what you need in friendships, and you're exploring who is capable of doing that with you.

Lane Kiffin's Stunning Daughter, Presley, Goes Viral For Volleyball Photo
Lane Kiffin's Stunning Daughter, Presley, Goes Viral For Volleyball Photo

Yahoo

time5 hours ago

  • Sport
  • Yahoo

Lane Kiffin's Stunning Daughter, Presley, Goes Viral For Volleyball Photo

Lane Kiffin's Stunning Daughter, Presley, Goes Viral For Volleyball Photo originally appeared on The Spun. While Lane Kiffin is gearing up for another college football season, the daughter of the Ole Miss Rebels head coach is getting ready for a season of her own. Presley Kiffin, the daughter of Lane and Layla Kiffin, is a college volleyball player at USC. Lane Kiffin, of course, coached at USC from 2010-13, before getting fired. His daughter, Presley, announced her commitment to Southern Cal back in 2024. "I am beyond grateful to announce that I will be continuing my athletic and academic career at the University of Southern California. A huge thank you to the USC coaching staff for this amazing opportunity. I want to thank all my coaches, family, friends, and especially @mizunolongbeach for their incredible support and guidance throughout the past couple years. So excited be a Trojan! FIGHT ON❤️💛," she announced on Instagram. Presley Kiffin, a Class of 2025 recruit, is hoping to make an impact for the USC Trojans during the upcoming season. Presley Kiffin, who is from Long Beach, California, played in high school and at the club level. She played for Mizuno Long Beach at the club level while attending Mater Dei at the high school level. The USC Trojans are currently gearing up for their 2025-26 season. Presley Kiffin turned heads in a sizzling volleyball photo alongside her teammates. Lane Kiffin must be a very proud father to have a daughter who is not only smart enough to attend USC, but also athletic enough to play for one of the top volleyball schools in the country. The Ole Miss Rebels head coach will surely be busy with football this fall, but the veteran college football coach is definitely going to be very interested in the USC Trojans' 2025-26 women's volleyball season, as well. We look forward to watching her play this year. Lane Kiffin's Stunning Daughter, Presley, Goes Viral For Volleyball Photo first appeared on The Spun on Jul 23, 2025 This story was originally reported by The Spun on Jul 23, 2025, where it first appeared.

Chicago Arts College Cut to Junk as Falling Enrollment Bites
Chicago Arts College Cut to Junk as Falling Enrollment Bites

Bloomberg

time15 hours ago

  • Business
  • Bloomberg

Chicago Arts College Cut to Junk as Falling Enrollment Bites

A 135-year-old arts college in downtown Chicago had its credit rating downgraded to junk, the latest small school to see its finances bruised by declining enrollment. Columbia College Chicago was lowered one notch to BB+ from BBB- by S&P Global Ratings on Tuesday. The rating company said the new junk status and negative outlook reflect the school's falling headcount and diminished demand, 'which we expect will limit management's ability to stabilize operations.'

Best Buy Has 16″ Galaxy Book4 Pro 360 (16GB RAM, 1TB SSD) for $1,000 Less Than Samsung Official Site
Best Buy Has 16″ Galaxy Book4 Pro 360 (16GB RAM, 1TB SSD) for $1,000 Less Than Samsung Official Site

Gizmodo

time17 hours ago

  • Business
  • Gizmodo

Best Buy Has 16″ Galaxy Book4 Pro 360 (16GB RAM, 1TB SSD) for $1,000 Less Than Samsung Official Site

We're closing in on the halfway point through summer which means school will be starting up again before we even realize. If you're headed back to college campus in a few weeks or have a young one who is, make sure you or they are prepared for all their incoming classwork with the right laptop for the job. Best Buy has the Galaxy Book4 Pro available at a discount for a limited time. You can grab this 360 laptop from Samsung for a full $1,000 off. It's typically priced at $1,900, but right now its been marked down to just $900 for the upcoming semester. The Samsung Galaxy Book4 is a perfect laptop for college students. The Galaxy Book4 has an AMOLED touchscreen that measures in at 16 inches across and can display in resolutions of up to 2880 by 1800. The screen is designed to reduce glare even in bright sunlight so you can get some homework done while laying out on the green outside your dorms. The laptop is powered by Intel Core Ultra 7 Series 1 Evo Edition processor with an Intel Arc graphics card. It runs on 16GB memory and has a storage capacity of 1TB on its SSD, with up to 2TB of expandable storage. See at Best Buy What makes this Samsung laptop standout is its 360° design. The screen can actually fold back all the way around on itself so the back of the screen is flat against the back of the keyboard. This allows you to operated the touchscreen like you would a tablet, making the laptop secretly a 2-in-1 device. You get the best of both worlds between tablets and laptops. Also included with the laptop is Samsung's S-Pen. This highly-versatile tool can enable your to make digital illustrations or give your a more precise way to built a slideshow presentation. Fold the laptop partway back to get the keyboard out of the way so it's just you, your pen, and your tablet that can prop itself up while you draw. The battery is super reliable and long lasting so you'll rarely need to bring your charger out of the dorm. On a single charge, the Galaxy Book4 can last you up to 21 hours. As we approach the new semester, Best Buy has marked down some laptops that can be ideal for incoming students. The Samsung Galaxy Book4 has dropped in price from $1,900 to just $900, saving you $1,000 for a limited time. See at Best Buy

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