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Yahoo
5 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
How To Know If You're The Toxic One In A Romantic Relationship
'Toxic' has become a buzzword in relationship discourse these days, with countless articles, videos and social media posts about how to spot a potentially problematic partner and get yourself out of an unhealthy relationship. 'When working with couples, I would define toxic relationships as ones where there are consistent patterns of harmful behavior occurring between the two individuals,' said Grace Choi, a marriage and family therapist at Act2Change Therapy & Wellness Center in Atlanta, Georgia. She noted that these unhealthy patterns tend to emerge when either partner feels unsafe, unsupported or unacknowledged ― or even attacked or controlled. 'What often contributes to 'toxicity' in a relationship is when one or both individuals fail to take responsibility for how they have contributed to the breakdowns in their communication and connection,' Choi said. 'Toxic relationships can be repaired, but take time and commitment by both individuals.' Although content about toxic relationships often focuses on the signs of toxicity to look out for in others, the reality is that you might also play a big part in creating an unhealthy dynamic with your partner. So how can you recognize if you're the toxic one in a relationship? Below, Choi and other experts share the signs to look for in yourself and advice for improving the situation. You don't communicate openly. 'There are multiple behaviors that could indicate that you are a toxic partner,' said Steve Alexander, a licensed mental health counselor at NY Wellness. 'One example is an inability or unwillingness to communicate openly — i.e., shutting down.' It might be cliché, but it's true nonetheless: Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you refuse to engage in healthy communication — or to try to improve your communication skills — then you're bringing toxicity to your relationship. 'Perhaps you tend to pick petty fights rather than addressing an issue head-on while consistently putting your needs before your partner's,' said Noorhayati Said, a New York City-based psychotherapist. Instead of avoiding direct communication, take the time to talk to your partner about conflicts that arise, discuss the root of the problem, process it and try to reach a resolution. Negative emotions consume you. Pay attention to any negative feelings that might arise and how they affect you. It's a bad sign if you let these emotions consume you and seep into your interactions with your partner. 'In a toxic relationship, feelings of love and admiration are replaced with feelings of resentment, jealousy and low self-esteem,' Said noted. 'Ask yourself, 'Do I build my partner up with compliments or tear them down with insults?' Consistently criticizing your partner will make an insecure person feel more powerful or smarter in the moment.' She noted that emotions like jealousy are driven by low self-esteem or fear of abandonment, and it's a problem if you aren't willing to explore the past experiences that may have led to these insecurities. 'If you are showing up in a harmful way in your relationship, you may find that you are constantly on edge — always on the brink of saying something hurtful,' said Choi. 'Unprocessed emotions can lead to 'toxic' behavior patterns, such as lashing out at your partner or shutting down ― stonewalling. If you notice times where you have taken your emotions out on your partner, it could be a sign that you need to strengthen your ability to emotionally self-soothe.' She suggested trying out emotional self-soothing techniques like journaling about your thoughts and feelings, going for a mindfulness walk to calm down or going to therapy for professional support. You have unspoken expectations. 'Have you had times where you felt your partner should just know what you need without having to ask?' Choi asked. 'Have you lashed out, saying something like, 'How could you not know what I need right now?' If you find yourself doing this often, you may be exhibiting toxic relationship behaviors.' Try to understand that you and your partner bring different experiences into your relationship, so your needs and desires likely won't be identical. 'Unspoken expectations can leave your partner feeling as if they are navigating a minefield each time they interact with you, unsure of who or what they are going to get,' Choi said. 'Assuming that our partner can 'read our minds' or should 'just know' what we need puts a lot of undue pressure on the relationship.' It's unfair to hold onto expectations without discussing them. Use assertive language, not shame or criticism, to express your wants and needs. You want full control. 'Wanting to have control in a relationship is a normal feeling, from time to time,' Choi said. 'However, when this feeling goes unchecked it can lead to toxic or harmful behavior patterns in your relationship.' Many people seek control in their romantic relationships to achieve balance and comfort when other aspects of their lives feel out of whack. Consider if this resonates with you and if you might be making your partner feel trapped or hurt as a result. 'Controlling behaviors — such as controlling finances, how your partner spends their time and with whom, wanting them to behave in a certain way — will often start out more covertly, possibly by complaining and 'suggesting' that your partner behaves in a certain way and eventually turns more into demands and expectations,' said Elizabeth Fedrick, a licensed professional counselor based in Arizona. Your desire for control might also cause you act more clingy, possessive or codependent. 'Toxic partners often find themselves lying and hiding from their partner while also remaining fiercely codependent,' Said explained. 'Codependency is a form of passive manipulation motivated by fear. The only objective is to achieve power in the relationship.' You display a pattern of maladaptive behaviors. 'Something that could indicate you are a toxic partner in your relationship is considering if you are engaging in any behaviors that could be deemed abusive (physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually), intentionally neglectful, manipulative, controlling, or if you are actively participating in a toxic cycle of maladaptive behaviors.' Fedrick said. She noted some common maladaptive behaviors include repeated violation of boundaries, love bombing (giving excess compliments and gifts to gain power in a relationship), bread crumbing (offering only small morsels of interest), public embarrassment, and lack of ownership or remorse for one's missteps. ''Double bind' is a technique used generally during conflict in which someone is presented with two mutually undesirable options and are put in a position to have to choose one, but either way, they will lose or be deemed the 'bad guy,'' Fedrick added. 'Covert abuse refers to less obvious forms of control and manipulation — gaslighting and less apparent psychological nuances.' Consider also if you feel like you always need to be right in a disagreement, if you ever blame your partner for your own behaviors and choices, if you frequently play the victim or martyr role, if you make empty promises, or if you and your partner are in a bad cycle of 'intense infatuation, intense conflict, breaking up, not resolving the issue, and then back to intense infatuation,' Fedrick said. Tracy Ross, a couples and family therapist in New York City, also pointed to repeatedly breaking up and getting back together as indications of toxic tendencies on your part. 'There might be a pervasive lack of trust — constantly questioning and never being satisfied or letting the other person know you believe them,' she said. 'You might be creating an environment of constant drama — then wooing them back — which is crazy-making behavior.' You lack self-awareness. 'One of the major indicators of toxicity is a lack of self-awareness,' Alexander said. 'By this, I mean an unwillingness to examine how your attitudes, beliefs and behaviors affect your partner. This does not mean you have to be perfect. It just means be willing to critically assess yourself and how you engage with others.' Recognizing your own unhealthy or toxic tendencies is the first step to making a change. 'Reflect on prior toxic relationships or your childhood,' Said advised. 'Toxic behaviors in a relationship are usually learned. Unhealthy relationship modeling from parents, abuse or neglect set the framework for all future relationships.' Spend time on self-reflection, take accountability for your behavior, listen to feedback from your partner and loved ones and identify actionable goals. 'The simplest way to achieve this is through working with a therapist who can help you identify patterns in your behaviors and ways of thinking,' Alexander said. 'However, you can develop this on your own by becoming curious and compassionate with yourself. Curious meaning to notice and ask yourself what causes you to respond in ways that are unhelpful to your relationship and compassionate meaning to not be too hard on yourself as you're learning to improve.' Related... The First Thing To Do If You're Stuck In A Rut With Your Partner 10 'Pink Flags' To Pay Attention To In Relationships What Sex Therapists Tell People Who've Never Had An Orgasm Solve the daily Crossword
Forbes
21-05-2025
- Forbes
Where Have U.S. Air Traffic Controllers Lost Communication With Planes? Here's A Timeline
Outages are not just a Newark problem—in recent weeks, at least three other U.S. airports have reported communication breakdowns that left air traffic controllers unable to contact pilots. MAY 19: NEWARKOn Monday, a two-second air traffic control radio frequency outage-–the fourth communications breakdown in a month-–occurred at Newark Liberty International Airport, Reuters and CNN reported. MAY 18: HOUSTONThe FAA is investigating a power issue at Houston's William P. Hobby Airport that briefly delayed inbound flights, the agency confirmed online. MAY 12: DENVERAir traffic controllers and pilots lost contact for at least 90 seconds at Denver International Airport when multiple radio transmitters failed and controllers switched to a backup frequency to relay instructions to pilots. MAY 11: NEWARK AND ATLANTAFlights into and out of Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport-–the nation's busiest—were temporarily delayed due to what airport officials described as 'an equipment outage at ATL's air traffic control tower,' Atlanta's NBC-affiliated news station FAA ordered a 45-minute ground stop following a brief telecommunications outage at the Philadelphia TRACON (terminal radar approach control) Area C facility, which guides aircraft in and out of Newark Airport. MAY 9: NEWARKAir traffic controllers handling flights approaching and departing Newark Airport experienced a radar blackout for approximately 90 seconds, the FAA confirmed. APRIL 28: NEWARKControllers at the Philadelphia TRACON overseeing traffic at Newark Liberty International Airport lost radar communications with airplanes for 30 seconds. PRIOR INCIDENTSA 'current veteran controller' who wished not to be identified told NBC News that controllers guiding planes into Newark airport have lost radar contact with pilots 'at least eight or nine times in recent months' and on at least two other occasions since August 2024. More than 40 reports of radar and radio glitches at dozens of air traffic control facilities have occurred since 2022, according to a CNN analysis published Wednesday. Wednesday's CNN report reveals the equipment outages plaguing Newark Airport have been an ongoing issue for years. In recent weeks, air traffic controllers responsible for the nation's airspace have experienced a string of equipment outages and other technological failures at airports around the country, including major hubs like Atlanta and Denver. Earlier this month, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy predicted to NBC's Kristen Welker, 'What you see in Newark is going to happen in other places across the country.' Duffy has characterized the FAA's existing equipment as safe, but old. 'We have redundancies, multiple redundancies in place to keep you safe when you fly,' Duffy said. 'But we should also recognize we're seeing–we're seeing stress on an old network, and it's time to fix it.' On May 8, Duffy announced his agency would replace the United States' aging air traffic control system with new fiber, wireless and satellite technologies while equipping controllers with new radar, radios and voice switches. Duffy said the rebuild would happen 'in three to four years' if Congress allocates tens of billions of dollars. The agency will roll out improvements in stages and prioritize facilities 'based on needs,' Frank McIntosh, the FAA's deputy chief operating officer for Air Traffic Organization, clarified at a recent Senate hearing on FAA reauthorization. The FAA's decades-long shortage of air traffic controllers is an exacerbating issue. As of now, the agency is short 3,000 controllers. Since it takes three to four years to fully certify an air traffic controller, there is no quick fix. McIntosh said the FAA has 3,100 trainees in the pipeline and will 'finally start getting traction this year where we outpace attrition, and then we'll start seeing, over the next 18 to 24 months, where we actually see a positive gain in the controllers.' Denver Airport Outage: Air Traffic Control Lost Contact With Up To 20 Pilots On Monday, Reports Say (Forbes) Newark Airport Crisis: FAA Announces Upgrade Plan For Communication System (Forbes)
Forbes
21-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
U.S. Airports Had Over 40 Air Traffic Control Outages In Recent Years, Reportedly
More than 40 reports of radar and radio glitches at dozens of air traffic control facilities have occurred since 2022, CNN reports, suggesting communication breakdowns are relatively commonplace and go far beyond Newark. At Tampa International Airport in 2023, an air traffic controller temporarily lost contact with ... More planes on a "collision course." (Photo by Mike Ehrmann) More than 40 reports of radar and radio failures at dozens of airports nationwide were filed to NASA's Aviation Safety Reporting System since 2022, CNN reported. According to a 2023 report, one veteran air traffic controller in Tampa described losing all contact with pilots as two planes, including a commercial passenger flight, narrowly missed each other after converging on a clear 'collision course.' Describing a tech failure in 2022 that 'literally put someone's life in danger,' an Indiana-based air traffic controller described losing communication with a plane making an emergency landing after a door blew off. The FAA declined to confirm the accuracy of CNN's report, but said in a statement: 'The FAA has more than 74,000 pieces of equipment in the National Airspace System. Every air traffic control facility has a contingency plan to ensure safety, and we have built-in redundancies, backup systems, and procedures in the case of system failure, weather, or other unplanned event.' In the past three weeks, air traffic controllers guiding planes into New Jersey's Newark Liberty International Airport experienced four equipment outages of between 2 seconds and 45 minutes, during which air traffic controllers lost contact with planes they were guiding to land at the airport. On May 12, air traffic controllers at Denver International Airport lost contact with pilots for at least 90 seconds when multiple radio transmitters failed, the FAA confirmed. Michael McCormick, former vice president of FAA Management Services, urged caution in reading the NASA database incidents, noting that reporting is voluntary and anonymous and some controllers and pilots 'tend to engage in hyperbole,' according to CNN. The FAA's aging infrastructure is straining the country's air traffic system. In recent weeks, controllers responsible for the nation's airspace have experienced a string of equipment outages and other technological failures at airports around the country. 'What you see in Newark is going to happen in other places across the country,' U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy predicted during an interview on May 11 on NBC's 'Meet the Press With Kristen Welker, adding, 'I'm concerned about the whole airspace.' Duffy has characterized the existing equipment as safe, but old. 'We have redundancies, multiple redundancies in place to keep you safe when you fly,' Duffy told Welker. 'But we should also recognize we're seeing–we're seeing stress on an old network, and it's time to fix it.' Besides the four outages at Newark Airport, recent weeks have seen similar communication breakdowns at Denver International Airport, William P. Hobby Airport in Houston and Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, the nation's busiest. The CNN article mentions reported incidents at 'dozens' of airports stretching back to 2022, specifically citing Tampa, Miami and an unspecified facility in Indiana. The chances of dying in a commercial airline crash is miniscule, with a fatality rate of 17 deaths per billion passengers, according to the latest safety report by the International Civil Aviation Organization. The FAA oversees roughly 45,000 flights per day in U.S. airspace. In the event of a communication failure between air traffic control and planes, both the FAA and airlines have backup plans. 'Every air traffic control facility has a contingency plan to ensure safety, and we have built-in redundancies, backup systems, and procedures in the case of system failure, weather, or other unplanned event,' the FAA said in a statement. 'When equipment issues occur, the FAA will ensure safety by slowing down air traffic at an airport.' Likewise, commercial pilots are trained to handle a wide range of situations, including outages. Earlier this month, United Airlines released a video of a veteran pilot explaining the several layers of redundancies, 'including additional facilities that will provide radar services and a safe handoff to the tower facility in the event of an equipment outage,' Captain Miles Morgan says in the video. 'On the flight deck, we have advanced safety technology that allows pilots to see other aircraft around us.' On May 8, Duffy announced a plan to completely rebuild the United States' air traffic control system, replacing outdated telecommunications with new fiber, wireless and satellite technologies and equipping controllers with new radar, radios and voice switches. Duffy said his agency would build a new system 'in three to four years' but needed Congress to allocate tens of billions of dollars to make that happen. The agency will roll out improvements in stages and prioritize facilities 'based on needs,' Frank McIntosh, the FAA's deputy chief operating officer for Air Traffic Organization, testified at a recent Senate hearing on FAA reauthorization. Denver Airport Outage: Air Traffic Control Lost Contact With Up To 20 Pilots On Monday, Reports Say (Forbes) Newark Airport Crisis (Live Updates): FAA To Cut Back On Flights To Ease Congestion (Forbes)
Forbes
21-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
Dozens of Air Traffic Control Outages Have Occurred At U.S. Airports In Recent Years, Reportedly
More than 40 reports of radar and radio glitches at dozens of air traffic control facilities have occurred since 2022, CNN reports—furthering the narrative that communication breakdowns are relatively commonplace and go far beyond Newark. More than 40 reports of radar and radio failures at dozens of airports nationwide were filed to NASA's Aviation Safety Reporting System since 2022, CNN reported. In Tampa, in 2023, one veteran air traffic controller described losing all contact with pilots as two planes, including a commercial passenger flight, narrowly missed each other after converging on a clear 'collision course.' Describing a tech failure in 2022 that 'literally put someone's life in danger,' an Indiana-based air traffic controller described losing communication with a plane making an emergency landing after a door blew off. The FAA did not confirm the accuracy of CNN's report, but said in a statement: 'The FAA has more than 74,000 pieces of equipment in the National Airspace System. Every air traffic control facility has a contingency plan to ensure safety, and we have built-in redundancies, backup systems, and procedures in the case of system failure, weather, or other unplanned event.' This is a developing story. Check back for updates.
