Latest news with #complaining
BBC News
4 days ago
- Climate
- BBC News
Are You Cooler Than Me?
Coming Soon In the meanwhile, you can find the latest forecast for your area on the BBC Weather true national sport is complaining about the weather. But does the sun really shine brighter everywhere else, or is this quite a green and pleasant land after all?
Daily Mail
7 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
I'm a psychotherapist, this is the scientific reason why pampered celebrities like glamorous millionaire Molly-Mae Hague are NEVER happy... they're addicted to moaning
From the outside, celebrities often seem to have it all: Stunning looks, wealth, a gorgeous partner, an army of fans, an enviable wardrobe, beautiful homes, a dedicated glam squad... so why do so many also have a penchant for complaining? A mental health expert told the Daily Mail that MOANING is addictive, and even the rich and famous can struggle to free themselves from its clutches. Debbie Keenan, a BACP senior accredited psychotherapist, explained that it's human nature to focus on the negatives. This is because our brains have evolved to stay alert for potential dangers and threats—but while they once would have looked like a sabre-toothed tiger or landslide, now we often get worked up about relatively minor inconveniences. Ms Keenan said: 'This is called negative bias, and unfortunately it is more powerful than positive bias. 'Imagine a net, which is your mind, and as your thoughts pass through, only the bad ones get caught, sticking like velcro. 'Thoughts are not facts, we have about 60,000 of them a day and we hang on to the negative ones, we let all the positive ones go! 'If someone said one criticism about you, and 20 other people said positive things, it would be the negative criticism you'd be thinking about tonight.' Last month, former Love Island winner Molly-Mae Hague was blasted by fans for 'always moaning'. The mother-of-one, 26, raised eyebrows when told fans she's 'not done one fun thing all summer' despite glamorous holidays in Dubai, France and Spain, plus a staycation at Center Parcs. She also vented about a disappointing family trip to the Isle of Man with her partner Tommy Fury and their daughter Bambi, 2. It was their first trip out in Tommy's new £86,000 motorhome; but Molly-Mae used the video to complain about the traffic and having to change her daughter's routine—leaving fans shaking their heads in dismay. And there were more moans to come. Speaking in a vlog posted to her 2million YouTube followers, she said: 'I said to a friend the other day, that I'm going to make it to the end of summer having not done one fun thing.' Ms Keenan understands that people naturally become frustrated, but there's a time and a place to let it out—and it's not on social media. She said: 'If you want to vent, social media probably is not the healthiest place to do it. 'When celebrities with millions and millions of followers—from all walks of life, who follow them for escapism—start moaning, it's like they're a standing on a pedestal in a pair of Louboutin heels complaining that their feet hurt while everyone walks around on the pavement barefoot. 'People look up to them, and they're moaning and groaning about things that may be minor. 'They're complaining about their holiday to Dubai and a luxury lifestyle most people can never access, while their fans are struggling to make ends meet. 'It comes kind of from a place of privilege and entitlement and it's kind of a slap in the face for their followers who are struggling. 'You can't help but think, "What's the intent? Why are they doing it? Is it for attention? Is it for validation? Is it self esteem, or is it something deeper?" 'It's quite sad, really.' When Ms Keenan works with clients who are caught up in negative thought loops, she teaches them cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques to help nip them in the bud. 'If you're constantly offloading and moaning, it can become a vicious cycle until you don't even know you're doing it any more,' she said. But when it comes to influencers, the nature of the industry means they are often surrounded by hangers-on and yes men who enable their behaviour, plus adoring fans who validate their every word. Furthermore, moaning can be good for business: so when their monetised videos are clocking up millions of views and generating thousands of pounds, there can be little incentive to change tact. She said: 'They're often surrounded by people pleasers who don't want to call them out on their behaviour. It becomes rooted and ingrained. It becomes a behaviour whih can be quite toxic. 'Because it's not challenged, they're going to do it more and more. 'And when it comes to social media, they're going to do it even more the next day, because people are sympathising and validating what they're saying. 'And even if they're not sympathetic or in agreement with the content, people are commenting and interacting, they are still giving it their attention. 'It can quickly snowball.' Working as an accredited BCAAP therapist, Ms Keenan often deals with clients who can't shake themselves out of a glass half empty mindset, even if they're not diagnosed with depression or another mental health condition. 'The reasons for negative thinking can deep rooted; it might be related to low self esteem or low self worth,' she said. 'They might have learned in childhood that moaning was the only way to get attention, to get validation, to get their voice heard. 'Maybe moaning and complaining was the only way they could get people to listen to them. 'It can be also be a sign of unmet emotional needs. Someone who is constantly moaning may have deeper issues, perhaps they're lonely, or they're isolated.' As the old adage goes, misery loves company—but ironically, incessant moaning can leave you isolated because people can quickly get fed up of making an effort with persistent doom-mongers. 'You could be moaning for decades, and you might find that people stop listening to you,' she said. But, worryingly, things can go the other way. Ms Keenan said: 'Happiness is infectious, but so is negativity—if it's left unchecked, it spreads like water.' Molly-Mae also came under fire for griping to her sister Zoe—who left fans reeling after moaning that her 5* trip to Bali wasn't luxurious as she expected and she was leaving the Indonesian island for the more familiar climes of Dubai—that she had had a rotten summer. Molly-Mae said: 'Zoe, I haven't socialised once. I'm going to get to the end of this summer having not done one social fun thing. 'I haven't a life. That's not good is it. Summer will end and I've not done one fun social thing.' It left some fans open-mouthed as they called out how she failed to acknowledge the three holidays she's already been on this year not to mention a glamorous trip to watch the tennis at Wimbledon while wearing a pricey designer outfit. Ms Keenan said that one of the best ways to combat negativity in ourselves is to face it head on. 'Write down the negative thought, evidence for, evidence against—not your opinion, just the facts. 'Start to learn to be grateful, write down what you have in your life and what's going well, because it won't all be negative, unless you're really in a in bad way. 'When you have a negative thought, take a breath. You don't have to accept it, thoughts are not facts.'
Forbes
09-07-2025
- Health
- Forbes
3 Reasons Why ‘Constructive Complaining' Is Good For You, By A Psychologist
Are you venting, or staying stuck in your frustration? Here's how to tell the difference, and have a ... More constructive conversation instead. While you might view complaining in a negative light, it's not always all that bad. In fact, sometimes, it's exactly what your mind and body need. However, when you think about expressing dissatisfaction, it's important to understand where to draw the line, because that's what determines whether it's helpful or harmful. When you're venting or letting out your frustration in the moment, it's a healthy emotional release. It becomes harmful only when you slip into the habit of chronic complaining and constantly focusing on what's wrong without any intent to understand or resolve it. This can start to affect your mood, mindset and even your relationships. That's why it's helpful to shift the focus from how much you complain to how you complain. Constructive complaining isn't just about letting off steam. It's about expressing what's bothering you in a way that invites solutions and eventually supports your well-being. This kind of complaining allows you to communicate clearly and set boundaries instead of bottling things up or exploding at your limit. Research published in The Journal of Social Psychology explored how the way we express our frustrations plays a big role in our emotional health and relationship satisfaction. Researchers asked over 400 college students to list their pet peeves — those everyday annoyances they had with a current or former partner. They examined how this tied into their happiness, mindfulness and overall well-being. Researchers found that a higher focus on pet peeves was associated with lower relationship satisfaction, decreased mindfulness and poorer emotional health. Interestingly, though, mindfulness acted as a buffer, meaning those who were more mindful were less likely to dwell on petty irritations and more likely to feel emotionally balanced. This highlights the power of intentional awareness in how you express dissatisfaction. Minor complaints, when expressed consciously and with intention, can actually help you process what's bothering you without letting it consume you. This is why constructive complaining proves to be more than just cathartic and becomes a tool for emotional resilience. Here are three reasons why constructive complaining can be good for you. 1. Expressing Emotions Supports Emotional Regulation While many try to instinctively suppress uncomfortable emotions, research shows that simply putting your feelings into words can powerfully help regulate emotional intensity. In a study published in Psychological Science, researchers conducted a brain imaging study to explore why affect labeling, that is, putting emotions into words, helps people regulate negative feelings. They used functional MRI for the study and asked participants to view upsetting images. Participants were asked to either label the emotion shown (e.g., 'anger') or engage in unrelated tasks. The results showed that affect labeling significantly reduced activity in the amygdala, the brain's emotional alarm system, and increased activation in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, which is a region responsible for self-control and regulation. Put simply, labeling emotions activates logic and regulation centers in the brain, which then dampen emotional reactivity. Even small acts of emotional articulation, like calmly expressing frustration, can biologically reduce stress and help people respond with more clarity. The next time you're feeling frustrated, try taking a pause and then naming the feeling. Ask yourself what you're feeling and describe why you feel that way, out loud or on paper. For instance, instead of saying 'I'm so done,' try putting it into clearer emotional terms like, 'I'm feeling overwhelmed because I didn't feel heard.' This simple shift calms your brain's stress response, makes your complaint more likely to be received with empathy and often leads to resolution. 2. Sharing Your Struggles Can Bring You Closer To Others Many people hesitate to share their struggles due to a fear of burdening others or seeming vulnerable. A phenomenon called the 'beautiful mess effect' explains how people tend to see their own vulnerability as a flaw. When others open up, however, they tend to view them as authentic, brave and even relatable. This self-bias causes you to underestimate how positively others may respond when you open up, which can make you more likely to stay silent even when connection is what you truly need. A 2024 study explored how sharing emotional pain influences cooperation and connection. Participants were placed in pairs and took part in a virtual ball-tossing game designed to simulate social exclusion (known as the Cyberball paradigm). In one group, participants were excluded from the game, and in the other the control group received equal participation. Later, both groups engaged in cooperative tasks while their brain activity was recorded. The results depicted that pairs who had shared a painful experience exhibited significantly higher interpersonal brain synchrony (IBS) in key regions of the prefrontal cortex, especially the right superior frontal cortex. This synchrony was strongly correlated with greater cooperation between participants. These findings suggest that emotional pain, when shared, can quite literally align your brain activity. This helps enhance trust and collaborative behavior. Constructive complaining, when done with honesty, rather helps in calmly expressing how a situation made you feel ('I felt overlooked when…'), which helps increase understanding and empathy instead of defensiveness. This helps avoid unnecessary conflict and brings you even closer to people. 3. Complaining The Right Way Leads To Real Solutions Venting can feel cathartic. Sometimes, simply being heard is what you may need. While it is necessary in many situations, what you may be overlooking is that when frustration is left unstructured, it can unintentionally invite more negativity. Research conducted across three German industrial companies explored how different styles of communication shaped team dynamics during workplace discussions. To study this, the researchers observed 33 group meetings and tracked how statements evolved in conversation, using a behavioral coding system for analysis. The results showed that when one person started complaining, it often triggered a chain reaction of further complaints, which they termed "complaining circles." However, when someone introduced a solution-oriented remark, it tended to spark more productive discussion and collaborative problem-solving. It was also observed that supportive reactions (like agreement or validation) reinforced whichever pattern was already happening, basically amplifying either negativity or solutions. This highlights that unstructured venting can quickly pull conversations into unproductive loops. Constructive complaining, on the other hand, can move discussions toward resolution and progress. The next time you feel the urge to complain, you can try to follow it up with a small pivot where you voice what you'd like to see change or what support you need. For example, something as simple as 'I wish we had a better system for this' can shift the energy from frustration to building forward momentum. Remember that complaining isn't the problem, but how you steer it is. Break The Cycle By Noticing Your Patterns When you find yourself feeling the need to complain, remember that it is simply a signal that something isn't sitting right with you. This is why you shouldn't feel guilty for speaking up or venting your frustrations. What ultimately makes the difference is the awareness you bring to it. Keep in mind that you don't have to police every emotion or filter every thought into something constructive right away. You just need to bring your attention to your patterns. Notice when your complaints echo the same themes or leave you feeling stuck rather than relieved. This would be your cue to pause and reflect. Notice if you are finding clarity or circling the same frustration without relief. The goal is to indulge in conscious expression that ultimately supports your well-being. Take the Perseverative Thinking Questionnaire to see if your mind is circling unresolved frustration and how aware you are of it.
