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Irish Times
19-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Irish Times
Aisling Rawle: The Compound novel is ‘dark satire of reality television'
Tell us about your debut novel, The Compound. Louise O'Neill called it 'Lord of the Flies meets Love Island'! The Compound is a dark satire of reality television . We follow 19 contestants in an isolated setting in the desert as they compete for rewards and possible fame. I suppose the Lord of the Flies aspect is that the contestants do turn on each other the longer they're there; the contestants hoard resources and try to wrestle power where they can. What is your take on the phenomenon of reality TV? I find it to be an interesting commentary on voyeurism in the digital age. I think in this eerie time of surveillance capitalism, we've not only normalised monetised monitoring, but made it into entertainment. READ MORE You also shine a critical light on consumerism and materialism... Yes; this to me was the driving force of the novel, and the reality television setting felt like a nice container for that conversation. I wanted to discuss the idea that capitalism doesn't want contentment; it wants consumption. Did you also want to address the mid-to-late 20s rush to do something meaningful, carve a path, meet a match and create an identity? The main tenets of the show seemed to me the tenets of early adult life: find a partner, get a house, acquire nice things. There's a sense of urgency that feels at odds with the economic and ecological state we're living in. How did the novel evolve as you wrote it? The tone is quite dark in places. Was that always your intention? Once I had the rules of the show down, I was happy to let the characters lead the story. I knew that in a highly manipulated and manipulative setting, you were going to see the worst of people. I wondered what would happen if, for example, water became scarce in the desert – who would be the first to turn on another? [ The best books for summer 2025 Opens in new window ] You're an English teacher. Did that help, apart from writing the book during your first long summer holiday? Definitely. Aside from the fact that I got to spend my days discussing my favourite writers, I always fed off of my students' enthusiasm. Reading and writing are very insular experiences, but having those conversations with students made it all more wholesome and exciting, to be able to share that love of literature, and respond in turn to their insights. You've also worked as a bookseller. What did that teach you? I had terrible FOMO when people came in discussing books I had never heard of. I started picking up anything and everything; it was a great way to broaden my horizons. US film rights have already been optioned. Any updates? It's still very early days – I can't say much. Your brother David Rawle was the star of Moone Boy. Could you see him getting cast? Who would be your ideal stars? Ah, it would be too strange. I really haven't given it too much thought, I'm honestly just so thrilled that it's made it into a novel. You're from Leitrim and live in Dublin. Has the literary culture of each place rubbed off on you? I grew up in the same village as the writer/actor/director Seamus O'Rourke, and I always felt that his talent for storytelling was a gift we all greatly benefited from. In Dublin, there are so many talented writers at work – but Joyce is an all-time favourite, and it's a pleasure to live in the setting of his masterworks. Which projects are you working on? I'm happily scribbling away at my next book. Have you ever made a literary pilgrimage? Yes, I went to Paris for a literary tour. Wilde, de Beauvoir, Joyce, Hemingway – it was all divine. What is the best writing advice you have heard? You only vomit what you eat. Your writing is an amalgamation of everything that you've read; and I've definitely found that if the writing is stalling, it's time to read some good prose. Who do you admire the most? My siblings! You are supreme ruler for a day. Which law do you pass or abolish? I'm nixing parking tickets. Give a girl a break. Which current book, film and podcast would you recommend? Isola by Allegra Goodman; Friendship directed by Andrew DeYoung; and I'm Grand Mam. Which public event affected you most? I saw an immersive play of The Dead a few months ago, set in the Museum of Literature Ireland (MoLI). It was absolutely sublime to be fully in the scene, at the party, listening to the music and the speeches. The most remarkable place you have visited? The Acropolis of Athens. Your most treasured possession? My piano. Aisling's brother David Rawle and actor Chris O'Dowd star in award-winning Moone Boy. Photograph: Pat Redmond What is the most beautiful book that you own? Emily Wilson's translation of The Iliad. Which writers, living or dead, would you invite to your dream dinner party? Oscar Wilde, Stephen Fry, Zadie Smith, Jane Austen, Elena Ferrante. The best and worst things about where you live? The people make Dublin. The rent prices do a fairly comprehensive job of ruining it. What is your favourite quotation? 'There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,' from Hamlet. Who is your favourite fictional character? Maybe Joe Gargery from Great Expectations. A book to make me laugh? Temporary by Hilary Leichter. A book that might move me to tears? Pachinko by Min Jin Lee. The Compound is published by the Borough Press
Forbes
16-07-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Ranked: Sunshine State Mall Is America's Favorite As Top 10 Revealed
The Aventura Slide Tower is just one of the reasons this Florida mall was ranked top by USA Today. Part of American pop culture, synonymous with the age of the automobile, the rise of consumerism and the death of small town Main Street, America's malls have had a rough ride in the 21st century. While there are around 1,200 malls in the U.S., according to Capital One, it estimates that as few as 900 may still be in operation within the next three years as closures continue. The number of malls declined 16.7% per year from 2017 to 2022 and Hudson Yards in New York and American Dream in New Jersey are the only (relatively) recently completed centers in a ranking by USA Today of the top 10 malls in the country. While the demise of the department store anchors that used to define the malls as much as the movie theaters hastened so many of the well discussed troubles, along with the rise of ecommerce, physical retail – stores, malls and main streets – have revived in recent years, especially post-pandemic as people rediscovered their love for connecting in real life. Despite the losses there are plenty of successful malls and many shopping centers bear little resemblance to their former selves, with hotels, offices, residential and leisure as likely ot feature as retail. With more than 300 tenants and the largest mall in the state of Florida, Aventura Mall, located midway between the cities of Miami and Fort Lauderdale, was awarded the top spot of USA Today's 10 Best Malls list. The national newspaper lauded Aventura for its museum-worthy art collections, its chrome slide tower created by artist Carsten Holler and its claim to being the first site in Florida to host Italian dining and retail extravaganza Eataly. Time for a countdown then, the full top 10 went as follows: 10. Brookfield Place What was previously the World Financial Center in downtown Manhattan was transformed into Brookfield Place in a unique redevelopment for a mall that spans 14 acres and includes a marina, a sailing school, a culinary institute, and a glass-domed, plant-filled pavilion called The Winter Garden Atrium. With chef-driven eateries and cultural programming, Brookfield Place blends retail, lifestyle, and leisure with the Hudson River 9. Tysons Corner Center Metro D.C.'s famous mall, home to the original Apple store way back when, had a redevelopment which began 10 years ago and has turned Tysons Corner into a 24/7 urban hub that includes an 18-story Hyatt Regency hotel and a 429-unit luxury apartment tower. It has around 300 stores, 40 restaurants, a movie theater, and is anchored by department stores Macy's, Bloomingdale's, and Nordstrom, plus specialty shops like Warby Parker and Dyson. 8. Grapevine Mills This 1.8 million-sq.-ft. mall just outside the exit of DFW Airport was built for whole mix of entertainment. With over 200 shops, including outlets like Saks Off 5th and Coach, it offers a mix of value retail and entertainment such as Sea Life Aquarium, Legoland Discovery Center, Peppa Pig's Land of Play, Rainforest Café, plus activities such as an escape room, gaming bistro, bowling alley, and a 24‑screen AMC dine‑in theater. A single‑level, racetrack‑designed mall, Grapevine Mills caters to families seeking shopping, dining, and play. 7. American Dream Mall of America's Triple Five partner (see #2) ranks seventh as an indoor entertainment-meets-shopping megacomplex. Spanning 3-million-square-feet, it's the nation's second‑largest mall, with over 400 stores and 100 dining options, 20 of which are full-service restaurants. The owner had a torrid time delivering a mall that had gone through multiple blueprints and ownerships, but the scheme now includes unique attractions such as a water park, indoor snowpark, and Nickelodeon theme park. 6. Scottsdale Fashion Square Arizona's largest mall, with over 240 stores across three levels and anchors including department stores Macy's, Nordstrom, Dillard's, Dick's Sporting Goods, and Neiman Marcus, Scottsdale Fashion Square is adjacent to the Caesars Republic Hotel and holds frequent cultural events. With designer boutiques, a 14‑screen movie theater, and upscale dining, it offers a polished, luxury shopping experience for customers. 5. King of Prussia Mall The largest under‑one‑roof mall in the U.S., spanning approx. 2.8-million-square-feet and featuring 450 stores, King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvania is anchored by Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale's, Macy's, and an upscale dining pavilion. A multi-year expansion project has added over 50 restaurants and amenities to better serve an affluent shopper base and to maintain its position as a high‑end shopping destination. The sun sets behind the Vessel at Hudson Yards in New York City. (Photo by Angela Weiss / AFP) ... More (Photo by ANGELA WEISS/AFP via Getty Images) 4. The Shops & Restaurants at Hudson Yards Opened in 2019, the most recent entry on the list is Hudson Yards, a million-square-foot urban center integrating indoor and outdoor spaces with views of the Hudson River in a city that doesn't really do malls. Anchored by luxury brands and trendy eateries, The Vessel and public art add cultural flair to the scheme. It's taken a while for Hudson Yards to become part of the New York furniture in a previously ignored corner of Manhattan but the huge mixed-use complex has found its feet. 3. Galleria Dallas Ranked third, Galleria Dallas combines traditional retail with a year-round indoor ice rink, over 30 dining venues, and a broad mix of stores including children's fashion, jewelry, tech, and specialty souvenirs like Texas Treasures and the Dallas Cowboys Pro Shop. This three-story, climate‑controlled mall offers holiday-themed events and a festive atmosphere geared to families and locals. 2. Mall of America Once the home to Camp Snoopy in an age where attractions rarely featured in malls, the nation's largest shopping destination draws about 32 million annual visitors across over 500 stores and dozens of restaurants. Beyond shopping, it's a major entertainment complex — home to Nickelodeon Universe (the country's largest indoor theme park), Sea Life Minnesota Aquarium, Crayola Experience, Moose Mountain Adventure Golf, and hotels. 1. Aventura Mall Topping the USA Today list for its blend of luxury retail, dining, art, and accessibility is Aventura Mall. Boasting over 300 shops — including Hermès, Gucci, and first-in-state Eataly — it features more than 50 eateries, a 24-screen AMC movie theater, community events, and museum-quality art installations like Carsten Höller's chrome slide tower and Gorillas in the Mist. A Brightline train stop provides mall access from Orlando and Miami.
Daily Mail
03-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
I'm an ex-influencer - this is what happened when I stopped posting content for cash
From the outside, the life of a social media influencer looks glamorous, filled with free products, VIP invites to lavish parties and all-inclusive trips to some of the most beautiful locations in the world. But one former influencer has lifted the lid on what it's really like to work as one, branding the influencer marketing industry a 'shinier, cooler cousin of an MLM (multi-level marketing) scheme', and revealed why she chose to quit. Hannah Rose Keys, a 38-year-old digital marketer and mother-of-two, shared insights into what her life looked like at the peak of her social media influencing career, and what it looks like three months after she decided to stop. In a lengthy Instagram carousel post, she said she chose to go '#NOPROMO' on her social media accounts after feeling like her creativity was being stifled by brands expecting her to promote their products. Hannah, who has over 40.3k followers on Instagram, recalled how her account 'exploded' in popularity around a year ago, six years after she began posting about her life on it. 'The visibility turned me into something valuable: I had reached 'influencer' status. Brands saw me as a vessel to peddle their wares through, and the emails and DMs started flooding in,' she wrote. 'I don't know if it's because I've worked in the media and influencer marketing before, or if it's because being a cog in the consumerism machine makes me uncomfy, but this 'dream' scenario didn't feel all that dreamy.' Hannah described influencer marketing as 'an odd little ecosystem' in which brands and agencies are 'all coming after little ol' you'. 'Sure, you may have an audience the size of a traditional media outlet, but you're just one person, and the rules don't apply here,' she said. 'Whether you're macro, micro or mega, being an influencer means time and energy, giving so much of yourself; your life, even your family, to the dream of being paid to be online. The problem is, the power dynamic is all off. And let me tell you; I could feel it.' Hannah, who runs her own digital marketing agency, admitted that she was 'making thousands each month working with local brands', but the more offers that arrived at her doorstep, the more she felt a 'creeping discomfort'. Brands would send her products and say there were no expectations attached, but Hannah said she felt 'beholden' to them. Other times, she would be 'constantly low-balled by big budget brands' or be offered just 'a couple of dollars worth of product with deliverables for days'. Some brands would also pay her late after promoting their product, Hannah claimed. 'They were taking over my space, my time, and honestly, I didn't like the person I was becoming in the process,' she admitted. 'Was this really the life I wanted for myself?' At the end of March, Hannah said she decided to stop promoting brands, ending all but one existing partnership she was 'contractually obligated' to keep. Since then, she said her life has improved in eight ways, despite not getting free products anymore. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Hannah Rose (@hannahrosekeys) 'At my influencer peak, I was getting packages multiple times a week… It was like a mini Christmas every other day, and it became too much for me so quickly,' she said. 'I don't shop online and keep my consumption to a minimum, so to suddenly have this relentless stream of new stuff in the house… it was overwhelming.' She said she felt 'instant relief' once she started saying no to brands wanting to send her free products, because 'none of it was really ever free'. 'The second it arrived in my house - even when there was a 'no pressure' attached to the offer - the follow-up emails began,' Hannah continued. 'Maybe it's the people pleaser in me, but the weight of all those packages was suffocating.' And while she now spends money rather than getting things for free, Hannah said 'life is so much more peaceful' because she buys what she wants, rather than having things be chosen for her by brands wanting a promotion. 'All the obligations have slipped away and now I get to choose and own the things I want and like, without just accepting whatever I get offered. 'My son once said to me, 'You're so lucky you get free stuff all the time, that's so cool'. I set him straight: 'Getting free stuff is kinda cool, but being able to buy the stuff you want is even cooler'.' One of the drawbacks to stepping away from the influencer world was that Hannah found herself losing out on 'thousands of dollars a month' while spending more money. However, she said the loss of income has been worthwhile because working as an influencer meant it was 'scattered, unsustainable and demanding' anyway. 'It never felt like 'free' money - it felt like managing multiple stakeholders, reshoots, approvals, and tripping over commercial lighting setups in my living room. Mo' money = mo' problems when it's influencer money - at least in my case,' she said. Hannah added that she is now trying to find a way to make her platform work on her own terms, but that she needs 'a minute on that one'. Quitting the influencer career track has given her her 'freedom' back, Hannah wrote, adding: 'Without brands and agencies watching my every move, I get to post what I want, when I want. No approvals. No structure. Just creative freedom to go wherever my heart takes me.' She has also stopped worrying about how many followers she has. 'For a minute there, I was obsessive over my follower data - it was the key to getting the big deals; my only cold, hard negotiation tool. Now, I'm just happy if you guys enjoy what I do.' Additionally, Hannah said her content now feels 'more meaningful' as she is 'posting for realsies now'. 'It's just honest and it's coming from a genuine place and I'm not shoehorning my life experience into a post to sell you something,' she wrote. 'Conversations are happening and you're sharing and commenting and it all just feels very social and cool and I like it here. 'It feels like the start of something different, but something really special.' Hannah also said she feels like she is 'back in the driver's seat' of her platform, after 'being taken advantage of' by brands. 'The brand isn't paying for a page in your magazine, it owns a piece of content, your face, your home, your voice, your stuff, your story,' she said. 'They become part of your platform and you become part of theirs.' But since giving up influencing, Hannah said she gets to 'call the shots' and 'build something that's meaningful and aligned with who I am'. 'I might not get paid for my time and effort at this very moment, but it feels like I'm working towards something that I won't have to give up my values (or sell my soul) for.' Finally, Hannah said that quitting the influencing game has given her the chance to open herself up to 'bigger possibilities'. 'I still want to earn from what I create - but on my own terms. I don't want to hand my voice or your attention over to corporations. I want to pitch my ideas, not respond to theirs. I want something bigger than brand deals.' She admitted that, while she never set out to be an influencer, it 'seems like the golden ticket'. However, she has now realised that 'just because everyone else is doing it, and it looks shiny and exciting, it doesn't mean that is the right path for you'. 'Yes, being an influencer seems glamorous, but it made me feel small and ultimately, used,' Hannah continued. 'You're not a media company with a team behind you; you're just one person and you're painfully easy to exploit. 'Maybe I can actually build myself a platform and make a living from it without being a puppet for commercial use. Maybe it's time to take back some of my power. At least, that's the idea.'
Telegraph
01-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Telegraph
A Wimbledon towel tote and a Henley bear: The best of the Season's merch
When Steve Howard, then sustainability director at Ikea, opined in 2016 that we'd reached 'peak stuff', few could disagree. 'God – so true,' we nodded, glancing at our collapsible laundry basket, cable keeper and battery buddy, vowing not to buy any more spurious plastic storage systems. It didn't last. Before you could say 'landfill', we were back on Amazon funding Jeff Bezos's wedding, convinced that one more quad cube would solve our holiday packing problems. It's not our fault that it costs a week's wages to put a suitcase in the hold. Blame capitalism. If capitalism is one culprit, another is 'the Season'. Much like teens clamour for hoodies from their favourite band or dance act, their parents – or at least those with a taste for sport and culture – are just as eager to show allegiance to their chosen pastimes via merchandise. It's all very 'been there, done that, got the T-shirt' – only in 2025, it's more a case of getting the beach towel, tennis kit, sippy cup, dinner plate and limited-edition director's chair. Do we need all this stuff? Of course not. But it feels good to belong to a tribe. Even if you're in no position to attend the glorious events that define the British summer, you can still signal that you did – thanks to a slew of official and unofficial merchandise. Here's our pick of the best (and the most bonkers). Skip to: Wimbledon Henley Glyndebourne The Grand Prix Cowes Wimbledon As a tennis tournament, it's peerless. As a merchandising opportunity, it's just as unrivalled. Taking place this year from June 30 to July 13, the world's oldest tennis championship – first held in 1877 – offers a chance to watch some of the game's most fabled players in action. But part of the thrill lies in rubbernecking the crowd, too, for Wimbledon wouldn't be Wimbledon without a smattering of A-listers and royals gracing Centre Court. Is that Sienna Miller over there? George and Amal? What will the Princess of Wales be wearing? What we do know is that the staff will be dressed by Polo Ralph Lauren, the official outfitter of the championships since 2006. Each year, the storied American brand launches a new collection, allowing guests and fans alike to buy into the look. This year's highlights for women include an oversized striped shirt (£189), matching shorts (£149), and a Wimbledon crest terry sweatshirt (£189). For men, there's a vintage-fit rugby shirt (£219), an embroidered linen shirt (£199), and even his-and-hers satin baseball jackets (£525) – ideal for couples keen to go full Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz. Those who care about the environment as much as Wimbledon can make a beeline for Christy's 'So Last Season' collection. Made entirely from surplus towels used by the world's top players, the upcycled range includes a robe, tote and shoulder bag, released to mark the brand's 39th year as Wimbledon's official towel supplier. 'We're known for creating products that last a lifetime, and with the seasonality of the Wimbledon products, we wanted to devise a way to repurpose them that felt both fresh and thoughtful,' says Vanshika Goenka-Misra, CEO of Christy. 'Last year, we were left with a number of dated Championship towels, which we transformed into limited-edition bags – they sold out within 48 hours of launch. It was a powerful reminder of how meaningful circular fashion is to our customers.' Wimbledon in Bloom Large Mug, £19; Wimbledon in Bloom Tea Towel, £14, Wimbledon If homeware is more your thing, Wimbledon's official shop offers an array of 'Wimbledon in Bloom' merchandise, including mugs, tea towels and oven gloves (£26). Henley Between July 1 and July 6, there's only one place to be if you're a rowing fan – Henley, Pimm's in hand, gazing wistfully over the water. Recently divorced? Single? Still mourning Clothy, your childhood teddy bear that mysteriously got lost in transit between boarding school and the family seat? Then meet Charlie, an exclusive teddy bear commissioned by the world's best-known rowing regatta (founded in 1839) to commemorate its new patron, HRH King Charles III. Wearing a replica of Henley's official blazer and a miniature version of the steward's enclosure badge, Charlie is the perfect purchase for those who love rowing and plushies – a list we suspect is longer than you might think. At £250, it's still cheaper than a Labubu. Charlie Merrythought Bear, £250, Asquiths Or why be like everyone else in Nike, Adidas or Adanola pull-ups when you could rock a pair of Henley sports socks (£14.50) instead? Or channel the Roy family style with a Henley baseball cap (£29.50). Leaving no oar unturned on the merch front, Henley also offers branded handwash, door mats, bottle openers and even a Christmas bauble. Glyndebourne Opera lovers still have time to experience Glyndebourne: productions have been running since May, but the fat lady doesn't sing until August 24, when the final performance of Verdi's Falstaff will ring out over the grounds of Lewes. No matter if you were once thrown out of the school choir – thanks to Glyndebourne's official collection, you can put any lifelong feelings of inadequacy aside. Simply purchase the festival's 2025 Directors' Chair, place it on your lawn, and hey presto, you can conduct your imaginary orchestra with Simon Rattle-esque aplomb. Made from sustainable hardwood and finished with teak oil, it'll last far longer than the British summertime. 'Opera Glasses' Director's Chair By Pablo Bronstein, £250; 'Opera Glasses' Cufflinks by Pablo Bronstein, £65, Glyndebourne Shop For maximum effect, add matching cufflinks and a silk pocket square (£52) to your ensemble. The opera glasses motif was designed by Pablo Bronstein, a British-Argentinian artist who studied at the Slade and Goldsmiths and whose work references the Baroque and Rococo periods. The Grand Prix With the Grand Prix celebrating its 75th year, there's no better time to visit the British Grand Prix, held at Silverstone, Northamptonshire, from July 3 to July 6. Whether you failed your theory test or fancy yourself as the next Lewis Hamilton, you'll be spoilt for choice on the merchandise front. Warning: some of it is pretty dire. Scuderia Ferrari x Puma tracksuit top, £108, F1 Store Channel the 1990s in a Scuderia Ferrari x Puma tracksuit top, show your love for Mick 'n' Keef with a Rolling Stones x Aston Martin hoodie (£94.50), or buck the trend for Sambas in Mercedes AMG Petronas x Adidas Court trainers. As well as shopping by team, you can also shop by driver – though we'd advise sticking to a legend such as Ayrton Senna, who definitely has the best merch. Sambas in Mercedes AMG Petronas x Adidas Court trainers, £60, F1 Store Cowes The highlight of the yachting calendar, Cowes Week (August 2-8), has been an important part of 'the Season' since 1826, boasting up to 40 races daily for around 7,000 competitors and 750 boats. Despite attracting over 100,000 guests, when it comes to merchandise, Cowes hasn't exactly thought outside the box. Cowes Week T-shirt, £22, Peach Face But if you're in the market for sailing gear, look no further than Musto, the world's leading sailing brand and the event's official clothing supplier. Their Cowes store stocks a selection of branded sailing gear. There's also a Cowes Week T-shirt by Isle of Wight-based clothing brand Peach Face and a folding waterproof beach bucket (£25) by Invert Sport.
The Guardian
30-06-2025
- General
- The Guardian
I do not need a £100 hairbrush. So why have I spent so long fantasising about one?
I recently found myself fantasising about buying a hairbrush that costs more than £100. It is a very beautiful hairbrush: it comes in a choice of seductive colours and it is fashioned from the keratin-rich fibres of south-east Asian boar and from biodegradable cellulose acetate (entirely free of petrochemicals). It was advertised to me on social media and I later sought it out, Googling it again and again, admiring photos of it from different angles and imagining the reassuring weight of its handle in my hand. If ever there were a hairbrush that could help me build a better life, I thought, this surely would be it. How disturbingly close I came to buying this hairbrush I really cannot say. However, I can tell you when I knew that it was never going to happen. It was just now, when I realised with shock, after months of Googling and ogling, that I don't use a hairbrush. I haven't used one in close to 25 years – not since I was old enough to understand that my hair is curly and terrible frizzy things happen when I brush it. I use a wide-toothed comb once a day in the shower. So, I now find myself wondering, what happened here? What purpose was served by this fantasy of buying an expensive hairbrush that I do not need? Regular readers will be unsurprised to hear that I think it probably has something to do with avoiding my feelings. For some people (hello, friends), buying things serves to neutralise an unwanted emotion. Another person might punch someone, or watch pornography, or do some work on the weekend, or eat a hamburger, or spend a whole night scrolling on their phone. You do it, then you feel a little bit better – and a little bit ashamed. What is the emotion I was turning away from? I don't know. And if I ever find out, it probably won't be for publication. But perhaps the answer is less important than the question. Many readers will think I am asking the wrong question and that the answer to the question I should be asking is: that's capitalism for you! And if ever there were a socioeconomic system that could sell a woman an exorbitantly priced and exquisitely fashioned hairbrush when she had no need for one, capitalism would be it. But I also think that shouting: 'That's capitalism for you!' does not build a better life. It may even take us further away from it. It is very tempting, when faced with something we don't understand about ourselves, to turn away from our own minds and towards our society. To shout about capitalism, about the internet, about social media – to find an answer in the outside world. But what has helped me to build a better life is noticing my tendency to do that and then, as a patient in psychoanalysis, to wonder what it is that I don't want to see in my inside world that makes me turn away from it so quickly. In other words, I think shouting: 'That's capitalism for you!' would, for me, serve the same function as drooling over an unnecessary hairbrush. It is all serving to close down a feeling. You could call it a kind of self-soothing. I remember as a fairly new mum, in the depths of sleep-deprived horror, reading and hearing a lot about self-soothing and wondering what people really meant by this. Experts seemed to think the solution to every difficulty was my baby learning to self-soothe. I was not able to think very clearly at that time, because my child was sleeping – or rather, as it felt to me, waking – in 45-minute cycles throughout the night and therefore so was I. We were going through something quite intolerable that nevertheless had to be tolerated. We both had a lot of feelings about this, which it felt as if everyone wanted to soothe away. Well, I think there is too much soothing going on, self and otherwise. This is why Netflix, social media, parenting experts, south-east Asian boar bristles and capitalism itself can have such power over us – because they feed our compulsion to self-soothe rather than nourishing our need to feel and to try to understand what is going on inside. Perhaps we don't realise that there is an alternative to soothing. This alternative is difficult to imagine if you have never experienced it, but it is something my analyst offers me and that I try to offer my patients. It involves developing a capacity to survive not self-soothing. Instead, bear whatever you are experiencing without trying to soothe it away, without trying to brush out the knots – including not knowing what feels wrong. Understand how enraging, frustrating, disappointing and frightening it can be not to know. This can be far more containing than reaching for an immediate answer to a question that actually takes us further away from a truer understanding. (That's capitalism for you.) Perhaps our crying babies, and the crying babies inside us, need something different from self-soothing. Perhaps we all need to develop a capacity to bear our distress and to realise that we can survive it and grow through it. This is something that can truly help us to build a better life, and a better society – far more valuable than a beautiful hairbrush that will sit in a drawer, never to be used. Moya Sarner is an NHS psychotherapist and the author of When I Grow Up – Conversations With Adults in Search of Adulthood Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.
