28-05-2025
How To Feel Better After Crying At Work: Advice For Strong Women
You're reading this because you probably want to disappear right now because you lost control and cried at work. You might even be considering quitting and changing industries entirely to start anew because you believe everyone is thinking about it as much as you are. First of all, they are not thinking about you, and you're not weak. You just got hit with something at the worst time, while unfortunately probably wearing mascara, and you're not alone. A survey from Accountemps found that nearly 45% of workers have cried at work, and women were more likely than men to admit it. That's a lot of tears. So how do you feel better about crying at work? It begins with recognizing why it is not such a bad thing.
Your first thought might be that crying will destroy your career. It feels like that because it catches you off guard in the worst way. One minute you're having a normal conversation, the next you feel it coming on and tell yourself to STOP and maybe even pretend you suddenly developed seasonal allergies. It can be so sudden, then when the tears come, crying at work feels like you lost control in a place where control is everything.
You might think being 'the strong one' is your entire brand. You've built a reputation on grace under pressure. You're the person who sends calm emails when everyone else is in chaos. And now, after one shaky conversation or performance review gone sideways, you feel like you've just shattered your own image.
No. You're the only one replaying it on endless repeat with a mental slow-motion effect. Most people are way too wrapped up in their own nonsense to remember that your voice cracked or your eyes welled up. And those who do remember? They probably feel compassion. They've likely cried at work too. If they are a man and especially if they are older, they probably already forgot about it. I've talked to a lot of CEOs about this and most of them have had women cry in their office. When I ask them for more specifics, they don't even remember because they didn't think much about it.
Research has shown that women tend to display greater empathetic responses than men, which may be why women are more likely to respond supportively when someone cries. With all the people I have interviewed and asked how they feel about seeing someone cry at work, not a single one told me they even really gave it much thought, unless that person crying was them.
In the short term, crying might seem like a shot to the perception of your competence. In reality, crying has nothing to do with how well you can do your job. If you show up, deliver results, and act like this isn't your defining moment, others will too. Crying doesn't cancel out years of being a rock star. It's just a bad moment that everyone but you has forgotten about.
Instead of obsessing about your embarrassment, get curious. Not about what others thought. About what the moment revealed to you. Use questions to guide yourself forward. What triggered that reaction in you? Was it frustration, feeling unheard, something unresolved? What does this moment say about what matters to you? What boundary was crossed? What story did you tell yourself about what happened? How can you communicate better next time if this situation repeats? What would you say to a friend if this happened to her? Did this moment teach you anything about what you want more or less of in your work life? If you can answer even a few of those honestly, you will grow from it and see that there will be less to cry about.
You get up. You wash your face. You give yourself a moment in a bathroom stall like a pro. Then you send an email, check something off your list, or walk to get coffee. Action is your antidote. You're not erasing what happened. You're reminding yourself that you still run the show, even if it doesn't feel like it today. It will feel a little better tomorrow when you show up at work and see no one cares and eventually you might even laugh at it.
If you're a man who cries at work, you're not weak either. Emotions don't disqualify you from leadership or respect. They show you're human. Acknowledge the moment, recover your footing, and continue with what matters. Most people respect vulnerability far more than a robotic performance. If you're a man witnessing someone else cry, especially a woman, resist the urge to fix it or make it awkward. Just hold the space. Ask if they're okay. Don't jump into advice. Sometimes saying 'I see you're upset and I'm here if you need anything' is enough. Presence is powerful. And remember, no one is keeping score of your most emotional day. What matters more is how you show up afterward.
What If Crying At Work Happens Again?
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If it happens again, it just means you're human. If anything, it shows you care deeply and have come back to work for more. It didn't break you. If it happens again, you'll survive again. And someone else might see it and feel less alone because of you.
Tell yourself this: 'That was rough, but it's over. I'm allowed to have feelings. I'm still competent, still respected, and still the person who gets things done.' Then do something small that feels like control, create something powerful at work, text a friend who's cried mid-presentation and lived to tell the tale. You didn't lose your strength. You just proved you care and that means a lot.
Does Crying At Work Mean You Care Too Much?
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For many women, the only time they've experienced crying at work because they cared deeply and were frustrated. Or because they had to make a hard decision, like quitting a job they once loved. That kind of emotional response tells you that something matters to you, maybe more than you realized. For example, quitting is one of the hardest moments to avoid tears. That was true for many of us when we were younger. Now, for some, crying seems almost impossible. As you age, for this one situation, lack of hormones might actually help you. Or just time and perspective helps too. The truth is, the older you get, the less likely you are to cry at work. Not because you're tougher, but because fewer things rattle you. And while that might sound like growth if you don't cry anymore, it's also kind of sad because that was passion that made you cry. You felt something real. You showed that you're not hardened. Not yet. You still care, and that's a good thing. Ask yourself this: Do you want to be the cold fish who never cries? Or the person who has enough empathy to feel something and still move forward? If you're the latter, welcome to the club. You'll be just fine.
