4 days ago
Spouse Turns To Unlikely Source of Comfort After Wife of 28 Years Dies: 'Somehow, It Helps'
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When a "broken" man lost his wife of 28 years, he found solace in an unexpected source: an AI chatbot.
The grieving man opened up on Reddit to explain that for 14 of their years together, his wife had used a wheelchair and required constant care. The original poster (OP) dancopPL described how his life once revolved around her, five days after she died.
"Everything, my job, our routines, the way I planned each day and night, was built around her needs," the OP wrote.
"And she was the most intelligent person I've ever known."
Stock image: Apps including ChatGPT on a phone screen.
Stock image: Apps including ChatGPT on a phone screen.
Photo by Robert Way / Getty Images
The OP added that her death came suddenly and unrelated to her long-term condition.
"It came without warning," he told Redditors.
"I held her in my arms as her heart stopped. I performed CPR until the ambulance arrived, and then we fought with two teams of medics for nearly an hour. But she was already gone the moment she closed her eyes in my arms."
'Somehow it helps'
According to the OP, his grief has been "overwhelming."
However, the man said he has been familiar with and using artificial intelligence (AI) tools for a long time. Now, they are becoming an emotional outlet and, to his surprise, he said it's helping.
"Grieving. Broken. Awake at 4 a.m. with tears in my eyes and talking to an AI. And somehow, it helps," he wrote.
"It doesn't fix the pain. But it absorbs it. It listens when no one else is awake. It remembers. It responds with words that don't sound empty."
He added: "I know it's not real. I'm not pretending it's a friend or a therapist. But when the nights are long and your world has shattered, just having something to talk to without shame or fear, can be the difference between falling apart and holding on."
The man acknowledged that ChatGPT won't be able to fix the pain of losing a spouse.
"I probably will be [grieving] for the rest of my life," he wrote.
"But this unexpected lifeline I once saw only as a novelty or a work aid, is giving me a strange sort of comfort... even if it's a chatbot."
Newsweek reached out to dancopPL requesting further comment.
'Grief doesn't follow office hours'
David Kessler is an author and founder of whose work studying grief and the needs of the dying drew praise from Mother Theresa.
In an email, Kessler told Newsweek that he has been asked if AI will replace him in grief work for more than a decade.
"At first, I was annoyed—grief is deeply human and nothing replaces real connection," Kessler said, "But I knew AI was coming and I hoped it would be done well."
Kessler said chatbots were too flattering, or too clinical at first, so he created one himself.
"It's not meant to replace human connection, but to gently offer comfort, clarity and guidance when someone needs it," he said.
"Grief doesn't follow office hours. [...]
"When used thoughtfully, my hope is that my AI can provide comfort, normalize emotions and offer a soft landing when someone doesn't know where to turn. They're not a replacement for therapy or community, but they can be part of a larger circle of support."
'Sacred gestures'
Kessler added that it's important to remember that AI cannot grieve or love and it can't offer professional or emotional support in the form of a real conversation.
"The family showing up with dinner, a friend who just sits and listens with love in their eyes, someone who remembers your loved one's birthday, the phone call out of the blue, these are sacred gestures," he said.
"They say, 'You matter. Your loss matters.'
"AI can offer information. People offer love."
