Latest news with #datingAdvice
Forbes
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Forbes
2 Ways Online Dating Advice Is Draining You, By A Psychologist
Somehow, we've all come to hate imperfections. The more we bury ourselves in the carefully curated worlds of influencers, we start to look down upon those around us who show any 'flaws.' This includes people who may have shown signs of interest in us, but the only problem is, they're not 'perfect.' Because, if these online creators can seemingly have it all when it comes to love, what's holding us back? Often, it's our own unique circumstances that we fail to take into account. Here are two ways relying on online dating advice may be hurting your chances of finding a stable relationship and making it work. Influencer-driven dating advice offers actionable tips that could potentially help you in the dating world. They may present advice in videos like 'Twenty-five things I want to share on my twenty-fifth birthday,' 'If he does this, he is not the one for you,' or 'Get ready with me as I talk about the type of person you should never go out with.' The visual and spoken hooks are catchy enough for younger audiences to watch and relate to. However, such content also often presents relationships in black-and-white terms: secure or toxic, green flag or red flag, high-value or low-value. While this kind of content can feel validating at times, it also creates unrealistic expectations. Much like red-pill content for men, a 2024 study explains that there is a growing body of women who propagate dating strategies that fall under the branch of 'feminist realism.' They may see patriarchy as deeply rooted, so they advocate for women to learn to win within the system, instead of trying to change the whole system. Researchers highlight how such content creators may use a specific aesthetic, such as the 'hot pink queen' aesthetic, to reinforce the idea that women should treat themselves like royalty and expect to be treated that way too. 'People find it anti-feminist that a man is taking care of a woman, but I think it's anti-feminist that a woman is literally doing everything, and on top of that, she also has to work. Like she has to take care of the children, of the home, she has to be a cook, nanny, cleaner, everything. Who is winning here?' says YouTuber and influencer TheWizardLiz, who speaks about the importance of receiving princess treatment and being in relationships with high-earning men. While she and others recognize the invisible load that women carry in a relationship on top of the work they do outside of the home, it can also set certain expectations that men and women need to perform traditional roles, without which their relationship may be doomed. But it does not acknowledge the fact that the reality may, in fact, look different for all. Moreover, when your favorite influencer opens up about being ghosted or cheated on, it can feel destabilizing to their audience who might wonder, 'If they can't make love work, what hope is there for anyone else?' As a result, you retreat into a shell, convinced that unless someone ticks every box, they're not worth your time. It can give rise to 'checklist dating' wherein you only date partners based on a series of fixed traits or behaviors. If they fail to meet all your criteria, you start wondering if something is wrong with you or the world or perhaps, both. You give up, thinking that it's probably not the right time for you to date or the right person has not found you yet. Or, maybe you need to be 'fully healed' before you meet them. The problem with this mindset is that many single people become too scared to put themselves out there and try to make relationships work. By chasing the fantasy of a 'perfect partner,' they may be missing out on the messy, beautiful process of growing with someone in real time. Social media can fuel your paranoia. The most viral dating content tends to be prescriptive and alarmist. This is because social media is algorithmic and it wants you to stay on the app as long as possible. Think videos with hooks like: 'If he doesn't plan the second date in 24 hours, he's not serious,' or 'If she says this one phrase, she's gaslighting you.' But these videos never give you the full context of what's happening. They're often based on personal experiences of the people narrating them or simply meant to be rage-bait. It's also tough to fit the nuances of relationships neatly into a 30-second video. Over time, consuming this content conditions you to view relationships through a lens of suspicion and scarcity. You start watching for signs of manipulation everywhere. It becomes tough for you to open up to new people and new experiences, because you're solely focused on trying to figure out what their red flags are. But unless you take a chance, you will never truly know. Don't ignore your intuition, but also don't go by what content creators advocate for, thinking that is the standard, because it's not. No amount of TikTok therapy can eliminate the inherent risk of dating. The more you rely on external advice to manage your love life, the less confident you become in your own instincts. Ultimately, excessive social media use can hurt your real-world romantic relationship, if you are in one. A 2021 study published in Social Science Computer Review shows that too much time on Instagram can lower relationship satisfaction, cause more fights and can even lead to addiction. This may be because you feel jealous when you see your real-life partner liking someone else's photos or their past interactions with exes online. You may also feel more insecure and lonely if you're often competing for their time and attention due to their constant social media use. And when you go back to various apps and creators to learn how to solve relationship problems, your anxiety rises. It's like a loop you cannot seem to escape. So, start treating your dating life like an experience you get to live, rather than a formula you have to crack. It's one thing to use the Internet to solve day-to-day problems like fixing a tire. But if you start using it to fix cracks in your relationship, you might find yourself failing on more occasions than one. Date intuitively, and trust your judgment when it comes to choosing potential partners. If that means you deal with heartbreak every once in a while, so be it. Do you think you might be holding out for the 'perfect' partner? Take this science-backed test to find out: Sense Of Relational Entitlement Scale
Daily Mail
3 days ago
- General
- Daily Mail
Expert reveals the 'desperate' text you shouldn't send if you want a second date
Dating in 2025 can be a hugely stressful and complicated affair as most singletons know all too well. Many people go on enjoyable dates, and then are surprised when the person they shared a pleasant evening with just disappear. This can be especially galling when everything seemed to go well, and a second date seemed to be in the bag. Not knowing what went wrong can mean daters are left questioning their behaviour, ruminating on what happened - and why. According to sex and relationship expert Anita Fletcher, many daters are likely jeopardising their chances of securing a second date by sending 'desperate' text messages that can put off a prospective partner. She said: 'We've all been there, but some texts scream desperation louder than others.' Anita has identified six texting mistakes people make that can make them appear desperate and needy, and come across as red flags to potential partners. 1. 'Hey, you there?' (The desperation check-in) This seemingly innocent message is a major red flag, according to Anita. She explained that sending it multiple times throughout the day shows you're constantly checking if they're available – and that you have nothing better to do. 'This text reveals anxiety about being ignored,' she said. 'It puts pressure on the other person to respond immediately, which feels suffocating in early dating.' Better alternative: Wait until you have something specific to say. Try: 'Just saw that new coffee place you mentioned! Have you tried their cold brew?' 2. The triple text trap Message 1: 'Hey! How's your day?' Message 2: 'Hello???' Message 3: 'Guess you're busy…' Nothing says needy like bombarding someone with multiple messages when they don't respond fast enough. This behaviour shows you can't handle even brief periods without validation. 'Triple texting demonstrates poor emotional regulation,' said Anita 'It suggests you'll be high-maintenance in a relationship.' Better alternative: Send one thoughtful message and give them time to respond. If they don't reply within 24 hours, move on gracefully. 3. 'Why aren't you responding?' Asking people why they aren't instantly replying to messages 'reveals deep insecurity and an inability to respect boundaries', according to Anita This confrontational text is relationship kryptonite. Demanding explanations for response times shows controlling behaviour before you've even met in person. Fletcher notes: 'This message reveals deep insecurity and an inability to respect boundaries. It's manipulative and will make anyone run for the hills.' Better alternative: Simply don't send it. People have lives outside their phones. If someone consistently ignores you, take the hint. 4. The Overshare Avalanche 'I had such a terrible day at work and my boss yelled at me and then I got a parking ticket and my mum called about Thanksgiving drama and I'm so stressed I can barely function…' Dumping your emotional baggage via text before establishing a real connection is overwhelming and inappropriate. 'Early dating should be fun and light,' Fletcher advises. 'Save the heavy stuff for when you've built trust and rapport.' Better alternative: Keep early texts upbeat. Try: 'Work was intense today! Looking forward to unwinding. How was your day?' 5. 'I Miss You' (After one date) Texting someone to say 'I miss you' after just one date comes across as needy and suggests unhealthy attachment patterns Declaring intense feelings too soon is a classic needy move. Telling someone you miss them after minimal interaction suggests unhealthy attachment patterns. 'This text implies you're already emotionally dependent on someone you barely know,' Fletcher warns. 'It's too much, too fast.' Better alternative: Express enjoyment without intensity: 'Had a great time last night! Would love to do it again soon.' 6. The Validation Seeker Fishing for compliments or reassurance through text screams insecurity. These messages put the other person in an awkward position of having to boost your ego. Fletcher explains: 'Confidence is attractive. Constantly seeking validation suggests you don't believe in your own worth.' Better alternative: Build confidence through actions, not texts. Focus on sharing interesting thoughts or planning fun activities instead. Discussing why people send needy texts after just meeting someone, sex and relationship expert Anita Fletcher said: 'Most people send needy texts because they're operating from a place of fear – fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, or fear of not being good enough. 'When someone doesn't respond immediately, anxious attachers spiral into worst-case scenarios. They think silence means disinterest, when really the other person might just be in a meeting.' According to Anita, the irony is that in being needy, the texter 'creates exactly what we're trying to avoid – rejection'. She continued: 'When we bombard someone with desperate messages, we're essentially saying "I don't trust you to like me unless I constantly remind you I exist". That's exhausting for the recipient. 'My advice? Put down the phone and work on yourself. The best relationships happen when two complete people choose to share their lives, not when one person desperately clings to another for validation. Remember, the right person won't need constant texts to remember you exist – and you won't need constant reassurance that they care.'
The Sun
17-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I slept with celebs like Gerard Butler & Calum Best – but learnt key lesson about mid-life dating, says Brandi Glanville
BRANDI Glanville is recalling the night she spent with a Hollywood A-lister at his Malibu home. Before taking her to bed, he made a strange request. 8 8 8 8 Would she like to watch a movie? One of his movies. The star in question was Scottish actor, Gerard Butler, 55, who Brandi met at a party in 2012. 'I was on the beach with some friends,' recalls Brandi. 'I was in my bikini. He came up and was like: 'What's your name, what's your number?' 'I told him my phone number, he repeated it back to me. 'He texted me the next day and invited me over. 'We watched one of his movies – I don't remember which one – and he was like: 'What do you think of this part? This part's great.' 'I was just like: 'This is odd.' 'We had some wine and then one thing led to another.' 'I left a couple of hours afterwards. It was awkward, it didn't super click.' Brandi, the 52-year-old former star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, was thrown reluctantly back into the dating world after her actor husband of eight years, Eddie Cibrian, 51, left her in 2009 for country singer, LeAnn Rimes, 42, whom he married in 2011. Since then, she has dated famous faces including actor Gerard and reality star Calum Best, the son of footballing legend George Best. She has also dated much younger men, and a billionaire. But she says she has learned an important lesson about mid-life dating: to throw away your list of expectations. 'Throw your list away' He doesn't have to be rich, or famous, or tall and chiselled – you just have to click. Gerard Butler is a case in point. 'Throw your list away,' says Brandi. 'You're going on a first date, he may have the checks on the list, but you're not attracted to him. Don't think: 'I need them to be this tall. Take a chance on someone that might be 5ft 9ins and you'll be OK.' Brandi's advice to any woman who's been dumped is to 'get out there as soon as possible'. 'Think of it as revenge,' she says. 'It's important to realise you haven't expired because one man doesn't want you. That man is an idiot. Just have fun, you need to have fun. 'Even if he never finds out, you're getting the satisfaction of knowing you've got your own back. With Eddie, though, I made sure he found out.' Despite the rather unusual build-up with Gerard Butler, Brandi says she was happy with the Olympus Has Fallen star's bedroom prowess. 'Honestly, it was good – it was definitely really good, but I wish we'd had a little more lead up,' she says. "I didn't stay. As a rule I don't really spend the night and I don't like people spending the night when they come to my house.' A few weeks later, Brandi appeared on a television chat show and mentioned she'd been to bed with him, as you do. Gerard was furious. 'He called me and said: 'How come you didn't say you're on a reality show?' 'I said: 'How come you didn't ask me what I did for a living?' 'He was mad at me. I was like: 'Dude, you invited me to your house, you never asked what I did for a living, that's on you.' He was all upset about it, like he'd been with the worst human ever. 'Some time later, we ran into each other in a bar. I don't think he knew who I was at first. He was checking me out, but then he came over and was like: 'Hey, we're good right?'' Brandi had more fun with reality TV star Calum Best, the 44-year-old year old son of legendary British footballer George Best, who died from alcoholism in 2005. 'Everyone finds Calum attractive,' says Brandi. 'He's got a bad boy f*** it attitude, but underneath it he's such a softie 'We had a tryst. I came to London, he came here to LA and we had a little fling. He's a big wild man. He's a party boy, he loves to go out and party. Who doesn't? 'Even though he's seven or eight years younger than me, he was way more mature than I was. The thing is, I don't feel older, even with the college kids. I've dated way younger.' Brandi says many of her friends' husbands have left them for younger models. She advocates following their example. 'Yes, date younger men,' she insists. Actually, the only people that ask me out are younger. It's the same with my friends. 'Younger men like us because we're fully grown and we know what we're doing. We're confident in the bedroom and with our sexuality. 'The youngest guy I ever dated, I was 42 and he was 23. He was a 'mover' on Housewives – moving my stuff. 'He was so cute and he kept flirting with me. We just decided to keep it going for a while. 'He would say stuff about going to college and I would go: 'Oh my God.' At the time it was fine. I didn't feel older, my kids were little, it didn't feel weird. But now my kids are 21 and 18, I definitely couldn't do it.' Brandi doesn't go for older men. 'I can't do an old guy, I don't have it in me,' she says. 'I have to be attracted to them.' The exception to this rule was an older billionaire – businessman Michael Meldman, 66, who founded Casamigos tequila with actor George Clooney and businessman Rande Gerber, who is married to supermodel Cindy Crawford 'My friends set me up with him not long after I got divorced,' she says. He had a little belly and was not super attractive. He was 13 years older than me. 'Embarrassed' 'He was like: 'Do you want to go to one of my developments? We have a lot of these cool tent things.' I thought: 'Oh my God, is he gonna take me camping?' 'Then I find out he's a billionaire. He wheels up at 10am, we go to his jet and we're off to the Bahamas. I had my own cabin… and then I didn't have my own cabin. 'I remember we were at this ski place. I'm sitting across from Cindy Crawford. I'm like: 'I really like Mike. What do you think?' 'No Brandi, trust me, just no,' said Cindy. 'I learned he had other girls. I felt embarrassed. I felt I was the only one, so I got really upset. I was with him for a year and a half. But he showed me how to have fun again.' 8 8 8 Brandi is currently single. For the past year or so, she's been battling a mysterious, upsetting condition. Her face feels like it is collapsing and she can feel something moving under her skin which she fears is a parasite. Doctors are yet to make a diagnosis. 'It's upsetting, but I just have to carry on doing what I'm doing and hope the doctors find a cure,' she says. On the subject of dating etiquette, glamorous Brandi says it's not always necessary to dress up and go to a bar to meet a man. 'I've flirted with men at The Home Depot, where you buy tools, manly stuff,' she admits. 'If you go there and you're kind of cute and ask a guy for help, there's possibilities. Once, at the grocery store, there was this guy there. 'I'd go back at the same time of day and he was there and we would eyeball each other. "Then we were in the same section. It felt kind of like we were both doing it. We went out a few times, but it didn't lead to anything.' Brandi's last boyfriend, she says mysteriously, was ' European ', but between the lines she seems to be hinting that he's British. She's become unexpectedly coy. But he's famous. 'I can't say his name for so many reasons,' she giggles. 'But you'll have heard of him. No, he's not married. I've never dated a married man. For a year we hooked up twice a week.' Brandi says she doesn't want to get married again. "It's too hard to get un-married,' she jokes. "But, yeah, I might like a partner. I'm not looking. That's when things come to find you.' 8
