23-05-2025
I pressured my mother to confess a scandalous family secret on her deathbed - now I'm worried I ruined her final moments
A woman has described their torment after pressuring their mother to confess a family secret while on her deathbed.
Posting on the thread r/AmITheA**hole, the user, believed to be based in the US, revealed how they found out at a young age that her baby brother's biological father was not the man who had brought him up.
Allen, the poster's younger brother whose name has been changed for privacy, lived the majority of his life believing that George, the man who raised him from a baby, was his biological father - even after he had died.
In 2023, Allen and his wife began discussing the fact that he didn't look much like George, and even began to wonder if he was his real father.
The Reddit user recalled their distress when they realised their mother 'didn't have much time left' but was the 'only one who had the answer'.
As I result, they 'pressured her, got loud with her' and finally got her to admit the truth to Allen, giving enough information for them to eventually track down his real father.
However, the Reddit user revealed they felt guilty for forcing out the information, writing: 'AITA for pressing my mom in her final weeks? I felt like it caused Allen to be stand offish and he rarely came by to check on her after that.'
They added: 'The reason I think I might be the a**hole is one for pressing her while she's on her deathbed and causing her discomfort but also the fact that my brother kind of abandoned her at that point and yelling came to visit her one time after that and at that point she was incoherent basically in a coma and I feel like maybe I robbed her of her final moments with her family.'
But taking to the comments, most agreed that they'd done the right thing - and felt sorry for Allen, having been kept in the dark for so long.
One commenter wrote: 'Why on earth was she still lying about it? Did the guy turn out to be scary or something?'
The sister of Allen responded and confirmed that this was not the case at all. She wrote: 'No. He actually turned out to be a really good guy. Feel like she was embarrassed and wasn't really thinking about how it is going to affect him not knowing.'
Other readers of the story questioned why the poster's mother and aunty were discussing the topic so openly at the dinner table when she was present as a child.
One person wrote: 'What kind of sick family discusses this at the dining table in front of the other kids? Either they thought it was no biggie or they did it on purpose so someone would overhear and they wouldn't be to blame that it all came out. Either way, they suck and I'm sorry for the original poster and their brother.'
Many people supported the poster's decision to pressure their mother into telling the truth.
Another person wrote: 'You not only helped Allen find his bio-dad but also helped preserve a modicum of decency for your mother right before her death, even though she doesn't have much decency to begin with.'
A second said: 'Your brother should have been told a LONG time ago. He had every right to know who his birth father was so he could decide whether to have a relationship then or not. It was wrong for your mother to keep that from him. You did the right thing.'
Posting on the thread r/AmITheA**hole , they revealed how they found out at a young age that her baby brother's biological father was not the man who had brought him up
Others were not as supportive of the decision and argued that the daughter had 'ruined' her brother's final chance to make 'fond memories.'
They wrote: 'The last time with your mom should have been where you could make some fond memories or have nice talks together. You ruined that for your brother, so congratulations.'
Explaining how the poster came to to learn the information, they wrote: 'When I was young I discovered the secret while at the dining table when my aunt and grandmother were having a conversation.
'My aunt spilled the beans that my stepdad was not my youngest brother's real father.'
However, some time after the initial reveal worlds nearly collided, the poster wrote: 'Years later me and my mother were out having a few drinks just enjoying each other's company and she said oh my God that's Allen's real dad.
'We didn't speak to him and I wasn't exactly sure which guy she was talking about.'
Despite George taking the secret to his grave Allen had discussed with his wife how he felt that he 'looked nothing like' who he thought his father was and had question if he was 'his real dad.'
When Allen opened up to his older sister about how he was feeling she 'told him he'd have to talk to Mom,' and that she did not know much about the situation.
However, timing was not on the daughter's side as their mother 'didn't have much time left but was the only one that had the answer.'
The poster admitted that due to their mother's ill health she 'felt bad springing it' on her but thought that her brother deserved answers.
She wrote: 'Everybody else who was privy to it was dead by this point and my brother wanted to find who is real dad was so he can know his family history, family medical history, if he has other siblings out there you know that kind of stuff.'
However, when the siblings approached the topic with their mother she 'tried to deny it,' triggering the daughter to get 'loud with her.'
Recalling the altercation and her own behaviour in particular she wrote: 'I'm not proud of it.'
Although it was a challenge the truth finally came out. The daughter wrote: 'But she finally admitted to Allen, and what little information she could remember, or was willing to release, was just enough that with a little searching we were able to find him.'
