Latest news with #emotionaldistress
Forbes
4 days ago
- Forbes
2 Ways ‘Dark Personalities' Justify Cheating, By A Psychologist
People who cheat may not think they've done anything wrong, especially if they have dark personality ... More traits that make them less empathetic and less likely to take responsibility. Cheating, whether sexual or emotional, can cause deep hurt and emotional distress to the person being cheated on. But what goes through the mind of someone who cheats? Do they feel any guilt, shame or remorse or do they just try to cover their tracks? More importantly, what drives them to cheat? One 2013 study published in Ethics & Behavior found that people who are thrill-seekers and behave impulsively without thinking about the consequences of their actions are likely to cheat in relationships. They may exhibit underlying traits associated with the Dark Triad, a group of socially aversive personality traits including: In fact, a 2024 study published in the Culture and Evolution found that dark personality traits — especially psychopathy — can shape people's dating behavior and incidences of infidelity. Researchers found that higher scores of psychopathy were associated with the willingness to be unfaithful to one's partner. Such partners, especially men with this trait, were also more suspicious of their own partners being unfaithful to them. While not all partners who cheat have dark personality traits, those who do often share certain justifications for their behavior. Here are two insights into why people with dark personality traits cheat. 1. They Stay In Long-Term Relationships But Continue To Seek Excitement It may seem contradictory, but individuals high in Dark Triad traits often pursue long-term relationships to appear socially acceptable, while still chasing short-term thrills. Menelaos Apostolou, author of the 2024 study, suggests that from an evolutionary perspective, this is likely also because long-term relationships offer emotional and financial support and are best suited for raising children. However, evolution may have favored a 'mixed strategy,' where someone has a long-term partner but also occasionally seeks out casual relationships on the side. Dark personality traits might actually help pull this off, since such people are more willing to take risks or manipulate others, all while avoiding guilt, which can support this mixed-mating strategy. However, this behavior comes at a cost. The more partners a person tries to juggle, the more likely they are to get caught. According to Apostolou's study, individuals high in psychopathy were significantly more likely to be caught cheating. To make matters worse, people with Dark Triad traits often dominate the relationship, leaving their partner struggling to cope with the betrayal. 'Sexual infidelity is much more problematic when the relationship is unequal, and the partner with the most power is unfaithful, particularly if the inequality means that the other partner would have great difficulty exiting the relationship,' explains Natasha McKeever, PhD, in her 2020 study on the moral justification and severity of sexual infidelity. 2. They Distrust Their Partner Because They Assume Everyone Cheats Cheating isn't wrong simply because it hurts one partner, but rather, because the hurt is reasonable. For instance, a man exhibiting jealousy simply because his partner is talking to another man reflects unfair expectations. This dynamic can escalate in extreme ways, as seen in the Sean 'Diddy' Combs trial involving Grammy-winning rapper Scott Mescudi, also known as Kid Cudi. Kid Cudi testified in the trial, alleging that Combs broke into his home and threatened him due to Cudi's past relationship with Combs' ex-girlfriend, Cassie Ventura. Ventura also alleged that Combs told her he would blow up Cudi's car, and shortly after, his car did explode in his driveway. Though Combs denied the allegation, the incident illustrates how some individuals may attempt to exert control over their current or former partners, even through intimidation or violence, to prevent them from forming new relationships. This is often the case with cheaters exhibiting Dark Triad traits. People who cheat more often are also more likely to suspect their partners of cheating because they tend to distrust others and assume that others act the same way they do. In Apostolou's study, men with high psychopathy scores were especially suspicious of their partner's fidelity, even when no signs of infidelity were present. This is because such partners cheat more frequently themselves. And if they don't trust themselves to remain faithful, they likely wouldn't trust you either. By committing sexual infidelity while pretending to be monogamous, the manipulative partner gains exclusive emotional and sexual access to the other person, who is under the impression that the relationship is still exclusive. But when the partner at fault gets caught, the illusion quickly falls apart. This can leave the betrayed partner feeling overwhelmed with feelings of anger, anxiety or even the painful belief that something is wrong with them. If you've been cheated on, it might help to understand where such behavior stems from and recognize it before it causes you any further harm. If you're the one who has cheated, it helps to reflect on what has driven your behavior and the far-reaching consequences it can have for those around you. Are you curious if you are inclined to cheating on your partner? Take the evidence-based Propensity Towards Infidelity Scale to gain clarity.
BreakingNews.ie
14-07-2025
- General
- BreakingNews.ie
How to be a good listener when someone is going through a bad time
When someone is going through through a tough time it can be easy to jump straight into problem-solving mode, but sometimes taking a moment to pause and properly listen can be more beneficial. To mark all the amazing work the Samaritans charity does for people in emotional distress ahead of Samaritans Awareness Day (July 24), we want to know how we can become excellent listeners and why this crucial skill is so important. Advertisement We spoke to Lucia Capobianco, learning and development consultant at the Samaritans , who offered some of her top tips on how to brush up on our listening skills. Why is being a good listener important? What impact can it have? 'I think being a good listener has so many benefits,' says Capobianco. 'It allows you to really hear what someone is saying, to pick up on, perhaps, signs and signals that you may not have done.' It also helps build and strengthen connections with others. Listening can help strengthen relationships (Alamy/PA) 'I think it is a wonderful way of building connection, connecting with people, and it really strengthens that, because if you're a good listener, people love to talk to you because they know that you will listen, you will understand, you will give them time,' explains Capobianco. Advertisement Most importantly, the Samaritans charity believes that listening can save lives. 'You never know when listening could save someone's life by giving them that space to talk and get something off their chest and not feel so alone with it,' says Nithiya Gnanathas, media and PR manager at Samaritans. Why is listening – rather than offering advice – so important when someone is going through a tough time? Ask them how they feel (Alamy/PA) 'You often give advice based on what you would do, what you would think, and that may not be appropriate for the person,' says Capobianco. 'It's much better to listen to the person and to encourage them to make their own decisions. 'It's much more powerful to say, what do you want to do? How are you feeling about it? Because that helps keeps that conversation going and will help them open up more.' Advertisement How can we show empathy without necessarily having experienced the same situation? Empathy is about putting yourself in their shoes (Alamy/PA) It's easy to say 'I know how you feel' as a casual remark, but the truth is, we often don't – because everyone is facing their own unique circumstances. 'Empathy is trying to understand how someone feels and putting yourself in their shoes,' says Capobianco. 'It's not about trying to make someone feel better, which is hard, because naturally, especially if it's a friend or a family member, you want to make them feel better, you want them to be okay. But I think empathy is about understanding that that may not be possible. 'So, you don't have to have gone through the same thing as someone to actually really listen to what they're telling you. You just need to take your time and allow them the space to tell you how it is.' What role does body language play in being a good listener? 'Non-verbal things like body language are extremely important in face-to-face situations,' says Capobianco. 'So, it's all about the eye contact, the nodding and making sure you are sitting quite openly. Try to be relaxed and not defensive with your arms and avoid fidgeting or looking at your watch, because that gives the impression perhaps you'd rather be somewhere else.' What are some key listening techniques that people often overlook? View this post on Instagram A post shared by Samaritans (@samaritanscharity) The Samaritans use the SHUSH acronym to share key tips for those looking to improve their listening skills. 'So the S stands for show that you care. So, that's questions like How are you? You don't seem like yourself, fancy a chat? – that kind of thing,' says Capobianco. 'H stands for have patience. It's having patience and giving the person space and time if they do choose to talk. Advertisement 'U stands for use open questions, like how are you feeling? What's going on? And the second S stands for say it back. One of the really powerful things that demonstrates that you're listening, is to reflect things back to the person you're talking to, using their language. For example, if someone says to you I really don't know where things are going, you could say back, you can't keep going like this. 'The final one is H for have courage. Never be afraid to ask someone if they're all right. Those three really simple words can make a heck of a difference to someone, because it gives permission to someone say, no, I'm not okay, can we have a chat? And you can never make it worse.' How can listeners support someone without taking on their emotional burden? 'I think it's really key that you take the time to reflect on the conversation you've had and that you look after yourself,' advises Capobianco. 'I think it's important to remember that you're not responsible for that person or what they do and you can perhaps encourage them to seek professional help if you think that is appropriate. 'You can't take it all on yourself and need to understand that you're not going to fix it. After a tough conversation, do something for yourself. It can be as flippant as making a hot chocolate or a cup of tea, but it's important to take time for some self-care.' Advertisement View this post on Instagram A post shared by Samaritans (@samaritanscharity) You can contact a Samaritans volunteer anytime, day or night, by calling its free helpline at 116 123 or by emailing jo@
CBC
11-07-2025
- CBC
Forensic psychiatrist, cultural expert testify at sisters' murder trial
A forensic psychiatrist testified in an Ottawa courtroom this week that two sisters accused of murdering their mother in 2022 had been living in a chronic state of emotional distress before their alleged crime. Chau Lam, 59, and Hue Lam, 62, have each pleaded not guilty to first-degree murder in the death of their 88-year-old mother Kieu Lam in late October 2022. The jury trial began in June at the Superior Court of Justice in Ottawa. Prosecutors have argued Kieu Lam gave her daughters life, only to have her own taken. They previously described the older woman as "sleeping defenceless" in bed when the sisters allegedly smashed her head with a hammer and strangled her. The sisters don't deny killing their mother, but have said they did it to protect themselves from further abuse — abuse they say intensified after Hue Lam was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. Sisters were abused, psychiatrist concludes The court heard evidence from Dr. Zeynep Selaman, who met with both sisters and reviewed other relevant material before being called upon by Chau Lam's defence lawyers to testify. Selaman said in her expert opinion, the sisters suffered long-term abuse that only worsened over time. Selaman said Chau Lam showed signs of a persistent depressive disorder as well as a pattern of "learned helplessness" stemming from her lack of autonomy growing up. Chau Lam had adapted to living in a state of high alert, her sense of hopelessness reinforced by her inability to improve her situation, Selaman said. Court heard previously that attempts by the sisters and other family members to relocate their mother to a retirement home had failed. One brother, Minh Hyunh, testified their mother had maintained control over the sisters when they lived in Vietnam, and that she used violence, including hitting them with objects. The behaviour continued after the family moved to Canada, he said. Another brother, Chanh Hyunh, testified he was well aware of the difficult situation his sisters were in, living alone with their mother decades after the family came to Canada from Vietnam. Selaman said the abuse had become "normalized," and said the brothers had grown "dismissive" of their mother's behaviour. Accused changed her tone: Crown During cross-examination by the Crown, court heard how Chau Lam's initial statements to Selaman when they first met for an evaluation earlier this year described the abuse in milder terms — being called a "bad girl," for example. Earlier, Lam spent three emotional days in the witness box detailing the abuse in much starker terms. "It felt like mom had a knife and she would pull it out and slap me, and pull it out and slap me again," she testified earlier. Selaman agreed Chau Lam's testimony was "perhaps crueller" than her earlier descriptions, but stuck to her professional opinion that the Lam sisters had been abused. She said it was possible Chau Lam had softened her initial descriptions out of shame or embarrassment. Saleman disagreed with prosecutors that the sisters had exaggerated their claims of abuse during the trial, but did not entirely reject the possibility of malignancy. "It does not change my overall diagnostic opinion," she said. Cultural expert testifies Earlier in the week, an academic expert offered court insight into Confucian family values and their influence on the roles of Vietnamese women, including obedience and caregiving responsibilities. The family arrived in Canada in the early 1990s and the sisters lived with their mother until her death in 2022. Danièle Bélanger, who studies global migration processes at Laval University, described the concept of "filial piety" — a moral obligation for children to care for elders — as central to family dynamics in Vietnam, explaining how daughters must demonstrate obedience and self-sacrifice. That obedience is instilled in children from a young age, Bélanger said, and reinforced through language and social hierarchy. Bélanger described how harsh insults can be used as tools of discipline in such a setting, and explained to the jury how unmarried women are often stigmatized in traditional Vietnamese culture. The trial is currently behind schedule, but the defence is expected to close its case next week. The jury is expected to begin deliberations before the end of next week.
Independent Singapore
10-07-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
'I am so stressed and tired of my employer nagging every day' — Maid working in Singapore for 7 years says about her new employer
SINGAPORE: After spending seven years caring for children in various Singaporean households, a foreign domestic helper thought she had seen it all — until she landed in a new home that seemed to have broken a record for high turnover. The woman in question said the workload itself was manageable — 'can tahan' — but it was the daily nagging from her employer that wore her down. And in a household where seven other helpers had also walked away, it doesn't take a psychology degree to guess where exactly the problem is. In a Facebook post shared to the popular group Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper , the woman wrote: 'I'm just going to be 4 months working with my new employer, but I am so stressed and tired of her nagging every day 😔 Work can tahan (I can stand the workload), (but) … I want to transfer…' Photo: FB/Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic helper Unfortunately, this isn't an isolated case. Stories of helpers enduring chronic micromanagement, emotional distress, and even verbal abuse are not uncommon in Singapore. In the high-stakes world of domestic employment in the little red dot, that's less of a little red flag and more of a screaming big red neon sign. A revolving door of helpers Being the eighth in a line of helpers is not a stat anyone wants on their résumé, but here we are. While some employers might chalk up turnover to 'poor attitude' or 'laziness' (as so often seen in one-sided comments), it takes a toll on the mental and emotional well-being of helpers, many of whom leave their families behind to provide caregiving support abroad. The woman, whose name wasn't disclosed in the public post, said she was now considering a transfer, despite being only a few months into her contract, and asked if any new employer would accept her and allow her to go home in December. 'Can let me go home in December, as I have already booked my own ticket for vacation… hoping for your understanding. Thank you,' she wrote, hinting at a need for some relief time and perhaps a fresh start. The sisterhood responds: 'I feel u, sis…' Her plea struck a chord. Comments from fellow domestic helpers poured in, revealing a silent but united sisterhood who knew all too well the reality behind the kitchen doors: 'I feel u, sis. Hope u can get a new employer before u go back home, (so it will be) easier for u to come back here.' Another maid stated that 'Of course, got (there are) employer(s) will accept u. But the problem is, will your employer give you release papers?' and added her advice that 'Still got time to find. Try to find an employer without your current employer knowing. Ask the new employer to apply from overseas.' Between the lines, there's a silent strategy in play: find a new employer quietly, get paperwork in order, and hope the current employer doesn't throw a wrench in the plan. A system stacked against the helper? Despite the policies in place, many helpers fear repercussions if they express a desire to leave. The risk of being abruptly repatriated, blacklisted, or unfairly accused is a real concern. See also MOM will not mandate domestic helpers to stay home on rest days One comment summed up the dilemma succinctly: 'Find another agency that you have an employer with before going back home, sister…' This workaround — finding a new employer while still under contract — often skirts the margins of what's officially allowed, but for many helpers, it's the only way to survive and return to Singapore for future work. Burnout behind closed doors Let's be honest: no one books a one-way ticket to Singapore to be verbally picked apart daily. For helpers working long hours, often with little privacy, mental fatigue can set in fast, especially when paired with employers who micromanage every move or act as though hiring help also comes with a license to berate. When one helper after another walks out the door, perhaps the question isn't 'What's wrong with the helper?' but 'Why can't anyone stay in this house?' Moving forward with dignity and decency At the end of the day, the story is more than a cry for help — it's a reminder that retention isn't built on rules, but respect. This helper, after seven years of service, wasn't asking for luxury. She wasn't even complaining about long hours or heavy chores. She was simply seeking peace of mind and a workplace free from constant emotional stress. If anything, her story adds weight to the growing call for better protections, stricter enforcement, and perhaps a mindset shift among employers — from 'my maid' to 'a fellow human being earning a living away from home.' And to our unsung heroine, we hope you find a new home with an employer who values your experience, honours your vacation, and lets you breathe without the soundtrack of daily nagging. Because after seven years of service, you've more than earned it. If you or someone you know is a foreign domestic worker in distress, contact the official support channels below if resolving the matter calmly with the employer has not produced a peaceful outcome. Call the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) FDW Helpline at 1800 339 5505 Contact the Centre for Domestic Employees (CDE) at 1800 2255 233 for counselling, temporary shelter, and legal aid Report serious abuse (physical or verbal) directly to the police or MOM In other news, in a Facebook post that quickly stirred emotions in Singapore's online domestic helper community, one foreign domestic worker shared a jaw-dropping tale of life inside a household that has five helpers — and still, according to her, nothing is ever right. 'My lady employer has five helpers. For many months, everything we do, she sees as wrong. Always demanding — do this, do that,' the helper wrote in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group. 'She is only thinking of the salary she's giving us and not our service to her family. Should I leave?' she asked for advice from other helpers and employers alike. You can read her full story here: Maid says her employer has '5 helpers, but still complains that all the work done is wrong and that she's feeding us too much'
The Independent
10-07-2025
- Health
- The Independent
Children's online posts reveal trauma of living with health issues
The social media activity of children with multiple long-term health issues have revealed they also undergo severe emotional distress. Children with conditions such as cancer, asthma, chronic pain and mental health conditions showed particularly high levels of trauma, highlighting the emotional burden of managing multiple long-term health issues. Research led by the University of Plymouth used AI language models to analyse sentiments and emotions expressed by almost 400 paediatric patients and their caregivers on social media. In particular, they wanted to assess young people's opinions regarding their care and experiences during the Covid -19 pandemic, and the impact that had on their emotional and psychological wellbeing. Using anonymous data sourced from the Care Opinion platform, they found that of the narratives analysed, almost 94% of the comments posted were classed as negative and less than 6% were positive. More than six out of 10 negative comments were classed as being associated with sadness, with feelings of fear – at almost one in every six comments – also being prevalent. The Covid-19 pandemic was also shown to exacerbate the negative sentiments, particularly sadness and disgust, with patients expressing frustration with the healthcare system while isolation and disrupted care routines triggered intense emotional responses. While just 6% of the comments were classed as positive, the study found that most of them related to effective communication, compassionate care, and successful treatment outcomes. The researchers say the study highlights the importance of supporting vulnerable young patients managing complex medical conditions, and the need for integrated care approaches to both physical and emotional well-being. Professor of e-Health Shang-Ming Zhou led the research, and its data analysis was carried out by MSc data science and business analytics student Israel Oluwalade. Prof Zhou, a recognised expert in the use of AI to analyse health data, said: 'To our knowledge, this is the first study of its kind to analyse the sentiments and emotions of paediatric patients using social media data. 'Our findings bring to light the deeply emotional journey patients with multiple long-term health issues go through and fills a critical gap in knowledge for healthcare professionals and agencies. 'It also highlights the disproportionate emotional burden faced by paediatric patients with multiple health issues and their caregivers during the pandemic, showing the need for targeted interventions to address emotional responses during public health emergencies.' Mr Oluwalade added: 'As I worked through the dataset, I was particularly struck by how clearly children's emotional responses aligned with specific comorbidity patterns. 'For example, fear and sadness were especially dominant among those discussing multiple hospital visits or long-term medication. 'What also surprised me most was the unexpectedly high frequency of 'satisfaction' and 'amazement' in posts referencing kind staff or successful treatment episodes. 'It reminded me how digital expressions can reflect not only distress but also resilience and hope, even among young patients with complex conditions.'
